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Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Consenting



It cannot just be mouse who's noticed that people are different?  It's like as if 2016 took with it the best of us, and now in 2017, we're left with the worst.  Everyone is on edge it seems.  Monday, mouse went for hair appointment, along with nails and toes (remember the days when most salons were closed on Mondays?).  Feeling pretty good in the black dress number Master picked for mouse to wear to the party that evening.  It was fine, mouse didn't embarrass Master or herself.  

Since mouse wasn't worried about her behavior she began to notice others behaviors. The haughtiness they were rude to the staff serving them.  Short while later while waiting for a drink, someone came by and offered bit of something (this was a cocktail type party) and mouse took one and said, "thank you." The server's face lit up, as though no one had said that to them ever.  Maybe this has always been the case, but mouse cannot remember it being so open before.  

Thankfully it wasn't the type of event we had to linger at and mouse did get a chance to catch up a little with a few people.  Also it's the last in a string of obligations until Passover in April.  Just noticed on the calendar it's already March 1, another year seems to be flying passed.

Back at home Master had mouse do as she's done after each engagement, went upstairs, undressed and waited for him. Each time now she chose to kneel with her head lowered to the floor.  Master again commented that it pleased him to see her like that.  The hour was late, the drive to and from the event had taken about the same time as we had stayed and Master was tired.  He sat on the chaise lounge and called mouse to him and had her pleasure him with her mouth before bed.  Still no orgasm for mouse although it did excite her.

The next evening, while the house was quiet, Master gagged his slave, whipped and then used her.  At first, mouse was basking in the warm afterglow of such use, then grew sad.  Soon tears were streaming down her cheeks and she was begging forgiveness that left Master flummoxed.

Years ago, when Alpha was dying, while mouse cannot be sure that he intended for mouse to become Omega's slave, the implication of Omega's unfettered access to mouse could be inferred as such.  Yet, after his death, still in mental shock and working through the trauma, guilt and other issues that plagued her, she almost defiantly refused to go with Omega.  Yes, he offered mouse a bed in his home.  The reason was that mouse demanded monogamy from him.  Yes, he had his own issues but mouse will never know if her presence in his life would have altered that course.

When we finally did "get together" he never changed, it was mouse who bent and pretended that option wasn't on the table.  It wasn't an intent to be disingenuous, but rather just as she put it, a way to pretend it wasn't an issue even when deep down she knew it was.  To be sure, Master is very protective of mouse too, and she now she feels that she manipulated that a little bit.  Master did point out that mouse was very broken by her past and what he still refers to as abuse.  He said it's just taken a while for mouse to come on board, and get to that place where she is truly a slave to him.

Still for mouse, it's nearly 15 years that mouse lost with Master that she will never get back. If time travel were possible the much older mouse would go to her younger self...If wishes were horses.  Would the younger self listen?  That is unknowable.  

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I would like to think everything that happened before, led you to exactly where you are now. And that's what matters
Happy for you :) -G