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Monday, June 8, 2009

Non-sexual healing

Omega and I have talked and is fully aware that I won't discuss certain things in this blog. One of those topics is his therapy because I really believe that is his alone. However he does believe that how his therapy pertains to me is fair game. His therapist believes since Omega has shown great progress in intimacy, we need to build intimacy in other ways. The therapist wants us to spend a minimum of thirty minutes each day, engaged in what he described as non-sexual touching. We, he explained, are to look at each other, touch in loving ways that aren't sexual, and communicate whatever we wish. No TV and, no distractions are allowed during this time. After the time has elapsed we have to wait a minimum of one hour before we can have sexual relations. During that time the therapist would like us to do something together, for example, taking the dog for a walk, or cooking dinner. Working is okay but not optimum, as he'd rather us do something we can share together. After that, we can screw our brains out. Or whatever else we want.

So, that evening we decided to try this out. Let me say I don't have a sexual addiction, but I found it damn hard to do this. I know he did too, but still. I didn't think I'd have a problem (I know that doesn't sound exactly right). The evenings that followed were easier in some ways, we decided to cook dinner afterward and that was very nice. Then after he'd work, and I'd use the computer, but still it was nice with the smiles and glances we'd give each other. We eased ourselves into this routine, leading in the evening when work was finished to the bedroom.

Then later that week he was feeling playful, we talked about us, and what he wanted. I could see the look in his eyes, he needed to make it painful, his inner sadist was coming through loud and clear; I was going to suffer. We set a timer (as if he needed one), and when the one hour was up, we bolted to the basement to play! He chased me down the stairs.

It was incredible! He did push my limits we'd established before (when I had the subspace incident). I was fine with it. I was better than fine, I went to a very warm and beautiful place all while moaning and writhing in pain. It was the MOST amazing thing I have ever felt! We probably played too long. My body ached in the morning a little bit but I'm okay and still basking in this warm glow of him. We had discussed testing these brain imposed boundaries, so I knew it was going to happen, but he never said when it would happen (that helped reduce my stress about play). The first few times we played after the subspace incident, he accepted the limits and if things went too far, he'd back off in a different direction.

He never did anything I would consider traumatic, and I was forever surprised at my reaction because certainly, Alpha on a regular basis did worse. However after that horrible nightmare and everything that happened last week, I found myself in a position of complete trust in him, and I know he felt it too. So when I was bound, gagged and everything that happened, I was stuck in this state of complete bliss, then he took out the hood and placed it over my head...I wasn't afraid. The stinging combination of pain and pleasure is impossible to put into words.

It took me a while to come back to him mentally, but eventually I could hear the sound of his voice quietly reading to me. He continued holding me and eventually we ventured back upstairs. He has this thing he does, he'll position himself behind me, so that I'm resting against him and he'll hold a dinner plate, and feed me (I'm not allowed to touch the fork). I find it incredibly erotic. The TV was on but I couldn't tell you what we watched, I was still while physically present, mentally lost in warm thoughts of him. The evening wasn't quite over yet, it ended with a long soaking bath. I lit some candles in the bathroom, but left the door open, and I soaked in the tub, while he laid on the bed reading. We could see each other. It was nice...very nice. Nicer had he joined me, but he had work to complete.

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