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Wednesday, November 14, 2018

With Your Nerves in Tatters

Usually we're better organized than this. Monday morning was a school/work holiday so even Master was home. Quietly mouse rummaged around the kitchen and made note of things we needed at the market as she usually does before she goes shopping. Master has said there was nothing extra He needed or wanted. Our daughter had a request of glitter (pink glitter). Well, glitter is one of those things we don't buy because it's harmful to the environment.

"We can go next weekend," mouse offered.

"No," the small child explained, "I need it before then."

"There is no such thing as a glitter emergency." mouse explained standing firm that the glitter can wait.

The child paused for a moment and then said, "It's for your birthday card."

Oh is that all, mouse felt relieved, "that's nice, we'll go next weekend there's plenty of time before that."

That's when our child grabbed mouse by the arm and growing very impatient with her mother, dragged her to the calendar on the fridge (it was covered partially by gold starred school papers) and rather hotly pointed.

"Your birthday is Saturday!"

Now at this point Master came in, wondering what the commotion was about.

"Didn't you say that you invited your family to Thanksgiving?" mouse said very slowly almost in disbelief.

"Yes, I did, as far as I know everyone is coming....Why?" He asked.

"Thanksgiving is next week!"

"No, that's not right, your birthday is the 17th so thanksgiving is more than a couple weeks away." He said with some assurance.

"It's on Saturday." Our daughter said, clearly annoyed with the adults in the house that are supposed to be on top this kind of stuff.

"Thanksgiving is on the 22nd this year!" Now the panic was rising in mouse's voice, "next weekend the stores will be packed!"

Master kept looking at the calendar as if the date would suddenly change, while checking His phone (like maybe it was wrong).

Meanwhile mouse went to the computer and started printing off recipes of things she usually makes and for good measure printed off last year's shopping list.

Better to notice it this week than next week. Master was quiet and we're probably both thinking the same thing, His mother would be the one driving us crazy about it -- because she always did for every holiday.

Master made a few quick phone calls and text messages and then repeated we'll be 25 including kids. Meanwhile mouse was calculating amounts, we'll need and since we need to eat for the next several days those meals too. Two of Master's relatives will be arriving on Wednesday and leaving on Sunday so there's those meals to plan for as well. This whole thing took us completely by surprise. 

Sunday, November 11, 2018

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part




Master has been actively helping mouse to become more patient.To not pester Him needlessly but to trust that when He wants mouse or needs a task performed, He will let her know. When Master is at home, mouse will refrain from performing tasks that will gobble up her concentration. Like becoming lost in a book or movie, performing a task that requires some level of concentration -- like some cleaning tasks. it's worth noting that helping children with homework or a school project doesn't count and is expected by Master. 

In the beginning, he would correct mouse nearly immediately, then it was added to weekly demerits and finally mouse got it -- most of the time, so he considered the behavior modification a success, from his point of view. For mouse, however it's difficult to wait to be useful to Him. 

The most common request is for mouse to fetch Him a beverage, a snack or something like that. The second most common might be to display herself, hold something for Him while He watches something on TV. A close third is some sort of sexual use. He will often require mouse to pleasure Him orally whist He watches a movie on TV, sometimes it's a movie that she is already familiar with or knows very well and it's difficult to shut her mind down from mentally following the story and remaining on task of service. Master would usually employ some well-timed hair pulling to bring mouse back to the task. 

This mindfulness has been useful in all areas of our life and has helped quiet the thoughts that would divide her focus. Without all the distractions, mouse finds herself happier. Master is happier too. 

Friday, October 5, 2018

Taking Care of Business

Master suggested that mouse post more, which naturally led her to ask, "about what?" There's nothing going on, no angst, no issues that mouse feels strongly compelled to work through, but rather a daily grind. Maybe grind is too harsh sounding? Words fail.

Morning, wake up, make coffee, carry a tray up to Master with His coffee (the tray thing is new). Set it on the bedside table, wake Him gently with oral service and let Him lead mouse to the bathroom. Shower, enema (for mouse), watch Him shave, bring Him a warmed towel, all the details vary depending on His mood and time.  He makes sure mouse is dressed appropriately for the day and if a plug will be allowed (lately He's been choosing one that doesn't make sitting comfortable).

