So, I have issues

I have issues at times with my slavery. I sometimes read other people's blogs and think there is NO way I could be that submissive to Omega. There is no way I could just take whatever he said at face value and not question his wisdom, or ask at the very least ask why. I'm not talking about everything, if he asks for another cup of coffee I'll get it. Or if I notice his cup is nearly empty I'll just ask him if he wants more. If he tells me to do something generally speaking without question I would do it.

That said, but what if he started making different requests, like the brunch with the girls thing I do once a month, what if he started telling me that I couldn't go? What if he said that he didn't like them, and they were a bad influence? In general I doubt he would, he understands that friendships are important to slaves, outside connections often provide a needed balance and create more submissive feelings. Slavery does change the way you act, no question about it, but you never that base of who you are deep down.

I did the don't ask any questions with Alpha, and to be honest it made me feel bad to question, and I would often self punish myself for even having such thoughts. Of course that pleased Alpha when he learned of it. He felt I was right to punish myself because a good slave never ever questions her Master even mentally. Period. A good slave also has no limits, and no choices.

This is where I really become confused about my slavery and submission to Omega. I do have limits, and Omega is always careful not to cross them. My problem is I don't always recognize where my limits are but now Omega sees clearly where they lie and either changes the direction or stops play (if there is no where else to take it). I've said it before elsewhere that spankings make me feel terrible but I do get benefit from them, generally speaking Omega doesn't spank with his hand, he likes the cane, a paddle, or his belt for it. He loves it when my butt is all red. The paddle is the easiest to take because it's a paddle and is wide surfaced, but he can give me a good hard wallop with it, which makes it sting. The leather belt stings like the dickens but in a different way from the cane which at least to me, is the worst and hurts the most. He'll do it until the tears come freely, and then he stops and holds me. He will do that at very least twice a week, and it helps to relieve my stress and probably his. He always makes certain he is in the right state of mind when he does it though. And never does it when he's actually angry, but instead waits until the intense feels have passed or subsided greatly.

However that just makes him a good dom, but what about me? Am I a bad slave? Omega would say no but in reading some of those other blogs I have to wonder.

So much for perfection, eh?