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Friday, January 6, 2017

Thoughts Meander Like a Restless Wind

Here we are again, sipping coffee and pondering, always pondering the endless thoughts that circle the mind.  For right now calling him Sir feels better than Daddy.  Can't really explain why, except that it's a little more formal which is probably mouse needs as she readjusts to being his slave-wife again.  

Life is really give and take, sometimes you take a little more than you give, but later you might give more, so there's a sense of balance to it all.  It's not that mouse stopped being his slave, she didn't, but it seems he was unable to dominate her the way he was used to.  Not that it mattered at all to mouse, but coupled with the distance it was beyond simply difficult.

How far could we bend before we break?  When mouse on the spur-of-the-moment decided to pack up and move Sir was pleased his girl was so stubborn.  He's said that more than once.  Still it's been difficult and stressful but somehow we're managing and trying to get back to where were before.  Yet things feel so different.  Almost foreign, in a way like mouse is on sojourn or just visiting.

Last night Sir summoned mouse to the totally familiar study to discuss demerits.  There weren't many, in fact mouse pointed out one, somewhat significant, he'd missed.  He leaned back in his chair and pondered that for a moment or three, and then decided to forgo punishment this week.  Obviously he's not ready he explained.  He had hoped it was switch being flipped into the "on" position but its not that simple.  Life isn't like that.  Sir did want mouse to look over again her expectations and he did also, there's effort being made and he was careful to point out that mouse hadn't done anything wrong -- this is just him for now.

Sir was very reassuring -- he said that right now he's lost in his own head still feeling his energies are still much divided and admitted he wasn't sure how long that would last. It's too soon to start discussing future things since we're stuck with still dealing with the past and present.  Instead he led mouse into the family room, and we cuddled on the sofa and watched a movie.  Then he whispered into mouse's ear that he needed her to suffer maybe just a little bit.  Of course, hearing that mouse's pulse began to race and he reached his fingers between her legs rubbing the soft moist areas, while saying for her to keep her hands behind her neck and fingers laced.

He edged mouse slowly and just when she was ready to explode he stopped, resumed the movie, and directed mouse to suck him.  After she swallowed his seed, he whispered that it will be a while before she's allowed to orgasm again. Generally he doesn't care if it happens or not, it's not important, as his slave, that mouse feel sexually gratified -- unless he wants her to feel that way.  Honestly it's already been months...Summer probably.  Really mouse can't recall the last time.  It's not been on her mind though either or really his -- only recently did we return to his morning oral.

There's something in not being allowed to orgasm that fills mouse head with thoughts of sex.  Why is that?  It's like "You can't" therefore you cannot stop thinking about it.  It also does odd things to mouse -- tends to make her softer and more submissive or compliant or bendable -- not sure what word mouse is searching for.  Whatever the word it does it to mouse.

In other ways maybe this is what she needs?  To feel controlled by him?  Maybe he feels the need to control a little more than he's been doing?  Maybe this is just our way of trying to get back...


  1. Hi Mouse, I'm glad it sounds as though things are slowly returning to normal for you both. You have been through a lot and been dealing with a lot and it is an adjustment. Pity there is no switch, it takes time. Take things slowly and let it evolve.


    1. They are, while mouse hesitates to use the term PTSD, it does feel like it. Anytime his phone rings, Sir bounces to answer it. When the house phone rings, he would stop and stare at it for a moment before answering. Like as if to say "what now?"

      It's just going to take time.

  2. I wish it made me feel softer and more submissive. All I get out of denial of that sort is a frustrated and angry feeling. :( Then I get angry at myself for feeling frustrated and angry.

    1. Totally get that, and yes mouse felt terribly frustrated during the summer when he hurriedly returned here. It was odd, but there was huge frustration, but then as she learned about the shifted mentally into stress...Any desire for sex seemed to vanish.

      So it wasn't really thought about, even when he visited, there might have been a quickie or two but not much sex and zero play. :-( That part of our life just shut down...


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