Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Yesterday, I wrote about the banquet of life, and I have to admit one of the things that really bugs me are people who define me by my relationship with Omega. I didn't look or bring Omega into my life because I wanted or needed to feel worthy of anyone (yes I brought him into my life by offering myself to him). I didn't buy a dog because I wanted something to love. I bought the dog to bark when people come to door. The fact he was happy to see me walk through the door at the end of the day was a bonus. I didn't bring Omega into my life because I was lonely, I brought him into my life because he was always there. He's been the best friend to me for years now. He's involved in the lifestyle and had deep understanding of a lot of it's many flavors and facets. Omega is honest, trustworthy and has long resume of subs, bottoms, and former slaves all of whom sing his praises. Even the ones he dumped! Why is that? Because he's a damn good Dom and a damn good man. As I wrote once before he didn't want toy or plaything, something like a lump of clay, he also didn't want someone addle-minded, but instead he wanted someone to share his life, his whole life, not just a few parts and spare bits. No sloppy seconds or left-overs. That might be okay to settle with for some, but not for us. I didn't want a Dom that would lock me in a room with a shock collar, call me a whore and make me beg to use the bathroom. Believe me, I had my chances with Doms like that (some are even my friends) but they weren't for me.
Being a slave is not about degrading yourself, taking all of his views as your own just because he says it, and it's not about being a doormat. It's about empowerment! I'm empowered in my slavery to Omega not subjugated by it. I didn't require being "broken" into submitting. I don't question it because he doesn't require a lot for me to question. He's never once required me to do something just to prove to him how submissive I am. Or made dumb--ass demands just prove his dominance over me. My house remains in my name and I'm afraid he won't be added to it anytime soon. Some suggest that slaves can't or shouldn't own property, vote or anything. What about the slave who owns her business just because some guy puts a collar around her neck means she has to sign it over to him? No. In fact, I'd maintain that a real Dom wouldn't ask for it in the first place. Nor would a real Dom demand the title of a car, house, boat, or any of the silly stuff I read in fantasyland. That's not empowering. We've gone beyond the days where [real] slaves weren't allowed to be educated (because education equals empowerment), taught to read or write and made to only perform menial tasks. Remember this whole thing is about consent, not proof that she is willing to do anything.
Omega doesn't have to play games with my mind to keep in line because I gladly stay in step with him. Why? Because he has integrity because he admits to making mistakes and learns from them (and yes even with a wide amount of experience mistakes happens). Because he's NEVER once questioned my submission to him. EVER! He doesn't take more than I can give. He asks me what I like or want to do, and does his best to make it happen. Whether its lunch every three weeks with the girls, getting my hair colored, or the occasional pedicure. Yes he's a sadist, and often cold but there is a warmth to him also, which I can't easily ignore.
Our relationship is one described in the lifestyle as TPE (a total power exchange), which means he has control over most decisions in our relationship. Why do I say most? Because on certain issues he does give me great deference. He wants and frequently asks for my opinion on matters, yet I leave the final decision to him. A TPE can be for a minute, an hour, just during a scene, a day, weekend or lifetime, mine is a lifetime worth. With us it's a lifetime.