The Power Exchange

We sail through endless skies

2012-01-27T06:21:00.000-08:00

Greetings from mouse,

We've had a lot of changes, and all of them good, exciting, and scary! The baby is doing really well, but this isn't about that. It's about us and all the changes. There's no bdsm stuff that goes on and yet, we're not your typical vanilla couple either. Sex is between us is never vanilla, but it is limited. The other evening Daddy was sitting on the sofa, mouse at his feet and we both fell asleep! It might have been in mid-sentence. Who knows!

Before falling asleep we had been talking about how well things have been for us for several months now. Do we have moments, yes, but overall -- very well. We're very in tune to each other.

Now if we weren't so damn tired, we'd probably enjoy it.

Still we're trying to find a balance in our life as it is now. With Daddy's help, mouse will get there!

Been considering merits of control. There's so much in life we don't have any control over. Children, family, friends, coworkers, aqaintences...add together weather, work, the house......

Over the passed week, mouse has realized that the only thing she can count on is Daddy's loving control...

Faced with mysteries dark and vast

2012-01-26T06:02:00.000-08:00

Greetings from mouse,

Life is a big mystery isn't it? Maybe as humans we like predictability and maybe that's why psychics are so popular? We like to think we're in control, but so much happens that's outside our control. It could also be why mouse seeks so much control, since to her it's like a warm blanket. Yesterday, after reading the blog, Daddy called work and said he wouldn't be in. We spent the day talking about lots of stuff. Eventually it might all come out here, just in small doses, because mouse is still processing much if it...and not at all certain she wants it out there. Daddy was right about one thing, it does all go back to mouse's childhood -- which wasn't bad, but kinda typical for the period.

For better or for worse, Daddy does guide the family and makes all the decisions, sometimes with a little input from mouse, when asked, but mostly on his own. He is more than capable to do this and mouse trusts his ability. He decides where we will live, where we vacation, how our savings is used or invested, what food we buy, etc. And mouse is grateful for all his guidance because she doesn't really trust herself in those matters. Other things, yes...but not all of it.

Yet, what is very strange is that her own faith in herself to make decisions is slowing ebbing away, as mouse used to make all these decisions for herself too, with fairly decent results. Over the last weekend, it struck mouse while we were dining out as a family, how easily mouse deferred to him over what her meal should be. We must be careful in public, mouse must defer to him in a way that seems very natural. He never jumps in and just says, "she will have..."

In this case, the waiter began with mouse, normally if they start with Daddy, he will order his first, and then say that mouse will have...whatever -- really can't figure out how they decide who to start with or maybe it's just as simple as where the person is seated at the table. Now, mouse handled it this way by looking at Daddy and said, "what do you think, really there's so many good things its impossible to decide." It wasn't a lie either, we've eaten there before and the menu is packed with good stuff! Daddy immediately jumped in and offered his thoughts and mouse replied that she'd have that. Its as though mouse is afraid that she'll chose something, get it and wish she picked something different -- it's happened many times.

It's a fragile balance of trust that we have, because mouse is equally responsible for the success of our relationship and our family, when there's a problem, like when she faced head on losing her job, Daddy shared the burden, right along with mouse. The authority lies with him and in his hands alone, but it doesn't negate her responsibility with all those things (he decided mouse wouldn't work anymore). Daddy always is cooperative when making the decisions and mouse depends on and trusts that won't ever change. When he decides for example where we'll vacation, mouse knows he'll take the whole family into consideration and not just say, "I've always wanted to hike through the Himalayas so we'll do that this year." Tho, he has made jokes about it, saying he wants to find a yeti. And in quiet times, mouse might lightly suggest he head out the back door and search for big foot instead. Joking is allowed, tho mouse has been warned more than once to curb the outright sarcasm.

Ahh, but wouldn't that be disagreeing? Shouldn't mouse be packing winter clothing in anticipation of yeti hunting? Well maybe that's where the trust comes in that he would pick something that mouse will enjoy for the most part.

For all the wrong that you made right....

2012-01-25T05:23:00.000-08:00

Greetings from mouse,

Sometimes thoughts overwhelm mouse, they stir and bubble up like soda poured in a glass. The truth is that mouse is so very grateful to Daddy for everything he's done for mouse. He rescued her from Alpha more than once. Now, of course we've discussed this during private times. The point is we stood by each other, until mouse couldn't watch him destroy his life.

After we reconnected, he's helped mouse in ways she can't begin to list. He stayed by her bed when she was hospitalized. The whole time, he didn't leave. He's read to mouse from classic novels and magazine articles, the sound of his voice makes her quiver. When he realized how bad the abuse was, he, more than anyone helped mouse move beyond it. Yes, it's his nature to dominate, to try to control, but he also knows when to not control. He likes things orderly, and does gets twitchy when things get too crazy.

It's the craziness mouse tries to keep at bay. In the evenings mouse tries to keep the house quiet for him, greeting him with a cocktail in hand, dinner nearly finished and perfect, with candles lit. Smiling she serves his dinner, everything he needs is waiting for him.

Except lately, he comes home hearing the baby scream, dinner dried out or burned...or worse, still in the oven no where near ready; and mouse looking at him with an expression that closely resembles Jack Nicholson's in The Shining. The house is unkept looking and strewn with stuff. The kiddo's homework litters the table thats not yet set.

And it worries mouse, it's a deep fear of total failure. Its not that she worries that he'll get angry, yell or punish her, because she knows he wouldn't. The worry is that he'll stop coming home. He'll avoid the mess all together. That he'll grow distant. That one day things will settle down enough to light those candles, it won't matter.

That's why mouse tries so hard for it now. If she can just manage one peaceful night a week for him, so he can see how important he is to all of us. None of that other stuff will happen. If she can manage just one day this week, maybe next week, she'll manage two! All she really wants is for the bad nights to be the off ones...not normal.

Tongues of lilting grace

2012-01-24T04:38:00.000-08:00

Greetings from mouse,

Been writing a lot lately...maybe it's all the changes but the thoughts are pouring out of mouse like water. Our lives and lifestyle. The other day Daddy noting Stepford wife references and asked if mouse wanted that. It got mouse thinking how painfully simple life would be. To be that way, no thoughts save for cooking, cleaning, pleasing Daddy...taking care of children. Everything lifestyle wise has changed so drastically, which we knew it would its just that mouse is having hard time finding balance in it all.

Daddy smiled at that and remarked if that was all, mouse was already there...a poorly timed joke that started tears flowing that mouse couldn't explain; at least at that time. Daddy suggested that mouse be still with the thoughts for a bit and see where they take her. There was nothing to do but agree but a week has passed already, and mouse is no closer to figuring out why those thoughts keep invading mouse's mind. Maybe it's just the simplicity of it all, it seems life right now is kinda complicated. Of course we knew life would get this way...Don't get this wrong life is fine, but mouse is feeling...dunno...not very well contained.

Maybe it's easier without all these other thoughts that's appealing to mouse. Maybe if she were like a Stepford wife, then she'd be more robotic...but really, there would be no grace in each day. There'd be nothing but routine. Yet that's exactly what mouse craves desperately..that strong sense of containment to just be wrapped up in a blanket of slavery -- covered by Daddy.

Talk and song from tongues of lilting grace...

A Day in the Life

2012-01-23T07:07:00.000-08:00

Greetings from mouse,

The other morning, mouse was thinking about how different our lives are now, how our whole life, not to mention our dynamic has shifted. Then yesterday mouse received a question on formspring that asked just that, how has the new baby affected our dynamic. It's like being light years from where we were. The thing is, neither of us miss it...at least not much. Of course Daddy misses his morning oral. He misses torturing mouse's breasts too. Some things haven't changed, mouse still cooks meals and takes any opportunity to display her submission to Daddy in other ways. Sometimes she's going to admit, it's just not enough tho and mouse craves something deeper.

Each morning, mouse makes an effort to prepare breakfast for Daddy, some mornings she falls short -- one morning early on Daddy found us both sleeping. He left us there and got his own breakfast for himself and the kiddo. The kiddo is easy-going and likes to be self-sufficient.

Generally, mouse does get breakfast and sets the table prettily. Daddy wakes himself :( and comes downstairs smiling. After Daddy leaves for work, she tidies up, tends the baby and maybe runs a few errands or takes a nap. Time passes quickly it seems and the baby keeps mouse jumping. Soon enough it's time to cook dinner. Depending on the baby's mood, mouse will either cook something or look to the freezer for something to defrost/heat up. Tonight, mouse is making tacos! It's easy and fast and uses up all the left over veggies in the refrigerator. It's also perfect for Daddy. For dessert tonight mouse is baking apples.

After dinner, Daddy (yes Daddy, with the help of kiddo) loads the dishwasher, while mouse gives the baby a bath. After the bath, the baby nurses, and eventually falls asleep. We keep the house rather quiet at night, but mouse is careful to turn on the monitor (nighttime is the only time of the day the baby isn't being held or talked to constantly, or is right by mouse's side). After that, mouse goes to Daddy's study where we spend some time catching up. Unless Daddy has other ideas, mouse will read, or just enjoy the quiet.

When Daddy notices mouse getting sleepy, around 10pm these days -- of course with a baby going to bed hardly means sleep, he'll send her to bed. The baby for now sleeps beside our bed, so mouse changes her clothes and does all the usual stuff, before waking the baby to nurse, and diaper change. It works best for us really. The baby always falls back asleep right after that feeding and now (most nights) just wakes once during the night!

And it all begins again.....

Another totally odd Saturday post!

2012-01-21T12:29:00.000-08:00

Greetings from mouse,

Yes, it's the weekend and normally mouse doesn't post on weekends. At first, mouse was going to put this into the private blog, however she decided not to. It seems her personal thoughts were actually organized enough for this to be "up for public consumption," at least that's what Omega would say.

Recently, there was a formspring question that gave mouse serious pause. It came from a sister in slavery, slave Isabelle, you can find her blog here.

Her question was simple: How do I become the perfect slave?

Now mouse suspects that Isabelle herself didn't write this, as she is a highly experienced slave herself, and thinks it was a question she threw out there or was passed onto her; but still the overall question made mouse scream...how the fuck do i know?! At least mentally...

How does someone become the perfect Dom?

How can someone become the perfect chef?

Is there even such a thing as perfect?

Does it mean the slave does everything perfect or does it mean she just never struggles?

It's true Daddy has always said that mouse will become his perfection. He's said it from the beginning. But that's his idea of perfection, and while it may appeal to some, it certainly won't appeal to all...

So how does one achieve perfection? Guess the most simple answer is that it's up to the person judging, because we are inherently imperfect creatures.

Now all this in a very odd segue (thank you so much Daddy, mouse would NEVER had guessed it was spelled that way), came back to mouse while reading lil's post recently, here, where she feels is slow to learn.

We all go through that times. For example, since we've been together Daddy will often wake during the night with a need. Now, now mouse wouldn't know if some nights, he would quietly take care of it himself (for lack of a better term -- if you catch mouses's drift), but what she does know is all too frequently, he would wake her for use, as he should.

Now if mouse were sleeping with him in or close to her mouth, she would instantly be roused and pleasure him. Now those nights would happen when mouse was already feeling needy (after play, use or even punishment) with a strong desire to crawl inside him. So, mouse was already in the headspace to pleasure him that way.

The problem was with other nights, when mouse had an early meeting, or something going on, when he'd wake her, all she could think was....oooooh you've got to be kidding -- you want it NOW?! It's 3:30 AM! Of course, by our dynamic mouse has no right whatsoever to ever refuse Daddy's sexual advances...but it doesn't mean she has to always enjoy it. It's true that 9x out of 10 she does with no issue, but that one time, it would bug her to no end. And it seemed, since Daddy loves patterns of behavior, to follow when mouse was feeling amorous herself and practically begging for use earlier in the evening -- only to be rejected, because he was busy, had work to finish, or whatever.

It took forever for mouse to bring it up, and of course she picked the wrong moment to bring it up...while it was happening. For whatever reason that mouse can't recall now, mouse just abjectly refused to cooperate. Daddy was enraged by this and mouse was reminded that the choice wasn't hers. Now it needs to be said that Daddy is waaaaaaaay to much of a gentleman to commit outright rape. He also loves mouse far too much to really take from her, when it's completely clear she's not going to give. He was angry though. He left his bed, and slept alone in the guest room.

Of course mouse was devastated by her behavior in all this. Not his! He did NOTHING wrong. This was entirely on mouse. The next several days were mighty frosty around here, mostly with mouse being forced out of his bed completely and made to sleep on the floor. He did use mouse sexually, but only on his terms and to be honest, mouse was grateful to just be touched by him. In our private blog, mouse wrote pages and pages about how horrible she felt about the whole thing.

When finally she touched on the fact that she loved his control, but on her terms at times. Which is probably akin to topping from the bottom. Because she was basically, in the most simplest terms, telling him to do it this way. We finally talked about it and mouse was punished. Never again would mouse refuse, and he promised to be more aware of mouse's feelings or schedules, so that we didn't put both of us into a positions where we had to dig in our heels.

It doesn't always work out -- sometimes he just wants to screw and doesn't really care when -- but mouse accepts that now, at least better. It doesn't mean that she doesn't become frustrated a bit by it, but has more or less resolved that this is completely out of her control and only up to him. Now all this happened probably somewhere in 2010...

Today we're faced with completely different challenges that are really perplexing...

Which kinda goes back to Isabelle's question about being the perfect slave....

C is for......

2012-01-20T05:26:00.000-08:00

Greetings from mouse,

Daddy remarked the other evening in bed mouse never uses a certain word. Well several words but they're all related. So Daddy said he wanted a post on cock worship. NOT about penis or man meat worship, but cock worship. While its true mouse loves to suck Daddy's cock, she loves to sleep with it in her mouth.

So all this put mouse into a foul mood, which is odd. It's just a word, on many people use often, cock. Why should mouse be embarrassed to say it or to write it?

Now mouse can say many words, for example mouse can say:

Pussy
Shit
Fuck
Damn
Tits (tho that one too gives her trouble)

There are other words mouse can say...she can say cock, at times and cunt, but only when whispering. Those words bother mouse and maybe she finds them a bit unladylike, yet when others use them mouse hasn't any issue with it, she just can't bring herself to use those two "C" words. So all week long Daddy's been waiting for the post on cock worship.

The problem is that mouse wasn't sure what he wanted, yes mouse loves it and really can't get enough of it. If she could just exist that way, kept locked away, just for use, for cock sucking, mouse could be happy. Maybe very happy. Maybe it's just the weird way mouse is wired. Maybe it's just the way she was raised.

Why does the song by Cheap Trick, Good Girls Don't, keep playing in mouse's head?

Been thinking a lot lately about mom and wondering what she would think of mouse's life. Would she see mouse as a failure the way her grandmother did? Mom died when mouse was just 20 and there were sooo many things she never asked her. So much mouse doesn't remember. When mouse looks into her baby's eyes she wonders.....

This has gotten pretty far from the intended subject...

Dust in the wind

2012-01-19T04:00:00.000-08:00

Greetings from mouse,

It's super early here...the baby was fussy, but now all settled and snoozing. The problem is mouse couldn't settle her mind so she decided to give up. Breakfast is under control, the scones are chilling in the fridge ready for a hot oven later...mouse enjoys doing little things like that to please Daddy. Did a little tidying up in the kitchen...the housekeeper comes today.

Yes, the housekeeper, cleaning lady, whatever you wish to call her, comes twice a week to keep the dust bunnies at bay. Really, once a week would be fine but Daddy insisted. Now, mouse thought that would be easy...just sit back and watch someone else clean. It's not. Since we've been together, mouse has for better or worse been the one the cleaning responsibilities fell on.

The housekeeper does a wonderful job...mouse discovered tho, she's a control freak about the cleaning...obviously Daddy has influenced that when she wasn't looking but it's true.

The first day the housekeeper came mouse just about killed herself cleaning everything. Ya. Didn't want her to think we lived like wolves. The housekeeper arrived, probably thinking this was an easy gig, and recleaned everything...plus added a few things...

This continued...until Daddy said STOP IT. Yes, he yelled. But mouse kinda ignored it. Then the next time, the baby was cranky and mouse couldn't get all the things she normall did finished. The housekeeper arrived...looked around and smiled at mouse. There were dishes in the sink, the kitchen table needed cleaning...crumbs on the floor....

The cleaning lady grinned and set off to work...humming...

Seriously it took mouse nearly a month to figure it out...sometimes you really need to knock her over the head...

Remember when?

2012-01-18T06:50:00.000-08:00

Greetings from mouse,

It seems lately, with things settling into a routine, more or less, mouse has found time to read blogs. It's a way of keeping mouse sane so let's go with it?

Sin wrote something that made mouse smile and was going to tell the story there, but the baby was hungry and everything came grinding to a halt. It was about a scene with her Big Bad and her reintroduction into pain play. You can read it here, mouse will wait.

What struck mouse at the time was the last line about how he probably enjoyed it more than she did. The thought that ran through mouse's mind was just wait...

There's been times where Daddy and mouse have played and mouse will admit it's mostly the stuff we did in the distant past that Daddy felt was done mostly for him or his benefit and mouse was just the object he used.

After mouse more less could communicate, she wasn't thrilled with the scene...It made him feel good and that was fine...but she wasn't thrilled with it -- at least at that time.

Then a month or longer would pass, Daddy in bed with mouse cuddling and talking about whatever...and somehow the subject of past scenes would come up...and mouse would say...'remember that one we did (insert details about the scene) and mouse wasn't that into it....Yanno, it was pretty hot when you did (whatever). At the time...didn't really think much of it, but it was really hot and intense and kinda nice...maybe we should try that again sometime?"

That's the way it was with the violet wand. It started out with mouse hating that damn thing and screaming the moment it would come out. But then when it didn't make an appearance she felt let down a little.

Now that it's gone, she finds sometimes she actually misses it.

Just not that much.

Newbie Tuesday: What's in a Name?

2012-01-17T03:39:00.000-08:00

In the lifestyle we've all seen the terms, Dom, sub,Top, etc., but are these interchangeable? What exactly do they mean? So, mouse will take a stab at the terms.

Dom: short for Dominant. The individual in control. If female commonly referred to as Mistress, which may or might not indicate an ownership role. It is typical to address all Dominants as Sir or Ma'am. This is just done as a show of respect or to demonstrate being humble. In mouse's opinion, the title is not used because they are beneath them or less than.

Top: Generally a play term someone who seeks to control during play. The one who penetrates the bottom.

bottom: generally a play term describing someone who desires to be controlled or on the receiving end of a scene. The one penetrated by the Top.

sub: short for submissive, a person who desires to be controlled, may or may not be a masochist. The control they seek is of limited nature, they have limits, and retain some control during scene or play.

slave: someone who desires more control, still may retain limits, at least in the beginning, but has a great amount in trust in their Master or Mistress that limits might be pushed, or removed. No one should just hand themselves over to just anyone. In the beginning time should be spent getting to know the Dominant.

Master: Typically someone who owns a slave and is completely responsible for them. It can also mean someone who is an expert at perhaps element of play, or who demonstrates to others mastery or years of experience in the lifestyle. A Dom can be a Master, as the terms are often interchanged -- some feel Master has more weight to it. But driving a car for years doesn't make everyone an expert on auto repairs. A Master, generally has a great deal of knowledge about the lifestyle and has spent many years learning -- making mistakes and errors to understand the level of control they are comfortable with. They claim full responsibility for the other(s) in their life, regardless of their station, sub, bottom, pet or slave. There isn't a more formal term for women in the lifestyle who are Dominant and own slaves. They might have preferences, Mistress, Goddess, etc. Just as a Master might prefer his slave call him Sir.

**While many might start being a bottom, move toward submission and eventually end up a slave...it's not in anyway a hard and fast order. Being a slave isn't a pinnacle or better than anything else. Being submissive doesn't mean your burdened down with rules for the Dominant. It also doesn't mean, a sub can become a slave by being "broken" or ignoring common sense safety.

Being a Dominant doesn't mean your instantly capable of controlling a slave or slaves. Being a Master doesn't mean that you can instantly control many slaves or must be poly. Being Dominant isn't about bossing, demanding, or cammanding. It is about being in healthy control. Omega has often said, "...commanding a woman to drop to her knees is fun...but have that same woman drop to knees, on her own in total submission and beg to be used is just sexy. Nothing wrong with demanding oral, but having it offered is something else."

Daddy: Can be someone who nurtures the sub or slave in a loving but perhaps a bit parental in authority. Although it can be, the term does not mean age-play.

pet: someone who is well cared for, but not exclusively used, like the Daddy term, puppy/kitty/pony play.

A final thought: Being a submissive, bottom, slave or pet, does not mean doormat -- it takes great strength of character to submit or hand yourself over to another, either in a limited or full time way. Being a slave does not mean you have no voice. Being Dominant doesn't mean domineering.

A final added thought: The term slave doesn't always sit well with everyone...here are Daddy's real thoughts on the subject.

ask mouse about the lifestyle

Catch the Wind

2012-01-16T04:32:00.000-08:00

Greetings from mouse,

The house was unusually still one evening, Daddy and mouse were whispering, playing the do you remember game. Back in March 2009 Daddy, sent mouse an email. Just a few words with a link..

He said he'd been awake during the night thinking of mouse. We weren't together at that time, but moving toward, erratically that end.

The link he sent was a to a YouTube video of Donovan. The song was Catch the Wind.

Here are the words...

In the chilly hours and minutes,

Of uncertainty, I want to be,

In the warm hold of your loving mind.

To feel you all around me,

And to take your hand, along the sand,

Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind.

When sundown pales the sky,

I wanna hide a while, behind your smile,

And everywhere I'd look, your eyes I'd find.

For me to love you now,

Would be the sweetest thing, 'twould make me sing,

Ah, but I may as well, try and catch the wind.

When rain has hung the leaves with tears,

I want you near, to kill my fears

To help me to leave all my blues behind.

For standin' in your heart,

Is where I want to be, and I long to be,

Ah, but I may as well, try and catch the wind.

Now at the time mouse didn't think much about it (Ya she can be that dense) but later after we did become a couple mouse realized what he was trying to tell her. Music has always been mouse's poetry, more than once she accused him of not getting or understanding that...

Omega was effectively telling mouse he wanted her and she MISSED it...

That was the only musical cue she missed.

Another time we had a whole discussion, while he was away using nothing but music.

We've had arguments too, using music, horrible quarrels, even.

For a long time we thought expanding our family would be like catching the wind...

