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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

It isn't all sunshine and lollipops

I'm instantly distrustful when I hear about people who are happy all the time. Probably 75% of the time I'm like thrilled and I'm a million percent happy having Omega in my life. But that other 25% is like not so much. Here's a shocker, Omega and I sometimes argue. It's not like we scream at each other, but we do often disagree. Sometimes we have conflicts where I believe he should think the same as I do on something and he doesn't and vice-versa.

Yes, sometimes depending on the subject and how important it is to me, I will tell him that I think he's wrong. Just like he will tell me when he thinks I'm wrong.

This past weekend we got into an argument, it wasn't a lifestyle issue so I won't go into the details but I felt he didn't back me up when I needed him to. I would NOT back down. He was wrong! There I said it---Let the heavens open up, call me a bad slave and stick me in a corner. He tried to lightly tiptoe away from the subject by suggesting we were at an "impasse" and we both should just agree to disagree. I looked at him in the eye and politely told him that I would be fine when one of us admitted HE was wrong.

I was not going to back down from this. Eventually he came around and admitted it, then fixed the problem.

Like I wrote we didn't scream at each other, we talked and listened. His view was totally different than mine was. Once he understood it from my point of view then he saw his error. He saw he wasn't backing me up and really undermining me, which hurt more. He corrected the error and the issue was left behind. He didn't punish me for having a view that differed from him, he also didn't pull the 'Master' card out.

There have also been times where he has been right, completely one hundred percent right, and I had to back down. He was right about my car and I see it now completely. I would go absolutely crazy if I had to be in "slave" mode all the time--walk on eggshells and only talk about how wonderful life is.

There's been times that I've told Omega I don't want to be a slave or submissive and meant it at that moment. He listened, commented, and left it. He waited for me to return to him and I did. He knew I didn't mean it, but he also knew I was conflicted in my feelings and needed time to sort them out. One lesson I had to learn to was be careful about what I say when I am angry. Once I told him to leave in a very heated argument (after I confessed my issues to him). He was asking too much from me at that time. After I calmed down he asked me if I really wanted him to leave, and of course I jumped and said no. He told me that I need to honest about my feelings, because I wasn't being honest. I was tired of feeling broken--it had nothing to do with him as much as it was about me. I took away from that to be honest with myself and not just take that easy path. Without his guidance I could never have learned that lesson.

To me that is the most important lesson that needs to be learned, honesty. I have to be honest with Omega, and he must be honest with me. Honesty means sharing sometimes negative thoughts. And being honest is not topping from the bottom, as a slave if Omega does something that truly bothers me, I need to tell him that it does. As Master he can decide what to do with that information. His normal course it to alter the play but not always, sometimes it's just about bringing me further along before the more intense stuff starts but he would never know if I didn't speak up about it.


7 comments:

  1. 25% mouse? That made me chuckle. Yes, and let me admit for all to see: I was indeed wrong and you were free of error. I felt defensive and dug in my heels, so to speak, however you were correct in not backing down.

    Being honest is the most important part of any relationship however I believe the dynamic of the Master/slave or D/s, fosters honesty in a more healthy way than most nilla relations.
    Omega

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  2. No matter the relationship I believe communication is key. Both parties should be able to listen to their partners and try to see things from their point of view. I am so happy to hear you two can do that.

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  3. for me, I have found if I first agree with my wife with her side of a disagreement, I quickly see her side and it is right. I was happy when I found this out. There are times when she asks me for my opinion on a complicated decision she is in the process of making and then we have back and forth discussion. We have not had an argument in the 7 months of WLM yet. I agree with her side, find my fault, and quickly see that I was wrong and she was right. For me this works. For instance, the other day her favorite coffee cup was missing. I said, "you didn't bring it home from work" She said, "yes I did, you lost it." I replied, "you must be right and I will keep my eye out for it." Later she found it at work and brought it home. Even though in this case she was incorrect, I still accepted fault. I feel it is my part of the deal to accept fault. Most of the other times, she is actually correct, and I am wrong. This was one rare occasion, but the principle still seemed to work.

    Anyway, that is what works for me…..

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  4. I won't even mention my percentage.

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  5. Its important the people know that no relationship is perfect 24/7. Its good that you show this and allow others to see this. (ok i just wrote 4 paragraphs and realized thats too long to post on a comment).

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  6. Omega, probably less than that..

    Gray, Yup and I couldn't be happier.

    s-h, I don't know if I could do that and be happy. Did she admit she was wrong about the coffee cup?

    LOL Tom

    kitty four paragraphs???

    Thanks everyone...
    mouse

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  7. No, when she told me she found the cup and was bringing it home, I replied, "good. glad you found it." After that the conversation continued. I see it as acknowledgement from both of us that she did not need to apologize. She didn't feel the need and I did not feel like I had to be apologized to. It is the passing away of the equality dynamic we use to live under that allowed this to happen.

    If she wanted to hide some common item, like her tooth brush, blame me for it's disappearance and then enjoy me running around looking for it, she can, and further I think I would enjoy entertaining her.

    Most of the time though, I just need to agree with her view, acknowledge my wrong from her viewpoint and I find quickly that she is right. The coffee cup thing was a rare exception.

    anyway, that is the way our thing works.

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