Making the way downstairs, making sure children are awake and on their way to doing their own morning routine, mouse stops at the washer to load and set the timer for an hour delay. Then she heads to the kitchen for coffee, and setting the breakfast table. Preparing breakfast, usually something protein related for Master and something more grain related for the children, fruit is cut up (because that's aways to be offered). The alarm sounds (thanks to the phone) and everyone gets a 10 minute warning. We all depart, children get dropped at their schools and Master goes to work. Then there might be a quick stop at the market or other errands before heading back home to a mostly quiet house.

Household chores vary depending on the day, but usually include dusting, vacuuming and laundry.

Afternoon snack is prepared; often taken along depending on the day and which after-school activity is on the agenda. Usually we'll stop a park for that, unless weather is bad, to give the kids a chance to eat and blow some after-school steam off. Then we're off to where ever. Usually mouse might take that time to make a second trip to the market if it's walkable. Finally at home, the kids settle into their homework routine and mouse fires up her iPod for some soothing music but not before sending Master a text that we're home or sending Him an image of the receipt, in case mouse spends any money.

Then dinner is started or at least prepped depending on the meal. Vegetables might be cut up for later. Whenever possible mouse tries to involve the children in this process, washing the vegetables or cutting them up with supervision. Then once the meal is underway mouse will usually begin tidying up a little. Loading or unloading the dishwasher, folding clothing, whatever task remained unfinished.

When Master is close to coming home, mouse will do a final check to see how much longer for dinner and greet him when He comes through the door. After a quick conversation about what he'd like to drink and how long until dinner, he sits and mouse removes his shoes. Dinner is usually in the dining room with mouse serving the family and herself last. After dinner coffee or tea is offered with a bit of dessert. Usually something very simple, like an ice cream scoop. Once the dinner table is cleared and the kitchen is tidied, and the kids settle to watch a little TV before bedtime. Master will usually join them, finish catching up on their day. Once they've gone to bed, Master often if there's nothing else that interests him on TV, he'll retire to his study to work a little before bed. During that time mouse keeps herself free in case he wants to make use of her -- although waiting to be useful to Him isn't easy.


Monday, September 10, 2018

Feeling Good

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

"Marcie" and "Phil" were still with us until the  middle of July and the other siblings left on Right after the 4th celebrations. There were a few moments for mouse where her frustration got the better of her. Master also decided to let Phil in a little about the nature of our dynamic. Not sure what was shared exactly, and that likely caused mouse a lot of anxiety. 

When someone knows something secretive about someone else, and just can't help but to drop a hint here and there that they do know. Fishing maybe to see if anyone else knows? Or maybe it's just subtle to let them know that they know.  Anyway Master's sibling did make a few well-placed comments over the course of several days that were vague yet, strangely specific. "Taken in Hand" was mentioned a few times. Then there was another remark to Marcie about going over his knee. Meanwhile once the other family members had departed, Master took mouse to the dock, and had her kneel down in front of him. The kids and Marcie were out but Phil had remained behind. At first mouse assumed that he must be occupied with something but found out later he saw it. Of course mouse was fully dressed on the dock, but it was a semi public display of submission. There are people around, although mouse didn't see them, in a distance she could hear voices -- the rattle of plates, children, the usual sounds. 

Trying to focus though just on Master wasn't easy for mouse, being outside although it shouldn't be anyone's business what we do, felt strange and exhilarating at the same time. Master was speaking to mouse about displaying her devotion more, remarked on a few missteps mouse had taken, but over-all had praised her behavior. However mouse had gotten a little impatient with Phil on one occasion and Master felt correction was needed for that. He had mouse stand in the corner of the kitchen to contemplate when we returned from the dock. Mentally mouse was trying to sort out the why Master chose to have mouse kneel on the dock, when the deck was far more private. Was He wishing us to become more public about our dynamic? Then there was Phil matter, all the comments he'd been making, and the issue of punishment. Really, mouse can't recall exactly why she became impatient with him, but she does recall feeling defensive because he'd asked for something and it had slipped her mind. It wasn't like she yelled, but there was a moment of curtness when she said, "I know -- in a minute!" He hadn't deserved that and mouse knew Master was right about that.

