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Thursday, September 10, 2009

Final thought on self-protection

This morning in my blog  Briseis said...

The words "self protect" has had me thinking, how can a slave keep this from her Master? Isn't it His body mind and soul, the fact you are called a slave to me means you have given up the self protection and to place trust in the hands of your Master, a slave might hope that He will see you but then trust that He loves His slave enough to care for her as a valued girl. My Master would never accept the term "self protect" I know, but that is what I feel is so special, He controls me, all of me and I offer no resistance to Him, for he is my true Master. I know He would see this as bratty behavior on my part and a excuse for having a limit. Just my thoughts. I love how our blogs and ideas makes us all think and examine this wonderful lifestyle.

September 10, 2009 8:12 Am
I'm trying to work out a reply to your comment that doesn't sound defensive on my part, because I truly mean no disrespect to you or to your Master. However I'm not sure you understand that I went through immense psychological and physical torture at the hand of Alpha, who was also a close friend of Omega. My need to self-protect was irrational but at the time, I believed it was needed because I was afraid that if Omega understood how perversely damaged I was he would leave. I would be too much work, too broken. It occurred to me he might not believe his friend was capable of such abuse...if he did know then where was he when it was going on? If he knew what I basically allowed to be done under the guise of submission and slavery, he would NOT want anything to do with me--I WAS TOO BROKEN and unworthy! I would hope that any slave placed into a situation that creates, by her Master, a feeling that she is just not submissive enough to submit to real mental and physical torture, would run, not just walk from that relationship. Nor would they just give in and submit. I was very young and told NOTHING about this lifestyle, I was told I had no voice, no choice or limits and I believed him -- yes in the beginning I trusted him and by the time I realized what was really going on I was afraid to leave. I was completely isolated by what seemed my own choice from everyone in my life. I believe it was a self-imposed exile, but it was really at his hand. I was afraid that I would lose my job; the way I made a living. Yes, he had that power over me and though he never said he would use it, I still feared it. Had I left could I just continue to work for him? If I found another job and the new employer called for a reference would he be the one given the phone????  

These are very valid questions that abused women (and men) all over struggle with each day. His grooming of me started two years before he ever fucked me in the ass. My submission to him was NEVER in question. When it started getting really bad, YES I did take measures to try to self-protect, since he was VERY unpredictable when he drank. I knew I couldn't leave him but I did what I needed to do to just to survive another day. Twice in our relationship I believe I would have died, once Omega was there to save me, the other time the police were called by a concerned neighbor. I never once pressed charges or considered it because I couldn't. There were no laws in place at that time for the police to proceed without my testimony. Plus he knew all the police and was friends with the local DA, so yeah if I had that courage, it is still a good ol boys network.  

So, yeah I do believe that all consensual slaves because lets face it, there are NO real slaves in this country, since Lincoln freed them, have a right and I'll say it, obligation to self-protect. Not every Master thinks about the future, or life without them in it. Not every Master has his property's best interest at heart or considers the long-term ramifications of his slave's mental health if god forbid she is forced to go on without him. I know for a fact, I would NOT be here today if Alpha wasn't diagnosed with cancer and I still deal with the feelings of guilt because I actually felt some relief when it became clear the cancer was terminal. To pick up broken pieces of her youth and wonder how she could ever put them back and become despondent that she simply can't alone. Therapists going on about battered woman syndrome and not understanding thoroughly I was not just abused some vanilla but a Master who should have known better. Not all Masters out there are like Omega and Sir J, who actually deeply care that their slaves and all their property is well tended. There are some that have done horrible that would shatter trust, all under the guise of submission. I certainly know Omega's character, and I think I have decent understanding of Sir J's from his blog and I know neither would consider doing what Alpha did to me or anything like that.

I know this is sounding very defensive on my part. I do understand that you feel very blessed by your relationship with your Master and that is wonderful that you do and for anyone reading this who is bless that way. However there are women and men out there who do need to know that it is okay to self-protect. I can only scream it so loud, so I use my blog in the hopes that if someone in trouble comes across it and reads it, they will have courage to stand up and say no more.  This lifestyle is not about diminishing a person, but lifting them up. If it doesn't lift them, something is definitely wrong! If a Master puts a slave or sub into a moral or ethical dilemma then something is wrong! It becomes perverse and almost Charlie Manson cult-like with this blind worship that says I can ONLY follow. Where the little voice inside is ignored until it's completely extinguished and eradicated.

I'm sorry but I think I'm going to take a break. I don't mean to say that I'm questioning Omega, but suddenly I find myself overwhelmed with these emotions--my inner feminist which was supposed to be the light-hearted topic for today is screaming and for once I'm listening. I'm feeling very emotional and even a bit hurt though I understand there was no intent of harm. 

In fact this is so important that I've started two new categories called abuse and self-protection.


