Had a lengthy meeting with Jim Monday afternoon and completed step 4, the fearless inventory. A catalog of everything I have done wrong and to whom I have done it to. It is sobering when I consider the moments I will never get back. The poor choices I have made; the times I averted work, family, friends, in favor of in my case, to engage in often meaningless sex with a prostitute or not. Truthfully, who she was did not matter and frankly could be anyone. I have begged off birthdays, skirted family holidays, and shirked employment obligations and furthermore, my addiction has caused embarrassment to family, colleagues, and friends alike. There often seemed no end to the depth I would sink to manipulate people or situations, until I realized I could not continue doing so. Only then did I become serious about my addiction and repairing the damage I have caused in my wake.
As if the painstaking construction of such a record was not enough, then I move onto step 5, where I must admit these things not only to myself but also to God and one other person. My person of preference is Jim, who listens and sometimes questions, as his job is to be confident I am both straightforward and thorough.
Steps 6 and 7 are of similar import but also nearly as difficult for me to first humbly demonstrate that I am ready for God to take away my imperfections, and secondly ask him to do so. As I admitted in steps 1-3, contrary to what I would like to believe, I am not God. If I were I would certainly be without this problem. I do humbly ask him to remove these defects in my character that allows me to behave contrary to how I should.