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Monday, January 26, 2015

Bring Back that Loving (submissive) Feeling

 

Good morning friends, our weather is much the same as last week. It's like an endless loop of winter weather that can't quite decide which direction it's going. In an odd way the weather and inability to decide. is echoing what mouse feels at the moment.

There are times when mouse feels extremely submissive, and it probably shows in her writing. Lately those feelings have been a struggle to mouse. It's not as though she's not submitting to Daddy's wishes, or even failing as his slave -- or in the realm of household duties. It's more that she doesn't feel submissive. It's like there is a struggle to get herself into that mindset of feeling submissive.

When mouse feels submissive, slavery to Daddy is easy and even now, feeling as mouse does, it's not hard or difficult, but there is an odd internal struggle going on when she sits to write. We enjoyed a lovely weekend with plenty of opportunities to serve and service Daddy. Yet it felt, like just another day, there was no resentment about what she was doing, it was rote. Sometimes when the submissive feelings prove elusive, mouse will become a bit cranky. Stand toe to toe and do something to utterly piss Daddy off. Upon reflection, maybe it's to elicit a response from him, to somewhat force his hand to take responsibility for what goes on in mouse's head? This isn't what mouse is feeling. If anything there's a numbness to it all -- or maybe just apathetic.

Whatever it is, it's becoming quite annoying to mouse. Yes, she realizes its not a huge issue, it's not affecting her life or most important her service to Daddy or our family. It's just unnerving to feel so disconnected. It begs to ask if anyone else has felt like this? Did it just resolve itself on its own?

Friday, January 23, 2015

Come Rain or Come Shine

Good morning Friends, it's been very chilly the past few days here.  We were treated to some snow flurries that danced around the breeze on Wednesday night.  It's been a rather green winter here, not that mouse is complaining at all about that.  Daddy continues catching up from the days he was out ill, and mouse has more or less been left to own devices in the evening time.  

Snuggled down with a throw blanket, mouse decided to watch a movie.  Not going to mention which movie it was, because they're all kinda the same.  Someone always lights a hundred or so candles to woo the other person.  As mouse watched it occurred to her we don't have that many candles, and mouse certainly is a big fan of candlelight, but how long would it take to light that many candles?  

Probably too long, but mouse did light a few of her pillar candles and then settled back to enjoy the rest of the movie.  Daddy came through, saying it was time for bed and began to blow out the candles, and treated it all like it was perfectly normal.  Romance is certainly lost on that man.  

Yet, mouse made absolutely no effort to light the candles in our bedroom either.   As pretty as our bedroom looks with the candles all lit, mouse knows they'll be used against her.  So instead she kneeled beside the bed, as though a child contemplating prayer, and begged permission to enter it. This business of asking permission to enter the bed is a bit surprising to her.  Honestly, mouse never thought it would go on for as long as it has and maybe more strange is that mouse actually likes the idea of asking Daddy permission.  

Sometimes he'll go to bed earlier than mouse (it's pretty rare), like when he was ill or must get up early for traveling, and he'll just offer 'blanket' permission by saying, 'Don't stay up too late but just come to bed when you're ready.' There have been times when mouse has gotten involved in something be it a book or movie, and just lost track of time.  He'll be in bed pretending or really asleep and mouse will be at a loss.  Those times probably really define if the rule is important or not, and for some reason to mouse it is because she will often kneel or sit beside the bed and rest her head on it until Daddy notices.  

Now mouse has never asked if the unspoken rule is actually a hard and fast rule that must always be followed.  It was something he mentioned once a few months ago, but never stated exactly how important it was to him (or even if at the time it was important that it be followed each and every time).  Still those times that she hasn't asked for permission and spent many hours beside the bed, he's always clucked about how proud he was and what a good girl mouse was.  It's probably good she's never asked him about all that -- really she doesn't want to know. It might spoil something in her head.

In truth, it could very well be that there would be no reprimand at all from him if she did enter the bed without asking.  Yet the fact that she is willing to sleep on the cold floor, and rest her head on the bed because she hasn't received his blessing, counts for something else.  This, it has occurred to mouse is the essence of submission.  Doing something not because you are afraid of a consequence but because you truly want to do it.  This has become something that mouse truly wishes to do and willing sit on the floor only reminds her that she's given herself to him.  

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Holding Hands and Spending the Hours Reminiscing

Good Morning friends, our weather here is still deciding which way to go, we seem stuck in an endless loop between rain and snow. Not always cold enough for snow, but an odd mixture of ice and rain. Thankfully the ice really doesn't stick to the ground, but leaves its mark in icicles that grow longer from the rain gutters.

As Daddy got a bit better, he decided to spend a little time reading some of his old journals that he's dutifully kept over the years. He's rarely without one -- in all the years mouse has known him. There's a level of dedication in him that's somewhat surprising. He's got a few older journals that describe other parts of his life -- parts he wouldn't want the kids or his mother to read. The devil is in the details, as you flip through heady torture device designs and vivid descriptions of scenes from the Dom point of view.

