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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

A contradiction?

Yesterday, I wrote about the banquet of life, and I have to admit one of the things that really bugs me are people who define me by my relationship with Omega.  I didn't look or bring Omega into my life because I wanted or needed to feel worthy of anyone (yes I brought him into my life by offering myself to him).  I didn't buy a dog because I wanted something to love.  I bought the dog to bark when people come to door.  The fact he was happy to see me walk through the door at the end of the day was a bonus.   I didn't bring Omega into my life because I was lonely, I brought him into my life because he was always there.  He's been the best friend to me for years now.  He's involved in the lifestyle and had deep understanding of a lot of it's many flavors and facets.  Omega is honest, trustworthy and has long resume of subs, bottoms, and former slaves all of whom sing his praises.  Even the ones he dumped!  Why is that?  Because he's a damn good Dom and a damn good man.  As I wrote once before he didn't want toy or plaything, something like a lump of clay, he also didn't want someone addle-minded, but instead he wanted someone to share his life, his whole life, not just a few parts and spare bits.  No sloppy seconds or left-overs.   That might be okay to settle with for some, but not for us.  I didn't want a Dom that would lock me in a room with a shock collar, call me a whore and make me beg to use the bathroom.  Believe me, I had my chances with Doms like that (some are even my friends) but they weren't for me.  

Being a slave is not about degrading yourself, taking all of his views as your own just because he says it, and it's not about being a doormat.   It's about empowerment!  I'm empowered in my slavery to Omega not subjugated by it. I didn't require being "broken" into submitting.  I don't question it because he doesn't require a lot for me to question.  He's never once required me to do something just to prove to him how submissive I am.  Or made dumb--ass demands just prove his dominance over me.  My house remains in my name and I'm afraid he won't be added to it anytime soon.  Some suggest that slaves can't or shouldn't own property, vote or anything.  What about the slave who owns her business just because some guy puts a collar around her neck means she has to sign it over to him?  No.  In fact, I'd maintain that a real Dom wouldn't ask for it in the first place.  Nor would a real Dom demand the title of a car, house, boat, or any of the silly stuff I read in fantasyland. That's not empowering.  We've gone beyond the days where [real] slaves weren't allowed to be educated (because education equals empowerment), taught to read or write and made to only perform menial tasks.  Remember this whole thing is about consent, not  proof that she is willing to do anything.  

Omega doesn't have to play games with my mind to keep in line because I gladly stay in step with him.   Why?  Because he has integrity because he admits to making mistakes and learns from them (and yes even with a wide amount of experience mistakes happens).  Because he's NEVER once questioned my submission to him.  EVER!  He doesn't take more than I can give.  He asks me what I like or want to do, and does his best to make it happen.  Whether its lunch every three weeks with the girls, getting my hair colored, or the occasional pedicure.  Yes he's a sadist, and often cold but there is a warmth to him also, which I can't easily ignore.

Our relationship is one described in the lifestyle as TPE (a total power exchange), which means he has control over most decisions in our relationship.  Why do I say most?  Because on certain issues he does give me great deference.  He wants and frequently asks for my opinion on matters, yet I leave the final decision to him.  A TPE can be for a minute, an hour, just during a scene, a day, weekend or lifetime, mine is a lifetime worth.  With us it's a lifetime.    


  1. TPE is our foundation as well. I have value, am intelligent, well educated, and healthy. I defer willingly to my D/ for leadership in our relationship. Her decisions are how we operate. She recognizes my value as well, knows my desire for service, and fulfills my need for her pleasure to come first.

    Concerning money, she manages all household finances. About a month into the WLM change, I initiated handing over my credit cards and bank ATM card to my checking account. Since she was deciding how money was spent, I found I just wasn't using them and took the next step to hand them over to her. I found quickly I could exist just fine on about $5 per week, cash. It sound amazing, but true. Then rest of my thousands of dollars I earned each month she decided how it would be spent. I do not consider this operating as a non-consensual abuse, but an example of how her decisions about what her plesure might be at the time operates in a TPE relationship.

  2. s-h,

    yup, and lets not forget you're married to her, which is already a deep commitment but she's not just some woman you met and a few months later started handing your paycheck to.

    5 bucks per week??? OMG! I dunno if I could do that. Omega and I share the budget duties, kinda, anyway. If I buy something I have to leave the receipt out so he can look at it or not. Same if I pay a bill. I leave it beside the computer so he knows I've paid it. I'll say I normally don't have to worry about paying bills often, normally he's right on top of them--unless he's hideously busy like now.


