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Saturday, September 19, 2009

Upon us all a little rain must fall

Don't worry this post isn't a dark missive into my past.  It's a post about weather, specifically rain, but it's also about balance.  One thing I know a lot about, while the other I've learned a lot about recently.  I live where the rain falls almost year around.  I say almost because summertime I do have a sprinkler system that takes over.  Rain is one of those things we need.  Not enough rain and you're saving your dishwater in a bucket to flush the toilets like my family had to do in San Francisco in the 70s during the big drought then.  We couldn't water lawns, gardens, anything, while our southern California neighbors were wasting water by rinsing off their driveways with garden hose.  But I digress.  With not enough rain and the ground becomes parched, crops won't grow and wither, forests turn into matchsticks waiting to combust.  Too much rain caused houses to slide down hills, and off cliffs.  People lost their lives during a mudslide in a nearby community.  Farm lands were flooded, rivers overflowed their banks into homes and people looked for higher ground and waited for the waters to recede so they could survey the damage.  

There needs to be balance between too much and too little.  In everything, not just rain.  When Omega had his sexual addictions issues, he is first to admit that he was unbalanced and his life unmanageable that way.  Everything he did was about getting laid.  His work, family, everything was second place to that need.  I was unbalanced when I was with Alpha, and for those years after that.  I was unbalanced when I offered myself to Omega but improving.  During the time since we have been together, I've come more in balance with my life than I ever thought.  

There is a balance in my slavery to Omega that has only added to my life.  He doesn't micromanage me, or make me ask permission for every little thing--he trusts my judgment to make choices within the confines of his rules.  His rules are simple, easy for the most part to follow, and his.  I follow Omega's rules but that doesn't mean I don't make mistakes or forget myself sometimes.  If I break a rule I'm punished for it.  That I also expect.  However to keep me in balance, he never punishes me without me knowing exactly why I'm being punished before hand.  Sometimes depending on what it is, he will give me a chance to self correct the mistake.  Often the reason is very self-evident.  It would be easy for him to just not come home from work some evening to teach me a lesson, but I also know he wouldn't do that.  I trust him and the promises we have made to each other.  

One of those promises is that we won't play mind games. PERIOD!  He would NEVER tell me I'm not his slave anymore (i.e., remove his collar) unless he truly meant it--and it would be forever.  He wouldn't dare use it as position to put me in my place, make me prove my submission, which is either evident or not since we do live together, or let his ego get in the way.  And I trust Omega to be a man of his word, a man of integrity and honor.  On the other hand, I have made a similar promise in which I vow to never tell him to leave unless I truly mean for him to go. 

He also makes his ownership fun for me.  When I complete something at work or home, he makes me do something to myself for him.  It only takes a second and then I'm off to the next thing.  It gives me pause.  Even though most days he's a floor above me, he'll send me cryptic text messages only we understand.  It makes it fun.  When I get upset over something he does very specific things to get me talking and bring me into balance.  What is really big is now I'm seeing more and more the need to "be still" without Omega telling me to.  If we pass each other in the hall we send signals.  An arch of an eyebrow, a head nod, a soft smile or even an angry scowl all send a clear signal.  

I sit quietly for a few minutes and ponder whatever is rattling me at that moment.  It helps keep my balance.

Omega said to me that I would have gotten to this point on my own, but I am so quick to add that I also wouldn't have gotten here nearly as fast. 


  1. good post and I know what you mean. For me my balance has recently been having things to keep me busy, but being able to shelf them when my wife wants to alter things. I had plans for the day doing housework and she sent me on an errand instead. When I got back she was not here, so I started to fold and put away some laundry. During that, she came back home and said she was ready to go shopping. I left the laundry and went to the car. For me this is a big change as when I start something, I normally like to finish. I did not feel flustered at all. I recognized the request as superseding my wish to finish putting away the laundry and enjoyed our time shopping together. When we got back, the laundry was still waiting for me and it only took about five minutes to complete.

  2. Very good points... I think since I have just recently resubmitted to my Master, we're still working for that balance. Maybe it's something that you always work at... who knows. I am finding it both easier and harder as time goes on though, it's strange. Easier because I'm becoming accustomed to being a slave again... harder because he is demanding much more from me this time around and there are days when I feel like I just can't do it... but I do... and then it gets easier again.


  3. S-H,

    I have to work hard to curb my resentment when I'm doing something around the house, that needs to be done and I'm close to finishing to drop everything because Omega wants me to do something else, or go somewhere.

    Sometimes I do become very frustrated but in the end it all works out.


  4. spirited one,

    That's the thing about balance, when things are too weighted on one side everything slowly starts to fall. You can't stop it from falling (pesky gravity gets in the way), but you can restore the balance by either talking about it or putting in more effort. The problem is knowing which to do, without becoming overwhelmed.


  5. oh, balance can be SO difficult at times! it's like zen, ino, elusive at most times, but when you find it, for that one moment or two, things are simply so crystal clear that we wonder why we questioned it before. and then, it's gone, and we're back to searching for that moment again.

    You and Omega are so good for each other, and I believe that's the way a relationship should be. There times of sorrow and upset should be outweighed by the times of happiness and peace. The times of drama should be outweighed by the daily routine, even the mundane status of making a home together.

    I see it as a teeter-totter. it takes two working together to make it operate properly so that each can enjoy the ride.

    hugs to you both,

  6. Mouse: It's good to hear that you and Omega are finding balance in your relationship. I hope it continues to work well for both of you because it'll be good for both of you.


  7. cutesypah,

    Very well said and the teeter-totter is particularly apt.


  8. Finding balance,,,I know we often, almost always, speak of our lives and relationships in light of our chosen dynamics. However, there is a need for balance within our dynamic and also with the other demands upon us. The most telling statement to me is your unwillingness to cheapen your commitment by using it as a weapon against each other. Much to ponder here.


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