Good Afternoon friends, it's been one of those days here and this is the first chance mouse has had to ponder today's topic which is dealing. We deal with so much it seems. We endlessly juggle and balance what we need as individuals and as a couple dynamic.
Someone remarked once in email that Daddy seems a bit bossy at times (as they read through the list of expectations) and asked how mouse deals with that. It's been a struggle, there cannot be denying that, anyone who reads knows full well that mouse was punished quite regularly for mostly failing to take the expectations seriously in one way or another. Most of the infractions were small, little things that on their own could be dismissed but when you stitch them together suddenly you've got a blanket. A typical scenario might go like this, mouse forgets to buy coffee. Goes home and realizes the error and runs back to the store to buy some. Meanwhile this action puts her woefully behind on her chores and other duties. Daddy will send a text message to just check in, and mouse will reply with something short, like "busy."
Busy is actually an answer he accepts, he knows that mouse has a lot going on sometimes -- busy means a lot of different things, but one thing it shouldn't mean is that mouse is playing catchup on something she should have done right to begin with. So, now the busy is really mouse being evasive. To avoid telling him what's really going on.
What he expects is simple, the deal is that if mouse forgets, coffee, she's to tell Daddy. Then let him decide what she should do about it. If he feels is incredibly important (after all we are talking about that magic morning juice we can't function well without) all he wants is the opportunity to fix the problem not create new problems for mouse. Now, of course leaving something off the shopping list like "coffee" might be subject to a correction because it is that important. Still that's only one mistake instead of making three or four -- those mistakes take him out of the loop.
The other day, mouse was just overwhelmed with a project, and really didn't have to complete her chores, or she was afraid there wouldn't be time to complete them. So, she sent Daddy a text telling him about the situation -- long before it became an issue. This is the deal we've made with each other. The list is in place so mouse doesn't get overwhelmed, but sometimes other things get in the way. Then she feels like she's failed if she doesn't do it all. Daddy takes that pressure away from her. By extending her permission when she overwhelmed to let something else slide for another day.
Now he's not unreasonable, if something really huge came up, of course she wouldn't be punished for skipping out on everything, but there had better be a pretty good reason for it and proof to back it up. Otherwise there would be no point for having a list to begin with -- if all it takes is an excuse to get out of doing anything. It's like he's said a million times either he has authority or he doesn't and mouse certainly prefers that he does.
Someone remarked once in email that Daddy seems a bit bossy at times (as they read through the list of expectations) and asked how mouse deals with that. It's been a struggle, there cannot be denying that, anyone who reads knows full well that mouse was punished quite regularly for mostly failing to take the expectations seriously in one way or another. Most of the infractions were small, little things that on their own could be dismissed but when you stitch them together suddenly you've got a blanket. A typical scenario might go like this, mouse forgets to buy coffee. Goes home and realizes the error and runs back to the store to buy some. Meanwhile this action puts her woefully behind on her chores and other duties. Daddy will send a text message to just check in, and mouse will reply with something short, like "busy."
Busy is actually an answer he accepts, he knows that mouse has a lot going on sometimes -- busy means a lot of different things, but one thing it shouldn't mean is that mouse is playing catchup on something she should have done right to begin with. So, now the busy is really mouse being evasive. To avoid telling him what's really going on.
What he expects is simple, the deal is that if mouse forgets, coffee, she's to tell Daddy. Then let him decide what she should do about it. If he feels is incredibly important (after all we are talking about that magic morning juice we can't function well without) all he wants is the opportunity to fix the problem not create new problems for mouse. Now, of course leaving something off the shopping list like "coffee" might be subject to a correction because it is that important. Still that's only one mistake instead of making three or four -- those mistakes take him out of the loop.
The other day, mouse was just overwhelmed with a project, and really didn't have to complete her chores, or she was afraid there wouldn't be time to complete them. So, she sent Daddy a text telling him about the situation -- long before it became an issue. This is the deal we've made with each other. The list is in place so mouse doesn't get overwhelmed, but sometimes other things get in the way. Then she feels like she's failed if she doesn't do it all. Daddy takes that pressure away from her. By extending her permission when she overwhelmed to let something else slide for another day.
Now he's not unreasonable, if something really huge came up, of course she wouldn't be punished for skipping out on everything, but there had better be a pretty good reason for it and proof to back it up. Otherwise there would be no point for having a list to begin with -- if all it takes is an excuse to get out of doing anything. It's like he's said a million times either he has authority or he doesn't and mouse certainly prefers that he does.
2 comments:
I liked what you said at the end about either he has authority or he doesnt, and i also think its about respect, in trusting them to have authority over one, then there should be respect for that authority and for them.
x
Hi Mouse, I too like what you said at the end. Especially you preferring he does have authority :) I'm glad it sounds as though the list works well for you and helps keep you on track with expectations.
Hugs
Roz
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