In November mouse mentioned that she had a secret she wasn't ready to share and faithful readers have noted changes.

Normally, we keep personal stuff off the blog, and originally intended to keep this private.

Then mouse read this...mouse wanted to say that she completely understood those feelings! That she was going through it...right now...It's life altering and wonderful...it's scary too.

We have a baby! We're over the moon with happiness. It's a lot of work and tons of changes...for all of us here. We thought we were prepared, really we weren't. But we're adjusting well.

The baby is gorgeous and is nursing well, waking every couple hours or so.

Daddy is adjusting without his morning oral attention that he's come to enjoy and mouse misses like crazy sleeping at night with him in mouse's mouth.

We have had wonderful moments together after the baby is tucked into bed. But then exhaustion on both our parts takes over and we opt for short play or loving (or just talk), in favor of longer sleep.

Our lives are ever evolving, and mouse does her very best to still make home Daddy's refuge from the world. It doesn't always work out that way now, but he has said more than once he appreciates the effort.

And even tho it doesn't need to be said, Omega is a wonderful and doting father.

Our friends, the ones that know us in real life are being supportive and have been throughout this process. But they think we're crazy too (at least they must). After all, we're settled, life is good, why on earth would we want to upset the cart???

Then this mom looks into her baby's eyes....

None of that matters, the crying, the serious lack of sleep...those first really rough nights...thinking mouse isn't qualified to do this...we seriously need someone waaaaay more qualified.

The baby roots around and latches...looking up with those squinty eyes...For that moment, all is right with the world.

Blog news!

2012-01-14T09:10:00.000-08:00

Hey there! Yes it's unusual for a Saturday post but wanted to let newbies and faithful readers alike know about our FAQ page located on the menu bar.

Any suggestions for making the page better are always welcomed...

Hugs,

mouse

The word

2012-01-13T06:00:00.000-08:00

From someone on Formspring

hi mouse. I just have one question. Hope you do not mind me asking. if you do choose to withdraw consent of living this life style as a slave will your husband honour it? will you two still be married? I ask to understand better. hope I did not offend you

There is nothing wrong with the question at all, and mouse found nothing offensive about it. It's not one that is really easy to explain. It's also something that sparks serious debate within the lifestyle itself.

The short answers to both your questions are no. Simply put mouse has handed herself over to Omega, so any decision about her is for him to decide. Just as if she were given to him by another person, mouse has no choice but to agree to whatever wishes he has. That's the short non-specific answer.

If Omega were to become abusive (this would include becoming out of control with his SA), then mouse would beg for the release (as a last resort) and if he didn't agree, she would take back her personal power and leave anyway -- but she would NOT be released from him. There would be no closure to that part of her life and she would not be "free" to seek another Dom (not that she'd want to). Technically, mouse owns this house, so she'd probably call the sheriff. Since we are legally married divorce papers would be filed. Our prenup could come into play.

D/s must be fed well to endure, if it's not, yes, our dynamic could maybe end, but would mouse beg for release on those terms? Probably not, nothing short of catastrophic conditions would get her to leave him or formally end our relationship. or make her entertain the possibility. Even if she did ask, he'd probably say no and wouldn't honor it, but there would be lots of discussion about our feelings and why seemed necessary to ask.

It's interesting to note that not even death would result in release. It would be for Omega to release mouse, or to find her another Master...believe it or not it's not uncommon. It's doubtful that mouse would be released to another tho. More than likely, Omega would be certain to provide for mouse in the way he would if he were here (he has done that). He would likely release her from her M/s obligation or make it clear that upon his death she was (he has said that).

These answers are specific to our dynamic. Someone else might give different answers, there's not any hard or fast rules about situations like this.

Hope that helped!

Hugs,

mouse

Ask mouse anything

Fixing a hole

2012-01-12T06:14:00.000-08:00

Greetings from mouse,

It's weird not working anymore. The first week home, mouse slacked off her duties with Daddy's approval. With Daddy's blessing, mouse took up knitting, downloaded a few books and over all just enjoyed it all. This week, her regular chores were back on her to do list.

So much of the week has been spent in cleaning, cooking and everything else that needs to be done. But Daddy is careful not to let mouse become too isolated. He encouraged her to brunch with her girlfriends and take time getting her hair done. The truth is that he wants her happy but he wants her there for our family.

So far it's working out nicely!

Recently, during a very public discussion with Vesta on her blog we discussed our lives and Dominant counterparts. Her owner seems very similar to Daddy and it's nice to be able to exchange our thoughts, since we are both in power exchange relationships. During our exchange, mouse recounted the story of this passed fall, when the trees needed pruning.

Our problem seemed to be what to do when our Dominant partners refused to act on a task. In our case it was pruning the trees, in her case it was painting the garage. In both cases, we asked nicely to do the task our selves. Yet we were both put off. In our case, Daddy just couldn't be bothered, and there is only a small window when it is appropriate to prune the trees. Still, mouse didn't want to nag him, she asked, he said he'd think about it or was too busy at the moment. Eventually, she asked him if maybe we should ask the landscapers to do it. He agreed to that at once and telephoned them the next day. In Vesta's case her owner insisted on helping, tho it took longer than Vesta might have liked, the garage was painted and her owner enjoyed the results.

Now this bugged mouse. Why pay for something when mouse was willing to do it? Was he afraid it wouldn't be done correctly? That he'd end up taking it over?

So this will end with a question. What should she do when Daddy is less than enthusiastic about a task, even when she offers to do the task herself? Obviously, she can't keep asking him, at least not without being accused of nagging, but what else could she have done?

Across the Universe

2012-01-11T06:37:00.000-08:00

Greetings from mouse,

Recently, mouse was in Daddy's study, seated at his feet when she asked permission to download a book someone had strongly recommended. He always encourages reading, and asked if she finished the last book she'd started yet. Lowering her eyes and pouting a little, she replied no, she hadn't. Before he could say another word, mouse knew the answer would be no. In fact, he knew it also, so nothing more was said about it.

A short while later, Daddy reached down and touched mouse's cheek with the back of his hand gently. The caress sent a shiver down mouse's spine straight to her sex, and her eyes remained focused on his crotch. "Was he going to use her?" mouse wondered. He swiveled his chair and instinctively, mouse rested her head on his thigh. He undid his belt, slowly, then pulled it through the loops of his trousers. He told her to stand, lay against his desk and raise her skirt. Doubling up his belt, he struck mouse's bottom several times, warming her up nicely. He went to his closet and took out the crop and applied it as mouse bit back tears and struggled to remain still.

This was not punishment, there was no kissing of the the implement, no counting of blows, no thanking him between choices. There was also nothing keeping her mentally present, so she drifted. When mouse's knees grew weak, he struck the back of her calves to make her not slump. He continued. Silently. Then he touched the soft folds between mouse's parted legs and felt her fire. He unzipped his trousers and entered her from behind, gripping her hair. The orgasm that had been building within her exploded. When he finished, he pushed himself off her and pulled her close.

Dropping to her knees, she cleaned him off of our juices, then waited for direction, as he zipped his fly and replaced his belt. Boldly mouse lifted her eyes and looked up at him. Again, he brushed her cheek with his hand and told her to stand. His eyes were soft, his voice like velvet as he spoke to her words, at that moment she couldn't comprehend.

It really didn't matter, he knew her mind was too quiet to really understand him...her heat was too great, her eyes too glazed and her mind....floating somewhere across the universe.

Contentment

2012-01-10T06:28:00.000-08:00

Greetings from mouse,

It's true, lately we've been very content together. We combine our parts into a well-oiled machine. This is all working well for us. There's this weird blanket of peacefulness covering us now.

When it happened...maybe the final part was the diapers...the final piece of whatever that mouse needed to lose. But something happened inside of mouse. The more she gave, the freer she felt, the more contained she felt, the more she looked to Daddy to guidance, to seek his counsel, the happier she felt (he loves that part too). A friend recently brought up some political news to mouse, and to be honest, mouse truly had no clue. The truth was, she also didn't care. All interest in that subject was gone. If there is something she needs to know, she will simply ask Daddy what he thinks about it...

Wait!? Really? Well, actually yeah. Yet, mouse can't explain why she feels that way, or at least put into words. It's a great conversation starter and getting his take on something, might inspire mouse to look into it more -- whatever it is.

Sunday evening we went through the weekly ritual of arranging clothing. Daddy meticulously went over mouse's schedule for the week. Then he made notes and arranged her hangers, the outfits she'll wear during the week. He likes mouse dressed nicely for dinner and it makes mouse feel pretty to do that. Actually, he insists and mouse likes that he demands it so.

Evenings are still mouse's favorite time, after cleaning up the dinner dishes, mouse sits quietly at Daddy's feet. Then mouse will sometimes bring up house issues or things that need to be done that require his hand. He'll sometimes need to talk to mouse about his day, which mouse will just nicely listen to him. Mostly he likes mouse close and there's really few things mouse likes better.

The truth is we both have a strong commitment to our relationship and all the parts that make it work. Daddy could have the most horrible day, come home and feel the world fall away, but mouse helps with that. Our home should soothe him, and be his refuge. And it brings happiness to give that to him.

It works that way for mouse too. If the day seems like nothing's going right, making little things right for him helps center mouse. He, without realizing provides a ballast for mouse. It calls her home.

A different look at orgasm control

2012-01-09T06:32:00.000-08:00

Good morning from mouse,

Recently, someone asked a question, if Daddy controls mouse's orgasms. The answer was yes, and no. It's not an easy answer, or really easy to explain. In general, no, Daddy doesn't prevent mouse from orgasms. What he does is, at times, use mouse solely for his pleasure and if she gets off, great. He hasn't an issue with that. If mouse orgams while providing him with oral, by rubbing herself against him, it's great. He feels it's primal, almost animal-like.

When we go out, and he inserts the egg, if mouse has one good orgasm or twenty is of no consequence to him.

Now, when he licks mouse down there, as he'll sometimes do, again she is free to experience whatever. Yes, she will always orgasm -- several times in fact. If Daddy commands mouse to masturbate, she will do so until she orgasms, unless he stops her or gives her a time limit.

All this actually amounts to a whole lot of orgasm control. Daddy really does control when mouse can orgasm or not. By the rules, mouse is forbidden to touch herself, and nothing may be inserted into mouse unless directed by him. This includes tampons, so when that time of the month comes, mouse must be diapered or use pads (sorry if that's tmi). So permission must be granted or suggested by him and at his discretion.

So he doesn't have to say, you can't until further notice...he just won't provide an opportunity for it to happen.

Now mouse admit, most days she doesn't give this a whole lotta thought, except when he pulls out a diaper. The instant he puts it on mouse, it's all she can think about. Probably because he won't use her while it's on. And it makes her sexually crazy. For one thing they're not comfortable. They're hot...and not in that "hot" way, but physically hot. He rolls up a cloth diaper right up against mouse's sex and puts the larger diaper over it...which rubs mouse literally the wrong way tugging and adding pressure against the rings, which adds to her sexual frustration. Kinda devious don't you think?

Each time it's the same, mouse rebels against it...no way will she pee! Nope, not happening, but eventually she resigns that she must, because she can't take it off and he will refuse. Now, this isn't something we do very often anymore, but it falls under the topic. It makes her very aware of his control and that instantly makes her horny.

Adjustments

2012-01-06T07:00:00.000-08:00

Greetings from mouse,After the holidays, Tuesday morning brought a flurry of activity. None that was completely planned. It sucks when things just go wrong. Breakfast was burned, which set off the smoke alarm -- always a fun way to start the morning. The fridge in the garage got unplugged, and everything in there was defrosted before we noticed!

So mouse spent the day cooking everything that had nearly defrosted! Oh and the reason, the fridge was unplugged?? Well it happened on accident. Two plugs were in that outlet, one led outside to the lights, the other to the fridge. Guess which one was supposed to be unplugged??

Really it's both our faults, we asked the kiddo to do it, and didn't double check.

Had the smoke alarm not gone off, mouse wouldn't have noticed it tho.

Have to say, there was a hint of cleverness to how mouse used up all the food. We had 5 frozen chickens, so three went to make stock. One was cut up and cooked cacciatore style, the last one was roasted. We had two roasts, which were both cooked. One will be used for sandwiches, lunch for the week, the other was a chuck roast, which was cut up and used to make Chili Colorado, then refrozen!

The hamburger was used up in a lasagna, meat balls, and other stuff that could be easily refrozen -- and let mouse just say that hates making lasagna!

The seafood was the hardest to deal with. Some of that had defrosted faster than the chicken, meats, so much of that was tossed out. Daddy wasn't thrilled about that either, but agreed that was the safest way.

Now our house freezer is filled and the extra frozen foods won't hurt..as long as mouse remembers to defrost/use them. Ha!

So with that in mind and after careful consideration mouse will roll out her resolutions for the New Year.

To show more daily gratitude to everyone in her life, instead of waiting for an occasion, i.e., birthday or special holiday, to do so.
To be more, ahem, organized.
To learn that cooking daily is not a chore, but a chance to demonstrate love.
To find peace in her submission and slavery to Daddy.

Ok, that last one was a bit of a throw-a-way, because mouse is kinda peaceful in her submission.

Now, that's not to suggest that her patience isn't tried, or that he's just always right. It means that she will hold her tongue more...or bite through the damn thing trying.

Like everything in life, there's always room for improvement.

Untitled musings

2012-01-05T06:41:00.000-08:00

Greetings from mouse,

Not sure what the title of this post will be, so for now while mouse works through these feelings, it remains untitled. Recently, during the week between Christmas and New Years Daddy was in his study on the sofa reading a book he received for Chanukah. Seated at his feet upon the floor, mouse attentively waited for direction. Well, she was being attentive at first, then her mind wandered, drifting far from where she was. Maybe it was the music, the sound of rain beating down and her relaxed state of mind that sent her drifting. Daddy's foot gently touched mouse, bringing her back quickly. Blushing, as though caught doing something wrong, mouse offered an awkward apology to Daddy.

Now, no apology was really needed and deep down mouse knew she had done nothing wrong, save for missing a directive. That part she was certain, so politely mouse asked if there was something Daddy needed. He quipped his needs were many but all he wanted was a cup of warm water and lemon.

At once mouse padded off to the kitchen to fetch it for Daddy. Something struck her, she cut lemon wedges and arranged them in a silver dish. Took out a pretty cup and saucer, arranged those on the tray and filled the pot with hot water and carried that into the study. There she sat it at his feet and poured the hot water, added the lemon and handed it to him.

He sipped from the cup, returned it to the saucer and handed it back to mouse. As she was about to return it to the tray, she caught a look of disapproval. So she held the cup and saucer for him. Acting as his table, he continued reading and would pick up the cup, take a sip and return it.

Thankfully, mouse had the wherewithal to use a small cup because soon enough it was empty. He politely refused a second cup to mouse's relief. Then he asked for a foot rub, which mouse was more than happy to oblige. Hitting all the needed spots, mouse felt compelled to kiss Daddy's feet. Daddy isn't very comfortable with overt displays such as that but short of punishment the need burned too deeply to be stopped.

Sometimes mouse would look up at him while she licked his feet and he had the most perplexing look on his face. As though he was trying to get inside mouse's head at that moment. Undaunted mouse continued.

Eventually, mouse paused and rested her head against his feet and wondered if he could feel her love for him? He reached down and pulled her into his lap and held her for a while. Certainly in that moment he could have done anything to her, painful or not.

He moved her, laying her down across the sofa and rested his body on hers. His movements were painfully slow it seemed as he hiked up her skirt and her body was on fire for him.

Allowing him to take his pleasure, to effectively use her, didn't diminish her desire, even when he brought her so close to orgasm. His climax shook her and for several moments remained motionless. Slowly he pushed himself off of mouse, and without a word, she immediately began to lick him clean of our juices.

Daddy fixed his trousers, as mouse straightened her skirt. When mouse was ready to slip off the sofa, he stopped her, pulled her close and reopened his book. After finding his place, he read to her. The sound of his velvet voice vibrated through her.

Happy New Year!!

2012-01-02T07:31:00.000-08:00

Greetings from mouse,

We had a fantastic New Years Eve and day. After spending the day deconstructing Christmas we went to a party. It was at a friend's house and so much fun. Daddy planted a big kiss on mouse at midnight. We stayed very late and slept in even later. Breakfast at noon and snuggling in front of the TV while Daddy watched football.

A surprise phone call just before Christmas, from mouse's boss threw things for a loop. Guess there's just not enough work for a while. So the contract won't be signed. Daddy was wonderful about it all, saying mouse is needed more at home anyway.

It's kinda sad, tho boss did reassure mouse that once the economy improves she will be called. Or if something big needs her attention. Still it left mouse with a big feeling of uncertainty.

Daddy's been wonderful about the change and even mentioned that it might be time to return focus on her real career. But the hours might be too long, and believe it or not mouse enjoys taking care of everyone here.

Yet, it makes her kinda sad still for the first time since she was 15, she'll have no real job and no paycheck. Daddy keeps telling her not to worry about it. He said to think of it as furthering her submission and moving into a more traditional role.

Daddy is quick to remind mouse that she didn't work very much last year. It was really only around 8 months worth of actual work. It's a new year and a new beginning, and he seems really happy to have mouse at home.

In some ways so is mouse. In many ways it's very exciting. Maybe it just means that mouse needs to adjust.

Surrendering

2011-12-28T21:25:00.000-08:00

Good morning from mouse,

There's been an odd theme lately with many questions on formspring and in the comment section of recent posts. Many have asked, when did mouse realize she was submissive? How could mouse ever consider giving up so much control? Why does mouse write in the third person and does she speak that way as well?!

Now, these questions are strongly paraphrased, but mouse felt they were all related and all are about surrendering. So, briefly let's go back to the beginning. When mouse was quite young (in her early 20's) she met both Daddy and his friend, the one called Alpha. Both men were very good friends. Alpha became interested in the young mouse. When mouse submitted to Alpha she had no idea what she was doing. For a few months before she submitted, she was allowed to ask questions, but after she was not. In fact there wasn't any discussion, as it was explained that it was forbidden. Needless to say, Alpha was abusive toward mouse. Our relationship lasted until his death, a little more than decade. It also needs to be said that she was never released and nothing was done to protect mouse.

After his death she learned what the lifestyle was supposed to be about, but because of the abuse stayed far away from it. Yet, after years of abuse mouse couldn't protect herself very well, and didn't trust anyone. During this time, Omega had his own issues he was dealing with. His SA had him very gripped and drove people away from him, including mouse. It took another decade for us to become friends again. Once the friendship was reestablished, we began going out on occasion and Omega was always a perfect gentleman. We did discuss the past, sometimes with tears and eventually our feelings grew. Omega planted many small seeds, and waited very patiently. He encouraged mouse to start this blog We discussed at length submission and expectations.

As mouse grew more comfortable she offered herself to him. He accepted it and moved in right away. We married a few months later. We often joke it took us both twenty years to realize we belonged together. So, now to answer when mouse truly realized her submission, wasn't with Alpha, because she had no choice but to submit to him and didn't understand what it really meant. With Omega, she understood her past and what she liked about her slavery to Alpha, but the security she felt with O, couldn't be ignored. With him, it just felt like home and her submission came easily. That isn't to suggest it didn't take time, because it did. But we both really grew together. There was no deep, burning desire to serve when mouse was a child. It wasn't something she thought about. Masochism, was something she didn't know about until Alpha, but yes she learned quickly that pain was a big turn on.

Giving up real control was hard for mouse because of her damaged past, but once she learned to simply trust Daddy it became so much easier and better. When mouse surrendered herself finally to Daddy, which really wasn't complete until earlier this year by embracing the rules, she became surprised at how freeing it was. It felt liberating to her. Daddy provided mouse the structure needed,and without all that wasted time balking; it freed her while making feel safe and protected. Now in regard to third person speech, mouse's position has somewhat shifted. Once she wrote about The Power of I, in that post she explained how it was back then mostly a burden. Today, mouse's view on third-person speak is quite different. To her it is about remaining humble and keeping with her at all times a tangible reminder of her station. Yes, it is the way she talks all the time. It's not in an obnoxious way, but really very subtle.

At first it's kind of like learning a new language, where you must first think about what you want to say, and then consider how to properly say it. It isn't done in a way that draws attention to mouse, in fact most do not notice.

For example, mouse would not say to anyone, "mouse (or she) needs to go to the store." Instead it would be, "we need a few things at the market, is there anything you'd like?"

Mothers with young children often speak in the third person for different reasons. But the point is that mouse doubts anyone gives it any thought.

One of mouse's new years resolutions is to spend some quality time constructing a list of important past posts.

Happy New Year!

Honest questions

2011-12-28T06:00:00.000-08:00

There are times when a great comment full of questions deserves a post for a reply. This was one of those times.

Hi Mouse,I love how honest and candid you are in your blog. I have wondered though whether you ever considered getting assertiveness training? I just question what you get out of the relationship. I just see how you write that you do all the cooking, household chores normally, that Omega might cook very occasionally. Also when Omega is "busy", you seem to just accept it instead of not tolerating him shutting you out. Do you ever feel resentful or angry about any of this but just bottle it up? Oh and that you have all Omega's family over at Christmas time and that the entertaining is mostly left to you to do-could you not just go to their houses some years also? What may I ask does Omega do to please you? What does Omega do to make the relationship work? Thanks for letting me comment, hope I haven't offended either of you as I do enjoy reading your posts.

Dear Anonymous, No offense was taken at all. We actually, talked about your question a lot. Certainly, as someone like yourself on the outside, peering into our lives it can seem very unequal or maybe even unfair. People who know us in real life see us as a very traditional couple. People who stumble across our blog see a wider view of who we are and how we work together. What does mouse get out of her relationship? A strong sense of security is just one of the many things she gets from it.

Let's look at this way, mouse is home when working by around 3PM and Omega gets home normally around 7PM. What makes more sense him coming home and cooking and waiting another couple hours to eat? Or having a meal waiting or nearly finished when he arrives home? When Omega is "busy," at home, generally he's working for the next day. Now if he were locked away playing games or other things to exclude himself from everyone, we might have issues. That is simply not the case and mouse understands that work needs to be done and while he works, mouse is there with him, reading a book or blogs. Actually, mouse rather enjoys that time very much...it's quiet and relaxing.

