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Monday, May 2, 2011

Evolution

Good morning,

Last week, Daddy decided to whisk mouse away for a couple days.  We spent some time reconnecting with each other.  It was wonderful.

What would you do if everything you held dear about your dynamic suddenly changed?  

We've gone through a lot changes in the past couple months.  Some have been kinda hard to accept, at least at first, but mouse is good of putting on a brave face.  Knowing sometimes that you have no choice, doesn't make things any easier.  As mouse has lightly mentioned in the past Daddy has issues with sexual addiction.  Now mouse is well aware some people believe, sexual addiction isn't real, or simply some sort of an excuse for bad behavior.  Having seen its effect on Daddy, long before he and mouse were together, mouse would say it is very real.

Slowly, he's come to terms with his triggers and learned to cope with them.   He's gotten himself into a healthy mindset where he can be intimate.  Intimacy is difficult for him to achieve and maintain.   One of the last things he had to accept was that his sadism was preventing genuine intimacy with mouse.  Daddy has since put the sadist away and for the most part even dismantled the basement playroom.   The reason was kinda simple but hard for him to accept, but he realized recently that if he were an alcoholic and continued to lie to himself about drinking he wouldn't heal.  Same was true about his sadistic urges.  He couldn't ignore that he couldn't give in to them.  It led to shaky times for him, explosive moments that made mouse tremble.  It also led mouse to a few times to offer herself to the sadist, which wasn't the smartest thing to do.

There were times during play, his sadistic urges would overrun him and there were times that mouse would be hurt.  Now, he always took excellent care of mouse afterward, but it was the during that concerned him.  Eventually after talking with his therapist and then with mouse he decided to put the sadist side of him away.

Believe it or not, this worried mouse in the beginning but those fears were really unfounded.  He did his work with his therapist and is now in a much better place to guide mouse.  Yes, we still use pain at times to correct mouse, but it's not part of our daily dynamic.  The problem was that mouse enjoyed the crazy scenes and hard play, but she also had to realize these things weren't the best for Daddy anymore.  It was hard to accept that.  It was like all the work he spent bringing all those feelings out, the inner pain slut, and then saying...he made a mistake.  He can't do it anymore because he was worried of harming mouse.  He explained when he was in that place mentally, he couldn't stop himself from causing more pain to mouse -- at least not easily.  For some reason mouse took this very personally, like it was her fault.  He was suddenly changing the game and that scared mouse a lot.  Truthfully she worried that she would see him differently but in time she learned she didn't.

But Daddy assured mouse all along the way and it's taken us time to get used to this new era we began.  Now, he controls mouse with his words and contrary to what mouse thought, those words from him are enough.  He's still very much Daddy and she loves that and maybe the tradeoff was totally worth it because she got something even better than she thought it could be.  He really nurtures mouse now and shows in a very demonstrative way how deeply Daddy cares for his mouse.

Tomorrow, mouse will try to write about how the rituals have evolved.

13 comments:

  1. mouse, that has to have been a major change...and changes are always difficult even when they are ultimately for the best. Changing relationships, in the type of relationship we have, can create even more stress for the submissive partner who has given the control to another. It requires a tremendous amount of trust and acting at times. Or it has for me at least. We've been going through changes ourselves, although the sadism is still there when he needs it. For us it is a conscious choice to increase intimacy, which is wonderful but...different, requiring different things of me and even a different mindset. Ways that i have always pleased him aren't relevant anymore, and finding new ways is not always easy.

    But you seem to have come through it with all the grace and poise you exhibit with every challenge. i admire you, and i admire Omega, for taking such a drastic step for his betterment, and ultimately for the betterment of you, and the relationship itself. Your devotion to each other is shown quite clearly when you describe these kinds of sacrifices made for each other and for you as a couple. It is wonderful to know, and i am so glad for you both!

    *hugs*
    schiava

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  2. wow drastic changes in your dynamic. I'm sure you'll both be happy with whatever dynamic you choose.
    Wishing you the best in your new dynamic! :)
    hugs,
    Alujna

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  3. Mouse, I'm not really sure what to say... but what you said in your post made it sound like this change is the best thing for you both, perhaps. Evolution is scary, but good. I wish you both the best of luck with all you do. I will show this post to my Master, if you don't mind. In some ways, he has similar concerns - he holds back a lot during play because he is afraid he won't be able to control himself if he allows himself too much slack. I wonder if this doesn't have something to do with it (the concern about sadism preventing intimacy). Perhaps it is a similar line of thought for my M... So interesting to ponder. Thank you so much for sharing.

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  4. First of all, thank you for sharing this mouse (and Omega since I'm sure you both talked about this before blogging it). As schiava said, those are pretty major changes, and change is always difficult.

    I'm sure all this must have been very hard for you, but it sounds like you have gotten through it fairly well.

    It's good that you and Omega could get away for a while to spend some time away from the world connecting with each other. Those times are so important, especially (I think) after big changes.

    HUGS

    Alice

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  5. We're not coming at it from the same angle as you and O, but I can identify with "changing the game". I did that to W, after 27 years together. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. It sounds as if this was just that difficult for Omega to do. Change, even beneficial change, is always hard to adjust to. I think you are both very courageous people.

    Hugs.

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  6. Wow, that was...unexpected. It is so great however to read about each new step you two take in your relationship. Mouse is strong, very strong and so is Omega.

    I wish you both all the best as always.

    Till next time, be well =)

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  7. I've never commented on your blog, but I've read quite a bit of it. Omega seems to genuinely care for you and if he's in charge of you, then shouldn't you trust that he has your best interests at heart, even with this new dynamic?

    Good luck with accepting the change!

    Kitty

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  8. Wow... I'm actually surprised you shared this, but I think it's good that you did. I dunno... I always felt like it would end up being good for you both... and I'm so glad you've found peace with it. Seriously... I mean I know things will still be hard sometimes, but the more you both heal from this the better it will get. I'm so happy for you both. K... gonna go cry now. :)

    *hugs*

    turiya

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  9. Now we know how Omega became Daddy! I like Daddy!

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  10. Mouse,

    Thank you for sharing. It's amazing how relationships change and evolve.

    Joss

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  11. Unexpected. You seem to be ok with it, hope that continues and you find new ways to achieve connection

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  12. Hi mouse, it' s a very brave thing to do, to look atwhat one faces in life and decide what is good for you against what you like,its also a loving thing to make changes for someone else. It sounds like you are both finding your way through this together and are reaching a very happy place together. You write about it so positively and with such love.
    Sending, as always , hugs
    HSxx

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  13. schiava - it's sooo hard adjusting the mindset, and can't begin to share the countless hours worrying. In the end, things turned out better than she thought.

    Alujna - thanks

    zelda - some men are just uncomfortable with inflicting pain. Not sure if that's the issue. Daddy would kinda lose his empathy and be overrun.

    Alice - thanks so much, ya Daddy was aware of the post and it was totally wonderful getting away!

    Little monkey - yep...yes!

    NewToThisLife07 - Daddy's stronger ;-)

    Kitty - going to address your comment in a post :-)

    sis - thanks...it's been kinda tough but we're doing much better now.

    Mindset - lmao and yep

    Joss - thanks

    m - we already have and have learned so much about each other.

    A hidden slave - honestly mouse didn't feel so brave...lol. Now much, much more brave!

    Thank you everyone for all your comments and support!

    Hugs,
    mouse

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