Mire before epiphany

Good morning,

Yesterday, it would seem mouse hit a wall of sorts, mentally.  Just found herself feeling super vulnerable. Now these moments hardly ever happen when Daddy's home, always when he's working.  And as luck would have it, it was an important work day for him.  Still, always making time he called to suggest that mouse meet him for lunch in his office.  Well, that was the message he left on the machine.

Instead, mouse pretended to be out.  Yes, something deep was troubling her and she knew what it was and why it was disturbing, but wasn't ready to talk to Daddy about it.  Isn't that always really the way?   Maybe it's true with most slaves, deep down they know exactly but they just can't bring themselves to say it out loud to their Dom, which is wrong but still true.  There's been this anonymous commenter on a blog mouse frequents and the comments were very disturbing.  In the end this person claimed -- do not really understand why they felt the strong need to justify their presence on her blog -- to be writing a paper for a class on modern-day slavery.

It got mouse thinking, did this person come to mouse's blog?  Were mouse's writings part of this anonymous person's research?  This individual obviously missed something profound about the lifestyle, anonymous wrongly assumed that every Master/slave relationship must be about pain.  Well, mouse can actually forgive that and it's a pity they felt that way, but there are those who truly crave pain and need to feel it, another point likely missed by anonymous.  This as true today as it was a few thousand years ago as well documented throughout history.

What really disturbed mouse was when this anonymous person outlined the reasons for the lifestyle being just wrong, are the exact reasons why we often can't share it with others and be out in the open about it all.

This anonymous person could have been guests at our home over the weekend.  They could watch mouse serving people and it made mouse wonder, could they tell?  It led really to mouse being extra quiet with people and it raised her anxiety.  Of course she made sure people were having a good time, drinks were filled the food passed around, etc.  Did people have mouse under a microscope?  Did they have a clue?

What did people really think, if they found mouse's blog would they leave her nasty comments?  Maybe they do, but Daddy refuses to publish them.

When Daddy came home from work, he found his drink waiting for him and mouse served him dinner shortly after that.  But still remained quiet, save for apologizing for her phone troubles.  He knew, of course that there was more but didn't press the issue until it was time for evening rituals.

During the rituals Daddy asked mouse in that direct fashion exactly what was bothering her and she told much of what she said above.  He didn't chastise mouse for not saying what she was feeling earlier and rather understood why mouse was mired in self-doubt.  Then he said something he told mouse that everyone wants to feel special and that was likely what most people see when they Daddy and mouse together or many of the other faceless couples who actively participate in our lifestyle.

The epiphany was that this anonymous person was only a kid, a student -- will assume in college -- but a kid nonetheless with a very black/white view of the world.  Young, idealistic and full of opinion but severely lacking any kind of grace that comes with age and experience.  In the end, they gave up a little too much of themselves, in a benign effort for further bolster their case and that was their personal undoing.