There have been times in the past where mouse did feel resentful, but those were also times where Omega was more or less having issues with his SA. He, then would use his position over mouse to keep her silent and those were very trying times. We learned to communicate our wants and needs. Are there trade offs? Of course. When we go on vacation, for instance, he works very long hours making certain everything is wrapped up while he's away. We all can get a little disgruntled with him. But that's a short term issue and while on vacation work is left completely behind and he's devoted to having a good time.

Now, about the holidays, not sure what you have an issue with. His mother is getting on, in her late 70s and not really up to hosting family in her home. Yes, she stays with us during the holidays...but why not? And mouse has no family so there's no one to complain about it. This year we're doing Christmakah, and O's brother and family is joining us on Christmas eve, along with some friends (they came over on the first night of Chanukah as well). Christmas day was very nice and relaxing, we did entertain a few friends who happened by. We are continuing our Chanukah. New Years Eve is special. As mouse has mentioned her friends (the brunch bunch ladies) each year get together at a person's home, but this year because of issues we decided to postpone our normal party until New Years Eve. Eventually this party will come to our house, but not for a while.

Your question about what Omega does to make this relationship work is probably the easiest to answer. Quite honestly, while to an outsider it might seem terribly skewed in his favor, but we are both very committed to the success of our relationship. Omega holds mouse accountable for her end, and mouse in mostly subtle ways holds him to the same standard. If mouse should neglect her duties to him, she expects to be corrected.

In any relationship if one person feels they carry too much load, they begin to buckle under that stress. Omega will often use the example of carrying a backpack with rocks. The pressures we feel are the rocks. Some are huge, like the pressures of parenting. Some might be small, such as a work deadline (the reason a work deadline is smaller, is because once the deadline is met, the pressure lifts). The problem is that most of us carry it all. Rocks collected from childhood, adolescence and adulthood. Added to that are dating, marriage and children, etc.We all carry the weight of our life experience.

Some of us learn to let go of those rocks and it's quite liberating. We learn to distribute the remaining load evenly so it's carried without too much trouble. Sometimes, we find someone else who helps us lose our load. We surrender it willingly to them, by giving up our secrets surrounding and embedded in those stones. That's what we do by telling our deepest thoughts and secrets to someone we trust.

Now this can be a therapist, a friend, or in our case, each other. It has only helped to deepen our love and commitment. And that's a huge gift we give each other. We talk about our feelings and when one feels the pressure of too many rocks in our backpack, we discuss it. But we also talk about ways to relieve the load and put those into practice. These aren't just BDSM or M/s things, but things that everyone in relationships do. It's what you do to avoid becoming nothing but roommates who share a bed.

The BDSM side does require more talk and discussion about everything than vanilla relationships, because mostly of the potential for injury.Thank you for such a thoughtful question and mouse hopes she answered your questions.

Hugs,
mouse

Formspring Friday!

2011-12-16T07:11:00.000-08:00

Hi mouse. Am catching up on reading, it looks like you're in a much deeper submission then last year at this time . Can you recommend some posts you have written that show where these changes occurred? For example when did you start calling Omega Daddy?

Thanks for the question! Yes, there have been lot of changes this past year. Tho, it's super difficult to pick out posts that might be important, the one about why mouse started calling O, Daddy can be found here. Honestly the changes probably started since the beginning but they've been mostly slow. We started melding better over this last year and have only been going stronger. :-)

Thanks for the wonderful question!

*note* The next several questions seem to related and from the same person since they were sent at the same time or within minutes of each other.

sorry but this might sound silly .but my excuse is that I am an outsider to this life style and am trying to understand this better..does living this dynamic mean you do all the domestic chores and he does not chip in?..

Interesting question and thanks for taking the time to ask. Daddy does do some things around here, so can't really say that all the domestic chores fall on mouse. Guess it's easiest said that we each have our responsibilities. Yes, mouse's do involve household chores and shopping, errands...after all right now especially she's off work until January and works mostly from home (tho that might be changing again next year) it makes sense that things are the way they are. The vibe of the questions that followed seem to be kinda confrontational.

is your husband power hungry?

Daddy does enjoy being in control and mouse enjoys his control. Wouldn't really call him power hungry because there are things that are well out of his control and he doesn't really want it either.

controlling you in every possible way...does this not get tiering for him?

No, mouse doesn't think so.

do you have kids?..do they know you two live this life style?..if they ask you why you do everything for daddy what would be your explaination to them?...they may learn wrong leassons by observing the two of you dont you think?

No it is not shared with family. If they (family), or anyone, were to ask why mouse does everything for Daddy, she would simply say because she loves him and doing things for him makes her happy, which makes him happy...it's like a circle of happiness. Cue the Disney music ;-)

As a side note, that's what people do when they love each other...they do things for EACH other. Maybe it's just the way you worded the question. But there's an implication that somehow it's wrong to demonstrate love and respect.

Believe it or not, this doesn't mean that mouse is a doormat or just rolls over. But it does mean that mouse remains respectful, and that Daddy doesn't aways get his way or is automatically right just because he's the Master. Omega (Daddy, Master) is Dominant, not domineering. There is a big difference.

So, while mouse isn't sure if these questions were serious (first question aside) or if they were meant to be snarky, at least she knows the answers were honest.

Ask mouse anything

Vulnerabilities of the Dominant

2011-12-12T07:25:00.000-08:00

Salutations from Omega,

Often my mind rolls over certain thoughts, dismissed at the time as lacking merit, only to realize that I was spot on in the observance.

One such time, quite long ago when we still had the cage in the basement, we had played very hard and were sated. I recall being in my bed, two floors above where the activity had transpired and holding mouse close to me, as she was still lost in that foggy haze of subspace. I went through a routine we often do starting first by asking who she belongs to.

Not a hesitation in her voice, as she softly mewed that I do. I pressed further asking her other albeit leading, but nonetheless related questions, all which were answered accordingly. I felt a surge of pride and love for this creature that gives everything she has to me so freely. Then I asked, who owns me? Or words to that effect and she replied without hesitation that she did.

While at the time I dismissed it as being "cute" however the thought returned during a therapy session, where I mentioned this rather lightly to my therapist and quickly moved on to another topic. He stopped me, and returned that thought and asked how I felt about that. I paused for a moment and reluctantly admitted that it frightened me. To allow myself that level of intimacy was unthinkable just a year earlier. Well, maybe for most of my life, certainly throughout my life as a Dominant. Love was a hindrance to the level of play. I did not wish to concern myself with the notion of taking a bottom too far in a scene. Do not misunderstand I take aftercare extremely seriously and after intense play, I never shunned a girl for other plans before she was ready to leave.

Still love was impossible for me to consider, yet that had changed when mouse and I became involved. Yes, I did rather pursue her, in part because I was lonely and we had a shared history. I just did not imagine I would be so very captivated by her. Her love was healing and brought out desires in me that were impossible. She was suited well to me. So this moment of shear panic to find myself so vulnerable to her, had me at a complete loss. The thought of harming that love and trust haunted me. I suddenly found myself not wanting to take my girl too far, the sadistic urge ebbed away. At least the deep one.

Until one evening, not so very long after. We played in that basement, although neither of us knew it was for the last time. I put her through the paces and moved further tormenting every inch of her succulent body, consuming her as I went and fueled by a sadistic thirst that demanded release. I pushed her beyond the breaking point and still my hunger increased. When it was over I dragged her the cage and left her there while I fought to regain some semblance of composure.

Purged of any control over myself I watched her sleeping form, trembling and considered further torment. This was the woman I loved, I passionately adored and as the results of what I had done to her came crashing back, the images overwhelmed me. I opened the cage, realizing I had placed her there not to recoup, but to protect her until I could regain control. I called her, when she did not respond I panicked, grabbing her ankles and pulling her toward me. I held her, rocking her telling her how deeply sorry I was. Although I cannot be thoroughly certain, I do believe I wept and prayed for her safety.

I vowed to never harm her again. I bandaged her, tended her wounds and marks and bathed her.

It took her a day and half to come back to me. She had no recollection of what had occurred, however I will admit that for a brief time her nightmares returned. She had transferred what transpired between us to her former owner and seemed to be reliving it in the dream state.

I dismantled the basement soon afterward and resolved banish the sadist from my life once and for all. I could not take the risk, as the sadistic urgings were becoming fast a new compulsion, or another tidy branch of my sexual addiction.

Yet, my greatest moment of vulnerability was not that, it had occurred earlier. It was an off-handed question followed by an honest answer. What I once found unthinkable, I now find rather comforting; that between mouse and myself, it would seem that ownership is rather equal. Very much part of our power exchange.

Recently, mouse wrote about the gift of Dominance, which she noted is somewhat overlooked, however she seemed to dismiss her own gift of submission, by remarking that she was compelled to serve. In that simple truth she touched on something I found rather profound. We are constrained to be who and what we are. We are both imprisoned by our desires, hers to serve and mine to command. I believe together we will remain a constant force, so long as we remember to feed each other well.

Upon some reflection during the writing of this ramble, I noted that I demonstrated two varied types of vulnerability. The first to mouse and our relationship, my love for her which only grows. The second to my monster, the sexual addiction that fuels so much of me. I struggle daily to keep it bay and remain vulnerable to it and challenged by it. I suppose I will reveal more areas in which I am vulnerable, for now one is invited and the other grappled with.

Dreamy

2011-12-09T07:23:00.000-08:00

Greetings from mouse,

Sometimes Daddy does little things that drives mouse absolutely crazy. The other night mouse was curled up at his feet, all settled to do a little blog reading.

Then it starts..."mouse, would you..."

The first time, it's "of course Daddy, whatever you want,"The second time it's the same.

The third, forth, and fifth times, mouse is still providing service with a smile.

The tenth time...it's getting old.

The twentieth time, and who knew he come up with so many different things, mouse is quietly and seriously getting downright agigitates.

By the twenty-third time, mouse gives up trying to read and instead just waits...He waits...Slowly, mouse reaches for the pad.

He clears his throat.

Slowly mouse presses a button to look at blogs. "mouse do you mind..."

At this point mouse is ready to fling the pad across the room, and scream..Yes she does mind"

Instead she looks up into Daddy's eyes...

He smiles...

Really he smirks.

He unzips his trousers, shifting in his chair and mouse's eyes widen.

How could she refuse that? He's tied a bow to his man-meat. Like its a present. A gift just for mouse.

A gift she didn't even know she wanted.

Reorganizing of mouse

2011-12-08T07:12:00.000-08:00

Greetings from mouse,

One of the things that Daddy lately that mouse just melts over is that he had her arrange her clothing. Not just skirts, dresses, etc. But like a skirt and blouse, sweater (or whatever), scarf (mouse is required to wear a scarf over her head), purse, and jewelry. Everything goes on that one hanger, well sometimes two but they're kept together to avoid confusion. Shoes are stowed right below -- there's no end to those. Now some purses do go with other stuff, but mouse is free to change them around. Each week Daddy watches as mouse lays out 7 complete outfits. He's made sure that she has enough accessories to go with each. (this is actually the process he uses to decide on his suits) for the week.

Then sweatpants are chosen, now mouse only has a couple pairs of those, but Daddy selects the tops. Each morning after Daddy leaves for work, mouse starts her day. First things she does is go upstairs and see what she'll be wearing. Ok the gym clothes don't interest her (unless they're absent which means she can skip the gym).

Never did mouse think that having someone else control what you wear could be fun...but somehow that's how mouse sees it. Sure she gets to pick the blouse, skirt..but he'll sometimes deliberately pick a black bra that just pushes mouse's boobs up and doesn't cover them, to wear under a very thin white blouse, now of course this is usually covered by a cardigan type sweater and no one would know the difference but still...wow. Adding the garter and hose, heels...and he's made the most conservative outfit feel downright slutty!

He commented once recently to mouse that he wanted her to be a lusty bitch in pearls...

He wasn't kidding.

The second annual great cookie recipe exchange

2011-12-07T06:52:00.000-08:00

Seasons greetings from mouse,

This recipe is super easy, but there's a story behind it. Years ago mouse attended with her friend Lucy, a Grateful Dead concert. Upon returning home, she found a cigarette in her pocket. One of those cigarettes, which we smoked without much hesitation.

The stuff made us really stupid for a long time, listening to Pink Floyd and staring at the walls unable to move and entranced by unseen lights that seem to flicker from within our minds. The shit was wheelchair weed for sure. As the buzz wore off, about a couple hours or three albums later (yes this was still vinyl-land) we got hungry. We eagerly began digging through the cupboards for foodstuffs... When Lucy decided we should make muffins...

We added the following for a very basic muffin...

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
2 eggs, lightly beaten
1 cup eggnog not the light or tummy trimming stuff...Ha!
1/2 cup butter, melted
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 tablespoon of rum or brandy or bourbon

We dumped all the ingredients together and used pretty holiday muffin liners in anticipation of our treat.

Now you might notice something missing...yes, in our post-stoned stupor, we omitted sugar from the recipe! First bite was evident something was horribly wrong.

No worries, we took the muffins cut them into prices, arranged them in a baking dish and added:

3 eggs

1 cup of milk

2 cups eggnog

3/4 cup of sugar +a couple tablespoons to sprinkle over the top.

1/2 cup of brandy or bourbon or rum

1/3 cup of dried cranberries

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

1/4 teaspoon cinnamon

Soak the cranberries in the booze and set aside. Mix all the liquid, eggs milk, nog, together with nutmeg and cinnamon. Toss in cranberries with booze. Pour over the mistake, er ah, muffins and let soak for up to an hour in the fridge. sprinkle with remaining 1-2 tablespoons of sugar right before baking.

Heat oven to 350 and bake for 50-55 minutes until golden brown.

Now, you don't have to make the eggnog muffins for this recipe to work, you can really use any kind of bread (you want about 6-7 cups worth of cubed whatever (a little more makes a firmer end bread pudding, less bread makes it creamier). If you use an Italian Pannettone, try to use rum or brandy instead of bourbon and after cubing it, try drying it out a little in a hot oven before covering it with the milk/nog mixture.

This recipe is really totally forgiving and super easy!

Enjoy! Now be sure to check out the other participants and special thanks for Jz for putting this together!

Aisha
Alice
Ally
Another Suburban Mom
Ashly Star
Beau
Beth
Conina
Elysia
greengirl
Hedone
Jack & Jill
His wyld rose
Infidelity Chronicles
Jz
Kirsti
Krissy
lil
Linda Long
Little Monkey
Lola!
Mijena
Naughty Kitty
nilla
ponderouspet
ronnie
Rose
Ryan
Sara
selkie (her recipe here, her blog here)
Sephani Page
Serenity
shadesofblue
striving for peace
sin
Tempting Sweets
The Missus
undercovermetamorphosis
Viemoira

Pampered slave

2011-12-06T07:10:00.000-08:00

Greetings from mouse,

We had such a busy weekend, Daddy decorated the house, well the yard. He drew up a plan of where he wanted the lights to go and set to work making it happen. He said that maybe next weekend, weather permitting we'll get a tree. Yay! While Daddy did all that he surprised mouse by sending her out with her friends to get a little pampering. Nails and toes plus a massage (of course mouse was completely discrete about the welts and lashes on her bottom -- which heightened the excitement)! It was heavenly. We drank wine and ate great food and laughed a lot. Of course this led to the normal husband bashing that goes on when you get a group of women together, but mouse doesn't let that bother her...she just doesn't participate in it.

While mouse was out he handled the purchasing of all the lights and had everything arranged by the time he picked up mouse at the day spa. That evening mouse was sooooo very relaxed she spent much of the night nearly pestering Daddy to show him how grateful she was. Daddy had other ideas as he gathered up everyone and we went for a drive to look at Christmas lights. Seemed so early but everyone has them up around here. Then we stopped in at a coffee shop and had hot cocoa. The place was decorated so cute for Christmas...like a dickens theme going on. Whole town really.

It's weird because each year mouse seems to forget how wonderful this town is at Christmas. All the buildings twinkle with lights and the trees too. Each year mouse marvels at it. Everyone seems so happy with those easy smiles...the ones that just naturally bubble up. We had planned to stop at the bakery but it was already closed (duh), instead we got some fruit, apples and pears at the vegetable stand. Well, they don't just carry veggies and fruits...they also do milk, cheese and eggs from local growers. Further down the road there's a florist and butch shop with a great deli. Honestly, mouse doesn't shop there very often because they charge a bit more and the market is more convenient. Plus it sells everything..but mouse gets pangs of guilt thinking all those little shops could one day just vanish because of that.

Later at home we watched a holiday movie, put the kiddo to bed and went upstairs to begin rituals.

Upstairs Master had mouse get onto her knees and inspected her, and checked her marks from the cane. He grabbed and probed her body and made her quiver. He chained her to the bed, and did things to her to make her want to scream in passion...unleashing the slut was so easy for him. He told her to remain silent and forbid her to orgasm until he was ready...he toyed and eventually ripped each orgasm from her body. Each one pulsated through her body as he made her dance on that invisible string. When he was done, he unchained her, wrapped her up and covered her with his own body like a blanket.

Sunday morning mouse tried to slip from the bed to make his coffee and get his breakfast started but he pulled her close to him refusing to let her go. He grabbed her wrists and forced himself between her legs (like that was a big struggle). He used her thoroughly then told her to get busy with his coffee.

The playful swat on the ass really got mouse moving. The whole day and well into the evening was much like that...he demanded use of his property and he demanded her service. Gotta say mouse enjoyed it a lot.

Constancy

2011-12-05T07:30:00.000-08:00

Salutations from Omega,

Since mouse seems to use this greeting in her journal posts, I decided to use this as well as it might help to cut down on confusion as to who is composing.

After reading her journal post on Friday, I understood that discussion was needed. It is of my mindset that slaves require certain measures from their dominant and absent those, we will call them Dom obligations, the dynamic suffers. Mouse did not listen to what I was expressing to her on that day. Yes, she was duly punished for the offense of making assumptions. You cannot read the liner notes of novel and write a competent report on the subject. The same is true when listening, as it is different from simply hearing. I assure you, her hearing is fine, it is in the listening where things become dodgy.

As she wrote, she "checked out," of the conversation and indeed she had. I decided to levy correction at once. I explained why I was offended and accepted her disappointment. Yet, upon waking me in the AM hour, I was still and I believe rightfully so, a trifle miffed at her. Had she written up that post after breakfast, I doubt she would have given the early morning another thought. I had her consider ways to improve her listening skills and write about those in our private journal, which was completed today.

However, it did strike me for a moment or three, how tenuous our connection is and easily unsettled mouse can become. It is not her fault for this, in fact I am rather proud of her when she is of conscientious mind. I began considering other dynamics that she and I would discuss, a submissive with an issue in dealing with her Dominant.

It is fine to have many rules, early on we had a roughly 150 individual rules. From those I would pull a few for mouse to focus on. Over-time we dismissed most of the rules and left in place the few, which encompassed all the others. This gave mouse the direction she needed to carry about her day. Now, one simply cannot create rules for their submissive minded girl, and then sit back, doing nothing further save for requiring adherence to said rules. I control mouse in what she wears, how she speaks, how she carries herself in a public setting and even the meals she prepares. I involved myself in this process and am as vested as she.

Some allow the slave/submissive to set her own rules to follow, I find this to be rather lazy, however done correctly it can prove useful. All slaves require constancy. That is not negotiable and often over-looked by their counterparts, especially those with little experience. If you make a rule or give a command it is your job as Dominant to make certain that task is carried out to your satisfaction. If you do not care, why bother at all? She requires that you follow through, she wants to know that she is being held accountable for her actions -- not simply some of the time, but all of it. The slave requires correction when she knowingly fails in her duty. No, she demands correction; she needs it as she needs air to breathe and water to drink.

Demerits

2011-12-02T07:04:00.000-08:00

Greetings from mouse (and updated below),

Yesterday, Daddy called mouse into his study to discuss her demerit count for the month. Truthfully, mouse remained hopeful she'd dodged a bullet. However, as he began talking she realized quickly that she hadn't. Holding herself together, she fought back the tears.

The problem was she stopped listening to him and focused on what her punishment could be. Mentally as mouse strayed from Daddy, she felt the ground seemingly swallowing her up.

Daddy's voice thundered through her head, how long had she been kneeling there, worse still how long had he been talking? Long enough to realize mouse hadn't been listening. He was annoyed with his slave and demanded to know what was thinking. Was she thinking of ways to improve her submission? No. Was she considering ways to please her Master? No.

Quivering not from any fear but from knowing how deeply she'd disappointed him and lowered her head to the floor, begging forgiveness.

Not listening is a big hot button issue for all of us at times, tho Daddy is much better at actively listening than mouse is. The actual demerits hadn't been so bad after all. But now because mouse had checked out mentally, while Daddy, her Master was talking to her; that was a different situation.

Master decided since it was just the beginning of the month and mouse has struggled with this in past, a strong correction was needed. He wasn't about to repeat all he had said before and made the slave repeat each sentence he did speak, just to be certain she was hearing him now.

He wasted no time having her present her backside across his desk and had her kiss the strap before applying it to her bottom. Struggling not to squirm the slave counted. Then she was presented again the strap, which she dutifully kissed and thanked Master.

It wasn't over. The cane was next. 5 strokes was more than enough to remind mouse of her place. They were not light strikes and skin was (lightly) broken, which Master tended to.

He led her up the stairs, dispensed with rituals and diapered her. Master chained his slave to the bed. He didn't talk to her or stroke her hair. The slave was mentally too anguished to say anything than to offer more apologies as she drifted off to sleep.

Early this morning mouse roused Daddy with her mouth and when he woke he roughly took her. A deep mouth fuck for the slave as she choked on him.

It's not at all clear if this correction continued into the morning. Still need to get Daddy's breakfast on the table and start the prep for dinner tonight.

We're supposed to get a light snow (who knows really they get it wrong much more often than right), so mouse will make sure Daddy will have his wool overcoat and hat. Maybe an umbrella too.

Update: During breakfast things were fine. Daddy left for work with a smile on his face and mouse feels like the weight of the world has been lifted...promise Daddy/Master to try to listen more carefully from now on!

Our life

2011-12-01T06:02:00.000-08:00

Greetings from mouse,

The other morning after making love, we pondered together what we would call the blog and what changes we would make. It was Master (Daddy) who remarked that we were one spirit. It got mouse thinking about our power exchange. It's taken us some time to get to the place where we're both content in who we are.

Oddly, this was our path from the beginning but it wasn't until in say the past six months or so we finally started really communicating what our needs really were and started working on our goals.

