The weekend was nice, and strongly quiet. We had no big plans and nothing that needed to be done, except some yard work. Master was relaxing and watching a movie and mouse was reorganizing the books in his study when she suddenly realized the furniture was different. The desk used to be in front of the window, with the his back to it, rather facing the door. Now it was on the side. Still close to the window but now he could see out of it, from the desk. Honestly mouse's paying attention skills are seriously lacking.
Later, mouse meditated and thought about what graceful means -- is it something to do with how a person glides into a room? Or is it more an internal behavior? Is is a presence? The way you hold yourself in public and private? Yes, mouse is aware the whole point of meditating is clearing your mind of all thoughts, but that's never been easy. To get to the point where the focus is on one thought instead of 100 is good.
We're all flawed in some way or another, bad habits or things about ourselves we'd like to change or alter and each day we decide to either try or not. In many ways mouse has failed at her slavery to Sir and has for years now -- she's a very slow learner. Sir dismisses that as part of the learning process.
Two or three years ago, mouse was far more attentive than she is now or so it seems now looking back. Maybe that's the change she really needs to work on? Reconnect not only with Master but that state of graceful purpose and humility that seems to become lost somehow in favor of cynicism.
Later, mouse meditated and thought about what graceful means -- is it something to do with how a person glides into a room? Or is it more an internal behavior? Is is a presence? The way you hold yourself in public and private? Yes, mouse is aware the whole point of meditating is clearing your mind of all thoughts, but that's never been easy. To get to the point where the focus is on one thought instead of 100 is good.
We're all flawed in some way or another, bad habits or things about ourselves we'd like to change or alter and each day we decide to either try or not. In many ways mouse has failed at her slavery to Sir and has for years now -- she's a very slow learner. Sir dismisses that as part of the learning process.
Two or three years ago, mouse was far more attentive than she is now or so it seems now looking back. Maybe that's the change she really needs to work on? Reconnect not only with Master but that state of graceful purpose and humility that seems to become lost somehow in favor of cynicism.
2 comments:
Hi mouse,
When one settles in a particular position to meditate it's about slowing down the body and the mind. Yes, the goal is to try to get one's mind to stop thinking, but there are opportunities at that time also for what I have heard referred to as 'the contemplations'. One might focus on 'gratitude' or 'love' or even 'slavery' and see what comes up. I don't mean to let your mind run free with berating yourself but rather keep focusing on your breath and in that quiet state see what feelings come up for you. When people feel unsettled in themselves, particularly people like you and me, that's generally about their relationships, so utilising the time in meditation to conjure emotions that might be blocked is anything but a waste of time.
My personal feeling about your post is that people get tired. They simply run out of energy. Some relationships take a lot out of us and call a lot from us. That's when I know that it is time for me to focus on a goal of my own so that I can refresh myself, almost like a bath, and then feel reinvigorated to reach deeper into my reserves to make the relationship good for both of us.
Don't look back. Just try to connect in with the inner peace that is always there as a backdrop to all your thoughts. Everything is so much easier that way. x
Thank you Vesta, you're right. It's strange, while we were apart, at least in the beginning mouse would take moments to reconnect at least mentally with her slavery -- actually made a goal or two and completed those -- which in retrospect it was a great feeling. Once the stresses began -- it just got left behind, and that's probably normal to some degree.
Maybe returning the focus to grace is a good thing right now, so much negativity in the world -- especially in this country right now and it's not without reason. Sir doesn't want mouse to really concern with herself with political discussions, but it's been really impossible to avoid it -- without unplugging completely. It's everywhere, it's in the grocery store, restaurants, coffee shops, even the yoga studio and hair salons. Everyone's talking about it. Maybe this is what mouse needs to do right now, practice a little grace and not allow herself to get sucked into group think? Not sure that's the correct word...dunno...
Thanks for your thoughts and helping mouse!
<3
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