Good morning friends, our weather is much the same as last week. It's like an endless loop of winter weather that can't quite decide which direction it's going. In an odd way the weather and inability to decide. is echoing what mouse feels at the moment.
There are times when mouse feels extremely submissive, and it probably shows in her writing. Lately those feelings have been a struggle to mouse. It's not as though she's not submitting to Daddy's wishes, or even failing as his slave -- or in the realm of household duties. It's more that she doesn't feel submissive. It's like there is a struggle to get herself into that mindset of feeling submissive.
When mouse feels submissive, slavery to Daddy is easy and even now, feeling as mouse does, it's not hard or difficult, but there is an odd internal struggle going on when she sits to write. We enjoyed a lovely weekend with plenty of opportunities to serve and service Daddy. Yet it felt, like just another day, there was no resentment about what she was doing, it was rote. Sometimes when the submissive feelings prove elusive, mouse will become a bit cranky. Stand toe to toe and do something to utterly piss Daddy off. Upon reflection, maybe it's to elicit a response from him, to somewhat force his hand to take responsibility for what goes on in mouse's head? This isn't what mouse is feeling. If anything there's a numbness to it all -- or maybe just apathetic.
Whatever it is, it's becoming quite annoying to mouse. Yes, she realizes its not a huge issue, it's not affecting her life or most important her service to Daddy or our family. It's just unnerving to feel so disconnected. It begs to ask if anyone else has felt like this? Did it just resolve itself on its own?