The goal was really simple to embrace who were so that each of us could shine as Master and slave. It wasn't too long ago that Master dismissed the term slave and banished it, however as it is part of the lifestyle and understood to mean certain things, mostly the lack of control and the holding back of nothing, Daddy brought it back. Tho, he spent lots of time considering it.

The truth is that mouse needs him to control her. Everyone always talks about the gift of submission, but mouse is compelled to serve. Daddy's gift to mouse is just as important, it's the gift his dominance. Without that mouse's submission has no meaning in our lives.

Welcome to The Power Exchange

2011-11-30T06:42:00.000-08:00

Greetings from mouse,

We thought about what to call the blog, and we decided that it's really our journey into this thing we call consensual slavery. The meat of it is that it's a Power Exchange. In the past this journey has always been about that but more about mouse than Daddy. However, when reading through all the old posts we realized Daddy's always been there. Now he's really here with it all. He can do his own posts or (rambles - as he calls them), and we can even do joint posts.

It's gunna be different and new and hopefully interesting to read, but really most readers shouldn't notice any deep changes.

Hugs,

mouse

End of the journey

2011-11-29T06:04:00.000-08:00

Daddy and mouse have been going through and reading the words contained here. The beginning of the journey to becoming his perfection. When this blog first started, mouse wasn't even mouse! Guess the first step was becoming mouse. Along the way, we met many fellow travelers and some have stayed with us since the beginning. We thank them. We met others along the journey, some have remained, some left and others vanished.

All the while mouse has learned so much of what it means to be a submissive, slave, wife and mother with Daddy Omega by mouse's side. In the beginning mouse had issues with past abuse, but made lots of progress with Daddy's help. It's taken a long time. Daddy is a very patient man, but mouse has had patience dealing with him too. His issues with addiction would haunt us both, but him moreso than mouse. We've had lots of arguments, worries real and unseen, but also lots of laughter and love.

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.

We've done a lot of both.

Guess, we knew the journey was coming to an end when we combined emails and blogger profiles into one. That was a huge change but also an easy one. A few weeks ago it might have seemed impossible, but it went really smoothly. Is this really the end?

No it's a new beginning! We're moving all his posts from his blog over here. We still have to decide on a new title and look (both should be interesting).

Title suggestions are more than welcome!

See ya soon!

Hugs,

mouse

flip of a switch

2011-11-28T07:01:00.000-08:00

Good morning,

On Thanksgiving mouse slipped and called Omega, Daddy in front of everyone. Now it wasn't a big deal...Daddy made a "who's your daddy joke," that went on for a while but no harm was done....

On Saturday morning, after our shower Daddy tormented mouse a little about it...honestly, she had put the whole thing behind her and hadn't given it a lot of thought. He wanted to know if mouse enjoyed calling him Daddy in front of everyone...How did the gaff make her feel. Did it make her clit vibrate?

Ya, he wanted to know if mouse got hot.

No, she really didn't...just said it and moved on...but...will admit something small registered later when he asked, "who's your daddy," and smacked mouse's backside playfully in front of everyone after the meal. That was done for a laugh...again not a big deal...

So Saturday morning, he decided to "punish," mouse for her social mistake.

Now it wasn't a real punishment...but it was fun.

He growled at mouse to finger herself while he watched, asking if she was a hot little bitch for Daddy. He totally directed the action, then as mouse was just ready to take off in orgasmic bliss he slapped on the clamps. The ouch was audible but mouse liked it.

A lot

Soon mouse was begging for more while Daddy watched his wanton little pain slut whirl. He said that she was a bad little girl and spanked her bottom while she continued to masturbate herself into a frenzy. By the time she got fucked by him she was worked up and became someone that mouse doesn't really know. The object.

The toy that registers pain but doesn't really care about it. When she's like that Omega can do whatever he wants to her and she'd just let it go...

We played like that for around three hours...well, nearly before slipping into an exhausted coma. During that time, mouse remained super close to Daddy. The need and desire to be close him was crushing mouse. Pulverizing her until there wasn't anything left except for Daddy and bits of mouse.

After that the world revolved around Daddy and his needs. Oh how he loves it when mouse is 'on," like that. When his needs are met before they have a chance to register to his brain. He is imprinted on her brain, and she knows him so well. Her nature was just to please him and remain oh so submissive to him.

Now, mouse will admit those times are kinda rare that she's "on" like that but something was different this time. It's lasted, beyond that day...into Sunday and this morning too. Obviously mouse is going to have to ponder this more, but honestly she's not complaining or putting much effort into those thoughts. There's only a lot of happiness that the feelings are there.

Hugs,

mouse

Formspring Friday

2011-11-25T07:01:00.000-08:00

Good morning,

Received an excellent question earlier in the week and decided to tackle it here today.

Dear mouse, I have been reading your blog for a while and relate so much, thank you for sharing with us. Would you give any tips for overcoming clinginess? Did Omega help you with that in some way? I don't want clinginess to push my Sir away. Thank you.

First of all thank you for the compliment and for reading. As to your question....well it's been mouse's experience the Dom types generally like our clinginess...when mouse just can't get enough of Daddy and has that deep need to crawl inside him -- he kinda enjoys it. Now, there are appropriate times for those feelings. When Daddy is in his study working, mouse needs to demonstrate patience (a hobby is a great way to fill in those times). Daddy doesn't mind it if mouse focuses on another task, so long as its quiet.

If he's at work, sometimes mouse will send him a text message or write him an email, but is also careful not overwhelm his inbox or expect a reply. We do kinda keep up on Twitter, he can look and see everything mouse has posted. He likes that and occasionally replies. Other things mouse does is to focus on her tasks, like work and chores...after all she does these things for Daddy. Or in times of shear desperation, she will go for a walk.

One thing that Daddy has done to kinda help with those feelings is to keep mouse busy. Being idle for too long isn't good for mouse, it allows her to think too much and fears and worries start to creep in. Keeping busy helps. If permission is granted, sometimes chatting with a friend helps too, someone who understands the lifestyle and can help with the bumps.

Now there is a clinginess that occurs after a scene that's also natural and should be expected by the Dom. That's when those feelings of crawling inside Daddy are most pronounced. The need or desire to suck and worship him comes out in huge ways for mouse, not sure why that is, something to ponder another time. All this is followed by subdrop, where mouse feels like the rug has been ripped out from under her feet. Lots of crying and neediness but, again Daddy is aware of that and plans accordingly.

Communication and understanding is the key and an attentive Dom who takes aftercare seriously will help satisfy those feelings, or at the very least make them bearable for the two of you. Talking about when those feelings occur and what else can be done to ease them is an important step.

Truthfully, wouldn't worry too much about clinginess driving a Dom away, they should be striving to achieve that whether they realize it or not.

Thanks for the great question and hope mouse answered it. If you have any followup questions feel free to ask away...

ask mouse anything

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-23T21:10:00.001-08:00

And welcome the official start to the Christmas season!

How do you celebrate?

We're having friends and family to our house. Should be a whole lotta fun and good times. Yes there will be turkey!

Also a few blog changes coming down.

Stay tuned!

Hugs,
mouse

Ps., let's pretend it's tomorrow all ready. :-)

Domination

2011-11-23T06:29:00.000-08:00

In the lifestyle, submissives are the ones that allegedly hold parts of themselves back and slaves lack that option. Now, mouse doesn't believe that for a moment there are many who describe themselves as submissive who hold nothing back from their Dom.

Sin at Finding My Submission certainly comes to mind in her writings about Big Bad Dom. Although mouse could never be certain, she doesn't believe that Sin ever holds anything back.

This isn't really about the slave v sub debate. Daddy reserves the term slave when he feels mouse needs that extra shot of whatever. And lately over the past couple months he's been using it a lot.

Now our lives, like most peoples, ebbs and flows like the tide. Daddy goes through periods where submission isn't that important -- well that's not exactly true, it's always important. He enjoys feeling comfortable in his dominance and likes things the way he likes them.

Now it never fails that mouse falls into a comfortable routine of service that Daddy enjoys. While she doesn't intend to become sloppy, it seems it happens. Daddy always notices and ponders it. Sometimes he'll say nothing, other times it comes out. More often than not he'll drop subtle or not so subtle hints.

One such day he asked mouse how she would feel about total submission and being treated like a highly treasured slave -- but still bereft of any choice. Now the idea excited mouse and we started slowly moving in that direction. That was probably a couple years ago now.

When mouse would reach a point of comfort in who she is, Daddy would take her deeper. Along the way, mouse realized this is not for the faint of heart. Many would be repulsed by such dehumanizing of another or the total subjugation.

But is it really like that?

Well, yes and no. There are many ways to hold parts of yourself back from your Master, and some don't mind it. To seek submission on your own terms, is really counter to what it means to submit. Yet, mouse did this time and again.

When she realized what she was doing she was mortified.

During this time Daddy dropped a few hints and some were subtle. He left a website page open about dominating your slave with diapers. As mouse scanned the page with her eyes she trembled and closed the browser.

Daddy started talking more and more about ways to inflict a little humiliation into mouse's life. Ways to further his control. Enter diapers.

Daddy talked very plainly to mouse he wanted more from her. He wanted to control more, to possess her in every way. He took full control of her the moment he put the diaper on her.

Control over your bladder is a base thing. Using the toilet, is something we all do without a lot of thought. Yet in diapers there is a lot going on. First many people due to medical conditions or age have to wear them. They're readily available in stores.

Still, when Omega brought them out mouse cried. He was taking something from her. He teased her sexually before putting it on her. Then sealed her up.

Now, there was something oddly arousing also going on in mouse that she still can't explain. Daddy made mouse drink lots of water and waited while mouse cried and whined.

Finally feeling resigned to her fate, mouse wet herself. It was demoralizing and debasing the rush of her status as just a slave became evident. It made her feel excited and sexually charged.

Yeah, betcha didn't see that coming.

Neither did mouse.

Just so you know we don't do number 2 in the diaper. That's a game neither of us are into. It's not part of age play (even tho mouse calls Omega Daddy), it's just about domination. There is a total feeling of subjugation that happens, and it's difficult to put into words. It's like unending scene. Or being in bondage that really doesn't draw extra attention since, as mouse mentioned before there could be a medical reason. It can go on forever if Daddy wants it to. Right now it's only done at night and sometimes during the weekend. That's dependent on what's going on. At night it's somewhat practical, as mouse has a weak bladder anyway and always wakes to pee. Daddy keeps mouse cuffed and chained to the bed. If she needed to pee she would have to wake Daddy (yes, mouse can unfasten herself -- but it's only in the case of an emergency and is something that's practiced nightly while Daddy watches).

It excites mouse in odd ways that are mostly just crazy. Daddy is thrilled with the results as well.

Certainly this is the road less traveled and not for everyone. But for now it is part of who mouse is and who she is ever evolving to become.

It's over

2011-11-22T22:25:00.001-08:00

As mouse said in a comment, the poly ended. Daddy ended it. Not going to say why and still trying to process it all.

Daddy and mouse both feel terrible tho.

VBA

2011-11-22T10:21:00.001-08:00

It's come to mouse's attention that she's been given a few times the Versatile Blogger Award (VBA). Of course with those awards there are rules...

First being supposed to link back to the nominating party and wow that is a nice idea. Unfortunately, mouse lost the emails...ya..silly mouse...So if you were kind enough to give mouse this award, she'll be more than happy to add you to her blog roll.

Second supposed to tell 7 things about mouse... Wow 7?

Ok...hold onto your hats because it goes...

Daddy loves to dominate mouse in ways he finds...um..creative. Lately, mouse has been made to wear diapers at night and sleep chained to the bed.
Additionally mouse must be diapered on weekends to increase her dependance on Daddy.
Daddy will often feed mouse (when appropriate) and decides what mouse will eat during the day. Sorry but mouse finds that one VERY hot.
We've moved kinda in a poly relationship with another couple. Two tops and two bottoms...cute heh?
It's weird being owned by someone other than Daddy.
It's scary being dependent on Daddy for EVERYTHING and comforting at the same time
There's one more secret mouse hasn't shared and isn't ready to yet.
Bonus, Daddy suggested that mouse share the diaper stuff because it makes her feel humiliated and is supposed to include the part that she likes being dominated in this odd and unique way. (Screams!!!)

Yes, there will be blog posts to follow about all these things and maybe the secret thing...who knows??

Now, if you'll excuse mouse she's going to run and hide for a little, and hopes this post get lost in the preholiday rush....

The Great Cookie Recipe Exchange

2011-11-22T09:51:00.001-08:00

Better late than NEVER....Was supposed to do this a few days ago....Anyway our Reluctant friend is hosting the second annual cookie recipe exchange...if you want to participate and we know you do...

Email her here.

Sorry Jz for being late in doing this....

Hugs,

mouse

Falling snow and blowing leaves

2011-11-16T15:50:00.001-08:00

Seems like such an odd combination, but the snow started falling this afternoon and hasn't stopped. No real accumulation going on. That'll happen overnight if the weather continues.

Today, possibly because of the weather mouse is feeling very domestic. Finished all the chores and got caught up on the laundry. Dinner is under control too. It's kinda nice. Also wrapped up work for the year.

Yep the whole year, well what's left of it.

Hard to believe next week begins the holiday season. Another year is nearly done. A new year ahead brings some new optimism. Or at the very least indifference --Ha! Maybe it's time that mouse put away the sandals? Summer isn't coming back, fall is quickly giving way to winter and what a long winter it's going to be. Still, the house is warm, clean and above all quiet. A warmth fills mouse with contentment and really no worried at all about the holiday madness. It'll all get done or not and that's all good.

It's odd to find mouse in such a contemplative mood, but counting blessings is far easier than leaves or snowflakes.

And today mouse feels very blessed.

Formspring Friday

2011-11-11T09:18:00.000-08:00

Good morning, is Mouse a girl or a trans?

Well, good morning to you too. Wow...never been asked that...mouse is all girl. All girly-girl. With all the girly girl parts in place...Daddy is all man...manly man (just in case anyone wonders), with all the man-parts in place too...

Your life seems so rich (almost glamorous). Do you think you could practice the kind of submission that characterizes your life if you were less financially stable?

That's an interesting question, dunno if our life is glamorous tho....really, if mouse's life were more glamorous she wouldn't begin each morning by scrubbing her own toilets :p In any event, really feel finances have nothing much to do with submission. If we were less financially stable mouse would still be doing everything she does now for Daddy. Financial worries (and these days who doesn't have those?) can cause added stress to any dynamic. You do start thinking in more practical terms.

Submission isn't based on finances, the things mouse does to display her submission to Daddy aren't all that different from things other submissives do everyday to please their own Masters.

Do you ever feel that your Daddy takes more than he gives?

No, tho at times when he's super busy it might feel like that, but things always balance out eventually.

Do you still wake your Dom each morning by sucking his cock?

Yes, mouse does...he likes it and mouse loves pleasing him that way.

Thanks for all the wonderful questions...

Ask mouse anything

Have a great weekend!

Humiliation

2011-11-09T12:55:00.000-08:00

Its not really part of our dynamic. Yet its always there on some levels. The past weekend, Daddy and mouse attended a charity event in which, Daddy gave a short speech. Before we left, he inspected mouse, her clothing choices, bag, shoes...he watched her dress. After he commented that something was missing...he produced the plug and the egg. This made mouse very uncomfortable, while she doesn't mind so much the plug, the egg is another story. It's remotely activated so he can be a distance from mouse and it will still work.

He tested it out...then we went on our way. Everything was fine, until it was time for him to give his speech, a short one under 5 minutes about the importance of the charity. Daddy went up and the vibe started buzzing, mouse's eyes got wide as it went through the paces of going fast, slow, very slow, only to pick up and start going fast again. Trying to show no emotion and concentrate on the speech was impossible.

Later, during the dessert course Daddy whispered that mouse wasn't allowed to touch the food on her plate. He fed her in front of everyone which was probably terribly romantic looking from afar. It's not like mouse was on display or anything, only a few people took notice. But mouse knew what it meant. It was about control, the fact he had it all and mouse truly had none and it was a big turn on...

When we got home, as mouse undressed and removed the internal stuff, cleaned them and put them away, Daddy came in, he kissed his mouse lavishly and softly...the way that just makes mouse melt. He toyed with one of the nipple rings and asked if mouse enjoyed his speech. Of course she had, but when he pressed further and asked which part she'd enjoyed the most...

Well mouse was caught. There was squeaking as he twisted the nipple ring slowly. He bound her hands behind her back as he prodded and probed her body. He was enjoying this. Then he took a step back and told mouse to masturbate and freed her hands. He sat back on the edge of the tub, turned on the lights in the bathroom and watched as mouse standing there in the middle, fingered herself. It was agonizing and hot.

We go through periods like this it seems, he finds himself in the right mood and decides to play with his mouse...well toy with her. Its demeaning and debasing, and mouse secretly enjoys it. When he tells mouse to be a good puppy and hump his leg, she does it without hesitation until she orgasms...And after she cleans him off with her tongue.

It's how it is, she belongs to him after all. It's just humiliating to admit it. To completely surrender yourself over to someone is scary. Yet, mouse willingly goes down that rabbit hole at Daddy's whim.

Everything

2011-11-04T12:00:00.000-07:00

Good...well, it's Afternoon mouse guesses...

Been meaning to blog all week but sooo busy, just haven't had the time. Daddy decided to make a few small changes, first is mouse is required to use twitter more. Second and the biggie change is that mouse is now on a new system for punishments.

Daddy instituted a demerit system. Basically, how it works when mouse does stuff that she's supposed to she receives a point. That stuff can be anything from keeping the house tidy, meals cooked to his liking, etc., if mouse does something that displeases him she receives a check. At the end of the month if the checks out-number the points she is punished for the balance. Now, it should be mentioned that this was started before mouse KNEW about it, but as Daddy pointed out, all the rules are supposed to be followed.

To recap the rules are:

mouse shall maintain a clean home, vehicle and office space, as her neatness is a direct reflection of Daddy.

mouse will maintain her evening rituals.

Only in complete submission to Daddy shall mouse realize the depth of the love she has for him.

When outside the presence of Daddy and faced with choices to make - mouse will perform them to the best of her abilities and within the boundaries and guidance Daddy has afforded.

mouse understands that Daddy wishes a proactive slave in his life. Should mouse discover something within herself that would further her slavery to Omega and he would find pleasing, mouse is free to pursue such interest vigorously as though he had commanded it, as long as it is within the realm of already established rules. If it is outside that realm, then mouse must discuss it with Omega prior.

Now to be honest, it's just 5 rules, shouldn't be too hard but if you really read them, they cover a lot of territory.

While mouse does fine on maintaining her rituals and housework but she seems to fall flat on general obedience, snarkyness, and general sarcasm. So, at the end of the month she ended up with a deficit of three points. Three lousy points! Daddy in his wisdom decided that each point would be worth 10 whacks with the implement of his choice. He chose three! YES...Three! He came home early from work and told mouse to go into the basement, strip (honestly we haven't played there in MONTHS), and wait for him. Daddy talked to mouse about the attitude was standing in her way, offered many examples and asked if mouse understood why she was to be punished.

Then we started the punishment, mouse crawled into the former play room and offered her wrists to Daddy, which he bound and told her to rise. Then he fastened them to the beam above mouse's head. The ceilings are rather low in that part of the basement, so standing isn't too difficult. Then he brought out the leather strap, had mouse kiss it and count the blows on her bottom. Then after, she thanks him, kisses the strap then Daddy and he waited a few moments before moving onto the cane. Now, mouse hates the cane and wriggles a good deal but she held still mostly as the can striped her ass and backs of her thighs. Thanked Daddy through big tears and kissed the cane, and kissed Daddy. Now the begging and pleading for mercy started...Not sure how long mouse tried to convince him that she learned her lesson, but it was useless.

The riding crop was number three and mouse was shaking, scared and already hurting so bad. Daddy presented the crop to mouse, who dutifully kissed it. Now mouse was twisting and twirling, screaming and crying all at once. Trying to keep track of the number to be counted out. He got her breasts a few times because she didn't hold still. After he released mouse, and watched as she crumbled on the floor in a sweaty crying mess. Her body was on fire and not in a good way.

Somehow she managed to thank him, kiss the crop and then he unzipped his trousers and had mouse kiss his manhood. Somehow mouse, filled with remorse became filled with love and lust for him and began sucking him. Maybe it was just the need to please him or to make things right between us...

Daddy allowed mouse to worship his body a little before making her stop and rest for a while. The whole night mouse was totally content to be beside Daddy and really those feelings have lasted.

So, now mouse is working on talking less, being more thankful for Daddy and demonstrating his love for him in more ways.

Hard lesson to learn but a needed one!

source of preferred corsets?

2011-10-31T15:11:00.001-07:00

Daddy knows someone who makes them locally. Actually think we are going there soon.

Dunno of any good online ones.

Thanks slave Isabelle for asking about that.

Hugs,
mouse

Ask me anything

Control

2011-10-24T06:09:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

Last Friday, Daddy watched while mouse did her evening rituals. He removed the rings from her nipples and placed clamps. He watched mouse kneel, recite her rules and tremble. We talked about how things are going, the difficult week and lots of things mouse didn't want to talk about. Then he took her by the hair and pulled her to him and made her suck him.

Having him demonstrate his control was exactly what mouse needed, it's been so hard to feel that control lately, even tho it's always around her. As he controlled how fast or slow she went, she cried almost uncontrollably, when Daddy finally reached orgasm, mouse was truly a mess. He left her to cry on the floor for a few minutes, then he helped her up and into the shower. The clamps were still in place as the cold water splashed against her body. There was a strong feeling of absolutely no control over anything in mouse's life.

Bliss.

After the shower, he removed the clamps and returned the nipple rings. He tugged on each of them, pulling on them as he led her back to the bedroom. No nightgown, no bedclothes, he pulled her into bed and held her close to him. He talked in that soothing tone of his, his voice like velvet as mouse shivered beside him. The strong urge to crawl inside him and hide was there. He did nothing to discourage mouse from taking him into her mouth and sleeping that way. He helped position the blankets so that mouse didn't become chilled during the night.

In the morning mouse woke, she was still in the same position was when she went to bed. Saturday was about routine, light cleaning and Daddy. It seemed as though mouse couldn't be far from him throughout the day. Sunday was the same, except mouse made Daddy breakfast in bed, he hates feeling sickly and is coming down with a cold. Guess that made him feel kinda sadistic, because he told mouse to strip, put on the clamps and kneel beside the bed while he ate.