  1. the issue of your boundaries being enforced as a mechanism of ensuring the situation remains consensual, are ones I have a difficultly relating to. I believe this is a distinction between a male-sub and a female-sub. From over here, there is truly nothing I would deny my wife from choosing to do. I have overtly stated that to her. She spends money as she wants. She delegates work to me as she wants. She satisfies her sexual desires and denies mine as she wants. In this I do feel diminished, but fulfilled at the same time.

    I do believe your journey of self discovery your husband has you on is good for both you and him. I again feel you are in well tended loving care, for which you should be appreciative, as I sense you are. You often share about your deepening of love to your husband and your contentment in service.

  2. Thank you! This is a very important topic.

    I went through a VERY abusive relationship some years ago. I stayed becausee I believed it to be penance for the affair I had that led me to that man.

    I am sure it took a lot of strength to share so much of your story with us. You should be proud to be so brave.

    I am a new sub and even tho I have been with Sir for quite a number of years not all subs/slaves have. They need a voice that tells them it is ok to protect themselves.

    Thank you for giving them that voice.

  3. mouse, you have said it perfectly and must keep on saying it.

    The naieve bleating of those without insight and understanding are frustrating and foolish in the extreme.

    The reality is that we are ALL fallible human beings; as such, people make mistakes, take missteps, misinterpret, and sometimes just do things that are just plain wrong.

    Each individual MUST take responsibility for understanding the parameters and effect of a specific dynamic on their psyches, body and soul.

    You say it best, mouse - this lifestyle is meant to LIFT UP.

  4. yes, mouse, say it loud and proud. The way we live is filled with choices. It is our choice to submit, but both master and slave must ALWAYS remember it is by choice. And, like selkie said, to forget this or to deny this is foolish. the best M/s relationship, imnsho, is the one where both people realize they are there because they choose to be, and the connection is that much sweeter for the choosing.

    this dynamic is to be empowering, not disembowling.

  5. My mouse,

    I am very proud of you.


  6. thank you mouse for saying this, it was what this girl needed to hear.

  7. Another occasion to break out my pom-poms and cheer.
    GOoooooooo, mouse!!!

    Your strength does you credit, as does your honesty. To have gone through so much and emerged in so much a better place speaks volumes for your courage. Few could say they did as well in the same situation.

    (rustles pom-pom one last time...)

  8. To this slave's Master Omega:

    As a Domme, I can assure you that self-protection is very important to any sub I play with. When a relationship jumps to a Mistress/slave the importance increases as well. Any Top who says otherwise is simply put a liar or an abuser as one does not need to be in this lifestyle for decades to come across a damaged submissive. Those who have encountered these poor souls must have at the very least a rudimentary understanding of the importance of the property self-protecting. After all, even cars and houses have alarms for their self-protection, why on earth should a slave, who is in most ways more vulnerable than a car not have that same benefit?

    My own cherished slave brought this post to My attention and I owe you a debt of gratitude as it shall be required reading for anyone new I should encounter.

    Your slave provided a clear voice to all involved in this lifestyle and as her Owner/Master, you should be applauded.

    Lady Benecia

  9. I completely agree... unless someone can tell me that it's okay for a Master to remove the safe and sane aspects of this lifestyle just because he IS the Master, well then a slave has every right to self-protect, especially if she feels threatened... even if the feeling is completely unfounded because at the time it is very real and should be taken into consideration.

    I don't believe slaves, especially those who have been victims of abuse, self-protect to be bratty. It's a normal fight or flight response that is inherent in all human beings and can't just be erased suddenly be we are slaves.

    If some are uncomfortable with the term self-protection because they feel it somehow makes them less a slave, then maybe they can't argue the fact that it's never okay for a slave to stop using common sense and trusting her instincts?

    I also have to say, mouse, that I'm still awed over the fact that you could have gone through what you did, and still find it in you to submit to someone again. Not very many people could do that.



  10. My Sister, I understand, truly, I have been there, differently, but there. I know it seems to some who have not or who are willfully blind, not submissive enough. What I see is a woman who is so brave she re-enters this arena in spite of what has happened. And I see a Dom willing to patiently lead. I see real people, not the trite commentary of one who will not know why she is alone in the future because 'he takes care of his property'. There is real life and then there is the condescension of the immature and inexperienced.

    Please do not accept an indictment from one who has no right. I will post about this soon, this weekend. Now my heart is too heavy, tomorrows post will be idiot filler in all honesty. Lighting a candle for you,,,CD

  11. Self protection is one of those basic instincts that many so-called Doms/Masters would have us slaves believe we have no right to.

    But self-protection is not a "right", it is an innate instinct that every human has. i have tried to express this at times as well, and it's a bit frustrating at times. The struggle for me seems to be that there are truly some Dominants who would try to convince their slaves that they have no "right" to be human any longer, and that there are many slaves who believe them when they say it.

    i think that those of us who have experienced this lifestyle for a while understand that the romanticized idea of "slave as nothing but a piece of furniture" is unrealistic and simply doesn't work. One cannot make a human inhuman, nobody can take away innate instincts such as survival or self protection.

    To me, it all comes down to the fact that respect is mutual, trust is built and earned - neither respect nor trust is something automatically conveyed once a collar is given or a relationship begun.

