Closed My Eyes to See

Feeling completely blessed this morning as mouse reflects on a recent conversation with a good friend. While mouse cannot be completely certain the real reason, it seems that some couples never really learn how to be intimate with each other. Yes, mouse is talking about the act of sex. Or maybe the art of love-making? Normally mouse backs away from intimate discussions with friends about their (or mouse's) sex life (odd since mouse has a blog in which the very subject often includes her intimate time with Daddy).

It seems this friend loves her husband deeply, but the idea of sex with him is more of a duty than something she enjoys. Now at this point mouse was bracing herself for the confession that the friend had taken a lover or something. No, she hasn't and has, from what mouse gleaned, no intention of doing that. Apparently, her husband has a back injury, coupled with other issues that just made sex impossible for him. But it seems their issues began long before this. So, when this happened, she gladly gave up sex! They haven't had sex in nearly a decade! The friend even remarked that her bullet vibe was nicer!

Daddy and mouse have often joked about what will happen when we're too old to screw -- but really that's a long way off for us! But we also enjoy the act of sex too. Really mouse doesn't need to be tied up or overpowered by him to enjoy being with him or feeling him inside her. Also, we're not afraid of talking about what we like and don't like. Lots of things come into play with it too.

Sometimes mouse loves it when he takes his time and hits all the right spots -- but those right spots...well, they change. Other times due to other thoughts rambling through mouse's head -- he'll never hit the right spot! It's just a giant miss. Those are the times when mouse hates it when he takes his time. Equally odd tho, he can start to switch the gears around and suddenly when mouse was counting times the ceiling fan rotates, she becomes lost in a sea pleasure she wishes would never end.

It's true, there are times it's just for Daddy and his pleasure. But when you consider we have some sort of sex twice a day, most every day -- those times are less. Most times it's based on mutual pleasures, needs and desires.

This morning, as mouse woke Daddy with her mouth, he pulled mouse away, holding her close and slid his length between her legs. Feeling the safety of his weight over her, mouse felt his love. Overwhelmed by the thoughtts that mouse couldn't begin to string into words that made any sense, she wept as he moved inside her. The power of our climax lifted mouse to where she needed to be. Closing her eyes tightly, feeling salty tears run down her cheeks -- the love we take is equal to the love we make. (yes a different song).

To be sure there isn't a vibrator in the world that could give mouse that feeling and that's why this morning -- finally able to put these thoughts into a cognizant way, she feels so incredibley blessed!

Song Selection: Attics of My Life; J. Garcia, R. Hunter

Breaks Like a little Girl

After a longer, harder spanking than normal, mouse was awash with emotions she couldn't have anticipated. The pain was too varied, hard softer, thuddy, hard, hard...it was impossible to get to the quiet place. Surprisingly, mouse became angry over it. This wasn't what she wanted...she wanted, no needed to escape to that place and it was like he locked the door and stuck a 'No Admittance' sign on it.

Words she said months ago came crashing back into her head; irony can be a total bitch. Suddenly, mouse found herself in a completely unsubmissive place. Daddy was completely nonplussed by the attitude he was being given and he forced mouse to her knees, shoving himself inside her mouth forcing her to suck him. At once he pulled out, slapped mouse's face hard and then grabbed her by her hair and returned her mouth to work. The next time he removed himself, he came in her face. It was mean, coldly indifferent and horrifying.

And it was exactly what mouse needed. Almost.

Then he began spanking mouse again, this time with the cane he keeps under the bed that mouse completely forgot was even there. The whistle followed by the thud, and of course the squeal of non pleasure from mouse...

When at last mouse capitulated to him and really even now she can't say why she faught him so hard about it.

Because she was fighting him. Holding parts of herself back from him. Parts, she didn't think he'd notice or scarcely care about. Yet, he does care and it shouldn't be a surprise to mouse. Sometimes the depth of him overwhelms her and she wants nothing more than to be overwhelmed by him. Overpowered.

