Watching the Wheels Go Round and Round

I really love to watch them roll,

No longer riding on the merry-go-round,

I just had to let it go

Everything is different, in many ways better but so different. Master is kind to mouse and trying to be patient with her. He's careful to not raise His voice often because He knows now how it bothers her. He asks frequently about how she feels and expects honest answers.

Master had spoken to mouse's doctor. It did not upset her. More tests were ordered and a referral to another doctor, which led to another referral. It was stressful for mouse. Master was not very worried. They concluded after everything that mouse is more fragile and will possibly remain that way. Well, they used a lot more words but that's the end of it. It might improve, get worse, but is likely to just remain the same. Lots of reasons but few real answers. 

Master does not consider mouse a burden or broken and has forbidden mouse from thinking that (if only it were that simple). They prescribed an antidepressant, which He dutifully filled and made sure mouse takes. It's helped a little, but there are things that mouse cannot handle well. Like stressful situations or people. Master keeps things calm and mouse focused on serving and pleasing Him. When mouse told Him that she wanted Him to be Him and to control mouse, she knew exactly what she was asking for. What she truly needs is Him to be Master, because she can't manage herself.

It's not about clothing, wearing a plug or corset, it's about everything. Who mouse can speak to or hang out with, books she's allowed to read, things mouse is not allowed to read or even know about. There's been a few times Master has corrected mouse. A quick slap to the face gets her attention and then He gives her a choice, behave the way He expects or continue to act childish and she'll be treated that way. He most wants her words. To tell Him how she's feeling, if she's feeling edgy or nervous or sad, or happy He wants to know from her and not see her slamming a pot on the stove because she's annoyed. All this reminds her that she's not the one in control. Master is.

At first mouse was a little miffed when she read His blog post, but after reading it through a couple times she realized a few things, and the most important is that Master loves her and really does worry about her. Now, she wasn't miffed about anything He wrote about His siblings but it was more about the things He wrote about mouse's distant past that she doesn't speak about. Ever.

Watched a movie recently about some poor guy, incredibly happy in His life, and got hit by a car or something and lost His memory. Of course at the end He gets it back. It was an old movie from like the 40s. Still mouse wondered about amnesia and how great that would be to just have no memories at all. Of course with her luck, she'd get amnesia and forget Master and remember everything she'd rather forget. We'll just scratch, hit herself with a huge mallet, off her list. You know, thats how they did it in cartoons, one hit took all memory away and a second hit restored it.

Master has been telling mouse to focus on Him, especially now, while we wait for the antidepressants  to work, because the littlest thing unsettles her and the biggest, terrible things make her feel hopeless. When He sees her rattled or learns of something He knows will, He will hold her and give her little things to do. Keeping her mind off what's going on and redirecting her focus back onto Him, where it belongs. If He's not at Home, He'll send text messages. He must keep an active list of things to make her do.

Friday He came home in a wonderful mood. He had gone to His therapy appointment and then to a NA meeting and mouse was very proud of Him. It brightened her day just to see Him so happy.