    The comments here reverberate loud and clear to me - especially cutesypah's regarding the fact that M/s relationships, like any relationship, are based on choice, and yes....that choice makes it all the sweeter. But the choice can also go both ways. i mean, if one can choose to be *in* an M/s relationship, then one (even the s half of the relationship) can choose to end it.

    And i honestly think that is what most people forget. Self-protection is inherent in our types of relationship *because* of the choice she mentioned. Limits exist no matter who you are, contrary to the romanticized view of slavery that is so popular with some.

    So. i'm hushing now. Thanks for listening, and i just hope it made sense.

  12. Wow, quiet a reaction. Firstly, mouse I would like to state that abuse has no part in any relationship and I am sorry you had to endure anything of that

    After reading some replies, I do feel the need to at least respond and after that I will not be making any further comment on this subject. i have also spoken at length to my Master about this topic and how it has arrived to this point.

    The issue of abuse is of course a sensitive one to any who has suffered at the hands of it, and i too have had my share of abuse in my life from people i have trusted.

    So, with that in mind i want to look back at where the conversation has come from and why i indeed posted the response i did. The initial conversation to me was always about your Master Omega, being the wonderful and patient Master as you have described and how you talked about the topping from the bottom. i asked you what you "for what reason would you need to self protect?" from Omega to which you replied with....


    That's a very good question and one I often find myself at odds with going round and round.

    I think every slave has to self-protect once in a while, it's part of the power exchange. The Dom doesn't have the power because it's just his; he has it because we give it.

    For example:

    When Omega came to me and said he wanted to moderate all the comments that came into my blog, I was scared because in doing that I was giving him a lot of power. Not only in regard to comment moderation but he could post, remove whole posts, change the layout, even delete the whole blog. I had to trust that he wouldn't do anything like that. And any comments he rejected were done because they were truly not appropriate, and not because he simply didn't like the person leaving it or disagreed with what was said.

    However if he did, for example moderate or reject a comment out of some sort of spite, then I would rescind my submission (on this issue) and remove him from my blog. That said it would also affect I'm sure the ability to trust him in other areas.

    That is where self-protection comes in, because I could have just said no. He wouldn't have liked it, but I'm sure he would have accepted it.


    ((continued below))

  13. ((continued from previous comment))

    To me, self protecting for a blog security was the issue, not a past relationship that you suffered in. So i don't want to be taken out of context here. It was a question i raised under the conversation leading to this, NOT for an abusive relationship from the past.

    As mentioned I spoke to my Master regarding the issue of self protection, my Master has given me two rights health and safety for me that is all the protection i need but it was given to me by Him. The issue of my past personal abuse i raised with him when we first started talking about being collared, so he understands some of the issues and struggles i have, but ultimately i trust him so much that he will guide me into deeper submission with the protection of health and safety without hurting me.

    For my Master and i it works wonderfully well, i can always raise any issues or concerns i have with him, but ultimately it is His decision and one i wouldn't have any other way. It was something that i just didn't blindly accept, but one after a year of knowing him and talking with him and 6 months under Him that i can accept this. i am not foolish enough to think it is a given that level of trust, but one built over time with trust and honesty. i don't make the decision to self protect on subjects because i personally feel i don't need it and because i love that he has that control.

    If Omega is happy with you having that, then that is great and i wasn't here to proclaim how you should or shouldn't live your lives. We are all in the one lifestyle and with many variants to the levels of control and submission. At the end of the day, one thing all humans want is to be happy in life, we all seek happiness. i only wish for your happiness with your Master in the life you choose to lead.

    Once again, this will be the last comment i make on this subject as instructed by my Master as there are issues here outside the bounds of a simple question in a blog and W/we both wish not to have anything i say intrude on your relationship.

    Hope to continue chatting and the exploration of ideas in the future

    digital hugs


  14. briseis,

    I nearly did not publish your comments out of fear of adding fuel to the fire, however, I need to step in to prevent further harm

    You wrote in the original comment, "My Master would never accept the term "self protect" I know, but that is what I feel is so special, He controls me, all of me and I offer no resistance to Him, for he is my true Master. I know He would see this as bratty behavior on my part and a excuse for having a limit."

    That was what mouse was reacting to specifically. All slaves should self-protect for a myriad of reasons, as they should have limits, and I cannot dictate to mouse what her limits should be. No Master should summarily tell his slave she has no limits. There are always limits and boundaries we cannot cross.

    I have known mouse the better part of 20 years and still cannot presume that she just acquiesce herself to my wishes just because I am the Dom or Master. Self-protection and questions should never stop regardless of length together, be it one year or twenty. Old subjects should be revisited and frequently as part of a power exchange.

    Finally, a further point I wish to address is mouse did not come to this conclusion merely by that one comment but several similar comments made by you in the past as well as what you write within the confines of your own journal.

    I am tempted to shut down further comments on this topic. If further discussion is desired, I invite your Master to contact via email.