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Wednesday, March 25, 2015

All that You Deal



Good Afternoon friends, it's been one of those days here and this is the first chance mouse has had to ponder today's topic which is dealing.  We deal with so much it seems.  We endlessly juggle and balance what we need as individuals and as a couple dynamic.

Someone remarked once in email that Daddy seems a bit bossy at times (as they read through the list of expectations) and asked how mouse deals with that.  It's been a struggle, there cannot be denying that, anyone who reads knows full well that mouse was punished quite regularly for mostly failing to take the expectations seriously in one way or another. Most of the infractions were small, little things that on their own could be dismissed but when you stitch them together suddenly you've got a blanket.  A typical scenario might go like this, mouse forgets to buy coffee.  Goes home and realizes the error and runs back to the store to buy some.  Meanwhile this action puts her woefully behind on her chores and other duties.   Daddy will send a text message to just check in, and mouse will reply with something short, like "busy."

Busy is actually an answer he accepts, he knows that mouse has a lot going on sometimes -- busy means a lot of different things, but one thing it shouldn't mean is that mouse is playing catchup on something she should have done right to begin with.   So, now the busy is really mouse being evasive.  To avoid telling him what's really going on.

What he expects is simple, the deal is that if mouse forgets, coffee, she's to tell Daddy.  Then let him decide what she should do about it.  If he feels is incredibly important (after all we are talking about that magic morning juice we can't function well without) all he wants is the opportunity to fix the problem not create new problems for mouse.  Now, of course leaving something off the shopping list like "coffee" might be subject to a correction because it is that important.  Still that's only one mistake instead of making three or four -- those mistakes take him out of the loop.

The other day, mouse was just overwhelmed with a project, and really didn't have to complete her chores, or she was afraid there wouldn't be time to complete them.  So, she sent Daddy a text telling him about the situation -- long before it became an issue.  This is the deal we've made with each other.  The list is in place so mouse doesn't get overwhelmed, but sometimes other things get in the way.  Then she feels like she's failed if she doesn't do it all.  Daddy takes that pressure away from her. By extending her permission when she overwhelmed to let something else slide for another day.

Now he's not unreasonable, if something really huge came up, of course she wouldn't be punished for skipping out on everything, but there had better be a pretty good reason for it and proof to back it up. Otherwise there would be no point for having a list to begin with -- if all it takes is an excuse to get out of doing anything.  It's like he's said a million times either he has authority or he doesn't and mouse certainly prefers that he does.


Monday, March 23, 2015

All That You Give


Good morning friends, it's very much an eat and run morning around here, and our weekend was hellishly busy.  Daddy and mouse were two ships sailing in opposite directions.  He had plans to help out a friend and mouse was busy with other things.  We'd meet, exhausted in our bedroom and our only connection to who we were, was when mouse kneeled at his feet and begged permission to enter the bed.  That was when we were reminded that we are so much than a husband or wife.  

Breakfast this morning is just a little cold pizza and hot coffee, Daddy smirked when he saw it and said it reminded him on his college days, except the coffee is better.  Honestly, mouse has been working hard to be pleasing and it's really paying off in ways mouse never expected.  The house doesn't feel so frantic.  Daddy as always sets the tone but even he feels different to mouse.  Each night he reminds mouse how proud he is of her for really embracing her expectations and making them really work.  Sure, she'll sometimes still leave things off her shopping list but now she'll text him and ask him what she should do instead of assuming what he'll say.  That in return, makes her want to be better at making the list to begin with.  

We give each other, mouse thinks, so much and as our connection deepens (due to mouse really following the expectations), it makes us both want to do more.  Daddy is more careful about giving mouse time with her friends on occasion, and really does make her want to do more for him.  Anything that can lessen his load.  


Friday, March 20, 2015

All You Save

Good Morning friends our weather has been oddly nice, and it's finally officially spring! We have plenty of coffee and some muffins mouse made yesterday. Orange spice -- yes it's more of a winter recipe, but mouse has it earmarked. Also, we made it through another week, Daddy is extremely proud of mouse! Really mouse had a headsup when on Wednesday evening Daddy wanted to play.