  3. ...yup. $5.

    my gas tank gets filled with her bank card when I need to. Groceries are purchased by her. If there is any going out for entertainment, she pays. I have gone months w/o swiping a card to pay for something.

    I was amazed, but found it was truly possible to live that way. not only that, I enjoy her control over the money.

  4. What a wonderful and thought-provoking post! You really have a way of saying what I'm thinking, mouse!

    Slavery *is* empowering, just as being a Dominant *is* restricting in so many ways. But being freed, given "permission" as it were, to express our personalities to the fullest - what a wonderful, wonderful feeling!

    You express your submission because you are submissive. You don't have to prove it to anyone, you simply do as the man you have offered yourself to, and who has accepted your offer, wishes. That's all that matters, *that* is what submission is, what "true slavery" is. It requires no extreme behaviors to prove one's self, any more than proving one's Dominance requires *asking* extreme things of a submissive.

    Lots to think about in this post, and actually it is in a similar vein of what I plan on typing soon, so if we sound like parrots, so be it!

  5. Mouse: Good post describing your relationship. The key thing is that it's right for both of you.

    And I loved your comment on my blog that he holds you and makes you feel loved. You can't ask for much more than that.


  6. I love your passion when you speak of Omega. I want you to know that I've learned so much from you in such a short time. Your blog posts often make me think and re-evaluate my own submission. Its such a blessing to have such a knowledgeable and passionate friend. Thank you.

  7. $5 eh, and no credit cards?

    I like that idea.

  8. one dollar for each finger on one hand. Most weeks I would only use four, leaving one extra. Some weeks only two, leaving three. I would account for these on the next weeks request, though.

    months without swiping....

  9. mouse you just amaze how you routinely walk up a line and just stick a toe over the edge.

    I believe this is more about confidence than being a good or bad anything. A "good" dominant I believe, understands himself first, is confident in his ability, and an understanding of the subject (slave, bottom, sub).

    Certainly I could demand of my slave that she shave off her hair, as that would certainly increase her submission, since most women are quite vain about their hair. After all it is just hair and will grow back. It would also satisfy a need I have to humiliate my slave and demonstrate to the world, how dominant and controlling I am.

    That is the key, it is not about making the slave into a doormat, but rather building the dominants personal confidence and giving him bragging rights. He normally is not the one to do such boasting (except to his friends) however he will expect his property to do that for him, by exalting him. Nonetheless it is about proving to himself and demonstrating to others how dominant he is, and has little to do with the slave who serves him. These dominants will often actively seek out women with issues with their own self worth, because they are malleable and imbalanced.

    You pointed out elsewhere mouse, about cultish behavior with some and your point of using Jim Jones, Charles Manson is apt. Those were examples of a total power exchange, but not the kind we wish to promote within our lifestyle. Both of these men had strong issues with self-worth and riddled with personal insecurities, however both had a way of making everything they said sound right.


  10. s-h, (shivers) I don't think 5 bucks a weeks could begin to cover all my girly things that Omega doesn't know I need.

    schiava I look forward to reading yours...

    FD Sir, I like that closeness that Omega and I have together. Those moments I wouldn't trade for anything.

    kitty--Omega is the greatest thing since sliced bread. LOL


    That's an interesting comment that I hadn't considered. I think you're right but I'll have to think about it more. I understand where you're coming from and thank you for not making me shave my head.


  11. $5 is just works for my needs. I go to two civic meetings a week where I put two in the collection each time. That is four per week. Other then that, I do not have any need for money. When every incidental expense needs to be requested and approved, it becomes clear pretty quickly that most of my incidental expenses previously, were judgment calls I made on my one, in an attempt to force my view of equality. Without the maintenance of my view of equality and requesting incidentals, it has just boiled down to that amount. I hope you didn't think I was suggesting the same for you. If so, I apologize. I was not. For me, that is just what I get and it amazed me I was truly okay with so little. Girly maintenance is understandably a justifiable expense which I am sure your loving husband understands.

    Hope I was not raising cane. Not my intent at all.

  12. s-h,

    Oh nooooooo not at all. Though Omega is thinking of putting me on an allowance, or tightening the reigns on the budget, which I have no problem with. I'm so not a shopaholic, in fact I'd chew on razor blades than shop for clothing for myself.


  13. I believe that I have said this in the past to you, but I will say it again. I think that you and Omega have a wonderful D/s relationship.

    Great post!

  14. Dominants who require extreme outward signs of humiliation to announce their dominance and control are damaged indeed. There are behaviors that are extraordinary and individualized but for me there continue to be identifying factors within relationships that indicate when two broken individuals have collided.

  15. 6 years too late but still I have to comment

    BRAVO !


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