Belonging To Master

Like the wind that shakes the bough
He moves me with a smile
The difficult I'll do right now
The impossible will take a little while...

It would seem to mouse that each time we take a giant leap forward in our dynamic, the only lingering thought she has is why did it take so long? Followed up quickly by why does life have to be such a bother? Each time it's not because Master doesn't care, it's because life is the way it is and contentment, coupled with momentary laziness seems to be the thing. The other times though, she needs to remember, were different. The times she had truly disappointed Him to the point where He simply didn't care and it took Him a long time for the tide to recede and to find His way back. Gladly, she would have and did often walk through fire to prove herself. He wasn't mean to her or unreasonable during that time, in spite of that He wanted to see how far He could far He could push her or maybe she liked it? Whatever, He was emotionally detached for too long and Master knew it. It wasn't intentional, but the hospital changed everything. It continued through the early pandemic when everything felt so strange, unsettling so. 

Maybe it just took us time to relearn and adjust? It's been a gargantuan blessing, especially for mouse. Anytime there's a hugely positive shift in life there's a honeymoon period where spirits run very high, then as time passes those feeling settle and that's when things tend to become too familiar and what happens after that..Maybe that's how it all begins? Innocent at first, a slip of submission or show of respect is neglected an allowed for whatever reason. If are relationship were a mountain we probably slide down more than we climb. 

Sometimes she marvels at how He manages to exist so nicely in the world, certain of His place in it and the plans He carefully lays out, while she is most contented existing in a bubble of her slavery to Him. Outside in the world, honestly, mouse doesn't know how she'd function anymore. In her career, during her far younger years it was difficult at times to slip in and out of the mindset required of her. At the time she did learn to adapt to it but never, while owned, was it extremely successful. During her period when she wasn't owned and uncertain if she could ever be again to avoid things she did throw herself into her career, probably too deeply. It was not only a way to earn a good living but her escape from feeling lonely or sorry for herself. 

Confronting fears, or being confrontational about anything is so damn difficult for mouse. Eventually, you must do, beyond coping, and work hard to understand why. Therapy has helped her more than she can admit, while we don't discuss the deep particular goings on in our relationship mouse has expressed a wish to understand Master better. He's very guarded with His emotions, sure mouse knows a few of His 'tells', His eye sometimes twitches when He's exasperated or terribly worried. His index finger will often tap when He's deep in concentration. When Master is nervous or anxious it taps harder and faster. Anger will make the fingers on that hand drum, a sound mouse hates to hear most of all. It doesn't have to be directed at her at all, just knowing He's angry about anything is something she finds unsettling. Although, when His anger isn't directed at her, He will use her rather well and that excites her. 

Angry sex is often the most fun. 

We survived His first back to work trip apart, and mouse found it both easy and challenging to endure. The house felt different with Him away, our bed felt different. He called often, and we would speak on the phone about the normal things. On the first evening, He phoned her when He returned to His hotel, He spoke about His day a little, and listened about her day with the kids. 

Then abruptly He shifted gears and asked if she missed him? Of course she had. He asked then if she really missed Him in that more sultry tone of His, and mouse could imagine Him touching Himself, yes she totally missed Him. He asked her then if she had touched herself while thinking of Him. No, in fact that particular thought really hadn't crossed her mind at all. Then He simply said, "You are thinking about it now. " It wasn't a question it was just a matter of fact. Secretly she was hoping now He'd command her. In very sexy breathless, shaky voice mouse reminded Him that He could command her now to touch herself. He reminded her of His expectation in that regard and told her to repeat it.  Almost as a cry mouse repeated that she wasn't allowed to touch herself ever and the only time she was allowed to orgasm was if He was physically making her. He asked for details and she revealed all of them. His touch was magic to her. He ended the call with the reminder that she wasn't allowed to touch herself. 