Behind her a chair moved, silent tears felt oddly cool against her cheeks because now it didn't take long to realize Phil was in the kitchen. Still, any proactive thoughts she might have had vacated her brain and she was shifted into the present. Then mouse's thoughts turned to what might happen after this humiliation was over. There is a protocol to be followed, where mouse thanks Master for the correction. He wouldn't do that, would he? Before mouse to contemplate her predicament further Master called her to him. Keeping her head lowered mouse walked slowly to him. Master was sitting in a chair eating an apple and Phil was in the next chair but said nothing.

"Sorry Sir." mouse offered with her head still lowered slightly wishing the ground would swallow her up and making the last minute choice to call him Sir in place of Master.

"For what, girl?" Master pressed, apparently he was making word choices as well. Stammering mouse said she had behaved poorly a few times and was deeply sorry for that. Master then pointed out that one occasion mouse was impatient with Phil. Master prompted mouse because she was uncertain, as he's never required anyone to witness mouse being corrected before, to apologize to His Brother.

"I am truly sorry Sir," mouse said turning slightly to face Master's sibling and making the conscious effort to speak in the first person, instead of saying, 'This slave is sorry, Sir.' or words to that effect.

"Very good girl." Master said then told mouse to go wash her face and take a moment to regain her composure.

As mouse began to turn to leave she thanked them both again and although she wanted to run from the room, bury her head in a pillow, cry and scream, she just walked with her knocking knees out of the kitchen as fast as she could without looking incredibly obvious. In the bathroom, mouse could still hear whispering as splashed water on her face, removing her ruined makeup all together, then holding her face in her hands wept for a bit. Years ago, someone we didn't know very well had asked mouse if she was "taken in hand" and mouse hadn't handled that well. This was completely different. From the bathroom, she could hear them talking but couldn't make out what they were saying.

Replacing her mascara, mouse's hands were shaking when Master came in. He gathered her up into an embrace and held her for a few moments. He said she'd handled it well. A million questions popped almost at once into mouse's head but she didn't ask them. Master lifted her chin to look at him, and just said, "He does not know everything but a few small highlights. You'll be a good girl for the remainder of their stay?" That almost went without saying but she nodded and wished for a giant earthquake to open a crevasse  to swallow her up. None was forthcoming so mouse tried to nod again and smile. "You'll get used to it." Master said as he walked out of the room.

How many times has mouse wished to display her submission in an open way? What in the world was she thinking? Sometimes what you think you want, is vastly different from the reality of having it. This wasn't what she had envisioned it to be like. It circled around thoughts that probably made her look like a perfect slave-wife, being able to kiss his feet, as she removed his shoes without any fear of anyone thinking it was odd. Never once had she considered that she could be punished even lightly, in front of anyone else. Or how humiliating it would be. Still and almost even worse, there was a twinge of sexual excitement that left feelings of self-loathing -- what is wrong with her?

Another lesson for mouse to be schooled in. In the days following, mouse was extra vigilant, to serve both of them and forgive Marcie for not doing much of anything, although Master more and more forgiving of Marcie's disappearances whenever cooking or other work is involved and mentioned more than once how proud he was of mouse for stepping up. That alone made the humiliation of punishment worthwhile.

So, after all this, why is mouse feeling good? There's certainly no rational reason to be feeling good about being even a little out. Yet, at the same time it's a relief to not need to hide everything and trust Master. It will probably take a while to parse out these confusing emotions, but for now, mouse is content to just go with it. This is also likely why mouse hadn't published this until after we returned home and had settled back into a daily routine.

Punishments have been far fewer and quite honestly there's a deeper feeling of contentment that flows around the whole house. That alone is worthy of celebration. 

Monday, July 2, 2018

In the Evening on a Friday Night

Sweet days of summer, the jasmine's in bloom
July is dressed up and playing her tune
And I come home from a hard days work
And your waiting there, not a care in the world

We left in the middle of the week ahead of the traffic to the lake, stopping along the way in our usual places. We picked up groceries we didn't bring along with us until just before making the final push and arrived in the morning. Then there was the ritual cleaning, unpacking and making sure that everything was in good working order (it was). Later we relaxed, having a leisurely meal outside, the first of the season. Master hung the twinkle lights mouse brought for the deck area. 

