I went through the weekend following Omega's time management schedule...and damn if it doesn't work! Really I'm kinda amazed, I really never thought it would and now it has me wondering why didn't I ask for his help months ago! I know...
Each morning I can open my "planner" and see exactly what is going on, how long approximately it will take and life is good. Omega's done a lot of that...he's removed the clutter from my world. Not only in my physical world but my mental world as well. He's like a wild man with a broom, clearing out the all those painful dust bunnies deep in the corners of my mind. He's opened my eyes and my heart.
I've been thinking a lot lately about how spirited one looked at destiny in her comment on Friday's post. I've also been thinking about faith and now trust. Omega reminded me over dinner that the two are related to each other. I have all my trust in Omega, and do see that he always has my best interests at heart. It's not he doesn't make mistakes, we all do, and he's made his share. I know I have made a lot of huge mistakes in my life.
Faith or trust doesn't come easy to me and I know my past has everything to do with that. Once you've been conditioned not to respond sexually to anything, it's kinda hard to have normal relationships. Vanilla or otherwise. I still have moments where I mentally retreat from him, my brain goes into a dark place. He understands it, and gives it time because that's the healthy way of dealing with it for me. One of my biggest problems is accepting my flaws and my often my anger with myself in regard to Alpha. Why did I not see it? Why?
I ask why a lot in my blog. I endlessly search for the why, but in real life I rarely use the word, except in a rhetorical way. If Omega comes to me and tells me to do something or write about something I don't ask him why. If something is wrong I will simply ask how to fix it. Sometimes I worry about his motives, but usually briefly. I don't ask why it's wrong. I think often I'm afraid to ask why. Though Omega certainly has done nothing to make me afraid, and I guess it's part of the conditioning.
I do like spirited one's idea of destiny because it fits into my ideas of the cosmic police where people receive a dose of instant karma. I also like it because it better fits into my ideals that my life wasn't determined at my conception but rather a result of good and bad choices I made. The path can always be changed comforts me. It's not all predestined, but rather shaped, and therefore an even expected outcome can be predicted and changed.
I know this isn't the normal weekend wrap-up post from me, but the weekend really was lovely, with lots of laughter. We went to ocean and there is always something healing about the seeing the waves crash against the shore. The haystack rocks standing straight up. The blue of the pacific ocean and the way it looks when the skies finally clear, just before the sun disappears seemingly into the water. Life is a banquet and a journey. I NEVER believed my life could be so full, so wonderful and so amazing...like the planner, if had only known I would have begged Omega into my life years ago!