Really mouse has a box, it's not physical more mental of everything that's happened. All the wonderful, the good, the bad and awful are stored in there. Each probably has its own box, within the box. Daddy has worked very hard to get mouse to open the boxes that holds the awful stuff and just let it go. Once mouse gets comfortable with the open box it's not so scary and it's time to open a new one.

There's another box mouse has. A box filled with silly "treasures" that no one but she would understand. A matchbook from the restaurant from a first date with a boy long forgotten. It sits alongside every single note, letter, and scrap of paper Daddy has ever written to mouse. Even shopping lists where he scrawled the healthful foods mouse should buy from the first weekend when he moved in.

This Question comes from Jz, who asked:

OK, for my question, we have to go to perfect world, la-la land where wishes ARE fishes and money is no object...You're about to open a business. (one or both of you)

What is it and what will you name it?

Oh there's so many things mouse would love, but since money is no object she'd love to open a restaurant. Very nice, romantic like with an excellent menu, and world class chef. However a trip in a secret, hidden elevator and you'd find yourself in a speakeasy, best booze, plush seats, live jazz (for Daddy). The Speakeasy part would definitely be called The Mouse Hole.

Not sure what the restaurant should be called though. Thoughts?

 

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

All You Distrust

Good morning friends, this morning we've got lots of hot coffee and mouse has a cake in the oven already, because nothing says we're half way through the week like cake! Yesterday was St Patricks Day. So mouse is planning some corned beef hash for breakfast.

There is so very much mouse could say about distrust, there have been times even our marriage, when mouse didn't trust Daddy. Now the distrust was mostly because of other people. People, well meaning or otherwise who would whisper something to mouse and set off a range of insecurities. Sometimes mouse didn't trust he could help her. There were times she didn't even trust him when he said she needed help.

Eventually, through his patience mouse did learn to trust Daddy in everything. He's always had mouse's back. It always reminds mouse that through all the bad something wonderful emerged.

Without trust there cannot be love, and certainly not a power exchange.

Daddy,

As always you've been right behind mouse and so often she forgets this. Maybe not recently but in the past. You're really the best thing that's ever happened to mouse. Sometimes mouse feels so inadequate to express how grateful she is. Thank you!

Forever,

mouse

Monday, March 16, 2015

All that You Hate

Good morning friends, the pickings around here are slim this morning as it's a big rush to begin the day. Fresh fruit, yogurt and hard-boiled eggs are on the list of breakfast offerings. Naturally the coffee is hot -- thankfully even if the breakfast is cold. Our weekend was really nice, despite the weather not cooperating, we still enjoyed it. On Saturday Daddy treated mouse to an evening out that included a lovely dinner she didn't have to cook and cloth napkins she didn't have to wash. Yes, it's the little things in life.

 

That said the first day of the week (usually Monday) is just awful isn't it? Weekends to make the most of the time off, we tend to stay up too late and Monday just feels like a train wreck. Really can't think of anything mouse hates more than a return to the work-week Monday.

Friday, March 13, 2015

All that You Love


Good morning friends!  Is it really Friday the 13th?  This morning we have some raspberry muffins to indulge in with our coffee.  It should go without saying that mouse loves many things, in fact, Daddy was fast to point out that mouse has no in-between love and hate.  It's either she's widely passionate about something and loves it to death, or she absolutely hates it with the same passion that Daddy says is more like venom.  Also you can all congratulate mouse on making it through another week without punishment.  It's getting a bit nerve-wracking now for mouse, how long can she go?  
Today's question comes from Julie who asked: "Hi mouse, this is a question I asked kaya; is there any advice you would give to a novice slave such as I and is there anything you would do differently if you were starting over?"  

We were all novices once, guess the biggest bit of advice mouse could offer would be to educate yourself about what BDSM is and isn't.  Talk and discuss endlessly your feelings about everything and hopefully that's something they (Dom/Master) will invite and share their own thoughts with you. Do not expect a power dynamic to fix huge problems in your relationship or even personality flaws either of you might have.  Make sure there are times you can speak completely freely without a fear of punishment.  Be honest with yourself and with them about what you really want.  Don't think because mouse or anyone else has or does this or that you should as well.  Some are slaves that truly most comfortable in a bedroom and submitting fully there and find when it moves beyond the bedroom they just shrink.  That doesn't diminish them.  