A day later, his family members began to show up for our 4th of July celebration that will happen in just few more days. Right now, mouse has a few private moments to do a quick post from the coffee shop with the best cup in the area.

A couple days ago, Master was on the dock with his sibling fishing, from the short distance mouse could hear their laughter. Ten minutes had passed since mouse last offered them something cool to drink or to fetch something from the kitchen and it was too soon to pester them again unless the temperatures continued to rise. On the deck mouse was reading a book without much success since she was watching Master for any unspoken sign he might want something. His sister-in-law "Marcie" approached mouse and sat down on the deck chair beside her and again made the remark how lucky mouse was to have Him. "He's such a gentleman and polite," Marcie gushed, "Did you see when he held the door open for me? I can't remember the last time "Phil" did that for me." In reply mouse just smiled looking up from the book she wasn't really reading and holding her hand up over her eyes to create a visor from the blaring sun. We sat for a few moments longer while she purred and gushed about Master. Then she departed down toward the dock.

Looking at the time, mouse knew it wasn't time to bother Master, only two more minutes had passed and mouse does try hard to refrain from bothering him too much or often. Now, "Marcie" isn't her real name (neither is Phil for that matter, but Marcie is one of those self proclaimed feminists that in one short breath will say she's smarter than her husband and doesn't need really need him, but in the next completely swoon over another man who's simply being polite to her. There's feminist Marcie down at the dock berating her husband for not using the right bait, and looking at his brother (Master), touching her hair and giving off that body language that all women do when they're flirting.

Now mouse wondered briefly what "Marcie" would think if she only knew that there's a reason a for mouse's nearly burka like clothing was because that polite gentleman had growled into mouse's ear and whipped her body with a willow branch he'd cut from the tree that Marcie had been sitting under for shade? What would Marcie think knowing that her brother in law had a penchant for overpowering his wife, using her as He wished. That her body was thoroughly marked and used up, holes filled for his enjoyment and of course, mouse loved every moment. Each slap to her face was like a precious gift.

After a few more minutes had passed and the temperatures had risen quickly, mouse went down to the dock, crouched down and asked if anyone needed anything, remarking that it was nearly time to put together some lunch. Master gently grabbed the back of mouse's neck toward him into a kiss, which also pulled her somewhat to her knees (probably his intent), his arm held mouse in position for a bit and then released her. Marcie was talking about politics with them so mouse eased away to prepare lunch and make some lemonade.

Marcie pretended to help cut two or three vegetables for a salad, then just wandered away, but showed up for lunch. Master and "Phil" came back because the dock was getting too warm and settled at the long table on the deck, with Marcie, while mouse was putting out the lunch and getting the kids settled. Then they went to get their own food, while mouse got a plate for Master and kept busy fetching extras for the kids.

After, "Phil" nudged "Marcie" suggesting that she help clean up, since she'd done absolutely nothing and made Marcie get defensive and blush with embarrassment, a look and tone that mouse was well acquainted with. Master arched his eyebrow at her protest and it was interesting that she backed down. In the kitchen mouse was wrapping up the left over salad, and steeling herself for a rant from Marcie. Naturally Marcie didn't fail to disappoint, and grumbled about her husband. Biting her tongue and trying to not show any reaction when Marcie said that "Phil" would want a Stepford Wife and went on to explain that men should share all responsibilities in that "am i right" tone of voice. Ignoring those mostly indirect jabs to mouse and the way we live, Marcie continued to rant.

At one point mouse handed her a dirty plate and Marcie just stared holding it and then slowly slid it into the dishwasher, like she's never loaded one in her life. Knowing it would have been rearranged, mouse continued to hand her dishes, in the hope that she'd notice but eventually she said, "it's full." with that now characteristic superior tone and began to leave the kitchen when Master appeared in the doorway and handed her a glass that was missed (well it wasn't really missed a child left it in an odd place). In just a few well-chosen but extremely polite words, he let Marcie know that it was her place to remain until the kitchen was tidy. Quickly mouse began rearranging the dishwasher and made room for every plate, glass and cup and Marcie took forever washing a cutting board but said nothing else.