It's true mouse feels closest to Daddy when she can feel his control or when he asserts it like yesterday when mouse surprised him with breakfast in bed. But today is Monday and he's going to work. It's going to be soooo hard to be apart from him.

Today is going to be soooo difficult.

Testing resolve

2011-10-19T06:43:00.000-07:00

There's a process to requesting changes to our dynamic. First permission must be given to broach a topic, there's not always an easy way to do that. Usually, the best approach to simply ask. Then quickly explain in a concise fashion, the specific issue that needs addressing and wait.

The waiting is the hardest part, but is also part of the process as it tests mouse's resolve. More about that in a bit.

Recently, there has been issues with the morning ritual. Each morning mouse is to kneel with or without pain, and go over the rules, spending extra time on those that give mouse troubles.

It's not meant to take long, but at the same time seems redundant, since that's part of the evening ritual. The problem is the focus, while it should be on Daddy, invariably ends up being about the day ahead. Meetings, things to be done, reports to be written and the like.

When does a ritual lose its necessity?

It's taken mouse three months to decide that before bringing it to Daddy. Of course he gets to decide and part of the wait is for to test mouse's resolve. How serious is she about this proposed change? How important is it to mouse? Having answers to those questions before she brings it to Daddy is so important. So, with much uncertainty mouse brought the topic to Daddy.

Naturally with something as important as rituals, Daddy will want to know exactly why mouse is proposing eliminating a ritual. Oh yes, the goal is to eliminate the morning ritual!

Not at all an easy sell.

So in the evening Daddy called mouse into his study and listened carefully to her arguments against the morning ritual. He decided that it might be ok to suspend the ritual for now on a trial basis. Just to see how mouse does.

The plug

2011-10-17T14:13:00.000-07:00

From the moment of insertion, a wash of submissive feeling fills mouse. Every movement made, while its in reinforces those feelings. Sometimes it's strangely depleting, leaving the a deep ache. Other times and mostly it's a source of comfort. Like a baby sucking on a pacifier, the unconscious clench reminds mouse of it's presence and of her Daddy.

It remains in place now until Daddy returns home from work. Several hours at least, quietly demanding that mouse remain busy and oddly mentally still, focused on the task, whatever it may be.

In the evening, when alone Daddy will often question mouse on the plug. He will ask to see it. We will discuss how it made mouse feel. Often after or even during these discussions Daddy will say to bend over his desk, or counter and lift her dress. He will test her, by entering her there and continue asking his questions while asserting his dominance. Focusing on his questions isn't always easy but as she frequently must remind herself, this isn't for her. It's for Daddy, her Master. The duty is on her alone to focus on only his words, disregarding everything else that goes on.

If only it were always that easy.

culling the chaos

2011-10-04T15:03:00.000-07:00

For those interested the cleaning routine post is up on Culling Chaos.

You can find it here.

Quiet

2011-10-03T05:48:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

This morning mouse woke to the sound of the dog barking. Beyond that was rumble of thunder and the pinging of rain hitting the gutters, followed by the gentle scrape, scrape of the tree brushing against the house. Seriously? Who could sleep with such racket going on?

Went downstairs and found the phone, sent a text to Daddy, who is traveling, it simply read, awake and not happy about it. More than an hour passed when the phone let mouse know that there was text message. It was Daddy saying how wonderful the weather was. Hrumph. He was sitting on a balcony sipping coffee, eating his breakfast and reading WSJ...typical morning for him.

In that moment mouse really missed him....

Nothing much else to report today...

Off to light a fire under this day...it's kinda chilly this morning.

A million...

2011-09-30T09:28:00.000-07:00

Good morning (or afternoon),

A million posts have been written during the past couple weeks, at least mentally, getting the time to put them down into this blog or in Culling Chaos is just hard. Sometimes she worries that both blogs are just circling the drain but mouse has so many helpful ideas...Just need to the time to put them to transfer them from disjointed thoughts to real words that others can read.

So, in lieu of a post today mouse is giving you a link to one of her favorite spots for entertaining.

Now, this isn't for fancy entertaining but mouse used a lot of the ideas when we had a party over the summer at the beach. With the holiday's coming (just three months until Christmas) mouse felt it might be useful to someone else.

Still working out the kinks (pardon the pun) in the upcoming post on the cleaning routine. Need to gather some pictures...Organize thoughts and find the time to pull it all together so that it makes sense.

Also, might be spending more time over in the Culling Chaos (link on sidebar and above in this post) blog over the coming weeks, but will cross post links when mouse does.

Hugs to everyone and enjoy the weekend!

A name by any other...

2011-09-28T08:56:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

Many have expressed interest in hearing mouse's tips for cleaning, so mouse is working on a post. It'll be up on Culling Chaos hopefully this week.

Another asked in a comment where mouse got her name and the reason why it was chosen. It probably started as a bit of payback (yes payback) for referring to Daddy as Omega (he's the last man mouse will ever serve). It took him a while for the name to grow on him, but in the meantime, he began using the word mouse. In the beginning it made her skin crawl. It really did. Even when he told mouse to use it on her blog...it made her skin crawl.

And it was embarrassing...

Let's face it, mice are nasty creatures who shit and piss where they eat. So, it was clear Daddy wasn't joking and he wasn't going to change his mind so mouse learned to live with it.

As time passed, dunno when but mouse started liking the name (Daddy calls her that all the time). He once said he chose the name because mice are generally timid (tho, if cornered they will bite). Daddy's forever commenting about how mouse scurries about.

Hope that helped to answer that question.

Lately, tho, mouse feels like she's been stuck in a maze and can't find the damn treat! The treat would be time to blog...just haven't had the time lately and mouse apologizes.

Finally Friday

2011-09-16T05:54:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

Today's post will be a mix-bag of Formspring-me questions and other very random thoughts.

First from Formspring:

Have you ever switched roles with your Master or Daddy?

What a great question! Yes, in some dynamics people might switch and they're fine with that. For Daddy and mouse the answer is a firm no.

Other somewhat related but disjointed thoughts...

Actually switching is something that we've never discussed and mouse never considered. After this question came around mouse did ask Daddy and he laughed. Not at all certain if he was laughing at the question, at mouse or the idea. Maybe all three.

The truth is mouse likes our places in this relationship. He's the Top and mouse on safely on the bottom. It's really amazing being under someone's control, especially when they know what they're doing with that control and not just playing games.

Some truly believe there's a back door to submission. They believe they can be sly and plant little kernels and boom one day they'll have a slave (or a Master). But it's not how it works. Both have to understand exactly what it means to serve. What the expectations are for the Top and the bottom, you can't have this discussion without a lot of trust and honestly.

If you can't trust your partners reaction to the most basic element of M/s how will you EVER thoroughly trust they're not just going along with you?

If the sadistic side of your dynamic ever stopped, would you look for someone else to give that or would you turn to hurting yourself?

Another great question and actually the sadistic side ended months ago. Yes, there is still some rough sex and mild play. But nothing as it was before, most of the hardcore toys have been dismantled and sold. He does still own the Gyno table tho. Heh. It's an antique so he keeps it for the curiosity factor.

Would mouse harm herself, no. It's not in her make-up to do that. As long as Daddy provides a strong position and commands her, mouse is comfortable in submission so that it doesn't happen.

Hi Mouse, how are you so obedient all the time? I find that I am obedient for a while and then get "bratty"!!

Well, Daddy would certainly argue that mouse has serious bratty moments. But for the most part strives to quell the inner brat and remain obedient. This kinda goes back to that Back Door to submission idea that mouse was discussing earlier in this post. Some are totally fine with the idea of submission until they're actually told to do something they didn't consider. Then the brattiness might come out.

For mouse it comes out for other reasons, and stress is the number one factor. Feeling too harried, or under the gun causes mouse to become snappish. That's the latest thing she's been working on. Organizing her life so that things really work for her...And it does work!

This whole reoganization that mouse has been through over the summer has really made her see how much better he life could be and she's thrilled for the opportunity to learn this lesson.

Thanks for all the great questions and thanks for taking the time to read through all these answers!

Hugs,
mouse

Before and after

2011-09-15T06:45:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

Continuing on yesterday's theme mouse realized how chaotic and disorganized her life was before and even after Daddy came into it. It's hard to imagine but it's really taken her a long time to find her footing and truly trust his lead. It's been a long road accepting his advice on EVERYTHING from grooming, to work, to even how she cleans the house but she's gotta admit, he's been right on with everything.

All that has only furthered her submission to him. Is she perfect? Only to Daddy and that's totally enough for mouse.

The rituals reinforce this now, truth be told mouse found them a waste of time but now understands. The wearing of the plug several hours a day also works for mouse to reinforce her submission to Daddy. The slow changes in the way she dresses and presents herself to the outside world. Jeans are for hiking, sweats are exercise, dresses and skirts are everything else. There are rewards that far outweigh anything negative and mouse will always be respectful to Daddy.

Yes, we tease each other and there's lots of laughter. The approach to housekeeping is the biggest change in mouse. For years she's suffered under the delusion that her chaotic way of cleaning wasn't really cleaning. It was moving mess from room to room to avoid it. Now, cleaning is done practically daily but doesn't take very long. Clothes are clean, the house is clean so it doesn't matter.

No more punishments, no more worrying about punishment; things just seem to chug along. The other day, while Daddy's friend was still in town they discussed mouse as though mouse wasn't in the room. Compliments were paid, innuendo was made, but in the end it was all ok with mouse. After all Daddy has taught mouse that she is nothing but his version of perfect, the gentle ribbing about over-cooked chicken or over-booked schedules she could handle. Later, mouse served dessert and Daddy's friend told him he was lucky to have mouse.

Daddy replied that indeed mouse added a lot to his life.

While doing her rituals, all mouse could think was how thankful she was. All these changes were good and have only made her life feel so much complete.

Weekend stuff

2011-09-14T06:20:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

Sorry to vanish again but we're still settling into a routine that works. So last week ended well and we were all in a great mood. Saturday mouse was out of her mind with feelings of well....worship of Daddy's body. Since we've been together mouse has always had problems with speaking up and just asking to worship his body. It's embarrassing for her to tell him that she needs to kiss and touch him all over that her need is so great she might go crazy waiting. Well, mouse found her voice and was given free access to Daddy's body on both Saturday night and into Sunday morning. Because of all this activity, mouse was late waking Daddy Sunday and was right in the middle of pleasuring him (and herself) when his phone rang. Daddy looked at it and actually answered. He didn't prevent mouse from continuing so she did, however she could hear tone.

He hung up and was again thoroughly into what mouse was doing so she continued with relish. It's the intimate act of pleasuring him that drives her over-the-top, feeling him in her mouth and tasting him. Really, it makes her a bit crazy. Even after Daddy orgasms mouse will find it hard to want to stop. To remove herself from his body in anyway feels wrong to her. After, we stayed in bed, bodies intertwined, bathed in sweat and lust, and oh so contented. We stayed that way a while, when Daddy asked about coffee, so mouse put on her bathrobe and padded off downstairs to make some. Upstairs mouse could hear the shower come on and her heart sank just a little bit.

Daddy came downstairs fully dressed just as mouse was ready to press the coffee and pour him a cup. He came over and kissed mouse good morning, grabbed a nipple ring and gave it a firm tug. "No more for you today girl, go upstairs shower, and insert your plug." Well, mouse must have pouted because Daddy grabbed a wooden spoon and swatted her on the rear, which sent her scurrying to do as instructed.

When she returned, Daddy had left to get kiddo (who was spending the night elsewhere). Boo!

They returned a short while later, mouse had the table laid out with warm scones and monkey bread.

Kiddo was most excited, while he likes scones and thinks they're "ok," monkey bread...well that's totally different. A perfect kid-sized portion was there at the table just waiting for him. Daddy read the paper while mouse sat with a yogurt.

A few hours later Daddy was watching sports on TV and mouse was on the floor at his feet, when his phone rang again. Daddy spoke for a few minutes and hung up, he said a college friend was coming to stay for a few days. He's on his way to California Daddy explained and he'll be here in a few minutes. Now normally such a declaration would send mouse into a frenzy but she glanced around and said, ok. Then wondered about what to do about dinner. Not to worry, Daddy explained, his friend was bringing some steaks for everyone. Steak works thought mouse as she took a mental inventory of foods in her pantry. Potatoes, onions, mushrooms, stuff for salad, zucchini and broccoli. Ya, this could work without a lot of fuss so again mouse just settled back.

It wasn't until after showing the guest to his room and padding off to to rituals how effortlessly mouse handled the situation.

-- more on these thoughts tomorrow

Ode to grumpy

2011-09-08T06:42:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

Guess the-back-to-school grumpiness has struck, not with the kiddo, but Daddy! He's been mighty grumpy all week. Nothing is good enough for the King of the castle. So the other night mouse was determined to turn that frown upside down. The plan was to get through the rituals fairly quickly.

"Tonight while you meditate tonight mouse, I would prefer if you used the clamps." He said in that velvet tone that makes mouse tremble.

"Whaaaaa?" Quickly recovering and grumbling a little as she dug through the drawer they're stowed, "Yes Daddy."

So mouse attached the clamps and began her meditation. At first just being quiet, concentrating on not thinking about the pain but eventually letting go and allowing the pain to surround her. Not sure if he was watching it or not, but part of mouse hoped he was. Then the pain started coming back in waves, the concentration was breaking and there's nothing to do but suck it up and cope until enough appropriate time had passed. So for roughly 30 minutes mouse carried.

On the bed he laid out her nightgown a short one did watch as mouse did her other rituals. When it came time to enter the bed he gave his permission and pulled mouse close to him and that was the moment she'd been waiting for, although still foggy from the clamps she managed to make her desires known to him. This time she wasn't rebuffed but allowed full access to his body, which she worshipped well. After he held her for a while and fell asleep. Crossing her fingers that it worked, mouse did as well.

The following morning as mouse woke, him he pulled her onto him fully and told her how much he loved her. It made her glow.

The grumpiness remained but it wasn't nearly as bad...

Reboot

2011-09-07T06:36:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

With crazy summertime fun behind us all, it was time to knuckle down and get back into a routine or at least pretend to be in a routine? School mornings are back on the daily agenda, making lunches, clean clothes and buses are part of that. Really mouse wanted the first day to go off without a hitch.

Did most of the laundry on the holiday, no problems there as the kid has been living in shorts since August. Summer was off to a bad start with lots of rain and cool temps. In mid-August however, our temps jumped up and the shorts made an appearance. They'll hang around for a week or so longer then....well back to rain -- at least until it starts snowing...fun fun. No, not really.

Over the summer mouse decided to return to work, the kiddo had decided he wanted the summer off from all that school learning stuff and really missed going to school. So we enrolled him in middle school with lots of special help to fit his needs (this was not a decision we took lightly). Everything was in place, he met his teacher, saw the room got his supplies...We rocked the before school stuff easily.

Then we realized that on certain days every week school starts hideously late and while mouse supposes most 10 and 11 might be able to get themselves out the door on time to walk down the road for the bus...Wait? Really at 10, mouse's parent's would NEVER have trusted her to lock the door. Well, with kiddo, it's really moot, while he could learn the routine and stick to it wonderfully, too many variables still exist. What if there were trouble in the neighborhood and no one was here? So mouse shifted her schedule and decided to work from home. Not bad. Right?

Yes, at first it seems kinda ideal. You can do laundry while working! Great? Yes...You can do all those nice daily things that need doing, while working. Again it's nice so long as you're not distracted by all those things. So Monday she was determined to have everything organized and under control....

Tuesday morning, got up at the appropriate time, went into the kitchen to discover there was no coffee. Not a bean in the house. Ran out quickly and bought coffee from the shop waaaaay down the road and returned home filled the pot and stashed the evidence. The kitchen table was a disaster filled stuff that Daddy just left saying he'd take care of but forgot...Table cloth under that stuff is soiled and the place-mats were in need of laundering. How could you know that with all the stuff covering them???

Somehow mouse muddled through, got the kiddo up and in the shower, made him breakfast and had him at the big table (which of course he spilled a little juice on). He was hoping for waffles but got eggs instead. Gathered his lunch, his back pack and headed down the street. Ok, we were running a bit late, mouse's old issue of time management or lack of, was cropping up, like weeds in the garden after the rain. Ya, he missed the bus and wasn't too happy about it either....

Well, except for not having coffee and a disaster of a kitchen table could totally hear Teri Garr in the movie Close Encounters screaming, "What is this all over my breakfast table? This can cause tetanus!" And missing the bus...

The rest of the day felt off and disjointed. Nothing was working right and everything that could go wrong did. The printer wasn't functioning, the internet went down (which in retrospect could have affected the printer), there wasn't anything to do but...oh ya laundry...sitting in the dryer...and the washer...sigh...

After school, looking through all the homework stuffs and classroom notes mouse found herself rushing to cook dinner...while she listened patiently to the kiddo talk endlessly about his day....his thoughts are disjointed as mouse's are. Dinner was nearly on the table when Daddy walked through the door and everyone was there to enjoy it.

That evening mouse was going over her schedule trying to figure out where she went off course...It all boiled down to be just not being as organized as she thought she was.

So today we are calling it rebooting the first day of school. There is coffee, breakfast foods, the table is cleaned, linens washed, plenty of orange juice and yes today he'll get waffles. But the little shit will probably want eggs.

Taken in hand?

2011-09-06T06:30:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

A few weeks ago, while at the summer house an acquaintance came up to mouse during a barbecue and asked if she was, "Taken in hand?" This was rather surprising to mouse and raised all sorts of mental alarms, as she feigned incomprehension to the subject. It did however, cause some serious moments of panic in mouse was it all so obvious? Was she being too attentive, too quick to cater to his every whim? Until the party ended and everyone left, mouse was finally able to relax a little, she felt eyes on her the whole time (which was likely in her own mind but nonetheless). It was like being examined out there in the open. How an innocent question can throw mouse off!

Still, unable to get the thoughts out of her mind over the worry about 'outed,' caused her thoughts to scatter over of the 'what if' parts of it all.

Much later after tidying up and during rituals mouse became lost in her meditation, pouring over the thoughts, examining each of them and trying to decide if she did the right thing. Taking longer than normal Daddy came into the bathroom and sat on the edge of the tub, watching his mouse lost in deep meditation. He gently brushed her cheek with the back of his hand and asked, "Where are you?" His common question when mouse gets that far-away look in her eyes

Words didn't come easily as she hurried to finish her rituals and waited for permission to enter the bed. He pulled mouse close and waited for the words to pour. With some newfound clarity mouse recounted the story of earlier that evening. Daddy listened offering no suggestions of what she could have said or not. He only said that face to face discussions can be very disconcerting. Ya, no kidding!

So, while mouse still isn't sure what she should have said, she's going to put it to her readers (if she has any left) and ask you what would you have said?

PS this was the second time this post was written the first one became lost in a blogger black hole.

mouse on a wheel...

2011-08-19T15:24:00.000-07:00

This week has been hellishly busy and mouse feels like she's been running on one of those mouse wheels all week long. Seriously, what happened to Monday? Tuesday?? There was some blinking involved because when mouse next opened her eyes, it was Friday and Daddy was calling to say he wanted to have an impromptu get-together at Casa de Omega.

Tonight!! No less and to make sure the meal is kosher. Oy vey!

And not to mention the house isn't exactly company ready. So it started, mouse running around making the house presentable and made an emergency trip to the butcher.

Not it demands saying you really need to be on good terms with a good butcher...he was able to hook mouse up and it's ready to go into the oven. Stopped at the market and picked up the other stuff needed for dessert, and even had time to stop at the dry cleaners and the florist.

Now of course the final touches will be cleaning the kitchen, setting the table and doing all the regular things.

Just in case anyone is curious...

First course

Assorted olives, nuts and grapes

Second course

Charred pepper salad

Burn the skins of red, yellow, green and orange bell peppers on cooktop, remove skins and slice, discarding seeds. Toss with a little olive oil, salt, pepper, cumin.

Third course

Eggplant soup

Take two whole eggplants and put in oven to roast for 45 minutes. In the meantime take one onion, some fresh garlic, celery (2 ribs or more), couple carrots, cut so they're similar in size and cook until they begin to soften. Add pulp from eggplant and chicken stock about 6 cups. salt, pepper, cumin, smoked paperika, and whatever other spices sound good. Some add cream.

Main course

Pot roast with baked potatoes

Dredge roast in flour, salt and pepper and brown on all sides. Cut up two cups each of onion, celery and carrots. Three cloves of garlic, minced. Place roast on a platter and toss in veggies. Cook the veggies until tender. De-glaze pot with red wine, or cognac (or both) two cups total and two cups of good chicken stock or more. Take about 4 sprigs of rosemary, 20 sprigs of thyme tied together, two bay leaves and half cup of minced parsley. Return meat to pot, add 1 large 28oz can of whole tomatoes (Roma). Bring all to simmer. Cover and bake in oven for about two hours.

Prep potaoes, scrub, wash and put in oven for about an hour (can be done while roast cooks)

Horseradish, chive and sour cream topping. Pint of sour cream, a nice bunch of chives chopped, grate horseraddish and mix together. If using prepared horseradish about a tablespoon. Mix thoroughly adding a little pepper and maybe salt, to taste. Great on potatoes. Not really kosher tho...

Dessert course

bread pudding

Enjoy the weekend and mouse is hoping for left-overs.

Night breezes seem to whisper, "I love you"

2011-08-08T09:28:00.000-07:00

Good Morning,

First mouse must apologize to her loyal readers for the abrupt absence from blogging. It truly was nothing personal and came about first, by being busy and secondly, being bored. Not at all bored with Daddy, but we've aettled comfortably into a routine. To keep repeating how wonderful it all is, seemed, well, dull. There's really been little angst and a major deepening of submissives feelings that have frankly turned mouse upside-down.

See, when mouse started this journey she had these notions of what being a slave was. What it was about and how it should be. Some of what she thought was spot on, it's not about abuse or being Domineered but being guided along a path to personal perfection. Perfection is a bad word, but to be honest it fits because when you hand your life over to someone else, you have to know they will change things about you they find unappealing. What's worse, you'll find yourself craving those changes as well -- as if to say yes there is MORE!

More that mouse can be. Daddy saw it so very clearly and it's taken mouse a couple years now to catch up to him. Now she sees it. This mouse today is quieter, happier and more contented than she EVER thought possible, her mind no longer races from subject to subject but can focus on a task or two. Seeing them through to completion and preparing herself for the next part. This inner peace is amazing and yes, she's making Master seem like a god-like man for bestowing his gift of Dominance into her life. Really, it's sounding cultish, and mouse hates that! It's just that mouse now understands her purpose so much clearer than before and relishes that sense of clarity Daddy has brought to her life. He has guided her into being what he needs.

