Like Alpha conditioning me not to orgasm, and to have violent reactions to it--at one time even the thought would send me into fits of nausea. He didn't think about the long-term effects it would leave me with. He didn't consider it or care about it. He didn't think enough of me. He left me feeling depleted and unworthy.
Omega came into my life at my own request, and I learned something important about myself in the process. I learned that I can be sexual and that it's okay but even more important than that he showed me that I micromanage and control my life to such a degree that I was afraid to change. I'm the control freak in our house!
Omega naturally understands this need of mine (after all look what happened the last time someone else had control over my life), and for the most part forgives it willingly and easily but as I become more balanced, he starts to assume more control and this leads to struggles. As much as I hate to admit everything he does, even if at the time I find it unfair, is for my own good and helps me.
I love him for it.
5 comments:
Your relationship is definitely a work in progress. But it sounds like you are both well on your way to making this into something that appeases both of you. Thank you for sharing this with us!
mouse -- I am pleased you find the work pleasant, and your responses are becoming more of what I would expect. As much as I hate it when you write about 'him' I understand. You need to purge that demon from your life.
It is difficult to lose that sharp control you have had all these years, but in having all that control you were also denying what you truly are. You must trust me mouse that I do have your best interests at heart, even if at the time you do not understand them. I will not take from you more than you can give.
Omega
Thanks Gray!
Master,
I do know that...it's nice to be reminded of it though.
mouse
*hugs*
Just wanted you to know i was reading but i didnt have anything to say really.
xoxo
It does sound like Omega cares a lot about you and wants what's best for you.
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