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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

The "s" Words

What defines mouse? Truthfully, this has been a topic which many times mouse has tried to cover. It seems to change over the years. Yes, mouse most closely identifies as a consensual slave. And we can get into the all the definitions (both lifestyle and traditional) and argue semantics. Submission means to submit. Slavery (within the context of the lifestyle) more or less means to completely submit. The other "s" really has to do with struggles, specifically submissive or slave struggles with control and fear.

One of the biggest issues in the blog world deals with submission. Submission is described as hard, even elusive to some. Often people will remark about how mouse can submit to Daddy so completely. When mouse replies that she finds it kinda easy to, there's this pause...like mouse is a 'super slave,' or something.

Really that's not the case, but it seems that many people have an issue with control. Even submissives and slaves -- sometimes we just feel there are things we can do better, so we rationalize or justify the control. Most times when mouse looks back on her relationship with Daddy the need to control stemmed from fear.

Early on in our relationship, mouse had nightmares and an unhealthy fear of sex that she tried to control and keep from Daddy. He won't notice that mouse has nightmares if she offers him oral sex as an  unexpressed apology for waking him. Of course he won't know it's an apology blow job because....well it's a blow job!

In mouse's very pretzel-twisted mind, this made perfect sense to her. Lubricants can be used and he'll never notice it either.

All this was wrapped up in a whole lot of fear. Would he leave? Would he be angry? Would he think she's really too messed up? Could he handle the truth?

What happened was, Daddy in possession of at least half a brain, knew mouse was having nightmares, and knew she had issues surrounding love-making. They were pretty damn obvious. He would try to get her to open up about it, but eventually he gave up. When mouse had a nightmare, his reaction would be to ignore it, then mouse wouldn't need to try to explain or offer the blowjob and we could get back to sleep faster.

Still mouse believed that she was controlling the situation, but really the fear was controlling her actions.

Now you can replace her situation with just about anything that makes you feel the need to control a situation or try to change an outcome. Seriously, go on...Instead of nightmares and sex...replace it with whatever fears are personal to you. But also, ask yourself this...What's the worst case scenario? Feeling in control can give you a false sense of security -- this is true for anyone who controls out of fear.  It should also be remembered that Dominant types control should mostly come from the pleasure they feel when control their sub/slave -- NOT at all from any type of fear on their part.  

Let's be sure, keeping secrets or being afraid takes much energy. Eventually mouse buckled under the pressure and spilled the story to Daddy. What happened? He calmly assured mouse everything would be fine, then began doing research on mouse's issues. But in that process of facing her fears, for the first time in like EVER, mouse slept the whole night! It wasn't the same for Daddy tho -- he couldn't sleep a wink.

By morning however he was a man with a plan and began working on mouse to better understand her issues, and recondition her. A byproduct of that was mouse also learned that giving up control and fear wasn't so terrifying. The more she released, the freeer she felt. Slowly she began, with his encouragement, mouse began to face other fears. Each time she felt more empowered. Happier and more content.

In the end mouse learned that she could trust Daddy with strong emotions and fears, and as time has passed mouse has learned to give up more and more of her personal control and has been greatly rewarded with feeling so much more content and happy. It's had a healing effect on almost every facet of her life. It didn't happen over-night but in little baby steps that turned into traveling miles!

After spending years grappling with these issues, it's a huge relief not to struggle anymore. But more important it's recognizing that while Daddy assisted in facilitating the changes, the real work was done by mouse!!

Something to be proud of!


7 comments:

  1. More and more times, I read blog posts that speak to me...
    I truly enjoy reading your posts mouse and I'm glad you are still posting because your post today really hit a spot for me.

    I struggle with keeping secrets from my "H" most of the time and ALL of the time they are fear based.

    I too have nightmares, but of different things and most of the time I have night time anxiety.

    Sometimes my "H" will try to hold my face and tell me to just "sleep" and he will rub my back or neck, hoping it will ease me into sleep.

    I often let him do it and end up closing my eyes and drifting until he tires and falls asleep himself...
    Then, I'm left there awake and beginning to feel in a panic.

    In the past, I have gone outside and just sat on my front porch.. in ALL types of weather even. Sometimes to just shock myself out of it.

    I am new to trying to become more submissive to my "H", and I can only hope to find the strength and peace it can give me when I can truly be open with "H" and just learn to lean on Him...

    Anyways - To overcome that all is really something for you to be proud of mouse!
    :)


    -Emi

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  2. I think mouse and this is just my opinion that you speak with a wealth of experience behind you and thats what draws people in, personally speaking its why i feel comfortable writing my little essays here..not sure if that makes sense.

    I will put my hand up and admit that i struggle with this concept of consensual slavery, i know im happiest when im controlled and i thrive on it so why the hell do i fight it so much? i desperatley want answers to why im like i am, im impatient and i want it to all come together now! but it doesnt work like that i think.

    Reading your blog has helped me to realise that.

    I like reading of your interactions with Omega, (so im selfishly pleased you are posting once again).

    x


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  3. Sorry im back!

    I have been thinking about this post and the aspect of fear. I wander if a lot of fear subs/slaves have is the fear of 'losing themselves'?, i mean like i get scared and have these irrational worries of what will happen if he leaves me, how will i manage when i have become so dependent on him and the very fact that im dependent on him scares me and i want desperatley to retain some control.

    I also fear that i trust him so completley that i occassionally want to test the boundries to be assurred he wont leave me.

    Do you think thats a natural part of slavery/submission?

    x

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  4. Thank you mouse for sharing a bit about how you got to be who you are today - it is a bit of work, it turns out. Being submissive starts out sounding so nice, like oh, I won't have to do anything - but it is kind of actually, the complete opposite. Still nice, but not as passive as one might imagine.

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  5. As usual, mouse, after reading your post I feel wiser and better informed. You are very good at describing your own thoughts and feelings in a way that can be understood by a rather literal-minded guy like me.

    My wife is not a submitter and doesn't want to be. She has no conception of the relief that submitting (not necessarily to someone but simply letting go of control) can give.

    I have recently been wondering just how much control we do have over our lives. You know there is a school of thought that teaches No free will. Maybe you have come across it. I often wonder, are we really in control of our lives, or do they just happen, while we misguidedly think we are doing it all? You must have come across the Buddhist teaching, "Events happen; deeds are done; but there is no doer thereof." What do you make of that, mouse?

    I don't really expect you to answer that in your comments section, but I may ask you in the formspring part later because I want to know your thoughts on it, since you are one of the most intelligent and articulate of the writers of D/s blogs.

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  6. Dear Mouse,

    Thank you for sharing your story!

    hugs,

    aisha

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