Hanging up mouse cursed Him, bastard. Hundreds of miles from Him and wet. He had told her to be a good girl and slave (When Master read this He actually laughed saying He knew full well what she had uttered, and that's why He was chuckling when He ended the call). It was only night one of three, and she had put the thoughts out of her head. The rest of the calls were nothing special to note, except for incessant asking if she was obeying Him. The constant reminder inflamed her clit and made it quiver and her pussy damp. 

When Master's plane finally landed only then did mouse strip off the sheets, immediately following the text message. One too many trips she had pulled the sheets from the bed too early, and then crushed by the fact that He was detained by whatever (bad weather, missed connection). His dress shirt she covered herself with, was finally put in with the others to to be dry cleaned. The sheets smelled like Him. In a hurry mouse checked on dinner and kept checking her phone, when He got closer, the phone alerted her and she began to rush to get a drink ready for Him. Then there was the sound of the garage door opening and she watched the front door with growing anticipation. Kids were waiting on dinner and "starrrrrrrving". Their presence annoyed her but she kept that hidden and threw open the door before His key could hit the lock. Then they swarmed looking for gifts they knew He'd return with. 

Not too much longer we sat down to dinner, He offered high praise to the cook. While the children tidied the kitchen mouse took His suitcase to the bedroom and unpacked it for Him. Standing in the doorway He said He'd have to go back in a couple weeks, and so it began. Keeping His suitcase partially packed was a standard, this time though He showed mouse how to pack His suitcase for Him and said that from now on, this was her task. He seemed cold and indifferent to everything. The praise He offered for the meal was probably more because He was hungry and the plate before Him contained food that was hot. Upon completing the task, to His specifications, mouse crept around to the study where He was busy working and sent Him a message, "Master may this slave have a handful of your nuts?" To be clear, Master always keeps a ready supply of almonds to nibble on when He gets peckish. However, from her vantage she could see Him working, looking down at His phone in a bit of a double take that made her cover her mouth to suppress the giggle. He opened it and fired off His reply: In my study NOW!" 

Her phone sounded and He knew as well as she knew how close she was and in a moment she poked her head inside. He accused her of both lurking and spying. He had her enter, close and lock the door behind her and almost at once had her on her knees. Within a few short moments she pleasuring Him with her mouth, paying a lot of attention to His nuts. All the tension from the trip He had been feeling, His posture, the way He carried Himself, since coming through the door,. It screamed stress. In a simple moment of levity mouse had disarmed the bomb that was Him. The mouth fuck was rough, but mouse adjusted to the deepness He was forcing. Drool dripped down the corners of her mouth as she tried to keep herself in check. At last she felt Him let go and the first of several streams flooded down her throat barely able to taste them, as He let out a contented groan. 

Not too much longer in our bedroom, with His nude slave cuddled up beside His still clothed body, He confided His meetings hadn't gone very well, and there would be at least two more trips in His immediate future. His only concern was how mouse would handle the absences. He didn't want pouts, misbehavior, He only wanted her strict obedience. Sure she could miss Him when He's not at home but she shouldn't make Him feel badly for earning a living. It was hard to not feel defensive when she heard His words, because she never thought she did anything like that. He said nothing to assuage the fear that she had only restating what He now expected. With mind whirling mouse gathered the courage to ask politely if she had done those things in the past? He simply replied that it wasn't appropriate for her ask. 

As much as those few words upset mouse, she also knows that we spent a very long time in vanilla-town, and now He was reasserting Himself more as her Master than Husband. It was up to her to be humble in her compliance and not worry about the past or even His current motives. This is how He wants it now and how it will be. It's a pity it took mouse nearly a week to sort it out. A week of obsessing and worry that she didn't need to do. This is what everything has been about lately. That night, ironically the night before He was going to be leaving again mouse went to Master and told Him what she realized. 

