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Monday, August 17, 2009

Balancing acts

The achievement of balance in a M/s relationship is often difficult because it, on the surface, appears to be the least balanced thing in the world, with the Master always coming out on top. However that is just not the case, at least in my relationship with Omega. Yes, he's HOH (even though I own the house), but he also delegates his authority to me. Household chores are divided up in a way which makes sense to our relationship. I work from around 7-12, for the first couple hours I work, then I tend to my management duties, hold meetings, check in make sure everyone is on task, etc.

After work, I run errands, and other tasks before going home (though work does come first). At home I do what needs to be done there before Omega gets home from work. He usually will text me with a time, because he likes his food hot, however if it needs to be kept warmed he doesn't complain too harshly. He always helps with the dishes and picks up after himself. He is naturally (or unnaturally) neat, so when he uses something he puts it back where he found it, or where it is supposed to go. I don't spend a lot of time cleaning up after him, except in the bathroom. Again decisions are his, like the type of food I cook, he likes healthy balanced meals, so that's what I cook (never really touched the stove for anything more complex than scrambling an egg or baking cookies). Often I am hard pressed for meal ideas, but I'm learning to take pride in my limited skills which seems to help some.

As Master a lot of things fall on him, like planing our play or scenes. He takes into consideration what is going on, what I'm doing, work issues, placement of bruises. He thinks about all that (and believe me he's had long time to think and plan). He also takes into consideration mental health, like subdrop from an intense scene. He wouldn't plan an elaborate scene on a Sunday unless I was home from work on Monday and Tuesday. He wants two days for recovery, during that time if I feel up to it I can read blogs but I'm not allowed to comment (I usually can't because I have difficulty keeping my focus after really hard play). He also prefers we have no other commitments though that isn't always possible.

Omega also decides which blogs I can read. This is for my own protection, because in many ways I'm still just learning about this lifestyle. So much of what Alpha told me was just plan wrong, twisted or backward.

Saturday night we played very hard, it was extremely intense, painful and erotic. I was reduced to a bundle of raw, exposed nerves within just a few minutes but our play lasted hours so you can imagine how I felt afterward. I couldn't move. Omega had to carry me up the stairs. No bath, nothing, he just put me to bed. He didn't sleep, he never does afterward. In the morning he checked my bruises and welts, the ones that from before are slowly fading but otherwise are fine. There is a bruise on my back that was causing him a little worry but he's watching me and it carefully.

Sunday all day he was close by me, but didn't hover, or appear overly so. We had no troubles or issues, except when he wanted me to take a walk and I didn't want to. I argued with him and was punished mildly for that (I don't think I could blame it on subdrop). He often ponders the best way to punish a known masochist or he'll comment out loud like I'm not in the room. I begged his forgiveness because I knew he was upset with me, but he continued his musing. Some of it scared me. He asked me if I had any work to do, and I told him truthfully no. He then decided I was not allowed to use the computer for that day or night. I was made to sit on the floor beside his feet all night while he surfed the web.

At first I was annoyed but after a while I realized I wrong and he was just correcting the behavior. Sometimes I just need help in being still, and letting my mind just let go of those kinds of thoughts.


8 comments:

  1. I am glad you realized you needed correction. However you somewhat downplayed the walking event, there was no argument on my part. You yelled at me and used some foul language. You know both are not tolerated. How should you have responded?

    You handled the punishment well mouse and I was rather proud at the way you apologized for your errors. However you need to get over the deep desire to "make it right" by offering yourself or begging harsher punishment than I believe you deserve. I will assist in that endeavor.

    All this is a reminder to me of how fractured you still are.

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  2. mouse, I can't even being to understand how difficult it would be to switch gears the minute you walk into the house.

    I am very thankful that I made the blog list. :) I like having you around!

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  3. I'm sorry, I just can't see you being foul mouthed!!! Sounds like that was an intense weekend all around.

    Xoxo!!

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  4. Trust that Omega knows what is best. Until you fully trust him you will continue to plead for more punishnent, which is unbefitting.I think you are in good strong hands.

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  5. the joys of being human! and not always consistent with it! Life indeed - and relationships - are a never-ending learning experience.

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  6. I got into trouble for acting against my wife's wishes. She is really angry. She spoke to me last night about the behavior, but no mention of punishment. This morning she told me I can forget my scheduled release tomorrow, which puts my next possible one on Sunday, a full week w/o an orgasm. I think that is not all the punishment I will see from this. Perhaps further orgasm denial. So far I have gone as long as 2 ½ weeks when she was really angry once. Her pattern in the past has been disengagement from the relationship dynamic. It drives me nuts because the authority reinforcing I crave is absent. I am not sure if corporal punishment may also be in the cards, but if it would help her overcome her anger and get back to much needed calm in her life, I am all for it. I am not a masochist, but anything my wife enjoys, I get pleasure from.

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  7. mouse, I enjoy these glimpses into your relationship (thank you to you and Omega) - it is always so interesting to see how other people live their lives. I realize over and over again, I would make a truly lousy slave LOL - although I was a a pretty damn fine submissive ... but I think the Irish in me would just rebel too much at being 'punished'.

    Also, being the hard-headed practical, organized person in my relationship, it would be truly difficult for me to reqlinquish all control -granted, he probably wouldn't like it, as one of the things he used to love was the fact that I was realy good at anticipating his needs and would just go ahead and sort thigns out so he woudln't have to worry about them (although you seem to do a fair bit of that yourself)

    turning into a ramble ... so I'll stop here - just glad that what you have now works so well for you.

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  8. Omega,

    I know I should have handled it different by explaining why I didn't want to take a walk, instead of yelling and swearing at you. I'll try harder to remember that.

    Gray,
    How could you have NOT made the list????

    kitty,
    Yes, I am horrible about swearing. Omega is trying to break me of that habit. Omega hardly ever uses bad language and when he does it's not directed at anyone.

    Tom (Sir),
    I do totally trust Omega. I know everything he does is for the best. It's just at the moment I don't always agree with it.

    selkie,
    You are soooooo right! And thanks for the kind words! It means a lot to me.

    SH,

    Omega often muses on how to best punish a masochist. I would prefer being beaten to a pulp than see anger or disappointment in his eyes. Seriously, I'd rather see the violet wand come out with all the insertable gadgets I hate, than know I have caused him pain. That would be easier for me, but as Master Omega hardly takes the easy path when it comes to punishment.

    Thanks everyone,
    mouse

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