Finally feeling better, and spent part of the day Monday writing a post no one will see because mouse felt it was too political in nature (even though it wasn't political exactly). It did actually get mouse to examine her own relationship with Omega and consider how fortunate she is that we're not in the public eye. How many times has mouse frowned or pouted over something Master has said. The look that has come over her face when he's lightly mentioned that was "one" demerit. The change is often much a like a light slap that reminds mouse of her chosen place.
At his feet, mouse feels herself and purpose very clearly and when he's not around, she fights to keep those feelings within her.
Recently, in looking for something to post, mouse went through her draft folder, which is full of a lot of nothing, mostly beginnings of blog entries but sometimes even mouse can't figure out where she was going. One post did however catch her eye, written way back in mid 2012, mouse wrote about an odd dream she had. The unpublished post had a rare "editors note" from Master at the bottom where he offered his thoughts.
In the post mouse recounted a dream she had where she believed she had a small penis, physically she could see it, touch it, and woke quickly and even checked to be sure. Now let's be clear, mouse is and has always been completely comfortable in her own girl-ness so this wasn't about wanting a penis, but it was what Omega then suggested the loss of personal autonomy and being placed in a role of supplicant that had mouse dreaming this. It's just when you feel your personal choices being stripped away that you long to not be so constrained -- so limited. Time and again, as mouse looks back on her life she's shown that she's best when guided and does a terrible job of trying to steer her ship.
The learning to let go of that part of her mindset, that need to control little things in her life, has been surprisingly freeing. They say all slaves should learn the freedom of the ropes, to get to that place where the struggle ends and they realize they have just gained more power than they understood they had before. It's not broken or being beaten down but where you willingly choose to enter the cage and you willingly choose to allow the door to be closed. Then you slowly realize that nothing anymore is up to you and everything is up to them -- the fear is now replaced with a sense of fulfillment.
Thank you Master for being constant and reminding these little lessons, are really so very little.
At his feet, mouse feels herself and purpose very clearly and when he's not around, she fights to keep those feelings within her.
Recently, in looking for something to post, mouse went through her draft folder, which is full of a lot of nothing, mostly beginnings of blog entries but sometimes even mouse can't figure out where she was going. One post did however catch her eye, written way back in mid 2012, mouse wrote about an odd dream she had. The unpublished post had a rare "editors note" from Master at the bottom where he offered his thoughts.
In the post mouse recounted a dream she had where she believed she had a small penis, physically she could see it, touch it, and woke quickly and even checked to be sure. Now let's be clear, mouse is and has always been completely comfortable in her own girl-ness so this wasn't about wanting a penis, but it was what Omega then suggested the loss of personal autonomy and being placed in a role of supplicant that had mouse dreaming this. It's just when you feel your personal choices being stripped away that you long to not be so constrained -- so limited. Time and again, as mouse looks back on her life she's shown that she's best when guided and does a terrible job of trying to steer her ship.
The learning to let go of that part of her mindset, that need to control little things in her life, has been surprisingly freeing. They say all slaves should learn the freedom of the ropes, to get to that place where the struggle ends and they realize they have just gained more power than they understood they had before. It's not broken or being beaten down but where you willingly choose to enter the cage and you willingly choose to allow the door to be closed. Then you slowly realize that nothing anymore is up to you and everything is up to them -- the fear is now replaced with a sense of fulfillment.
Thank you Master for being constant and reminding these little lessons, are really so very little.
Great post Mouse! Interesting dream and interpretation. I love and can relate to the last paragraph. Glad to hear you are feeling better :)
ReplyDeleteHugs
Roz
Love the picture and 'the freedom of ropes'
ReplyDeleteGlad you're feeling better. Politics is in everything at the moment and it's hard to escape it. Something to be said to shutting it all out.