All that You Love

Good morning friends!  Is it really Friday the 13th?  This morning we have some raspberry muffins to indulge in with our coffee.  It should go without saying that mouse loves many things, in fact, Daddy was fast to point out that mouse has no in-between love and hate.  It's either she's widely passionate about something and loves it to death, or she absolutely hates it with the same passion that Daddy says is more like venom.  Also you can all congratulate mouse on making it through another week without punishment.  It's getting a bit nerve-wracking now for mouse, how long can she go?  

Today's question comes from Julie who asked: "Hi mouse, this is a question I asked kaya; is there any advice you would give to a novice slave such as I and is there anything you would do differently if you were starting over?"  

We were all novices once, guess the biggest bit of advice mouse could offer would be to educate yourself about what BDSM is and isn't.  Talk and discuss endlessly your feelings about everything and hopefully that's something they (Dom/Master) will invite and share their own thoughts with you. Do not expect a power dynamic to fix huge problems in your relationship or even personality flaws either of you might have.  Make sure there are times you can speak completely freely without a fear of punishment.  Be honest with yourself and with them about what you really want.  Don't think because mouse or anyone else has or does this or that you should as well.  Some are slaves that truly most comfortable in a bedroom and submitting fully there and find when it moves beyond the bedroom they just shrink.  That doesn't diminish them.  

If mouse is honest with herself, she might have put more effort of fixing her own issues before she offered herself to Daddy as his slave -- and began repairing herself shortly after Alpha's death -- so we're talking years before Daddy.  He saw the issues, probably better than mouse but even he didn't realize how bad some were until we moved in together.  There was a lot of really stupid things mouse did between Alpha and Daddy that she didn't realize were signs of the PTSD she refused to acknowledge.  After all she'd had lived through a holocaust or war, how could she have PTSD just because she was treated poorly in a Master/slave relationship?  

The one thing that really changed everything in our relationship was when he began listening to mouse each night as we cuddled in bed.  He wouldn't comment or talk at all, sometimes he'd pull mouse closer, but he let her know that she was safe to say things she needed to say.  Hours upon hours of talking about what happened in her past.  Sometimes later, days even, he would bring up some odd tidbit, and we'd discuss that.  That was when he felt it was ok to share his thoughts.  At first it was nothing heavy or even directly related to Alpha.  It helped create a feeling of safety in mouse so when he did bring up more important issues that did involve her years with Alpha mouse felt fine about discussing it with him.   He didn't jump in with anything but rather touched on various things delicately.

The trust bond is probably the most important element in an Master/slave dynamic.  You've got to trust them and they've got to trust you.  Without trusting, everything else falters.  This is goes on both sides of the Power Exchange Dynamic.  If the Master can't trust the slave, no amount of punishment will change that.