Sometimes it's like there's this need to be taken by force and made to comply. Most times Daddy is more the wait for mouse to catch up to him -- and other times he'll force it. He seems to understand when it's needed. He took all her tears, all the angst bottled up inside her. He held her as she cried. All that night she slept with him close to her mouth. It was blissful for mouse.

Song Selection: Just Like a Woman; Bob Dylan

Who are You?

"What are you chewing on mouse?" Daddy will sometimes ask that when he finds mouse deep in thought. After seeing a comment mouse left on a DD blog, a friend asked in email if we still thought of ourselves as more a Taken in Hand or DD couple now than a Master/slave BDSM couple?

It had mouse puzzled. A while ago, while at our summer place a person not well-known to mouse asked her if she was 'taken in hand" and mouse feigned ignorance. As if admitting that she even had a vague understanding to the meaning of those words was really tantamount to outing herself. Still truthfully, mouse doesn't really know much about DD or Taken in Hand to really form an honest opinion as to it.

Maybe the easiest (and possibly the laziest) thing to say is we're an amalgamation of all of it. From what mouse can glean from other blogs we do follow the ideas, somewhat of TiH (Taken in Hand) Daddy is certainly HOH (Head of House), but he also isn't above "using" mouse for his own pleasure, which is more of a strong M/s idea -- where the slave finds the most joy in serving her Master and it doesn't matter what it is.

Guess we could say we are most comfortable in our TPE (total power exchange) dynamic, which is really like saying M/s to a full time, all-the-time way. Still Daddy always remains respectful of mouse and knows that mouse simply thrives under whole lot of control that might make some squeamish. Yet, it's also why Daddy doesn't really encourage mouse to read a lot of lifestyle books or How To books on BDSM. They always seem to leave mouse with more questions (to him) than answers. Part of him, mouse truly believes, wishes that mouse knew little about the lifestyle -- now she certainly doesn't mean that in a bad way -- that way she can focus harder on just being who she is, instead of worrying about being or emulating someone else.

In the end, when mouse shared with him her thoughts, he said that mouse shouldn't worry about defining us, our greatest concern should be with us and what works best for us today. Maybe he's right, the best "How to" book on our life is the one we've written together.

Song Selection:  Who Are You; The Who

Mother's Day?

"Oh please," mouse pleaded as Daddy slipped the gag into her mouth and kissed softly her cheek. Soon he blindfolded her and secured her open to him. He growled into her ear that she would suffer.

All mouse could think was YES YES it's good to suffer!

He placed the clamps on one at a time, slowly and methodically.

Then mouse's eyes snapped open and she strained to hear. Daddy froze.

"Shit!" he muttered under his breath as he released mouse from the restraints. He paused, for a moment resting his head against her breasts. He kissed with some enthusiasm before abandoning it and removing the gag and blindfold.

By the time the baby was back to sleep it was quite late and Daddy was asleep. Or so she thought.

He pulled mouse close and told mouse despite everything...he loved our family and especially mouse very much. Things go wrong, but we're still strong. While mouse didn't get tied up, gagged or blindfolded...she did get very lucky.

Happy Mother's Day!!

Teamwork

Lately, it seems we've stumbled upon a way to make blogging a bit easier on both of us. Daddy has taken on more of an Editor-in -Chief role when it comes to our place and it's a role we're both very comfortable with. When mouse posts, she just saves a blog in our draft folder, Daddy then reads it, we discuss it if needed and then he'll schedule it for publishing. There are times that mouse has much to say -- then there are times she's really got nothing, like the previous week when mouse barely said boo.

Daddy doesn't edit or change mouse's words. Sometimes he'll just keep it in the draft folder and ask mouse to better clarify what it is she was trying to say. There are posts where Daddy will say, "Distracted again by shiny things, mouse?" and yes, most likely he'd be right. If mouse is angry with him -- he doesn't care -- he cares, of course, mouse is angry with him -- but he doesn't care if our readers know that mouse is angry -- or if he did something thoughtless. It doesn't happen very often or lately...but we've already talked about it -- should it come up. Because, mouse was a bit worried of giving him that kind of control over her words.

