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Friday, May 13, 2011

A Formspring Friday

Good morning,

It's weird but Formspring questions come in least it seems that way to mouse and have to admit, mouse is horrible about answering things in a timely manner, so they've kinda stacked up....

You mentioned that your Master is a sex addict. How does that affect your relationship with him?

It's hard to say how it's affected our relationship, because it's mostly subtle.  Yes, it has brought about huge changes in our dynamic, which mouse has discussed most recently here.  One of his biggest issues was with intimacy, which affects a whole bunch of himself.  Years ago he would drive slaves to distraction with his aloofness, yes they loved him but he was incapable of returning that love to them.  He could control them, he could play with them but he refused to love them.  In fact, he believed that loving them limited his ability to effectively punish them if they got out of line.

He also had big sadistic needs, the want of inflicting large amounts of pain...there's always been a leaning toward heavy play.  He loves to push boundaries.  It's odd but most of these come from that fear of intimacy, which includes the objectification of women.   Now, mouse understands that she writes and often speaks in the third person...who knows that might change in the future.  But for him it's not about objectification but more about being pleasing to him.  He likes the way mouse writes and uses the third person speech as fluidly as those using "I" often do.

There came a time in life where Daddy didn't want to be tied to anyone and that led him down the road to use prostitutes.  He spent a lot of money on his hired help.

As in control Daddy strives to be in his life, he slowly realized that his life was spiraling out of control.  He was losing touch with everything and driven by these desires he had a hard time understanding.  He would blow off friends, family, even his child to "sate his needs."

It was during that time that he and mouse drifted apart only to reconnect years later and eventually mouse saw that he had changed his whole attitude about everything.  He's healthy now and balanced.  He can't look at porn of any kind that involves BDSM, which is also why he doesn't follow many blogs.  When he makes a realization like the one recently that he needed to put his Sadism behind him, he just did it.

How does this affect mouse?  Well, for the most part it doesn't really because mouse can accept that our life needs certain things  and things, which are harmful are forbidden.  The trick we both had to learn was not make anyone else responsible for his "sobriety," and that it must come from only him.  It's hard to do that when you love someone and see them maybe starting to slide.  We have things in place to prevent that from happening, kinda like a relationship safeword.

Now, mouse knows this might not be a full answer to the question but does hope it was enough.


  1. I didn't ask the question, mouse, but I have wondered the same. Thank you for the informative answer.


  2. I've wondered the same thing but thought it would be painful to answer which is why I've never asked. Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm happy you two have things worked out. Being a sex addict in a D/s relationship must be like being an alcoholic bartender at times; unimaginably hard.

  3. As one who has struggled with addiction myself, I have to take my hat off to both of you. It takes a lot of courage for a man to face his demons this way. And just as much courage for you to support him so well mouse. I wish you both continued success.

  4. Just found your blog and am loving it!


  5. Mouse,
    I admire people who can just make a snap decision and say I'm not going to do it anymore.
    It's not at all easy. I know. But they make it seem so easy.



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