After Phil invited Marcie to play a game of cards, while mouse checked on the kids and Master, who was in the hammock, while he wanted only a glass of water, he told mouse to get her book and sit beside the hammock. The gentle sway of the hammock bumping into mouse as she sat on the deck with her book in a most lady-like way, and when he indicated, mouse without much thought, would  hand him the glass, so he could drink and then he'd hand it back to mouse. It was probably then it dawned on mouse that she was displaying her status in Master's life to people outside of our children. He wasn't using mouse like a table exactly, but yes he sort of was. Occasionally mouse noticed Marcie glancing in our direction but mouse doesn't know what she saw or thought.

Dinner that evening, Marcie seemed a bit more attentive to at least her children, and was a bit more naturally helpful in that awkward "don't want to be yelled at or called lazy" way. A fast moving summer storm moved in so everyone moved into the house. Quietly mouse helped the kids with a puzzle, while also played a couple hands of hearts and made sure drinks were served.

The next morning shortly after breakfast, which Marcie begrudgingly helped with after she was shamed again. More siblings and families arrived. After getting them settled into rooms, children were relocated to air mattresses on the floor of the living room. Master whispered that we should just leave everyone and go to a hotel, but instead settled on taking mouse for a walk. Trying to find a private moment isn't always easy. Since the marks from the willow branch had faded considerably, Master refrained from marking mouse. Master didn't comment on "Marcie" or invite mouse to share her thoughts, but instead praised mouse for showing and demonstrating the grace of slavery. He also said to 'keep it up,' remembering her place as a slave.

Maybe the next few days will be more interesting than mouse thought? 

Monday, June 11, 2018

The Echo of a Distant Tide

And no one showed us to the land
And no one knows the wheres or whys
But something stirs and something tries
And starts to climb towards the light

A few days ago, mouse was searching through the closet, looking for a missing napkin. Now, let's be honest, mouse is a bit on the short side, compared to Master, and she was jumping up to reach to the top shelf, where the napkin was. It was half off the shelf and mouse jumped grabbing it and whatever was under it, which fell like confetti. It's never simple mouse muttered to herself and began picking up all the stuff that had fallen, as well as the napkin which she threw on her shoulder like a towel.

Some loose photographs and a card she'd given Omega years ago. Not really paying much attention, mouse was turning the photos around, it's something that people do, right? There, in the small bundle was a picture of very young mouse and her former Owner. It must be one of two or three photos that exist. At first mouse was studying it trying to figure where it was taken but the setting didn't look too familiar. It was a living room photo, then mouse noticed a very small kitten in the picture. It was taken at his house, probably just after we found the kitten, abandoned. He had taken it in, partly because of mouse.

On every level mouse knew we'd never be together long. His former life was complicated. You might say we had a shelf life, sure it lasted longer than mouse thought it would. It was still never going to be forever. This was the same person who got mouse into the lifestyle. This was before the internet, email was still more than a few years away and when we'd get it, it was  closed system. You could only email co-workers.

Much later, mouse showed the photograph to Master, he looked at it for a moment, and said, "You look like your in love." Now, mouse didn't see that. Sure she looked happy, but Master pointed out that he was looking at the camera but mouse was looking at him. Starry eyed mouse.

Suddenly mouse recalled the whole thing and looked at the picture again wondering where it came from, because she hadn't recalled seeing it before. Master said the Owner had it amoung his things, and then reminded mouse that he had taken the photograph. There wasn't much else to say so mouse excused herself and returned to her evening tasks. Still she kept chewing mentally on the young girl feeling the first blush of slavery and so very enamored by her Master. What happened to her?

Sure, as mouse wrote earlier she always understood that dynamic had a shelf life, especially early on. Owner had started mouse on many things aside from slavery, and remained indebted to him for her career. When mouse came to him she had a meager job, a very small savings account and nothing else. Essentially she entered his life nude and willing to be his slave with nothing else to her name except her car and very few other possessions. It was because we had a shelf-life that he did that. It was something to fall back on when slavery ends. He couldn't leave her money or a house, but he left her with something more although she didn't see that until years later. In a very short time, the girl in the photo would be placed on a path that at times seemed difficult or even insurmountable and yet managed it.