There are some dedicated to former slaves he's known -- going into some detail about how they were trained. Each were different and trained in a completely different way. Not sure why this surprised mouse but it did. When asked, he simply replied that each had different strengths and weaknesses. Matter-of-fact that man is -- he went on to explain that each responded differently to various stimuli. He sounds like a scientist at times. The Hypothesis (what he thinks might occur) The experiment (the scene or situation). The subject (slave, sub or bottom). It was all kinda mind blowing to mouse.

Eventually, he put aside the old journals, settled back into bed, and mouse snuggled close to him, asking why he didn't train her the way he'd trained the other girls. He just replied the question wasn't appropriate and gave mouse a task to suck him.

"Hands behind your back slave."

It's more challenging for mouse while he's laying down to keep her position, but she settled and began to lick his shaft, and smiled as he grew more hard. He commented that he likes it when she makes eye contact with him and smiles as she sucks -- it shows that she loves what she's doing and enjoys it as much as he.

Honestly, it's something mouse never really thought about.

Tuesday morning was a back to routine, with mouse waking him with more oral attention, then we exercised and showered together. He had mouse wear her sexy corset with a sheer blouse. He allowed mouse to pick out the skirt. Running errands feeling exposed provided the right erotic mix. A thought occurred to mouse as she left the dtycleaners with Daddy's suits, she was hungry and thought since she only had a few dollars left she would call Daddy and let him take her to lunch. Bold of mouse, don't you think?

We met outside his work, and walked to a nearby restaurant. He ordered for mouse and then for himself. We made idle chitchat and left. On the way home he instructed mouse to stop at the florist on the way home. The florist who knows us both beamed and handed mouse a lovely bouquet of her favorite flowers.

At home after putting the flowers in water, and putting everything else away mouse had a few quiet moments, it's very unusual and had time to read more of the Lauren Bacall book. There was more time for reading after dinner. Daddy had a lot of work to catch up on, so mouse settled at his feet. At bedtime, he watched as mouse undressed, brushed her teeth and asked permission to enter the bed. He made her wait until he had gotten himself ready and was already in bed, then she was invited. It was a good night. A very good night.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Nothing to Say

Good morning friends, we all seemed to survive the bug we acquired. Thankfully, despite being awful, it only lasted around 10 days. Slowly we're all recovering. Daddy is back to giving orders and arranging mouse's duties. Also he's back to giving mouse some much needed maintenance spankings.

Also, mouse learned Daddy's man cold was nothing to sneeze at, as she earned herself some corner time this weekend. A boundary was pushed by mouse just a little too far. Daddy reminded mouse that her purpose to him is to be pleasing, and chiding him wasn't doing the trick.

That was also the instance where mouse stopped worrying about him. If he's strong enough to rebuke or punish mouse he's well on the way to feeling better. We did make up for the days we felt too sick to screw on Sunday. So his record of at least eight orgasms per week remains unblemished.

Monday, January 12, 2015

Bugs

Everyone here is sick -- either it's a bad cold, flu or Ebola we aren't sure.

Today's agenda includes grocery shopping -- because we're running dangerously low on Fruity Pebbles and Apple Jacks. Yes, mouse is a surely sarcastic one today -- because we all know, one person in the house isn't allowed to be sick.

Daddy said mouse can skip the chores as he asks for the DVD remote and to have mouse put in Apocalypse Now. He also announced he would like some soup. Was that mouse growling or the dog?

 

Friday, January 9, 2015

Casual Friday

Good morning Friends, it's finally Friday. The week has been super busy. Lots going on, nothing bad. Weather has been very cold. No snow, just cold. We're looking forward to a hopefully quiet weekend.

Hopefully next week will be better or at least less busy!

 

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

That's the Story of Love

Good Morning Friends! It's gotten quite chilly this morning and our schizophrenic winter continues. Mid-week blues, much to do still before the weekend. Today's agenda includes putting away the final remnants of Christmas and later maybe a trip to Michaels to see what they have for St Valentines Day next month. Want to do something in the entryway -- it looked so pretty during Chanukah, thought it would be nice to do something different for Valentines.

Last night Daddy came home from work and after dinner he had mouse settle in his study after dinner at his feet. Been reading the book by Lauren Bacall, Myself, how in love she was with Bogart and he with her. Later, we watched an episode of the Ken Burns documentary on the Civil War. What struck mouse was the letters read that demonstrated genuine affection and left mouse sometimes in tears. Yes, Daddy thought the tears were amusing.

Later we snuggled into bed, talked a little, he listened politely to mouse's rambles about a few decorations for the entry. He even said he'd give her a little extra money -- well that was nice. In that hurry-up way of his -- like it was his way of ending the discussion. He laughed when mouse asked him about that. Then he mused that we could certainly use our time differently.

"You mean sleeping, Sir?"

Not moving he simply suggested better uses for her mouth.

As she moved, he reminded, "hands behind your back slave."