I have caused pain, and hurt to the very people I hoped to protect from myself.
Saw my therapist, and later completed steps one through three with Jim. I am thoroughly powerless over my addiction and my life is unmanageable. I look to God to restore my sanity and hand myself over to him.
For a Dominate man, such as myself, these are difficult to admit. As a human, I have my failings like anyone else does. However the hardest part for me, was to admit those very submissive ideals. This is to me the very essence of a power exchange, and the reason I fought it so hard in the beginning. I am the one with the power. It is not supposed to be the other way around for me.
Each time I have done these three steps, I feel my conceit, as if to say I am more powerful than God. I am not. I did not create the universe, nor the earth, nor man in my likeness. I have to lose my pretension, and remind myself of my insignificance. And only then it seems, I can reconnect with my humility.