We began doing this in January of this year, and it's been a huge success. Since now mouse can blog by email and have things automatically saved (not published) he can read it (he does make time to read) then schedules the post publishing or just publishes it after he's read it. What he won't publish? Sometimes mouse will think of topics that seem interesting to post about, so she'll kinda prompt herself to write about it. It's never a complete post, more like a few words, like the bullet blog post she did. That was really a collection of random thoughts that just had no place as full posts. Yet in bullet form, made up a blog post! Thanks Daddy for suggesting that mouse do that (not to mention cleaned up the draft section a lot).

Lately, it seems because mouse hasn't been writing much. Daddy will schedule it for the next day or publish it immediately. He likes it when mouse writes more but understands it when she feels, she's got nothing to say. There's also something else...one of the blogs mouse reads has her just (said in her perfect imitation of Scarlett O'Hara in Gone with the Wind) pea-green with envy. The Dish with Ward and June, has a wonderful approach, each post is written by either of them, but they always include the others feelings into each post. The point of view is wonderful and very refreshing. Yes, more than once has mouse gotten a little pouty over the idea because it's like each post is written by both of them. Sometimes they write posts together going back and forth between them. Daddy's nixed the idea more than once, saying firstly, we don't want to copy or usurp their idea that makes their blog unique and stand out, but also for us, if Daddy feels he needs to say something publicly he can leave it in a comment. He just doesnt feel the need to add his voice to mouse's conversations.

Moreover, and this is something that makes mouse want to just turn this blog back to pink Daddy believes that others like Ward, DV and Sir J do a fine job of giving the Dominant or HOH voice than he could. This miffs mouse a little, since there are far too few dominant voices that she's found (and of course she's partial to Daddy's voice). These other bloggers do a wonderful job, and mouse can't be sure, but she thinks he feels adding his voice would be redundant.

Still, Daddy does talk with mouse and we do discuss the blogging world and mouse loves that!

It's also mouse's 4th year in the blogosphere! And Daddy said he's very proud of that.

He'll be...Someone to Watch

Actually wasn't going to post today, but had the extra time.

Once a month, Daddy has this little pen-like thing to measure the air in mouse's tires. It probably has a technical name other than pen-like thing. Guess its important because the third week of each month, rain or shine he's checking it out. Daddy then pops the hood and checks stuff (really no clue what).

Daddy said its what you do to make sure things are well maintained. We discussed the word "maintenance" not only regarding to household chores and duties, but also on our relationship. Recently, with him being busy with work, it seems mouse was beginning to feel a tad pushed aside. Yes, there are, at times, other people or things that are more important. Our children, extended family, etc, all at times feel like we wait in line -- with mouse always it seems giving everyone cuts.

Now for those of you unfamiliar with the term "cuts" it means skipping ahead in line.

Last month Daddy mentiioned...well oh dear that's not right...see mouse had been reading a blog (possibly The Dish with Ward and June or another blog -- really not certain) where maintence spankings were mentioned. It's a topic that does come up...and one we've tried it in the past. Still, with Daddy's hectic schedule, kids and family it's really no wonder that mouse was feeling a bit pushed aside. His free time is limited and nothing EVER goes as planned!

So, Daddy said for the whole month of May, mouse will be getting spanked twice per day. Each morning and night. He wants mouse to be honest on how it effects her -- is the effect calming? After 30 days, we'll stop and see how mouse does without it. His reasons are simple, clear and honest.

1. He loves a good experiment and knows women are individual. Some respond well to maintenance spankings, while others it doesn't matter.
2. He wants to see if it helps even mouse out because he knows all too well a balanced mouse is a happy mouse.
3. Let's face it, we also enjoy any excuse for the science that allows us playtime.
4. One thing Daddy is curious to see if maintenance affects mouse so that *corrections or punishments occur with less frequency.

So far, mouse has really enjoyed the closeness with Daddy and its reminding her that she is important. Not that she needs a reminder of that really...deep down its there. Like the others things we do, Daddy choosing clothing, instructing mouse to wear the plug a few hours a day, all are reminders that she's owned. In fact inserting the plug after the spanking in the morning, mouse feels a new intensity to those 'owned' feelings.

