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Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Slavery or asking too much?

Last night Omega and I did our "work" it's not really "work" anymore but darn pleasant. My responses are becoming more on the normal scale and I'm thrilled with that. After we snuggled and talked about slavery and what it really means for us. Everyone I imagine has their own view of slavery, and I know there are men out there that wanted what Alpha had with me. They want to break a slave down to being nothing because they can. They want to destroy her body and her mental ability to see right from wrong. They want her to only see them and whatever twisted version of themselves they have. Whatever sadistic notion that pops into their head from keeping a slave's head shaved, to making her wear diapers and destroying her ability to control her bowels or bladder, they will try because they can.

Like Alpha conditioning me not to orgasm, and to have violent reactions to it--at one time even the thought would send me into fits of nausea. He didn't think about the long-term effects it would leave me with. He didn't consider it or care about it. He didn't think enough of me. He left me feeling depleted and unworthy.

Omega came into my life at my own request, and I learned something important about myself in the process. I learned that I can be sexual and that it's okay but even more important than that he showed me that I micromanage and control my life to such a degree that I was afraid to change. I'm the control freak in our house!

Omega naturally understands this need of mine (after all look what happened the last time someone else had control over my life), and for the most part forgives it willingly and easily but as I become more balanced, he starts to assume more control and this leads to struggles. As much as I hate to admit everything he does, even if at the time I find it unfair, is for my own good and helps me.

I love him for it.

5 comments:

  1. Your relationship is definitely a work in progress. But it sounds like you are both well on your way to making this into something that appeases both of you. Thank you for sharing this with us!

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  2. mouse -- I am pleased you find the work pleasant, and your responses are becoming more of what I would expect. As much as I hate it when you write about 'him' I understand. You need to purge that demon from your life.

    It is difficult to lose that sharp control you have had all these years, but in having all that control you were also denying what you truly are. You must trust me mouse that I do have your best interests at heart, even if at the time you do not understand them. I will not take from you more than you can give.

    Omega

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  3. Thanks Gray!

    Master,

    I do know that...it's nice to be reminded of it though.

    mouse

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  4. *hugs*

    Just wanted you to know i was reading but i didnt have anything to say really.

    xoxo

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  5. It does sound like Omega cares a lot about you and wants what's best for you.

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