The weekend seems to fly by, but today is weird bonus day due to nasty weather. Sir went into the office for a while but was home early and later asked that mouse blog a little and provided a topic, what slavery means to mouse.
So after sitting for a long time pondering the question (in between other things), mouse came up with this....
It's whatever Sir decides it is and it's not about what mouse wants really. Of course this has been said many times before this point, and it wasn't like mouse was just simply paying a bit of lip service to Sir. Yet as mouse considered it, really pondered it, she began to realize how heavy those words must feel to Sir. He decides. It's all really on him. Everything all the time, he's driving the bus.
Yet, he wants it this way, at least 99% of the time, the hard part is knowing when he doesn't or might need support or just be allowed to let go of something. That's why mouse often takes cues from him about what's expected of her. It's why she took some control back and moved the house. It's why she waits before dressing to see if Sir has a preference and then if he doesn't, mouse picks something that totally falls within what he'd want anyway.
But what does slavery mean to mouse? Guess the answer that keeps circling is it doesn't mean a thing -- it's actually about him and what he wants, what he needs and he gets to define the term anyway he wishes. It can change, day to day, week to week or year to year...It's for mouse to adapt and bend to his wish. It's not so one-sided that mouse's needs aren't met, because they are. Yin/yang, and all that. His control, and mouse's need to be controlled fits together nicely. Like puzzle pieces fitting together. They have to slide easily into place and can't be forced, otherwise the picture doesn't come out.
It doesn't matter what the picture is of, if you just try to ram in pieces it won't come out but when you take the time and look at each carefully, you find they do fit together.
Yet, he wants it this way, at least 99% of the time, the hard part is knowing when he doesn't or might need support or just be allowed to let go of something. That's why mouse often takes cues from him about what's expected of her. It's why she took some control back and moved the house. It's why she waits before dressing to see if Sir has a preference and then if he doesn't, mouse picks something that totally falls within what he'd want anyway.
But what does slavery mean to mouse? Guess the answer that keeps circling is it doesn't mean a thing -- it's actually about him and what he wants, what he needs and he gets to define the term anyway he wishes. It can change, day to day, week to week or year to year...It's for mouse to adapt and bend to his wish. It's not so one-sided that mouse's needs aren't met, because they are. Yin/yang, and all that. His control, and mouse's need to be controlled fits together nicely. Like puzzle pieces fitting together. They have to slide easily into place and can't be forced, otherwise the picture doesn't come out.
It doesn't matter what the picture is of, if you just try to ram in pieces it won't come out but when you take the time and look at each carefully, you find they do fit together.
Hi mouse,
ReplyDeleteGosh, you got my attention with talk of puzzle pieces. I do think that there is a yin/yang situation with the ideal couples. Even someone who is really quite codependent can have a happy life with someone who is a narcissist in the extreme. There's a deep bond there, maybe not ideal in most people's eyes, but a deep bond that will, most likely, last a lifetime. If it works for them then, enough said.
My thinking for some months has been about 'what am I really? Where is my natural fit on the scale?' I can happily be 'the doll', can happily follow, can happily give up all the reins... so maybe that puts me on the furthest end of the spectrum requiring a +5 with which to dance. I contemplated this for years actually.
But, about me, and my husband has said this for 40 years, I do require a certain amount of personal autonomy and I do require respectful interaction and a strong sense of affection/love through any interaction/relationship. I think I'm mostly comfortable, day by day and minute by minute in the -2 or maybe -3 catetory with pleasure found in the totally giving up all personhood category on particular occasions. So, someone with that same sensibility is a perfect puzzle fit for me.
We have worked at this in my marriage, moving things around a little to be perfect puzzle pieces for one another. In a committed relationship there will be some manoeuvring of the pieces before the pieces will fit perfectly. Your personhood shines through when it needs to; that is, you let your instincts guide you. I think this is exactly as it should be. In loving relationships we allow each other to be who we naturally are. When BOTH people do this, nothing could possibly be wrong. There is mutual respect.
Great post Mouse, interesting to read your perspective and you have me pondering. Thank you :)
ReplyDeleteHugs
Roz