What is it that he needs? A woman who is confident enough to let him lead her. A woman who can allow herself to be as feminine as she can be, while at the same time quietly demand attention from others. To forgive herself for not being "perfect" because she is anyway, along as she belongs to him. Of course this is what Daddy wanted and other men might have different ideas. Daddy's own ideas might change as time passes, who knows? Who cares? We are right now.

The past is done, the future is laid out before us all and all we really have is today.

Having a few busy and whacky days

2011-07-06T10:04:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

Sorry, mouse hasn't been blogging much. Really, not a lot to say these days and being very busy with running the house, kiddo, working (yes back to doing that).

The week of silence really helped to put things into perspective. In fact, mouse has kinda continued being more or less quiet. Of course, she will speak when spoken to, but doesn't really seek out conversations much. It's kinda weird and leaves mouse feeling very submissive. Oddly when she does speak, the tone is softer and seems people listen to her more. More about that later on this week, because honestly mouse is still processing what she feels.

The manner in which this submissive dresses has also changed. Much, much more feminine. Even taken to wearing scarves over her head when she goes out. It's weird because mouse's own mother did that in the 60s. As in the 1960s. Still mouse is liking the look and Daddy is pleased with the other all effects it's been having on mouse.

This weekend we're heading back to the summer house for a break from the heat (the heat mouse swore would NEVER arrive).

Newbie Tuesday: Control

2011-06-28T18:18:00.000-07:00

Just a side note: It seems mouse forgot to post this today, even though it was almost written and on mouse's progress on the no talking thing...yesterday was very difficult! Not speaking is really hard, even when there's no one around to watch you not speak -- like when Daddy was working. Yes, that would mean talking to herself.

When we submit we are in effect giving up control in our lives. Decisions are taken away (tho, they might and should listen to what we have to say) there's no guarantee that they'll actually do it. Often in the beginning it's exciting for the submissive. It's the big reason why they chose to submit to another. On the surface it seems to easy, but once you move deeper you start to realize it's not just about making weekend plans. There are hundreds of decisions that are made daily and to have no real control over any of them? It sounds overwhelming and impossible. That's where rules come into play. When Daddy and mouse first started he had very precise rules written out. How mouse was to dress, behave, etc., they covered every possible scenario. As time passed, Daddy started eliminating a lot of rules, and replaced them with simplified versions, 5 that cover just about anything that mouse does throughout the day. Each morning mouse focuses on each of those and tries to keep the focus on them. Most evenings they're discussed, specifically if mouse struggled with any of them.

It's all about control, because without that there really can't be submission. There cannot be a leader without a follower and most followers feel a bit controlled by their leader, though it's important to note such control shouldn't feel oppressive. Maybe the bigger problem is that many submissive types have this mental ideal of what submission is (built up by fantasy) and then the first time the Dominant proclaims something unsavory, the submissive balks. Huh? You want what? Seriously?

Now it can be something simple, like saying after work, go straight home and call or text me but for some reason that sets the sub into a tizzy. Sure, the sub is used to the normal commands about masturbation and other kinky stuff they might do, but this is different. This is like "control." It feels confining or even suffocating. The sub might even be inclined to just blow it off, going to market on the way home, or out drinks with coworkers and calling much later than expected.

How the Dom handles it, might greatly depend on his mood and if they even considered it a firm thing in their own mind. Later in the evening it might occur to them, hey they haven't called yet. Sometimes they might let it slide the first times, keeping mental score. Then, maybe when they're annoyed with other things totally unrelated to their sub, they'll bring it up -- harshly.

Assuming the submissive is serious about the relationship they will likely respond with remorse and even beg to be punished or at least willingly accept punishment. Then things will roll smoothly until the next time and in the beginning there is usually a next time. It's completely psychological, the submissive is balking not at the submission or the Dom, but the control. This might lead to some angry outbursts by the sub (or even the Dom) and ultimately correction by the Dom. As time passes, it can even seem to others that the whole dynamic (if the sub blogs), revolves around the idea of punishment. Leaving their readers with a false impression about the health of their dynamic, or worse still her friends and family.

The problem most have with control in a D/s or M/s type of dynamic is that people want it on their own terms. The sub will enjoy the idea of feeling controlled but might balk at actually being controlled. Feeling controlled is much different from being controlled, because feeling controlled is mostly fantasy driven with ideas about what their submission should feel like. It's entirely different going out and buying a tight fitting corset and mentally telling yourself to wear it and being commanded on a daily basis to wear one. The two ideas are very different feeling. To get beyond these negative feelings requires time and patience, but mostly bringing the sub along rather slowly, especially if she's new to the lifestyle.

Be seeing ya!

The sounds of silence

2011-06-27T06:29:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

We got in late last night and we were exhausted but it was a fun week. Everyone seemed to have fun and think even Daddy kinda enjoyed the time alone (tho, he would never admit it).

Daddy only had one rule to be followed the whole week, mouse was to wear her plug whenever she went out. Dunno if it helped calm mouse while she was away from Daddy and today begins a silent week. Not sure what brought that on but goodness, it does help further mouse's submission to Daddy like few other things do. The idea, when he walks through the door mouse is simply standing and greeting him in a nonverbal way...

It's hard to remember to be still, especially in the beginning (and totally don't get how those monks do it for years), but then it seems to get easier at least mouse hopes it will. We haven't done this in a looong time and it's really like mental bondage. Other than that it's going to be a week of chores and prepping for the 4th of July bash here!

Sorry this is soooo short, not much else to say...more to come tho during the week.

Newbie Tuesday: Pain and pleasure

2011-06-21T06:31:00.000-07:00

Many people will ask or even assume that because you're involved in a D/s or M/s relationship there must pain. While most masochists are submissive, not all submissives are masochists. Just like not everyone involved in DD is a spanko. Yes, a wide number of people involved in the lifestyle do tend to gravitate toward a pain dynamic. Some, mouse included, find the marks left by their Dominant, a badge of honor almost. But is that paramount in a M/s dynamic?

No, it doesn't need to be. Neither does humiliation. Control and willingness are the only two ingredients needed.

So what makes their relationship dynamic any different from vanilla ones? Well, aside from control, submission and dedication, not much. Mild play might come into effect but some Doms aren't comfortable with wielding a whip at their submissive. They want to treat them like a princess. This doesn't mean that they're beyond correction when the slave acts in a way the Dom finds deplorable. That's a totally different topic for another time (yes more future hints). The topic is pain and pleasure and if the two are mutually exclusive in a M/s or D/s dynamic.

Simply put, no. This is a difficult area because so many are drawn to pain and find it brings a lot of pleasure, the release when the tears come is really wonderful. However, there is another side that doesn't use pain at all. Omega and mouse used to fall nicely into a Sadist/masochist lines but since that part of our dynamic ended mouse really worried that our relationship would fall apart. The truth is in many ways it remained unchanged (apart from not having pain), and the ways he used to use pain have been replaced. It's actually nice.

Again it comes down to understanding and knowing what you're looking for at the start of your journey. If pain is complete turnoff, don't answer the message from the Dom holding a whip, paddle or crop. They're really out there, but they can be harder to find. Does it all have to be about heavy scenes all the time? No, it really doesn't. Some are simply service oriented, where the submissive joyfully tends to the needs of Dominant and both get exactly what they need from the dynamic. Also, don't discount the fact that relationships within the lifestyle can and should evolve over time (as all relationships do), with some it can mean moving away from the hardcore BDSM play while remaining true to their protocols and service. Other's might begin at more of a service heavy dynamic and change to a more pain led one.

The point is that both are fine, since someone is in control and someone else follows that lead willingly. As mouse will admit, she's a big subspace junky but she's learned while she enjoys the floaty feeling, she enjoys much more the feeling of balance that gives her. This works now for us and surprisingly mouse is very content with the arrangement.

Also a lot of care must be taken on both sides but maybe more so on the pain side of the dynamic to make it not seem so routine. It's hard to maintain that high level of scening in a relationship and for those couples sometimes pain is withheld for long periods of time so that when it is used it's more meaningful for both.

Next week: Why submission?

Be seeing ya!

Leaving

2011-06-19T15:50:00.000-07:00

All packed and ready to leave for the summer house! Back in a week and leaving behind Daddy to his own devices! Poor thing has to work, but he'll be joining us Thursday evening!

Enjoy your week and no worries Newbie Tuesday is ready to launch at the regular time!

Hugs,
mouse

Nothing new

2011-06-15T06:45:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

Really wish mouse had something new and exciting to report but really not a whole lot going on. Over the weekend we went to the summer place and did a lot of cleaning. Well, mouse cleaned. The evenings were nice tho and mouse finished up that work project, so her time's been more or less devoted to family stuff.

To that end, mouse has begun the all important purging of clothing and junk no one wears or wants. It's a horrible process but needed. We have a couple super cool vacations planned for this summer and we need to be sure we have enough clothes. Yes, mouse is using this as a huge excuse to shop.

Other than that mouse has LOTS of things planned for Father's Day this weekend. Really looking forward to thanking Daddy for all the wonderful things he does for all of us. Of course mouse can't mention any of that here yet...

Actually hit the delete key a few times because the beans were almost spilled...

Anyway..just a quickie to let everyone know that we're just chugging along...

Newbie Tuesday: The Fantasy of slavery

2011-06-14T06:23:00.000-07:00

This weeks topic is about TPE relationships and what they're really like. For some reason many people have this idea that the slave is kept in chains, nude of course, does everything for the Dominant, has no life at all, no friends or family. They exist solely to please their Dominant and get nothing in return. They are not allowed to talk back, to complain or voice any type of opposition. A good slave will spend hours on her knees waiting patiently for her Dominant to give her a command. No thoughts except for the joy of service ever enter her mind.

This is the classic slave fantasy or maybe the gateway to owning a slave, most Doms find so appealing. Think about that someone to screw whenever they want, they never talk back or have a bad day, they are ready to serve. They cook and clean without any complaint and take care of their Dominant (probably the way their own mother would or how they felt their mother should have been). This is the fantasy. They will talk about addressing the slave as "it" and treating them like an object. They will tell them that they will even "sell" the slave if they find someone willing to take them on...

Now this is appealing as well to some potential slaves too. They will read about the "true slave" ideals or profiles and think this how they should be. This is what they have to accept in order to be considered a slave.

There are some dynamics out there that thrive on being high protocol. There's nothing wrong with those at all, in fact Omega and mouse are probably medium protocol or moderate. We have our rituals and routines but things hardly are smooth sailing all the time. We sometimes quarrel, sometimes he'll even "give in" to something mouse wants just because. Yes, mouse has handed herself unconditionally to Omega, but he's also unconditionally devoted to mouse. And that is in essence what slavery really is. The truth is that mouse couldn't leave him if she wanted to and rarely questions his authority. Still there are times and have been times where she has questioned it. It is very easy give and take, and something either of us really don't have to think much about. Yes, we both go through moods and over-all grumpiness but we deal with that and work through it -- Together, as a unit.

It's about picking the battles you know are important.

Now through the years mouse has never known a 24/7 nude slave, who does nothing but cooks and clean...remains chained throughout the night. Cooking and cleaning while nude isn't always that practical for one thing, even people who live in nudest colonies wouldn't attempt frying anything completely nude....at least not more than once. Cleaning materials are often caustic to parts of the body aside from hands and being kept chained at night, well that's just silly because it's such a fire hazard.

The mute and always kneeling slave is really another fantasy whipped up probably due to online chat-rooms where the slaves are lined up or kneeling on "furs" for hours at a time. In real life, lets see any slave, kneel for 5 hours and gracefully rise in a fluid motion to get their Dom a glass of water. Uh huh. While mouse will frequently sit at Omega's feet, she rarely kneels and simply cannot for a long period of time once she was passed maybe the 6th anniversary of turning 29.

The truth is all relationships require work to sustain themselves, not just one person doing the work but both of them. Are there rules? Of course. Are there rituals? You bet. But there are rules for both sides of the power exchange. Not only for the submisives or slaves but for the Dominants as well. It's their job to protect their property -- ah there's that word...property. Yes, slaves are property but they are only by choice. They consent to their whatever their dynamic entails. If their Dominant insists on marking his slave weekly or daily even, they must consent to that treatment. A slave cannot consent to what they don't know about. If anyone (Top or bottom) is being coerced into the lifestyle, without fully understanding what it's about, how can you EVER know they aren't just going along with you? They want to please you? The pleasing factor is powerful. A Top might actually dominate his wife because he feels it will make her happy, but never really feel it deep down. Same can very true for the submissive. She just might think her husband is kinky and there's nothing wrong with that. She might not want to rock the boat or maybe she likes some of it, but again, she can't submit or commit to a lifestyle she knows nothing about. She could just be waiting for the whole thing to blow over.

And that is true on both sides....

If a top is vague about expectations the submissive needs to look at that closely (you can't consent to what you don't know about). If after an intense scene if the Dom doesn't care for and look after his sub or slave for as LONG AS IT TAKES, the submissive really needs to rethink things.

All this brings us to an upcoming topic: Before, during and aftercare of the submissive

A final thought about the fantasy verses reality of 24/7 slavery. Like all relationships they are a lot of work but if time is taken and there's a lot of understanding and patience on both sides, a lasting, blissful and enduring union can formed that will be stronger than anything either could imagine.

Next week's topic: Pain

Be seeing ya!

Thankful Thursday

2011-06-09T05:31:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

Just because mouse isn't posting as frequently doesn't mean that she's not thankful for many things in her life.

So she's constructed a list in no particular order...

Thankful for all her blogging friends -- They have truly become like family and mouse loves reading about all their comings and goings.
Thankful for her job and the possibility of returning to work.
Thankful for the gym and realizing that she needs to eat a healthy diet.
Thankful that come Fall, the little guy will be returning to school!
Thankful for family (most of the time).
Thankful for real-life friends, even if they don't know about our lifestyle.
Thankful for all those who help keep mouse grounded and sane!
Thankful now for twitter...gosh that's really been a long time coming...
Thankful to be spending time at the summer house and thankful despite not having Internet mouse now has a smart phone!
Thankful even more so, for all the entertainment value that the smartphone's autocorrect gives (yes, mouse knows about the website, DYAC and yes still got the iPhone anyway)
Thankful for Blogger for adding a Blog view for phones! Really EVERYONE should add that one it's very cool! Now we just need a good blogger app and mouse will be very happy.

Above all else mouse is thankful to Daddy-O(mega) for making all this possible. Truly this mouse can't express how thrilled is consistently by you.

Newbie Tuesday: Toxic Relationships

2011-06-07T05:56:00.000-07:00

Call them toxic, heroin or whatever you like, but we've all seen them. We've all heard the stories or personally received the middle-of-the-night calls begging to come get a friend who's gotten way over their head. It often leaves friends and family scratching their heads as to the all powerful, "why?"

We've also read the blogs online where a submissive will read about Doms and think, "Well, my husband is controlling, maybe he's like that?" Maybe they're just looking for an excuse or a reason, but whatever the case they start feel submission is the answer. The problem is that they can't submit, sure they try, but in the end the relationship just dissolves and sometimes they blame the lifestyle.

You can't submit to someone, anyone, when you walk through the door at the end of the day and you don't know if they'll be happy or sad or just pissed off because their boss an asshole and you're in the way. You can't submit to someone who in anger slams you against the wall and hits you. This is not play, this is dangerous stuff and yes, many men will hide their aggressive tendencies behind BDSM.

There are other types of relationships that are equally toxic, drugs, alcoholism and even sexual addiction can cause a good relationship to become toxic. The biggest problem is that they begin slowly overtime and develop, often BDSM is already part of the relationship, this can actually hinder the seeking help process.

Sometimes ego can cause a relationship to hit the toxic level, the Dominant insists on being in charge of financials even tho the submissive is a CPA, but the Dominant insists on taking the reigns because...The top controls the money. Sure, there might even be moment of delusion where the submissive will say, oh they do a better job at it all, well until the shit hits the fan. Or the rubber hits the road...

You can't use the lifestyle to fix a broken relationship.
If you're in the lifestyle and realize your relationship has serious issues, you need to stop the dynamic. Top or bottom it doesn't matter. Even if you live together and are a slave, you can be respectful, but you cannot place yourself in danger. If you have children, you need to be strong for them and very brave. You need to make plans and stick to them.
If you're just starting and suspect something is off, then trust your instinct.

If your dom or sub has an issue with substance abuse, encourage them to get help. Stand beside them but don't make yourself responsible for their sobriety. Be supportive and get your own support going.

Be seeing ya!

Next week's topic will be a surprise...

Is it too early for Summertime blues?

2011-06-06T07:14:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

Just super busy around here these days and not at all sure why except mouse took a project and is working for a month or so...Plus have the added bonus of driving Daddy to and from work this week!

Funny how it seems everything comes down to summer months and then bang mouse is busy....

Will write when the urge is there....Will continue with Newbie Tuesdays...

But for now there's just not enough blogable (is that a word?) stuff going on in the real life to not sound repetitive and oh sooooo boring...

This weekend we have plans to go to the summer house! Can't wait for that.

Two out of three...

2011-06-02T05:43:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

Yesterday mouse woke late (alarm clock issues) so the whole morning was a mad dash to get everything going. Later, while doing the chores Daddy sent a text (followed by a phone call), saying he invited people over to dinner! Seriously...tonight was the only thing mouse could think....

Quick look in the pantry and fridge mouse decided to make a baked Zitti type of dish. Serves a whole lot and is very filling, with a nice Cesar salad on the side and home baked bread rounded out the meal. The bread was already started, so it wasn't a huge issue. Daddy at some point, sensing panic in mouse, sent a text if there was anything extra we needed, mouse only replied WINE! LOTS OF WINE!

Really not for the food or guests...for mouse!

Didn't have time for a shower or bath before our guests arrived, so made due with a bird bath in the sink, put her hair up, redid makeup, went to the jewelry box and got out the string of pearls and put those on. Dressed in her pretty party type dress (tea length black dress, very vintage looking) and donned an apron. Donna Reed NEVER looked so good...all pretty on the outside and all slut underneath, no panties, just the garter and corset.

The last thing mouse did before our guests arrived was to insert the plug, per Daddy's wish. Immediately mouse's head was in that special space. Dashed down the stairs and completed the last of things to do.

Thank goodness mouse polished the silver yesterday! Very smart.

Everything was in place, the zitti was nearly finished and just needed to rest a little, when Daddy came home with the all important wine and flowers for mouse.

Sometimes he's just too sweet. He did laugh a little watching mouse near-panic, trying to open the wine bottle (seriously -- it's normally not a problem), then she poured it into the carafe to breath. Carefully made sure the martini's were waiting along with a few snacks. The doorbell rang just as the zitti was finished.

We all sat around exchanging pleasantries and cocktails, then enjoyed a wonderful meal.

Everything was fine, except there was nothing for dessert.

Seriously! Completely forgot about dessert. Nothing! Not even an ice cream cup. Well, there was a little dollap of peach cobbler left over from Sunday dinner. But really? How do you bring out a cobbler that's got about one scoop and say with a straight face, sure you can divide this between 5 people...

Apologies were offered, mouse had the deer in the headlight look about her...and there was no saving that moment.

No miracle to be pulled out...hell, not even a cookie.

Unless they wanted to bake them.

Next time mouse will be better prepared with a frozen pie or something...of course she'd probably forget to bake it...bleh.

Next time mouse will better plan ahead.

But the apron and pearls were a big hit...Two out of three ain't bad, right?

Newbie Tuesday: Honesty

2011-05-31T06:11:00.000-07:00

Honesty is one of those tricky things because there are good, polite lies and bad lies. We all have done the little polite lie thing, like when someone gives you a gift that you don't really like or need. Before you have time to consider the monetary value for exchanging the gift the words, "Oh thank you, it's lovely," are leaving your mouth. Why? Because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings. At least that's why most normal people do.

Sometimes people lie for other reasons, afraid of getting caught doing something they're not supposed to be doing is common. "No Daddy didn't smoke any cigarettes today," might be a common one around here and one that hardly ever works. There are other reasons for lies, complete and total fear of looking stupid or being laughed at, or feeling as though you're too needy, or maybe you just want to protect them from being a burden. The former ones aren't really a huge issue, but the latter can be the relationship's undoing.

In D/s is can be downright dangerous to lie to your partner about many things, your past, experience level, comfort level are just a few. Being disingenuous or outright lying for Tops and bottoms can be dangerous. If a top claims to be an expert on breathplay for example and he's not...there can be a huge problem with that. Same can be true for subs who say they've experienced in breathplay but neglect to inform their Top about their high blood pressure. That is just as bad and can be equally dangerous.

In the day to day relationship, lies can also be damaging. Not saying what you think is a common one most subs have issues with, mostly because they're afraid of not looking so submissive. For Tops, they might keep issues or problems inside out of fear of not seeming as in control as they'd like. These cause a communication breakdown in the relationship. It doesn't matter how you think of the power exchange, be it a power grid, a rock, a golden ring...lies will cause corrosion. A constant flow of water will damage granite, a surge will damage a power grid, pebbles or even constant wind damage will cause pitting in that golden ring....

That's what lies are.

How do you achieve honesty? By simply being honest isn't enough, it takes a lot of courage to stand up and speak out even when you know it does little good. Letting the other person in an honest direct way is always the best, how they handle is really up to them. We've often said that submission doesn't mean you're a doormat something to be walked over, but a person with thoughts and feelings. We all need to express those thoughts, fears and weaknesses in a positive way. Not with passive aggression but with honesty!

Sometimes, it seems, we spend so much being strong and taking care of those around us, we forget to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Being honest is placing yourself in a vulnerable position -- it's true for both sides of the power exchange. The first person you need to honest with, is yourself; until then, you can't hope to be honest to others. If you like something, tell them, if you don't like something speak up...it doesn't make you less submissive, just as admitting a weakness doesn't make you less Domly.

Truth is we're all flawed.

How can always be truthful about difficult things? Well, that's not always easy and the path isn't always clear, but what often helps mouse is to meditate, to write and just ponder until the clarity happens. Don't worry about staying moves ahead...what if they respond with this or that...just speak up. Say what's really in your heart and on your mind.

Next week: Toxic relationships

Be seeing ya!

Monday morning....

