Full Tilt Objectification part 2

Yesterday, mouse wrote about her punishment or weekend of hell as she likes to call it. Now just a little matter, many loyal readers might have felt a tad put off that we didn't allow comments; rest assured the comments are back today. It's true the punishment left mouse feeling more than a little vulnerable and worried about how her readers might react. Also, didn't really care to hear the old standards, "my master would never do that" or the oldie but goodie, "you don't punish those people you love -- it's sad you don't understand you're being abused."

Straight onto mouse's thoughts:

Aside from the obvious, "you've got to be joking...no, wait! You're serious?!" once the punishment was laid out, mouse began to comprehend she was indeed in deep trouble. Oddly the punishment, while very reminiscent of her past owner; those were the good days back then! The worst times with Daddy were the best days with the previous owner.  At one point over the weekend mouse became rather lost in that thought.  Trying to recall if those "good times" were really that bad and it shocked her to think yes, they were.

The complete and utter remorse she felt,  even when she began the confession that led her down that path -- well, lets be honest her fate was sealed when she willfully disregarded his rules -- admitting them gained her no favor.  The sadness of knowing that she let Daddy down in a very serious way.  It was maddening....how stupid she was, was the recurring theme.  Meditation brought no relief but much clarity.

Sucking him, feeling him inside her mouth was often the hardest.  Hoping that she was demonstrating how much and deeply she loves him.  And the blank realization that she could have shown him that love by not breaking rules in the first place.  The only kindness he demonstrated to mouse as allowing her to pump her breasts (which makes sense since he didn't to diminish the supply -- BabyGirl still nurses a few times a day).  But even that -- he placed the pump to her breast and turned it on and didn't allow her to touch it.

Yet, throughout the punishment, during the daytime hours especially mouse also felt that this odd sense of calm about her.  There was this great sense that she was suffering for a reason that seemed to calm her.  Except at night when he was very cool and aloof toward her.  When he took her sexually and basically it felt as though she were being tossed aside after (he would even go as far as to wipe his penis off on her thigh after) and then roll over and promptly fall asleep.

Sunday morning she felt herself begin to crack under the pressure and eventually she shattered completely in his study.  It was moments before that, it hit her, not that she had been bad before or good at accepting her punishment thus far -- It was that what if this continued beyond today...Could she handle daily indifference, non-commital ways?  Even if she could deal with that the aloofness at night was too much to bear.  And yet during the daytime hours she missed so much his gentleness with her.  The way his hand felt brushing against hers or the way he can overpower her with a gaze or kiss.  The expressiveness of his eyes when she'd say something he'd find shocking...or downright bawdy.

People would often wonder how we were together.  Omega, they'd say, is such a cold person -- he's intimidating and aloof.  And mouse never saw that.  What she always saw was the man with sparkle in his eyes that lit up -- He said once they would only ignite when mouse was near.  Maybe that was true and maybe she's destroyed all that with her foolishness?

At that point mouse wasn't capable of thinking clearly and certainly couldn't discern that soon the children would be home.  Like a crazy woman mouse began to think in the most irrational of ways.  What if he kept them from her?  What if she hurt him so horribly our relationship completely disintegrated around us, like salt in warm water?

When she begged and pleaded for it all end and that she truly was sorry, mouse was nearly beside herself and clearly over-wrought and over stimulated by the thoughts that overwhelmed her.  The fears she let get so deeply inside her.

Without words, he simply ended it.  Although mouse isn't completely sure, she was giddy with joy she might have kissed his shoes.  When he helped her upstairs he held onto her tightly to let her know that he was indeed there.

A power exchange relationship is an odd thing for people on the outside to understand.  To understand the shear magnitude of trust on both sides of the exchange -- is to understand the punishment mouse endured.  It is, was and always shall be completely consensual.  But beyond consent, there lay an expectation that if something goes awry, measures will be taken to restore the balance.

In the end That Thing We Do is unique if only to us and deeply precious.  It's something he learned a while back not to squander or take for granted.  And mouse can suppose it was her turn to learn that same lesson.  Because the biggest part she did takeaway from all this was that our relationship doesn't need to be like this at all.  It is because at the core we really do wish it to be.