How many start down this path of slavery knowing that it will end and what do they take with them? Master said once he would often find suitable Dominant types for the girls he kept when it was time to move on. Sometimes the girls would reach out (with his blessing) to another Master to continue their journey. The only other thing Master offered was that many were married today or in permanent relationships. While mouse has never really considered herself lucky, it did leave her wondering if those former slaves were as fortunate as she has been. That was a completely new feeling. 

Monday, June 4, 2018

Well All Right


Well all right so I've been foolish
Well all right let the people know
About the dreams and wishes you wish
When at night when the lights are low

There are things Master enjoys that mouse doesn't. Don't want to yuck anyone's yum, but mouse hates being urinated on. Sure, some might say it's a special gift from their Master and they're more than excited to anytime anywhere, yet mouse finds the idea nothing less than revolting. Now, let's also be clear if Master wants mouse to drink his piss, she's going to do it. It's simply not a preference she has. He knows it and at times it just tickles him to do anyway. Another thing sometimes Master will do is deprive mouse of her senses. Using a hood rather like the one pictured above mouse is essentially deaf, dumb, and without sight. The only thing she can smell is plastic and leather, so even the sense of smell is diminished. 

The other day, since Master's been around a little more, while the house empty of humans, he felt it was good time to play a little. He placed the mask on the bed. Mentally mouse thought, "oh hell no!" the slap for hesitating brought her back. While she was fixating on the mask, he had told her to undress. The riding crop in his hand swished through the air and connected with mouse's thigh. Then she began moving to undress, while he continued to whip her forcing her into a dance for His pleasure. He put a gag into her mouth, which made her whimper a little bit as he fitted the tight mask over her face, making sure the ears were covered properly. Then he tested it, by hitting her breasts and rear with the crop. Luke Skywalker she is not, with the blast shield down she couldn't see a damn thing. 

Now, several things run through her mind when he's done this in the past. What if something happens? You cannot communicate in any meaningful way. So the first thing mouse tries to slow her breathing, and keep calm, of course him hitting various body parts doesn't really help much with that. Of course, she knows on some level there are ways to remove it. There's a buckle in the back that she could get off, and surprisingly she can breathe fine through her nose. The wrists are bound in front of her, but she can tell he's using rope and knows there's a part she could pull to easily remove it. He leads her to bed. Quiet, mouse tries to hear but the only sound is blood rushing through the veins. 

Bound to the bed, it feels soft under her, but her legs are splayed painfully wide, and her arms are extended up over her head. Panic begins to fill her, tugging at the ropes and feels completely at his mercy. There's the sensation of the nipple rings being toyed with and the bite of a clamp. In the gag mouse screams. Then she feels something digging into her like she's being filleted open. More panic then suddenly there's this strange calm. In her head, she's resolved that there's nothing she can do. The only thing she can smell is leather and plastic. The only taste is plastic and her own drool that she can't control. The searing pain to her clit brings her back to reality, but not for very long. Soon the blows to her cunt are just accepted and her arms go somewhat slack. The screaming into the gag stops, turning to whimpers that she can really only hear inside her head. 

Then she feels her arms being released. His cock inside her, his weight on her causing different panic for some reason, feeling more differently restricted. He rarely anymore uses mouse that way, usually it's been from behind. So the one time he actually does, she's hooded. He's a devil that way.  

Then she feels him lifting her head, and removing the terrible hood. The daylight feels bright as he removes the gag but she still can't make sounds. Mentally the experience is draining for her. Shivering from cold she hadn't felt before or noticed, Master wrapped us both up in the blanket, his body touching her own felt soothing. Later, we did get up but only because we had to and mouse let out a gasp when she saw her body in the mirror. Bruises, whip marks and welts covered much of it. To her it looked beautiful. It's been years since she was marked this way.   

The only thing mouse could think to say was, "oh thank you Master."

Hours later, the pain settled and only hurt when she moved or sat, or walked, or moved without thinking, which way would hurt less? It was a good hurt though, a very good hurt. Much later Master remarked that he would always much rather beat mouse for his pleasure than for punishment. For once, mouse didn't dwell on her inadequacies in that regard, but instead took the words as he said them without adding her own slanted interpretation of what he might have meant. Slowly, mouse is learning. When Master inserted the plug into her bottom all the thoughts she might have had, flew away like a bird taking flight. The buoyancy created an inertia within and around her that lifted her. More tearfully this time, she thanked him and truly meant every word.