If mouse is honest with herself, she might have put more effort of fixing her own issues before she offered herself to Daddy as his slave -- and began repairing herself shortly after Alpha's death -- so we're talking years before Daddy.  He saw the issues, probably better than mouse but even he didn't realize how bad some were until we moved in together.  There was a lot of really stupid things mouse did between Alpha and Daddy that she didn't realize were signs of the PTSD she refused to acknowledge.  After all she'd had lived through a holocaust or war, how could she have PTSD just because she was treated poorly in a Master/slave relationship?  

The one thing that really changed everything in our relationship was when he began listening to mouse each night as we cuddled in bed.  He wouldn't comment or talk at all, sometimes he'd pull mouse closer, but he let her know that she was safe to say things she needed to say.  Hours upon hours of talking about what happened in her past.  Sometimes later, days even, he would bring up some odd tidbit, and we'd discuss that.  That was when he felt it was ok to share his thoughts.  At first it was nothing heavy or even directly related to Alpha.  It helped create a feeling of safety in mouse so when he did bring up more important issues that did involve her years with Alpha mouse felt fine about discussing it with him.   He didn't jump in with anything but rather touched on various things delicately.

The trust bond is probably the most important element in an Master/slave dynamic.  You've got to trust them and they've got to trust you.  Without trusting, everything else falters.  This is goes on both sides of the Power Exchange Dynamic.  If the Master can't trust the slave, no amount of punishment will change that.  

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

All You Feel...






Good morning friends, as always the coffee is hot, but while we're on the subject of coffee, has anyone ever added coconut oil to their coffee?  A friend mentioned it recently and mouse found it odd.   Wouldn't it make the coffee seem greasy?   Also, a reminder we've opened our doors to March Q&A month, so keep the questions coming.  We've already received some very good ones, and they'll be answered in no particular order.  This one for today, we sort of wrote together.
ancilla_ksst asked recently a two-part question ties in nicely with the subject today.   Physical and emotional feeling because both are very intricate in that thing we do.  She asked, "Is there any kinky thing that you would like to try or experience that he has no interest in? Is there anything he just loves that you wish he'd forget about entirely?" 
This was one of those things, mouse had to think about.  Was there anything that mouse wished we'd do that Daddy doesn't have an interest in?  Honestly mouse was hard pressed to come up with much in that regard.  He's pretty open to just about anything kink related.  Now the part about things he loves that mouse wishes he'd forget....well yes.  First being that oil she mistakenly purchased thinking it was regular lube and the meat tenderizer better known in kink circles as the Wartenberg Wheel.  The lube, well that shit is just evil.  The wheel is ranks right up there with it all.

Feelings are pesky things that we often try not to think much about.  Things that make us uncomfortable or we suspect would make us feel uncomfortable, sometimes turn out to be exciting.  At one time, she used to be fearful when he'd take out the violet wand during play or for punishment, but the inner painslut mouse is couldn't deny how much she loved it.  Perhaps that's something mouse didn't think about when she started this post.  The hard play is something she sometimes misses, but understands why Daddy refuses to go there.  He's perfectly capable of making mouse suffer, cry, beg without the bells and whistles anyway but there was something about our basement play area.  The seclusion perhaps.  The feelings of being completely without of any choice other than surrender to whatever he wished.

There are times where mouse misses the kennel even.  Daddy is in control and takes the whole responsibility thing very seriously.  While we often discuss subspace in these circles, there is such a thing as Dom-space as well.  After an intense scene, Daddy often liked the fact that mouse preferred to be left alone to sleep in the kennel.  He could go about his business of tidying up, cleaning whatever, and maybe write some thoughts down in the journal he's never far from -- he often said they would help clear his head.  He had to balance his need or thirst for Sadism, with what was truly in the best interest for mouse, not just that one time, but all times.  No matter how much she might, in the darker recesses of her thoughts, miss those times, it's probably for the best that he's in control of that.