It's a fascinating thing to mouse at times, how times have changed. How people see TTWD. How it's viewed from the outside lens. It's often seen through a prism of personal experience and baggage. It's filtered that way though the eyes of the viewer. Lately, there's been an odd influx of books and media talking about how women are seizing control. Men, it seems, no longer understand how to behave -- should they rush ahead of a woman to open the door for her, or do they assume that she's perfectly capable of doing it herself. And there are times when the woman might even yell at the guy -- for doing what is essentially the right thing.
Socially too, women are far more outspoken and openly boss around their husbands or partners. And it's odd to mouse because Daddy has never bossed mouse around in a public setting. Even privately when it's just he and mouse -- she rarely feels bossed around by him.
Sin wrote an interesting post that you can read here, about a party she went to -- that mouse can only assume wasn't a lifestyle thing. Now this is exactly the type of post that would certainly spark a conversation between Daddy and mouse. Unfortunately he's not here.
In the past, people have left the most insensitive comments on this blog regarding our relationship -- many don't make it passed Daddy and nearly all were anonymous. There are people reading this blog who feel that mouse is in some sort of danger because of the nature of our relationship. They feel it's wrong that Daddy has any control over mouse at all and that she would consider doing 5 things each day for him or sleep with him inside her mouth during the night.
They want to "save" mouse from what they feel is demeaning or just outright wrong to them.
There are things we do that mouse doesn't even write about because she doesn't want invite trouble or worry at times. These things, for us, are perfectly fine. Even when mouse writes about being in her own mental bubble and liking it -- the vitriol has come out. When she writes about the "news" upsetting or avoiding it all together. When she wrote once about not worrying about watching it...that Daddy would filter it for her. If she had any questions she could simply ask him about it. The comments that remark generated were horrible. Still Daddy has a way of explaining the scary stuff that goes on in the world to mouse, so it doesn't seem quite as bad or negative. He's forever reminding mouse that news "hypes" things to boost ratings. Even the teasers they show..."Is there a food you're eating that can kill you?...Find out at Eleven." They prey on your fears so that you'll watch. Daddy demonstrated it once by "googling" a teaser story and found no where else was it being discussed. If it were really serious, he said to mouse, other people would be talking about it. If there was a food indiscriminately killing people the media would be talking about it.
Even the term consensual slave brings out feelings in some people. Mockery mostly. How can a woman submit to a man...how could a woman willingly surrender to a man...How could a woman stand to be subjugated by a man -- to be under his authority in all things and even subjected to his discipline. They don't see it as loving. But they can walk around with their husband's balls in their purse and swing them around whenever they please.
So why is seen now as ok for a woman to boss around a man she's intimate with? Why is it ok or somehow acceptable for this to happen? When mouse married Daddy and told her friends a few gave her advice on "training him properly." Why doesn't this apply her relationship with Daddy? Why can't she say to people we know that she loves serving him?
What they don't understand is that deep down, mouse longs for him to clip her wings. To keep her safe so she can never fly away from far from him.
Song selection: Attics of My Life; R. Hunter and J Garcia
What they don't understand is that deep down, mouse longs for him to clip her wings. To keep her safe so she can never fly away from far from him.
Song selection: Attics of My Life; R. Hunter and J Garcia
25 comments:
Well said!
I used to have a friend like those women...The friendship didn't end well.
I have often wondered at the discrepancy you question here--why ttwd is so abhorrent to some, yet it seems perfectly acceptable for a woman to order a man around...
And just..."But they can walk around with their husband's balls in their purse and swing them around whenever they please."
Lmao, that's awesome.
i have no words (you sum it up beautifully) other than to say, perfectly put. :)
I relish your thoughts; I also look forward to returning home and discussing this with you then. I am pleased you journaled these thoughts, I understand your reticence to publish whilst I am away.
I miss you deeply.
Unconditionally,
O
There are a few things here you mentioned which are reasons why im struggling with blogging my thoughts...others perceptions...(i know that shouldnt matter)
I think it is very easy from the outside looking in to 'see' and interpret these 'types' of relationships as unhealthy...i need saving as well according to a few comments i have had in the past lol, and i could try to reason and explain but im becoming more convinced that its pointless.