2011-05-30T05:55:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

It's Monday and for those of us in the US a holiday, a time set aside to honor our fallen soldiers, but its also a time to usher in the all important barbecue season and wearing white shoes...It's also a reminder that Labor is day just far enough away to not be worried. Daddy had called and said he was being discharged and mouse scurried over to the hospital to get him. We talked in the car about his distain for hospitals, the waking you up in the night to check vitals, etc. Daddy was more than happy to be out of there. He was more than happy to be coming home. When he came through the door, immediately asked for his laptop and went straight to mouse's blog, he expressed this is not how he would have handled the situation to mouse. He also reminded mouse that he makes decisions as to which comments are posted. Naturally mouse argued that the comment was too rude for words.

Unmoved by mouse's pleas, he set about making changes a post was removed, he closed comments on a few other posts and he blocked anonymous comments, while mouse said nothing about the post removal, she did argue for anonymous comments -- many people indeed leave positive ones. Why should the act of one ruin things for everyone? He was unmoved by it. He also reminded mouse of the rules regarding the blog and moderation of comments. He has provided her a list of regular readers that she can moderate herself anything outside that realm is up to him and he made mouse write lines to remind her of that. He watched as mouse did as told. Later in bed, we shifted our sleeping positions so that mouse could cuddle against him without bothering his knee. When sleep finally claimed us both mouse was secure in the nook of his body...

It is wonderful to be so cherished.

Today, at least for us, will be a normal day around here. Daddy will rest, do his exercises and maybe catch a baseball game on TV and mouse will do her chores, go to the gym and serve her Daddy.

Just want to add a heartfelt thanks to all the people who commented on mouse's behalf and defended not only the lifestyle but mouse. Thank you all so very much, mouse is truly lucky to have so many people that care. Yes, things should have been handled differently while Daddy was away and another important lesson was learned...

Thank you all for being here for mouse on her journey.

Daddy, comments and more....

2011-05-27T09:16:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

Daddy came through his surgery fine yesterday and today he's starting the healing process. After spending many many hours at the hospital with him, mouse returned home to a very empty house, except for the dog. After a glass of wine and some relaxing, mouse finally checked her emails...and thought about posting.....

There on the dashboard were two comments, well as it turned out one comment from the same person. Apparently too stupid to understand how comment moderation works. They left the comment during the day while Daddy was having his surgery...

It read:

If he dies in surgery will you finally start talking like a human, and not in 3rd person?

Seriously? What kind of misanthropic person leaves a comment like that? Truly such a person is genuine hater of people. To actually say something like that....regardless of how you feel about the way this blog is written to actually spew such hatred toward another human.

It put mouse in a weird quandary since she's not allowed to self-moderate anonymous comments ever. Yet she's calling the person out on her blog...just for the very rudeness of the comment. If he dies...?

If Omega had died, this blog would end. There would be no reason to continue it. It would eventually vanish from the blogosphere because there'd be no point to EVER return to it. Could take many years for that to happen, but eventually blogger will change something and send out an email, which would never be looked at, that would say all the words would vanish unless the account holder logs in (it's happened in the past).

What part anonymous person don't you comprehend. He is OMEGA...the end of the line. He dies and the journey ends. Yes, there are some optimistic types that would say...oh a new journey would begin -- bullshit! There wouldn't be any more journey, and certainly no point to writing. There will never EVER be another who would Master or even begin to take that task. You wouldn't have to worry about reading any offending use of language because there would be no point to writing. Privately, nothing would change and all Omega's rituals and commands would be followed until old age would prevent them from being done.

Formspring Friday

Which ironically connects to a formspring question mouse received about when she started the third person talk...

Hi Mouse. I love your blog, but having read through some of the initial entries, I have a question. When did you begin to speak in 3rd person and what prompted it? I'm curious about the process. If you've written about this before, could you direct me to

When Omega commanded it of mouse, more than a year ago, because he enjoys it when mouse writes that way, and he enjoys it when mouse speaks in that way....and she does it almost all the time. Really! Most people don't notice it all. It's not like mouse goes around saying....well mouse says this or that....LOL....it's much more subtle than that. You keep your answers short and to the point. Someone asks a question and you answer it....or you ask a question... You just leave off the "I think," or "I see..." It's really that simple.

As to the process, well that was started actually by Alpha who would wrap mouse with a ruler if she misspoke. If she slipped and used a pronoun such as, "I" he'd hit her on the hand with the ruler. It was like Catholic school. It took many years after his death to start using the "I" again and kinda ironically it was abolished by Omega just when it had become comfortable. Thank you for the question it's one that's really never been addressed in a formal way on the blog.

Ask me anything!

All the words

2011-05-25T12:28:00.000-07:00

Darling Omega,

This morning in place of writing to the masses mouse is only writing to you. Of course there is little chance of anything going wrong with your surgery tomorrow, but there are things that need to be said about the incredible and vast amounts of joy you have brought to mouse's life. How complete she is with you! Did you ever think or consider it possible that two people separated by years could find each other and together burn so brightly? You were the flame; constant and always there right behind mouse encouraging her when she felt all was lost and not one more step could be taken. In the instant she offered herself to you, to be your special possession, you consumed her with that flame.

Together we have spent countless hours talking, laughing but most of all loving and holding on with desperate attention. The boundless nature of our love, at times sparked with genuine contempt but always tempered with unceasing affections. You are the Master who carefully took a hapless lump of old rotted wood and carved into it, chiseling and chipping away all the bad parts, the unneeded ones that enveloped so much pain of the past. Only you could reveal the beauty within that battered piece of wood deep at the center. Only you could find it there and release it from the darkness and set it free.

Freedom? It's an odd word for a slave to use and she is forever your slave caged by your heart and never allow to be loose. But you have set this one free, with your seemingly endless vocabulary of words that spill from your lips with such ease, it makes mouse tremble. When you take her into your arms, she quivers for you. Whorishly, she dances at only your command. You control her, this object of your desire and she bends at your whim. Through it all, you have set her free! You have allowed her to be everything she is to belong only to you. That is the kind of true freedom so few will ever aspire to have -- let alone hold for very long. In that, mouse lucky to have been held by you at all. Everyday she feels so bless and yet holds such regret that none of this happened sooner. Would we have survived had we connected or tried to connect this way years ago? Could the man that mouse loves so completely, have been able to hold her in that way you do so effortlessly now? Would mouse have been capable of returning that love? Yes, mouse was capable but also feared that it would be returned to her. That's why so many years ago, she ran from you. It was so painful to be resigned in this odd kind of relationship, where we weren't really friends or lovers and yet both.

Of course, after your surgery and recovery, mouse will remain by your side, faithfully serving your every need or desire. But surgery is still scary, and just couldn't let these words go unsaid. And she can't easily say them to your face, in fear that you would laugh or tell her that she's just being silly, in a grand gesture to calm her nerves. Your tongue can cut her as sharply as any whip you've held in your hand, even when you try not to.

Perhaps it is best for these words to just be thrown out there but not meant to comment on? Please don't say anything to mouse about this, just let it lay there. Just know how deeply mouse loves you and promise to return to her.

Tears and fears and feeling proud

To say "I love you" right out loud

Dreams and schemes and circus crowds

I've looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange

They shake their heads, they say I've changed

Well something's lost, but something's gained

In living every day

I've looked at life from both sides now

From win and lose and still somehow

It's life's illusions I recall

I really don't know life at all

Always, unconditionally and forever,

your mouse

Newbie Tuesday: Different D/s types

2011-05-24T05:55:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

Welcome to the 500th post of A slave's tale: mouse's journey! Oddly, this was in no way planned it just worked out that today would start a new theme, called Newbie Tuesday. Each Tuesday until mouse runs out of things to say to all the Newbies out there, she will post a topic that should be useful to the newbie or would-be submissive (and sometimes Doms too).

This old slave, and she uses the term "old" loosely has something to say to all the newbie and would-be Dominants and submissives out there. First of all, mouse is going to assume you've done some reading about the lifestyle, looked at blogs, websites, etc., you probably have an account on Fetlife or CollarMe or both...

You've read the stories and have wondered about it all. Maybe you've met a Dominant/submissive and are wondering if he's (she's) the one? You believe everything he tells you, right? Ok, aside from the obvious don't-believe-everything-you-read stuff we'll just assume that what (s)he tells you corresponds well with what you've read the lifestyle to be about. They've admitted their strengths and weaknesses to you and you know or understand their character as a human. This is important for all new Doms and subs.

Just like people, there are different types of Dominants out there and there's nothing wrong with any of them -- but it's important that you understand them:

The Totalitarian: These like to micromanage and control every single aspect of a slave's life. They thrive using their control and they will take command of every part of a submissive's life.
The Bedroom Dominant: He's kinda like the Totalitarian except it's mostly in the bedroom where they shine brightest. They demand complete control over their sub in bedroom (or playroom or wherever). They don't like to be argued with when it comes to sex or play. Everything else with these types isn't nearly as important to them.
The Everyday Dominant: He falls somewhere in between the totalitarian type and the bedroom type. They like their control, they thrive on different aspects of the lifestyle but they also appreciate their downtime from it all.

Most Doms do fall into the "everyday" category, at least somewhat. There are a few totalitarian types that that will bleed over into the everyday category and there are some bedroom types that will do the same. Also, unless they are independently wealthy and are orphaned or raised by wolves, all people submit to something. Be it a creator or a boss, board of directors, stockholders, laws or congress. There is always something or someone even the MOST Dominant man or woman must answer to.

Likewise, there are similar categories for subs as well, the ones who crave total control and love the idea of a heavy handed Dominant. The bedroom types who balk at anything outside the bedroom (or playroom). And the everyday subbie, who thrives under most aspects of the lifestyle but still enjoys and craves her "downtime."

Problems arise, much like a mis-matched libido, when a sub looks for the wrong type of Dom. She wants deep control and finds herself with the everyday type or the bedroom types. Or she thinks she wants a micro-manager Totalitarian type only to discover that she's suffocated by the rituals and commands.

Same is true for Dominants, some Doms fancy themselves the take total control (because that's how they feel a Dom should be) and find themselves overwhelmed or not as happy making all decisions all the time. Meanwhile, they're involved with a sub who craves that level of control and becomes unhappy because their Dom isn't living up to his end of the bargain.

So the first thing is to shake the ideas of what a slave or Dom is out of your head, and start over with what you're really looking for in a partner, be it play or a long-term commitment and what can you offer them in return. Don't settle for less and don't hope they'll change or just become the person you want them to be. Finally, don't mistake domineering behavior for Dominance.

Next week we'll discuss Honesty

Be seeing ya!

Please feel free to leave a comment with future topic ideas or drop mouse an email.

Post #499!

2011-05-23T05:56:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

There have been nearly 500 posts to this blog since it started a couple years ago! Seriously mouse is humbled by the way this blog has been received, the friends she's made along the way, sharing the laughter and tears during this journey.

And the world didn't end on Saturday! In fact Saturday was a pretty good considering. Wednesday Daddy is checking into the hospital for surgery on his knee, yes we've been down that road before. He'll be gone through the holiday weekend...which sucks, but it should be all healed up by the time we go away on vacation later on during the summer.

At least that's the plan.

Anyway on Saturday we braved the gas prices and took a nice drive out by the river. We had contemplated a picnic but the weather was unpredictable. Instead we opted for a wonderful lunch with brilliant river view. Daddy kept mouse plugged and contented during that trip.

Back at home we had a serious sit-down about the family budget, with mouse presenting why an increase in spending is needed. Daddy, ever the Conservative wasn't impressed with the whole idea of increasing spending on anything and treated mouse as though she was asking for unlimited spending across the board or considering we take out a loan...From China.

In the end he kinda accepted the budget request but said no more ATM card for purchases. They must be made in cash only. He will give her the money at the beginning of the month and she needs to make it last for all the household purchases, and her personal extras.

The good news in all that is that if there is extra money left over (as there is on occasion) that can be added to the next month...

After that mouse set about thanking Daddy for his generosity and he seemed quite content, pleased and downright joyous...The pleasures didn't end there...just began...

Oddly, with tomorrow's post being 500 (seriously didn't plan this) mouse is starting a new idea...You'll read all about tomorrow.

The pleasures of slavery

2011-05-20T05:56:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

It's time for another edition of Formspring Friday! This week the question comes from 'kitty' who writes:

Hi mouse. Kinda new to the lifestyle and wanted to know what brings you the most pleasure in your slavery? --Kitty

First please forgive for taking so long to answer this question! It's not just one thing although serving Daddy is part of it, it's a lot of little things. Being there for him to use as he pleases (we're talking sex), to be able to love him so unconditionally. To give everything mouse is to him. To talk to him about anything and at anytime. Well almost anytime...

It gunna sound silly, but really what brings mouse the greatest pleasure is pleasing him. Not just being pleasing (which encompasses much more than him) but really pleasing him with everything mouse is...Bliss. It is the most important thing to mouse and brings mouse the most pleasure. From when mouse wakes him in the morning and hears him moan...to when she climbs back into bed when day is through and burrows herself beside him, knowing that he's satisfied, happy and pleased with his mouse.

That is golden stuff!

Thanks for the wonderful question kitty!

Ask me anything

Pulling and pushing

2011-05-19T05:23:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

Really don't know how to start this post. Stare at the flashing cursor, move fingers over keyboard and read, then hit delete repeatedly and try again. It seems some have issues with procrastination and mouse is no different, time and again she will wait until the last minute to finish something. Each time, mouse vows to herself and to Daddy to NEVER EVER do it again and yet...

Maybe that's why Daddy's been on this accountability thing lately and holding mouse responsible for doing what needs to be done. While everything does get done, sometimes it's just not done in the time frame he wants it done.

Dunno, maybe it just works for mouse better this way. Him watching, seizing back control when he sees mouse stepping out of line.

It all leaves mouse feeling so very thankful to Daddy when he pulls on mouse because she's being obstinate, and pushing for much the same reason!

Some days...

2011-05-18T05:53:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

Some days when mouse sits at the computer the thoughts just pour out of her and the post really writes itself, this is not one of those times.

Honestly, mouse has nothing to say, nothing new to project, defend, ponder, no special epiphanies or waxing philosophical on the merits of the lifestyle.

Writing daily is just difficult sometimes. Maybe there's just nothing left to say?

Well, maybe there's just nothing left to say today.

Tomorrow might be different.

Mire before epiphany

2011-05-17T05:58:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

Yesterday, it would seem mouse hit a wall of sorts, mentally. Just found herself feeling super vulnerable. Now these moments hardly ever happen when Daddy's home, always when he's working. And as luck would have it, it was an important work day for him. Still, always making time he called to suggest that mouse meet him for lunch in his office. Well, that was the message he left on the machine.

Instead, mouse pretended to be out. Yes, something deep was troubling her and she knew what it was and why it was disturbing, but wasn't ready to talk to Daddy about it. Isn't that always really the way? Maybe it's true with most slaves, deep down they know exactly but they just can't bring themselves to say it out loud to their Dom, which is wrong but still true. There's been this anonymous commenter on a blog mouse frequents and the comments were very disturbing. In the end this person claimed -- do not really understand why they felt the strong need to justify their presence on her blog -- to be writing a paper for a class on modern-day slavery.

It got mouse thinking, did this person come to mouse's blog? Were mouse's writings part of this anonymous person's research? This individual obviously missed something profound about the lifestyle, anonymous wrongly assumed that every Master/slave relationship must be about pain. Well, mouse can actually forgive that and it's a pity they felt that way, but there are those who truly crave pain and need to feel it, another point likely missed by anonymous. This as true today as it was a few thousand years ago as well documented throughout history.

What really disturbed mouse was when this anonymous person outlined the reasons for the lifestyle being just wrong, are the exact reasons why we often can't share it with others and be out in the open about it all.

This anonymous person could have been guests at our home over the weekend. They could watch mouse serving people and it made mouse wonder, could they tell? It led really to mouse being extra quiet with people and it raised her anxiety. Of course she made sure people were having a good time, drinks were filled the food passed around, etc. Did people have mouse under a microscope? Did they have a clue?

What did people really think, if they found mouse's blog would they leave her nasty comments? Maybe they do, but Daddy refuses to publish them.

When Daddy came home from work, he found his drink waiting for him and mouse served him dinner shortly after that. But still remained quiet, save for apologizing for her phone troubles. He knew, of course that there was more but didn't press the issue until it was time for evening rituals.

During the rituals Daddy asked mouse in that direct fashion exactly what was bothering her and she told much of what she said above. He didn't chastise mouse for not saying what she was feeling earlier and rather understood why mouse was mired in self-doubt. Then he said something he told mouse that everyone wants to feel special and that was likely what most people see when they Daddy and mouse together or many of the other faceless couples who actively participate in our lifestyle.

The epiphany was that this anonymous person was only a kid, a student -- will assume in college -- but a kid nonetheless with a very black/white view of the world. Young, idealistic and full of opinion but severely lacking any kind of grace that comes with age and experience. In the end, they gave up a little too much of themselves, in a benign effort for further bolster their case and that was their personal undoing.

Finding grace

2011-05-16T06:10:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

There are moments where mouse feels like she needs to be hit on the head...Just thumped really hard because she so often feels she misses a concept. Recently, Daddy's been trying to drill into mouse the idea of finding grace. This is a concept, not really an actual state of being, tho its something mouse is striving for. Sometimes mouse finds herself rather awestruck at how others handle themselves. Libby comes to mind and if you spend a little time reading her blog, you'd see why.

Over the weekend, Daddy and mouse hosted a cocktail party for several acquaintances and work colleagues of his, yanno, all the people we say, "Yes, we must get together," but somehow never do. Now, mouse worked quite hard getting everything ready, cooking over the past several days and everything was fine. That didn't stop mouse from feeling plenty of angst before the party, in fact she was soooo full of angst, Daddy decided to give mouse a few firm swats with his leather strap and made her insert the large plug for the evening. The attitude change was immediate and profound. In the end, there was plenty of alcohol, nibbles and great conversation and mouse worked the room, making introductions, making certain drinks were refilled, the bites were being passed around. At one point, Daddy reached over and touched mouse very gently and it made mouse glow.

He could see it!

It made mouse feel so good to know.

After the last of the guests had left well after midnight, mouse finally kicked off her shoes and went about tidying up. Daddy stopped her, took her into his arms and kissed her. It needs saying that he hates these kinds of social occasions and mouse isn't really fond of them either, but together we pulled it together and off, and everyone had a great time. Even Daddy had fun seeing these people outside of work and actually said we should do this more often. Wow...that's quite a huge change.

He led mouse upstairs and had her kneel in that cocktail dress and he just watched her. We didn't talk and mouse just remained very still. Then he helped her up and mouse went about the rest of her rituals (except we skipped the bath and long meditation -- it was too late for that).

Sunday morning, we slept a little late and finally got up, finished tidying up, then we went out for a while.

Before we knew it was Sunday evening and mouse rushed a bit to get things ready for Monday.

A fast weekend but a weekend were something new was learned or maybe just thoroughly embraced.

A Formspring Friday

2011-05-13T16:01:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

It's weird but Formspring questions come in groups...at least it seems that way to mouse and have to admit, mouse is horrible about answering things in a timely manner, so they've kinda stacked up....

You mentioned that your Master is a sex addict. How does that affect your relationship with him?

It's hard to say how it's affected our relationship, because it's mostly subtle. Yes, it has brought about huge changes in our dynamic, which mouse has discussed most recently here. One of his biggest issues was with intimacy, which affects a whole bunch of himself. Years ago he would drive slaves to distraction with his aloofness, yes they loved him but he was incapable of returning that love to them. He could control them, he could play with them but he refused to love them. In fact, he believed that loving them limited his ability to effectively punish them if they got out of line.

He also had big sadistic needs, the want of inflicting large amounts of pain...there's always been a leaning toward heavy play. He loves to push boundaries. It's odd but most of these come from that fear of intimacy, which includes the objectification of women. Now, mouse understands that she writes and often speaks in the third person...who knows that might change in the future. But for him it's not about objectification but more about being pleasing to him. He likes the way mouse writes and uses the third person speech as fluidly as those using "I" often do.

There came a time in life where Daddy didn't want to be tied to anyone and that led him down the road to use prostitutes. He spent a lot of money on his hired help.

As in control Daddy strives to be in his life, he slowly realized that his life was spiraling out of control. He was losing touch with everything and driven by these desires he had a hard time understanding. He would blow off friends, family, even his child to "sate his needs."

It was during that time that he and mouse drifted apart only to reconnect years later and eventually mouse saw that he had changed his whole attitude about everything. He's healthy now and balanced. He can't look at porn of any kind that involves BDSM, which is also why he doesn't follow many blogs. When he makes a realization like the one recently that he needed to put his Sadism behind him, he just did it.

How does this affect mouse? Well, for the most part it doesn't really because mouse can accept that our life needs certain things and things, which are harmful are forbidden. The trick we both had to learn was not make anyone else responsible for his "sobriety," and that it must come from only him. It's hard to do that when you love someone and see them maybe starting to slide. We have things in place to prevent that from happening, kinda like a relationship safeword.

Now, mouse knows this might not be a full answer to the question but does hope it was enough.

Ask me anything

Testing

2011-05-13T11:42:00.001-07:00

Since blogger had a huge blonde moment and erased a post, mouse is
going to try posting this way...

So, this is only a test!

Where's the post?

2011-05-13T11:24:00.000-07:00

Guess blogger goofed Or had a blonde moment and deleted the tardy mouse post! Really annoying...it's like yesterday never happened!

Tardy mouse

2011-05-12T08:52:00.000-07:00

Good morning (yes, it's still morning),

Daddy sent a text to mouse a few minutes saying, "you are tardy in your post this AM" oooops. Honestly, mouse forgot completely. It's just been one of those mornings where you just want to pull the covers over your head and scream, "Do over please."

Actually mouse could just say its all Daddy's fault, he's the one who wanted to make love this morning. And that left her a dreamy state...

Well, she could say that but she won't....

Even if that's what happened.

Daddy would say it's just an excuse and mouse would argue that it's a reason.

Then he'd say well we'll see about that and we'd have to do again this evening or afternoon...

Sounds like a pretty good plan...

Sooooo tired

2011-05-11T06:03:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

Last night mouse went from being wide awake to falling asleep in minutes. Weird! Then started doing the evening rituals and the next thing Daddy's tapping mouse's shoulder saying she fell asleep in the tub. He helped her out, dried her off, watched as she brushed her teeth and put her bed.