*It should be mentioned harsh punishments are rare for us. But what Daddy refers as corrections do occur more often -- a strongly worded rebuke from him or a face slap are common ways he will get mouse's attention.

Song Selection: Someone to Watch Over Me

Comments

It's flattering when people will say  in a comment that they're reading the blog from the beginning while mouse applauds them, tho part of mouse does want to scream...Oh no....Don't! You'll see how mouse hasn't changed at all and still whines about the same stuff she whined about from the start. Ok, that last bit was harsh, because Daddy is quick to point out there has been a lot of growth in mouse.

We do completely welcome comments or remarks on past posts (even those done years ago), and it's just a little harder for mouse to followup on them at times...but she will weed through and reply where appropriate. There was a funny exchange on post found here, between tori and cockdoll/goodgirl. This was hugely exciting for mouse to see people interacting in their own way.

It felt like we were truly sitting around the kitchen table having a chat.

All too often blogging feels more like giving a lecture or talk on something of shared interest. The conversation that occurs generally has to do with the content, directed at Daddy or mouse, but not really with others commenting, unless they agree. That's why mouse was so excited to see this.

Tori remarked about a time she cut her hair super short, because she was frustrated with her Master. A very brave or silly move but one that mouse could understand. The need to do something completely drastic to get their attention. She further remarked that he (her owner) threatened to shave her head. So Daddy and mouse are in bed and we're talking about that. He was holding mouse at the time, we were happy and contented. And mouse was talking about the comment.

Daddy gets busy too (which was the point of the post), and there are times that mouse feels like doing something drastic to get his attention. Daddy looked at mouse and said something about how this wasn't his trip to the rodeo...and reminded mouse that he had actually shaved a woman's head before. The slave in question and very long lovely hair and cut it short against his wishes. Very short. Like Demi in Ghost.

So Daddy took out a pair clippers and shaved her head (now it should be noted, Daddy said the slave worked from home so it wasn't like she had to go to work with a bald head - her family lived in another state). He said it was appropriate for this particular person and he would never do it without taking many things into consideration. But he did completely shave her head. Suddenly mouse recalled having a discussion on another blog (sin?) where she told that Daddy had once shaved a slave's head. He also noted the effect was profound on the slave -- instantly increasing her submission to him.

Letting go of the vanity...

He also said he'd never do that to mouse or consider doing it because it wouldn't be appropriate for us.

Whew!

Then Malcolm wrote something that mouse didn't know how to respond to. In fact that remark gave her such pause she didn't want to single it out, so she didn't comment or reply to anyone's comments on that post.

He wrote:

I think it's hard to ask because then it wouldn't be much of a punishment. Don't you want it to be against your will? Don't you want him to force on you something you don't want? Seems to me that's how the dynamic works much of the time. If you are really naughty, you can earn a real punishment, not a fake one, and that is so much more satisfying.

The knee-jerk reaction to this was simply "no."

There are times that mouse does want to be forced to comply but not all the time and certainly not over any whim Daddy might have. There must be some trust in it that he wouldn't require mouse to do something she'd find so distasteful that it would be damaging to her and to us. Daddy wouldn't bother punishing for a "fake" reason. Deep down we'd both know it wasn't "real" but an excuse to play or whatever. But the larger problem is that punishments while they can feel cathartic are rarely "satisfying" or at least in the way mouse interpreted Malcolm to mean. There are indeed strong feelings of completion that follow a punishment. Daddy always explains why mouse is being punished, and honestly, mouse herself is well aware of the reasons since she's likely been warned a few times before.

Now having said that Daddy does feel a level of satisfaction that a debt has been paid, penance made and feels its best to just keep moving forward...but he also doesn't enjoy punishing mouse. He'd much rather have her go to him on her knees and beg for his touch or the leather strap or whatever than to punish. However such corrections are needed. That's another thing that mouse trusts too...if she stsrts drifting too far, he will find the appropriate way to pull her back.