Sometimes i wish i could be more open about my relationship in a vanilla context, because although i know its healthy and we are happy, i feel like 'hiding' it is something to be ashamed of and im not.
x
Well said mouse! I personally don't understand why people feel the need to tear down those with whom they disagree or misunderstand. Hope Omega will be back to you soon
P
mouse,
I find that I cannot share some of my experiences because they are too intense for some readers.
I am bafaled by vanilla people, both men and women who want to dominate their partner in a domineering way. Ugh.
What you have with Omega is very special and awesome.
Enjoy what you have, the naysayers do not understand the special nature of the deep connection you have with Omega.
Just do it and enjoy the connection.
Hug,
joey
I really loved reading this post mouse. There is so much freedom in control even if for some that seems counter-intuitive. I admire your dedication to your Daddy and I hope one day to be able to give mine a similar level of submission.
ava x
Submission freely given is freedom, of course. That's what is misunderstood.
Myself, I think the bossy-woman that you depict, mouse, is a reaction from centuries of paternalism and cruelty to women. I'm not sure that the pendulum is not slowing down and perhaps even starting to swing in the opposite direction these days; of course it depends where you live in the world. See my post here with an article ending with that unfamiliar phrase "pre-islamic ignorance".
Now as to fearing the bad news: yes, Omega is very right in pointing out that bad news is what people want to read and that is the reason it is preponderant. Why is it preferred? I can only guess, but perhaps it's because of a lack of drama in their own lives? Or they want to reassure themselves that they are good, safe, happy, by contrast. And we also have to realise that this world can never be free of evil; as long as there is good, there will be evil. As long as there is joy, there will be sorrow. It's how the world is constructed, it seems. I guess it's pretty well balanced, but we hear more about the evil and the sorrow for the aforementioned reasons.
I think that sometimes people feel we should all be the same - and they criticize what they don't know. Or something like that. I do understand what you are saying here. And maybe I don't know the answers.
-sin
Thank you, mouse for this post. i feel that having lived for so many years as the woman who had her man's balls in her purse to where we are today i can understand the reaction from some, especially women; not all women, but in looking back at some of the conversations i'd shared with those i knew, even in churches. i know for myself that having the control i had in the relationship made me feel a frustration and sadness that showed in my actions and attitude; i felt insecure and in a way not cared for because Sir responded within our relationship as he was expected to by societal conforms. What has taken place over the past two years has brought each of us a peace that i cannot fully explain. He is the man i needed to so i could be what He needs in me, and many times i hear from those who know us He is the type of man they want to clone. Yet i know that what i will be sharing in my own writing over time i expect will most likely draw criticism and what you described. i have read this a lot from bloggers and i will have to be careful what i do write although Sir tells me not to worry what anyone else thinks. i wish the naysayers could just understand that mutual needs are being met consistently and that there is contentment within the relationship.
i've already rattled on. i just want to end letting you know how much i appreciate what you share; your posts have been an inspiration to me and have started several important conversations between Sir and I. Thank you.
lil,
Yes! Our friendships have cooled a lot. Some have mentioned that they like the way we are...
Totally don't understand why it seems ok for the opposite to be true.
Hugs,
mouse
LM
thanks so much!
Daddy -- it goes without saying how much and badly you're missed! Until mouse saw you published a post in the draft folder ;-)
Love you always (regardless),
mouse
tori,
Of course, it shouldn't matter...but it does...and it's hard to keep saying that TTWD shouldn't be the same as the thing YOU do.
It is totally hard balancing the vanilla side with other parts...Especially when it starts feeling fake.
Once mouse posted (when she had fb) that Daddy gave her a necklace...
The comments...went beyond, "pretty" or "How sweet" and ranged into the area that somehow mouse had trained him to give her gifts. .yanno the generic "You taught him well."
He laughed when he saw it, on fb and but remarked in a way that was construed to be very chauvinistic.
Which led to some banter and thumbs up from guys who know us...
It was the ONLY time mouse ever mentioned anything on FB that was that personal.
And it did lead to her leaving fb all together (after downloading all her images that she didn't want to lose).
Hugs,
mouse
Pocahontas Smith,
Thanks so much! And ya mouse doesn't understand it ether...
Hugs,
mouse
joey!!!