Feeling weird and disoriented mouse held onto Daddy all night long and he so wasn't complaining.

Today, lots of plans....LOTS. Including a trip to the mall!

Ya, this is super short. But it's time to wake Daddy and we don't want to be late doing that.

Shine

2011-05-10T05:59:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

This post is going to be a bit different it's not directed at submissives or Dominants and it's really not about lifestyle, although it fits within it.

It seems that men, Dominant or otherwise go through periods of internal confusion. They turn inward on themselves, becoming mired in deep introspection. This can because of a lot of reasons, they need space, are having work issues, money problems, health problems, or even family problems. It's not really depression per se, although it can be part of it. Now, mouse has theory, or an unproven hypothesis that when this happens they become mentally lost in themselves.

When Daddy was in rehab, mouse lit candles throughout the house so that in a weird symbolic way the house would shine brightly for him, so that he could find his way home.

When met with bad moods, it is somehow the inclination to hide from them under the guise that we're giving them space. Really it's a form a self-protection to insulate ourselves from their stress. Yet study after study show that human touch is so important. With Autistic children when in the middle of huge melt-down, applying firm even pressure can help them calm. There are specially trained dogs that sense when some of the kids are becoming overwhelmed and sit close beside them and it calms them down. Now, not comparing a man's inner turmoil with an Autistic child's rage but the overall principle is kinda similar.

The other scenario is to become just as grumpy when they become that way. When we're ignored or rebuffed, the other inclination is to become snide or sarcastic. To say things we don't really mean but because feelings have been hurt by rejection, which leads often to fights.

What mouse didn't realize was that she could shine just as brightly to light his way through whatever darkness he faces, differently that he shines for mouse. When he's turned introspective or in a mood, mouse shines for him. This means that she lets him know that she's there mentally as well as physically. At times she will simply sit at his feet, thumbing through book or magazine, just being close. Not running away or hiding from his mood but absorbing it really like a sponge, because if she can...then he can see how brightly she shines for him. Even if he tries to push her away she doesn't leave -- at least not completely. If he yells, she says nothing in return. Sitting close by, she can hear his finger tapping when he gets quiet and she shines for him. Slowly it begins to permeate every part of his body and mouse can feel it. His finger quiets, his mind settles and eventually his hand will find the top of mouse's head. He'll pet her gently.

Just being there for him, absorbing whatever he puts out. Remaining close and constant...just loving them and shining brightly for them.

It really works, not always overnight because it's not an instant cure.

Of mouse and men

2011-05-09T05:46:00.000-07:00

Good morning and a late happy mother's day to all the moms out there,

Yesterday was fun mouse had her annual mother's day luncheon here at the house. So many of mouse's friends for years were really kinda ignored on Mother's Day by their husband's mouse started the tradition. It's kinda amazing how many men just do the basic minimum of what they need to do. They send flowers to their moms and to their wives, but that's about it. Yanno, cause the flowers include a card.

This isn't all men, some go all out...it's just in mouse's experience those are pretty rare...

This year mouse invited her female in-laws to the event and that was fun. Naturally Lucy was there too (Schroeder is a send flowers kinda guy and NEVER knows what else to do) and a few others. We had a lot of fun tho, mostly because the guys left us all alone, with our mimosas and chick flicks -- Under the Tuscan Sun was a fun movie to watch. We also watched Eat Pray Love.

The big surprise came on Saturday and not Sunday.

Daddy decided to do something special for mouse, so he baked a cake.

From scratch.

Made his own frosting.

From scratch using real sugar.

Chocolate cake, with dutch cocoa (only the best dutch cocoa) With mocha AND chocolate frosting.

Ya, he made two types of frosting.

The layer cake had 4 layers!

He also piped (yes piped) some frosting around the bottom and made little rosettes on the top. On top of those, he put a chocolate covered coffee bean.

Now, mouse is confident your mental image is much better than it actually came out. One side of the cake had waaaay more frosting than the other, because it had a definite slant and needed to be equalized. The piping, well, Martha Stewart has nothing to worry about.

But the best part...the really bestest part? He and the child, cleaned up! Whoa no mess. And ya, mouse was worried.

Daddy followed the recipe and it tasted really good.

And every woman there just raved when they learned that he made it.

Including his own mother.

Clearly the man is really full of surprises.

it's not always perfect

2011-05-06T05:21:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

Living in a 24-7 M/s relationship doesn't mean that everything always runs smoothly. In going through past posts, mouse found this little ditty that went unpublished from a year ago.

"When Omega is ill and basically bedridden, mouse just gets annoyed fairly easily with him. The nagging begins...did you take your meds today? Did you check your blood sugar? Are you sure, you know you can't eat until you've checked it? What, you want another pillow? What do you mean you've "lost" the remote?

"All this comes from a totally different place, when Omega is ill it's nothing to ignore and it can go from being not too bad to deathly serious in the matter of minutes. It's stressful when he's not feeling well. The stress needs to be released, but it's hard. The truth is while Omega can be a bit more demanding when he's ill, mouse doesn't just handle it well, because she knows that it can go bad so quickly. Quickly mouse turns for loving slave to Omega, into a nagging, cranky nurse. Not at all pleasing. As he improves however, mouse becomes much more relaxed and the service side of her begins to take over."

This made mouse giggle because nothing is going to change that and its all true for the most part and really it could have been written last month instead of last year. His aches and pains mouse can handle fine, but when Daddy is ill...laid up...sick, it's a game change. It makes mouse grumpy to be busy elsewhere in the house and have to answer his calls (which are fairly frequent). Yet she does it...Climbing up and down a million times is exhausting especially when you just reach the bottom and he's calling again.

Yet at the same time, mouse loves waiting on him and feels so guilty for being short tempered with him, and depending on how ill he is, it largely goes unnoticed by him. If it wasn't for the worry, maybe she could mentally settle down and just enjoy doting on him a little more.

Now when he's in a bad mood mouse has learned to give him a lot of space. Don't pester him with details about Homeowners insurance, or that the car needs service. During those times, mouse needs to step up her game, be more attentive but from a distance. Easier said than done because it requires hovering without seeming to hover. Knowing mouse is hovering would annoy Daddy. Meeting his needs before he even knows he has them is important and requires a little mind reading at times. Well, not so much mind reading but paying close attention to his tells. If he rubs his knee, he might want an Advil. If his cup or glass are half full, he might appreciate a refill. It's when he leans back in his chair and rubs his eyes that mouse knows it's time to approach him, to offer herself in some way that will please him and take his mind off his troubles.

Timing, as with most things, is everything.

Get him at that right moment and the pay-off can be huge. Wrong moment and mouse feels like her world has just collapsed. After the reality of the crushing blow is shook off, she learns something new about him. Like everything else its filled away for future reference.

Private thoughts

2011-05-05T06:09:00.000-07:00

Under the bed there is a small notebook, well several, where mouse jots down thoughts, makes bad doodles (seriously, mouse has no drawing skill whatsoever) and other random stuffs. Daddy knows about them but has never asked to read them. Last night everything changed, Daddy asked to see them while mouse did her meditations and bath.

Really? How was mouse supposed to concentrate on a stupid card while he's sitting on the bed going through her most intimate of thoughts? Ok, the really intimate thoughts go into this blog, but other thoughts...did he need to see those? The doodles are just horrible...hearts surrounding Daddy's name. Really?

It was embarrassing to know he was seeing all that...What could be worse? After she finished truly gong through the motions he said nothing really about it. No discussion, nothing pithy or sarcastic...nada...zip.

Somehow mouse really needed him to make a comment, snide or other wise...to let her know it was ok...or that he didn't care...

This morning mouse picked up the books and put them back under the bed, then she retrieved the most current one and opened to the first open page....

The page on the opposite side had all the hearts surrounding Daddy's name....and waaaay down on the bottom...

He drew a mouse.

With a heart.

Guess it was ok after all.

Trust and change

2011-05-04T05:39:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

Trust is a huge word with just a few letters. Someone commented recently when mouse spoke of the changes to our dynamic, that because Omega is in charge, mouse should simply trust him. No argument from mouse at all, but that's outward trust. Yes, where Daddy goes, mouse follows. It doesn't mean tho that she doesn't grumble a little about the journey, even if she keeps all of those grumbles to herself, they're still there. Daddy knows that too, because he knows his mouse all too well.

Trust is wonderful but it doesn't always remove all fear. That little "what if" monster rises to the surface making mouse doubt herself and sometimes doubt him. Of course Daddy does have mouse's best interest at heart but it doesn't change that instance of self-doubt. Will he still love mouse the same as always, will she become imbalanced and horrible to be around? Would we just slip into vanilla slumber and become bored with each other?

Most importantly: How on earth will mouse ever feel contained without being beaten once in a while with his whip? Could she really be happy without her trips to subspace she craved? What if we continued the previous path and mouse was really harmed by him during a sadistic rage, what would become of her trust then?

Yes, those things were all about mouse. Of course she understood that it had to end - for Daddy's health and well being, as well as her own safety, but endings deserve a period of mourning as well. And yes, mouse was sad to see it all dismantled, every bit as much as she was worried about what the future might bring us. Those thoughts tho, she kept to herself and very private, because Daddy had enough to be concerned with.

So, while outwardly mouse put on the brave face and soldiered on for her Daddy, inwardly she wondered and worried, and pined away. During the first days of all that change, simply trusting him inwardly wasn't enough. In the end the fears diminished until they simply dissapated like fog. Daddy could really contain mouse without so much as lifting more than his eyebrow. He does it artfully with his words, the way he walks and silkiness of his tone or the abrupt harshness of his voice. The way he places his hand on the small of her back, guiding still through busy streets. He truly guides her through life and trust, well it's there, but most importantly it's internal trust and external.

It's true mouse does feel real pangs of guilt ever doubting Daddy, eventually we talked about those fears that mouse had. Daddy said they were completely valid and wished mouse had shared them with him at the time. He was also quick to realize there was nothing he could do about them. There was nothing he could say that would make them disappear, because mouse is human and that's very much human nature. No, in the end mouse had to wait, to be still and patient and see where things led. To see where Daddy led her and how she felt about it all.

Imagine her surprise when they led to something even better than she dreamed. Better than Daddy imagined.

Evolution of rituals

2011-05-03T05:59:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

As mouse promised yesterday mouse will start to explain the evolution of our rituals. They were, in the past mostly pain based, but now they're more grounded in what Daddy really wants mouse to learn.

The evening ritual is the most important and the most fun. It begins with mouse undressing and kneeling before the tub area, mouse keeps a deck of Tarot cards, which she then shuffles and picks the top card off the deck. Now, it needs to be said that mouse doesn't know a lot about the cards and their real meaning, she mostly goes by what she feels when she sees them. The cards she currently has (because Daddy got rid of her last set -- smiles demurely) are actually quite visually striking and mouse did take some time looking at all the cards. If mouse does want more information about a particular card she does have a companion book but hardly ever looks at it.

Daddy watches as mouse as she does all this. Then he starts the water for her bath, sometimes she'll continue meditating almost mindlessly getting into the tub, but mostly she'll just put the card back and put the deck aside. He'll sit on the edge of the tub (sometimes depending on how early it is, he'll climb in too) and we'll talk about the day. What worked, what mouse needs to work on for tomorrow. We discuss our communication for the day, other issues we might have...worries...it's very free flowing and wonderful.

He will lay out any nightgowns or whatever mouse is wear to bed.

The biggest change is that mouse no longer must ask permission to enter the bed. In bed we discuss the focus rules and the blog post for the that day (if there was one). We talk through the whole thing, why mouse chose to write about it, what the thought process was....he loves hearing about all of it.

Eventually if there's nothing else on his mind (often there is) mouse will curl up next to him and fall asleep.

The morning rituals are rather unchanged except that Daddy wishes mouse to meditate before starting the day. Then she blogs, makes coffee and wakes Daddy. Still fixes him breakfast while he showers and dotes on him shamelessly!

Evolution

2011-05-02T06:19:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

Last week, Daddy decided to whisk mouse away for a couple days. We spent some time reconnecting with each other. It was wonderful.

What would you do if everything you held dear about your dynamic suddenly changed?

We've gone through a lot changes in the past couple months. Some have been kinda hard to accept, at least at first, but mouse is good of putting on a brave face. Knowing sometimes that you have no choice, doesn't make things any easier. As mouse has lightly mentioned in the past Daddy has issues with sexual addiction. Now mouse is well aware some people believe, sexual addiction isn't real, or simply some sort of an excuse for bad behavior. Having seen its effect on Daddy, long before he and mouse were together, mouse would say it is very real.

Slowly, he's come to terms with his triggers and learned to cope with them. He's gotten himself into a healthy mindset where he can be intimate. Intimacy is difficult for him to achieve and maintain. One of the last things he had to accept was that his sadism was preventing genuine intimacy with mouse. Daddy has since put the sadist away and for the most part even dismantled the basement playroom. The reason was kinda simple but hard for him to accept, but he realized recently that if he were an alcoholic and continued to lie to himself about drinking he wouldn't heal. Same was true about his sadistic urges. He couldn't ignore that he couldn't give in to them. It led to shaky times for him, explosive moments that made mouse tremble. It also led mouse to a few times to offer herself to the sadist, which wasn't the smartest thing to do.

There were times during play, his sadistic urges would overrun him and there were times that mouse would be hurt. Now, he always took excellent care of mouse afterward, but it was the during that concerned him. Eventually after talking with his therapist and then with mouse he decided to put the sadist side of him away.

Believe it or not, this worried mouse in the beginning but those fears were really unfounded. He did his work with his therapist and is now in a much better place to guide mouse. Yes, we still use pain at times to correct mouse, but it's not part of our daily dynamic. The problem was that mouse enjoyed the crazy scenes and hard play, but she also had to realize these things weren't the best for Daddy anymore. It was hard to accept that. It was like all the work he spent bringing all those feelings out, the inner pain slut, and then saying...he made a mistake. He can't do it anymore because he was worried of harming mouse. He explained when he was in that place mentally, he couldn't stop himself from causing more pain to mouse -- at least not easily. For some reason mouse took this very personally, like it was her fault. He was suddenly changing the game and that scared mouse a lot. Truthfully she worried that she would see him differently but in time she learned she didn't.

But Daddy assured mouse all along the way and it's taken us time to get used to this new era we began. Now, he controls mouse with his words and contrary to what mouse thought, those words from him are enough. He's still very much Daddy and she loves that and maybe the tradeoff was totally worth it because she got something even better than she thought it could be. He really nurtures mouse now and shows in a very demonstrative way how deeply Daddy cares for his mouse.

Tomorrow, mouse will try to write about how the rituals have evolved.

Less mouse

2011-04-27T09:34:00.000-07:00

Good morning (or afternoon depending the time zone),

Did all the usual stuff this morning and only now did mouse realize she forgot to blog. The bathroom is slowly moving forward, but also since it's not a needed bathroom, mouse is in no hurry to finish it. It'll get done eventually.

Did spend a long time cleaning the other bathrooms in the house. Bleh, almost made mouse wish those toilets would erupt -- Ok not really because that mess isn't something mouse wants to repeat anytime soon.

Had a great talk with Daddy last night during the evening rituals, weird because even tho we talk about everything sometimes it feels like we're just filling space. Last night was different. Kinda like a cathartic sharing of all our thoughts and feelings. It was deep and intimate.

Can't really think of much else to write about...lately it's like everything's been said.

There's no feeling of angst and really more feelings of peace. Trying to get into touch with mouse's vulnerable side and it's working, handing over all the fears to Daddy. Trusting that he'll know what to do with those fears...It just works for us. It has deepened the slavery and submission in mouse greatly. Which is odd because most of our BDSM type stuff has stopped. We're just not doing the hot scenes in the basement anymore. Yet he keeps mouse balanced and focused with his words, his actions...

That invisible leash that connects us, tethers and binds mouse to him. It's nice and comforting and gives mouse a strong feeling of peace.

One less toilet to flush...

2011-04-26T05:59:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

Guess the planets are insistent that mouse remodel one room in the house. Why? Because the toilet upstairs started spewing shit. Literally shit. Seriously mouse expected to hear a voice saying, "get out" and the walls to drip blood. The plumber came out and find why and also discovered the toilet has a crack. So he feels we might as well replace it.

Ya.

So there'll be one less toilet to flush and clean until it's all fixed. Heh. So and since that's happening anyway, mouse is off to Home Desperation to look and price maybe a new flooring option for that floor and as long she's there, might as well check out the tubs and vanities. Oh and already started tearing down the flowery wallpaper left by the previous owner. That's a DIY thing...ya...Daddy calls it sweat equity and seems to think mouse can lay tile since she's so good on her knees anyway. Ok, mouse can go along with the wallpaper and might even pick up a paint brush because if we can save a few bucks here and there; mouse can buy better stuff...right... or at the very least hire someone else to be on their knees putting down tile.

Right?

As long as it's within the budget.

Busy

2011-04-25T08:58:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

Busy weekend and even busier Monday, just trying to settle sometimes is hard. After a horrible, busy weekend and suddenly Monday comes around and you feel...well more tired than you were on Friday.

At least that's how mouse feels. Just mentally exhausted and drained -- and really for no really stellar reasons either.

So, ya the sun will come out tomorrow....Unless you live in the Pacific North-west where mouse is convinced we'll never ever see the sun again. Well, you get the idea.

Also late this morning in posting this...sorry mouse is aware the faithful readers have their routine they like to follow. So hugs and thoughts for a better tomorrow!

Who made mouse

2011-04-22T05:52:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

We are the sum total of our experiences, the good, the bad and ugly. Long-time readers of this blog know that Daddy has known mouse for years, over twenty years since she walked into his life as a receptionist in 1989. That was a loooooooong time ago. Daddy's friend noticed mouse's submissive qualities and brought her into the lifestyle. Daddy was allowed to use mouse the way he wanted.

After her first owner passed away from cancer mouse was alone for many years after that. Afraid and unwilling to take part in life. During those years she threw herself into work because personal relationships were too painful to think about. Daddy and she drifted apart, only to reconnect years later in another state.

During those first years after we reconnected, although mouse didn't realize it she was being mentored by Daddy. He didn't talk about the lifestyle at all, but slowly nonetheless drew her out of her protective shell. He took care of her when she was ill, never really leaving her side until she was healthy enough to care for herself again. He started making dinner plans and scheduling weekends. At first mouse felt she was his go-to girl when he had no one else to do stuff with. The only thing he ever said that was remotely lifestyle related was something about how difficult it must be for mouse not to share her past. To talk about it in a safe way, so that she could work through the issues of abuse she'd suffered. He mentioned lightly that blogging was popular and it might be a way to write about those difficult times. In looking back to the early days of this blog, nearly two years ago now, mouse didn't write a lot of details about her life and abuse, it was more about recovery from it. And it helped.

Daddy started showing up in the blog, first as "Beta" which he hated and later as Omega (which he might have hated even more). While he was still simply known as Beta, he would occasionally comment and always showed great support of mouse. Our relationship was not at all physical. That scared mouse the most he did was a nice tender kiss on the cheek or on the forehead. Ya, he's good at waiting. One night after dinner mouse and he were talking and he started to reading to her from a book. The sound of his voice made mouse very dreamy and she started to think how comfortable this all was. How safe he made her feel and only now does she realize he was Daddy even then.

So the answer to the question is that Daddy made mouse who she is. He guided her along, pushed her up the mountainside and pruned the bonsai so that it grew and flourished, but most of all and through it all, he showed her consistency and she offered him constancy.

Without those elements neither would survive very long.

Soooooo tired

2011-04-21T06:17:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

Daddy kept mouse up really late last night, talking and doing a lot of other stuff that just made mouse smile. This morning mouse already has Daddy's scones in the oven and the coffee is ready and wanted to post before she wakes him.

It's a beautiful day (OK, it's SO no beautiful...it's freaking raining -- but there must be a rainbow somewhere in the world).

Got a lot of chores to do today. Vacuuming, laundry, cleaning the kitchen floor...OMG who spilled sticky stuff? Oh stop; like mouse would EVER allow that to spilled?

Ooooh and a trip to Target...mouse's personal happiest place on earth. Yay...need a shower curtain for the guest bathroom. Just nasty. Have to pick up some more of those Magic Erasers by Mr Clean, because as Daddy pointed out, the baseboards are looking kinda gross. And ya, those should have been done before Passover started....

Ya...

Most of all mouse is sooooo thankful to her friends and all the people that comment on her blog! The encouragement she feels from all of you is soooo wonderful.

Special thanks to Daddy...who mouse just loves to pieces!

And another special thanks to turiya! Frequently turiya really helps to keep mouse grounded and laughing when she needs it.

Focus rules

2011-04-20T06:21:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

It's true Daddy hasn't changed the focus rules for a while, guess mouse has more learning to do in that department. Focus rule number one has been around for a long time, so mouse decided (for total lack of anything else to write) to write about that.

mouse shall maintain a clean home, vehicle and office space, as her neatness is a direct reflection on Daddy.

Maybe rule number 2 is a better place to start? No...Ok...

It's true mouse has issues with neatness and maybe she's a little bit of a clutter-bug, but trying hard to fix that. It's just not easy all the time. Then Daddy starts getting annoyed, not really with mouse but with the state of the house, but she can feel it and always takes his annoyance as her own. Right now the big pet peeve in his life is the state of the closet...

Ok, moving along...

mouse will maintain her morning, noontime and evening rituals

The noon time ritual has kinda fallen by the wayside lately. Just too busy but mouse does take several minutes at various times during the day to look at all the Focus Rules and try to embrace them all. The morning and evening rituals are still around and mouse follows them.

It's true some do bug mouse a little bit, like not having any privacy bothers mouse a lot. It's a more mental thing than a physical one. If Daddy wants to watch mouse go to the bathroom, he can. There is no privacy expected at all. We all need private moments but that's what, in Daddy's opinion, being still is for. Sometimes he will allow mouse to go into the basement (in the more public space) and listen to the stereo down there. Crank the music as loud as she wants and he doesn't disturb those moments for her. In that place, she'll dance (badly) and sing along (not so badly) to the music. It relaxes her the way few other things can. The iPod is ok, but you can't really sing along with the music just playing in your head. There's something about feeling the music surround you. To mouse, it is really almost spiritual and something she needs to do from time to time.

When Daddy isn't home she's allowed to play music in the house and that's nice too. Well, unless Daddy is the mood to listen to Sinatra, Dean Martin or some Jazz, but that's all pretty darn rare and mouse doesn't mind his taste in music.