He put His work aside and pulled her into His lap and asked for her help. The pandemic has dragged on too long, work isn't for her worry about, but He needed her to be a very good girl. He needs this house to be His sanctuary away from the world, He wants His slave to pleasure Him and be extra pleasing. Problems with the house or cars are fine, but when she sent the text to Him asking for the nuts...He needed that more. He needed her good humor. Master wanted her to enchant Him and keep herself playful. Without her needing to ask Master added, if her attempts were not welcomed he would have just let her have a handful of almonds. He reminded her that words matter very much and mouse should never presume anything that he doesn't expressly say. He doesn't want to punish her, he only wants her compliance and obedience. The only question Master now had was if mouse could be a good girl for him? 

Yes, of course, it shouldn't need saying but she saw why He wanted some verbal assurances. Unsure how to frame the next question mouse did ask him if the finances were that bad. Master arched an eyebrow, he kissed her forehead and said she needn't worry about it and let Him do what He needs to do to earn a living. The best way she could help Him now is to keep up with therapy appointments, obey Him and if she was having a problem coping to come to Him right away and not allow herself to spiral out of control or wait until she felt crushed before she said anything. His eyes softened as did His tone, and He reminded her that He will always make time for her if she truly needs it. Master said that no matter what, if she ever feels the ground below her feet begin to swallow her, His arms would be there to pull her out. He just needed to know, it wasn't her job to protect Him by not sharing, but to allow Him to protect her.

Master has valid worries about mouse. He knows her too well. While physically she has recovered from the surgery and after events of late 2019, there was a period instability (she suffered some cognitive issues that are actually common after being in ICU and ventilated. that she had following all that. He had shortened His work hours and then the pandemic, and she weathered it fine because Master was around. He helped to crush those early fears with His unbeatable logic and reason, He used common sense and told her to wear a mask when she ventured out in the world. If anything He was more trapped and vulnerable so mouse had be extra careful that she didn't bring anything back home. That's probably another reason why we remained in vanilla town for so long. 

Now, Master worries that with the pandemic still being a problem but this urgency to return to normal is too strong, He worries that mouse will push herself and get lost in her head with fears and worries. He's been around for a year and has remarked more than once that mouse is far more fragile than she had been before the coma. He really doesn't worry now about getting the virus, especially since He's been vaccinated, but even before that He read enough studies to know that the best defense is to wear a mask and keep a distance from others. He remarked the meeting everyone wore masks and kept a safe distance, the room was large and well ventilated for the few of them inside. He reminded mouse He wouldn't take risks. He explained to her why airline travel was safe and even drew a diagram. 

It didn't feel right to question Him further, because Master understands things like that better than mouse can. He loves to know how things work and it often surprises her on His knowledge and knows He'll be careful. With some mild annoyance mouse took everything Master said in the spirit intended but it still bothers her that He felt the need to say it at all. The therapist often reminds mouse that feeling defensive can often mean that deep down you know there's a kernel of truth. We don't see things as they are, we see them how we are and mouse was forced to sit with her feelings for a long while. The therapist told her more than once that while she's doing better that she shouldn't be shocked or disappointed once things did begin to return normal that she might feel like she's taken a leap backward. The time in lock-down, while she's been feeling fine, has been a lengthy period of isolation. Less traffic, less people out, she does the shopping mainly when the stores are quiet. It's going to take time for her adjust. The coping skills she had been learning were suddenly put aside for a different way of handling things in the "new normal" life. Honestly, mouse has always been more of a homebody so her adjustment was probably easier than others. 

Without agreeing about anything specific the therapist aligned with Master, saying it was good to know what's coming ahead instead of feeling like you're being taught to swim by being tossed into the deep end of the pool. 

It all came together rather suddenly, mouse had to make the umpteenth trip to the grocery store one morning and the song (it's always a song)  came on the radio, Lean on Me. Without missing a beat mouse was singing along but then she began to focus on the words and realized this was what Master was asking. He was asking her to lean on Him and to help Him. Honestly it's what we've always been to each other at least usually. 

"Lean on me

When you're not strong

And I'll be your friend

I'll help you carry on...

For it won't be long

Till I'm gonna need somebody to lean on..."