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Tuesday, September 8, 2009

TPE

I started a post yesterday to be published today, I was working on it when Omega came home from work, and he wasn't happy with it. He didn't like the tone, by tone I mean my own personal sarcasm, so I was told to be still and consider what I had written. Truthfully it wasn't that bad but it was kinda snarky. He was right about that.


Omega is back to reading my blogs before I can post them and it got me thinking about TPE (total power exchange). Omega has often told me that I can self protect and all slaves should. I guess my problem is how to know what to self protect from? When is okay for a slave to question and when should she just be still?


For once Omega just glared at me and told me to "be still."


I started to protest but decided against it. Instead just sat quietly, mulling it over in my mind, rolling it over, until my head screamed with a headache. I said nothing, but quietly seethed at being so dismissed by him. Suddenly I understood it. I was dismissed because I let myself be dismissed. He was just asserting the control I gave him.


I begged his forgiveness, and he accepted my apology.



10 comments:

  1. This sounds like another step in you totally accepting the control you gave him. Enjoy the journey.

    FD

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  2. FD Sir,

    Yes I see that now, Master *is* right, sometimes I am thick as brick.

    Thank you,
    mouse

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  3. The self protect mouse...I would love to hear what you feel you need to self protect from. As a slave i dont feel i need that or dont do that, everything is always open to my Master, and if i have a problem i take it to Him, he solves it. Just curious. Love your blog girl!

    ~briseis~

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  4. briseis,

    That's a very good question and one I often find myself at odds with going round and round.

    I think every slave has to self-protect once in a while, it's part of the power exchange. The Dom doesn't have the power because it's just his, he has it because we give it.

    For example:
    When Omega came to me and said he wanted to moderate all the comments that came into my blog, I was scared because in doing that I was giving him a lot of power. Not only in regard to comment moderation but he could post, remove whole posts, change the layout, even delete the whole blog. I had to trust that he wouldn't do anything like that. And any comments he rejected were done because they were truly not appropriate, and not because he simply didn't like the person leaving it or disagreed with what was said.

    However if he did, for example moderate or reject a comment out of some sort of spite, then I would rescind my submission (on this issue) and remove him from my blog. That said it would also affect I'm sure the ability to trust him in other areas.

    That is where self-protection comes in, because I could have just said no. He wouldn't have liked it, but I'm sure he would have accepted it.

    mouse

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  5. Trust is never easy. Self-protect is a defense mechanism that is necessary in order to grow. Each time you discover yourself doing this and you let down that wall, you have grown a little bit more and learned more about yourself!

    Sweet hugs girl!! Proud of ya!

    ~kitty

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  6. I think it goes back to something I had mentioned before... although I can't remember if it was an email or a blog. Forget being a slave for a moment *ducks*, it's human nature to want to protect yourself after being in a bad situation for a long time (okay moments over).

    In your case with Omega, sure it's a matter of trusting him, but it's also a matter of learning to trust yourself... that you won't allow someone to abuse you again or take advantage of you. It's not an easy thing to do. You can trust Omega implicitly and still those fears so deeply ingrained will be at the back of your mind causing you to question that trust.

    I think the best thing to do in those cases is acknowledge the fear by talking about it or writing about it... and then most of the time they just sorta disappear on their own. I really don't see what can be so wrong about questioning something. I'm not saying it's okay to be defiant, but if you don't question when the question is there then it allows the fear to build inside you... then the real trouble starts.

    ~spirited

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  7. kitty,

    You're exactly right. 100%

    spirited one,

    Yup, Omega's pushing things a little lately, but it's all good. Really I'm learning more each day.

    hugs to you both,
    mouse

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  8. of course, everyone needs to 'self-protect' at some point- it one of the human beast's most innate defenses. I actualy had to read this a few times to "get it" (you think YOU'RE thick.. sighs) - now I do-

    I guess from my perspective, the whole issue is balance - self-protection versus shut-down.

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  9. selkie,

    absolutely it's about balance. It's a topic that makes my head swim, I would literally go around and around with this.

    It came down for me to the issue of slavery, I know Master doesn't want a doormat, but how can you not feel that way if you're not supposed to question their reasons. Like I said around and round I would go....Finally it made sense.

    mouse

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  10. Mouse, I think we self-protect at differently as we make travel our paths. You may self-correct with Omega now, whereas I think I self-protect against the men I date. Different place in life requires different vigilance(?) or perhaps different responses (?) I will need to think about this,,,CD

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