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Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Must Have a Code that You Live By


Children and the "lifestyle" is a question that always comes up. How do you raise kids with Master/slave dynamic?  Children mirror the best and the worst of their parents. We try really hard to make sure that we mirror good behaviors that we'd want them to emulate. For example just because Master is Master doesn't mean that He doesn't say "please" or "thank you" to mouse for passing the potatoes or picking up his dry cleaning. The children automatically picked up on that common courtesy and do it themselves without being prompted, in a very genuine way.  

Yes the kids do see mouse taking off Master's shoes at the end of a long day and mouse has just always explained it this way, "Daddy works very hard so we should be nice to him when he comes home." It's hard walking through the door at the end of day and just shifting gears.  He likes the extra attention and deserves it. When mouse worked, she had an hour or more to decompress before the house was filled with activity. If he sleeps in late, and mouse is up hours before him, it's also just as helpful to not hit him up with the family news of the morning. People who just wake are rarely ready to converse and honestly, it's something that mouse does struggle with at times. 

Yes, we also have had arguments, one recently about a clogged sink. It began with exasperation about it still being clogged, devolved into yelling and ended with him taking the sink apart and fixing it right then. The children saw this and knew we were angry with each other. After Master apologized for letting the sink remain clogged for so long (it had been a couple of months) and mouse apologized for getting so frustrated with him. For kids, seeing parents argue isn't a big deal as long as they see the resolution as well. They saw us admit we were both wrong. 

They don't know, nor do they need to know our sexual predilections. It's doubtful we'd ever share that information. Now, hearing things is different. We do worry that the kids might hear Master spanking or even whipping mouse. Usually such things happen only when we're certain they're asleep. We are blessed with children that are heavy sleepers. They also live in a house where we respect each other's privacy but that doesn't mean that mouse leaves butt plugs out where the kids could find them, or any other toys. They're kept in a box on a shelf in our bedroom. If discovered, the snooping would be evident. In Master's study, the kids know that they're not allowed to play in there anyway, but just in case Master does keep his cabinet locked. Whenever there is doubt Master will take mouse into the garage and carry out a punishment inside the car which no one would hear. Awkward but very effective. At the lake we had a place outside, an old potting shed that was perfect for that activity. 

We like to think our approach is common sense. Master presented mouse with a new journal where she could use it to write her thoughts, but after a brief discussion we decided it might be better to use it to handle schedules and daily todo type things rather than intimate thoughts. Even after her death, mouse isn't sure that she'd want the children to stumble across this blog. Even if it were still active, and purely by accident. The only thing they need to know is that their parents love each other very much and that's really about it.  

As far as slave verses vanilla world, we really don't do anything terribly different than anyone else does. Yes, mouse tries to keep to third person speak much of the time, but there are times where she must use pronouns and just does so, but tries to limit their uses.  Yes, mouse serves Master, but it's never anything very obvious. Coffee, he likes a drop of cream on weekends, his daily coffee is just black, so mouse adds it and stirs it for him.  He orders for mouse, but it's always natural sounding when he does it.  At someone else's home, mouse always tries to be useful to the hostess or host, if seating is tight, she will gladly give up a seat for someone else and sit on the floor close to Master.  Again, under those circumstances it looks perfectly reasonable to the outsider.  

There are small things he might require of mouse that could be construed as "off" but usually those are places we don't frequent on any regular basis.  He might order a large plate of food, and feed mouse from his plate, requiring that she not speak or make eye contact and keep her hands on the table, resting.  It might just provide an odd "work story," for the person serving to regale their friends later but unlikely to be much more.  Master is a gentleman and that comes across in his personal style.  He opens doors for ladies, rises when whenever mouse stands or leaves the table (unless she's serving then it would be inappropriate to do to so). It usually has an odd effect on the women and men around him that's almost funny to watch. Often mouse will joke, once the show became popular that he's very Downton Abbey in his manners. Yet, it's simply just who he is. It's also why being around him can be very confusing for women in particular who aren't used to that type of treatment. He doesn't treat mouse like she's less than himself, but rather as something worthy of his attention and protection. Protection might be too strong a word, but for now mouse lacks the refined vocabulary to think of a better word.

That's probably another thing, Master doesn't want to be "mothered" by mouse, so she doesn't place food on his plate for him (well, sometimes for breakfast because it's just easier). Helpful reminders, properly phrased, are always welcomed but not nagging. Special thanks to Downunder Dom for suggesting that mouse revisit this topic with her new perspective on her slavery and place in Master's life.  A final thought, mouse did consult with Master before writing this up to be completely certain that she was being accurate and fair in the way she continues to view our life together. Master added that nothing would be changing in the future in that regard. He values his privacy and wouldn't relish being outed or portrayed in a way that is contrary to how he actually is.  

3 comments:

  1. We do things very similar to you. I do serve him in fairly vanilla seeming ways when the kids are around. He talks politely to me, just like he expects them to do. And we keep the obvious kink/sex stuff to when they are asleep or not at home. We might sneak in a quiet quickie sometimes, though, during the day.

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  2. When I recently travelled abroad, leaving the kids here at home with family, I was a little paranoid about them finding this blog, so I hid it and deleted the account from the browser. Speculating what goes on between mum and dad is one thing, finding my inner most thoughts is an entirely different matter.
    I'd not thought about the third person as valid in front of kids, but I do use it - I refer to myself as mummy and talk about what I do in the third person.

    Thanks for the insights.

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  3. Hi Mouse, I enjoyed reading your answer to this. We haven't practiced ttwd for some time now but balancing children and the lifestyle wasn't an issue for us. However, when in company it was there in subtle, semingly vanilla ways.

    Hugs
    Roz

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