YES! Dominate their partner in a domineering way!!!! OMG that's PERFECT!
And yea, mouse hate feeling like she must edit herself too.
Hugs,
mouse
Ava...
Thanks for the lovely comment...It's just about being pleasing the way they want us to be -- and not the way everyone else is. You'll find what works for you and filter the rest.
Hugs,
mouse
Malcolm...
The pendulum is swinging the other way...And there's no doubt things will eventually balance out. At least she hopes that people will learn to just work together.
You're totally right about the news too. Can't explain how it makes mouse feel...hopeless maybe? Depressed?
Dunno...
It just causes mouse too much worry and Daddy said it's not worth the anxiety it causes.
Thanks for your comments and your perspective!
Hugs,
mouse
Well, neither does mouse, sin. It's hard and sometimes mouse wonders if some are jealous or something of the closeness...
Dunno. It's hard, but thanks for writing such a thought provoking post. Like mouse said it was totally something that would prompt a discussion between Daddy and mouse...but since he's not here...mouse figured she'd discuss it with her friends!
Hugs,
mouse
Jacquie,
No! Your thoughts here echo so clearly what mouse has heard from other women...a few she knows in real life. And mouse does believe that many women do want and crave their husband to step up and take some control from them. Maybe not all control but at least some.
It's hard for mouse to see it since her two biggest relationships were both TPE types, but when she dated other men...she hated the ones that didn't have a plan or didn't seem to...yanno?
Hugs,
mouse
This is a gorgeous post, mouse. And I don't worry much about what people's perceptions are. I know from reading your words, and from the way Omega speaks of and to you that there is a love so strong that it would confound those people.
They do not understand that while you serve Omega, Omega also serves mouse. They do not understand about selflessness and loving unconditionally. They believe we are subjugated because we submit. They equate Dominance with domineering. I have lived with domineering men. I have been subjugated. I have been stifled. With Ward I have more freedom than I have ever known. I have a contentment that I never believed could exist. And for the first time in my life, I feel love in a way I can believe.
So let them talk, mouse, we are the lucky ones.
(((hugs)))
Feel free to NOT publish this comment. I know I'm late in commenting but I've been thinking about this for a while, but I don't know that the time I spent thinking about it will help me be any more clear.
Lets, for just a moment, take bdsm/ttwd off the table and think back to the 1950's where it was the woman's "place" to be at home and the husband was naturally the HOH. There was a lot of respect. The women knew their place, as well as the men.
Fast foreword to now and when you have the same dynamic, it's labeled "ttwd" which is fine, but then it's looked down upon and wrongly judged by some.
You take marriage and break it down to the very basics (dare I say before women's lib) and its a less intense version if ttwd.
What works for some may not work for others. The relationship you have with Omega is beautiful and how tragic that "friends" can't see that. Maybe if more people would really see relationships like yours and maybe try to implement a little bit of it in their relationships the divorce rate wouldn't be so high.
(This is getting long so I'll hurry) my cousin in law was complaining because her hubby asked her to make him a sandwich. So told him to fix it himself because there was nothing wrong with his hands. This baffles me. Ttwd or not, it's about respect and common courtesy.
As far as as comments, it never ceases to amaze me the audacity of some. I would never post a comment on someone's blog offering to "save" them or tell them their life style is wrong.
I know this is all over the map, bit I warned you at the beginning it would likely not make sense. Lol
Oh June!
You're so right we are the lucky ones. We are so desperately lucky. Honestly, your comment here made mouse cry. Daddy sent a message saying that you'd left a very special comment and he wasn't kidding.
Hugs,
mouse
st,
Thank you so much for your comments! Really they mean a lot to mouse. You're right if this were another era, no one would think twice. We've gained so much but it seems like we've lost a little too.
Really don't know why the divorce rate is so high...Is just because people see marriage as something that can be tossed away like the old iPod that doesn't work? Read an article recently that many women in their late thirties and forties have been filing divorce more often than men...Dunno what to think.
Respect (mostly playful sarcasm aside) and mutual respect are very important. So are good arguments and making up afterward...
And truly forgetting all about it.
Hugs,
mouse
Nice. I don't practice the lifestyle, but I am in awe that it can work and does work. With work I imagine. Thank you.
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