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Friday, March 30, 2012

We get to carry each other

Greetings from mouse,

While Omega was away, mouse spent a good deal of time pondering her relationship with him.  Since pain is no longer part of it, mouse finds herself very perplexed.  At times she feels anger toward him, he worked hard to unleash the painslut from deep within her.  Only to take it from her later.  The anger backs up and mouse is left feeling neglected that her newer discovered needs simply aren't being met.  

Omega remains mindful of this.  But admittedly, there isn't anything he can do about it either.  Save for listening as mouse explained or tried to gather her thoughts.  If there is one single thing that mouse needs to keep in mind, Omega really does care about her happiness.  Sometimes, mouse forgets that part.  

Sadly, words often fail mouse when she needs to express herself to him.  Writing it out helps her to organize them in a meaningful way.  At least, that's her hope.  It's hard for her to set aside the emotions.  Part of her does want to verbally bash him and lash out angerly.  Still those harsh feelings are tempered by him and the way only he can pull mouse back in line and sometimes with just look.  He will often tell mouse that her feelings are valid, something that irritates mouse to no end.  

Of course mouse understands that her feelings are valid!  The idea that Omega feels she needs to hear it, causes her to bristle...that he would appease her by saying that or worse be so openly condescending, or arrogant to imply that she needs him to explain that her own "feelings" however strong, jaded or misapplied are valid!  When mouse pointed it out to him, he smirked for a moment, then quieted, asking plainly, "What should you have me do?"

"Make it right!" mouse screamed at him, "Fix it!"

We stood in silence for several minutes it seemed, mouse's plea still hanging in the air.

Then, she ran into his arms and Omega enveloped her in a tight embrace.  He can't fix this and mouse knows it.  The anger ebbing away from her and remorse filling her.  How could she be so cruel -- none of this is his fault.  If anything he tries too hard and so does mouse.

The simple truth is he's broken no vow, in fact remained steadfast to them, taking them very seriously.  And his feelings are just as valid.  

So very sorry Sir, for being so passive/aggressive lately.  



song selection: One; U2

12 comments:

  1. While they can't fix everything the tight embrace often does the trick to calm me.

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    Replies
    1. Yea, the tight hug does help...

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  2. My mouse,

    My solemn vows remain unaltered. I promised to love, respect, and above all else protect you from 'all harm' that could befall you.

    Did you believe those words did not include to protect you from myself? In "validating" your emotions, I am also admitting that I have caused you anguish.

    We need to put this behind us and continue moving forward.

    Unconditionally,
    Omega

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    Replies
    1. Really Sir your mouse hadn't thought of it that way. Natually, she was just thinking selishly about herself. You are right Sir, mouse needs to stop and we need do need to move forward.

      Will you please Sir, help mouse find her way?

      Yours,
      m

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    2. slave,

      I would never accuse you of having 'selfish' thoughts. We are blazing a new trail. I want you to consider what you told me many years ago now, before you began journalling your thoughts. What were your needs then?

      Unconditionally,
      O

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  3. I loved this post its got me doing some self reflecting which is a good thing i think.

    Im not good with emotions, expressing them that is i tend to hide them away which continually frustrates Master as he says he wants, needs to know what im thinking and feeling its important to him and therefore should be to me.

    Reading this and Omega's reply has given me pause for thought, a perspective i hadnt considered.

    best wishes
    tori x

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    Replies
    1. Sooo not good with them either...unless you count ignoring them...

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  4. Just wanted to pop in and offer some support. Loved this post and reading the comments between you and Omega. His remark here: "In "validating" your emotions, I am also admitting that I have caused you anguish. " says so much.

    Best to both of you!

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  5. mouse; Omega -- The two of you continue to help me, and then "us" by the honesty of your life and struggles together. There is much of this that I could have written; if only I could find the words.

    Thank you and good wishes.
    swan

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    Replies
    1. swan,

      Well, mouse thinks you do a pretty good job. :-)

      Thank you so much!!

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  6. i think you two are inspirational, although i suspect it's a lot more comfortable to read the relationship work you're doing than it is to live it.

    Thinking of you often,

    aisha

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