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Monday, January 21, 2019

Our Love is Different

Our love is different dear
It's like a mighty symphony
I can feel it's silver harmony
Oh so tenderly day by day
                        -- Billie Holiday

We watched the first few episodes of The Handmaiden's Tale and so far we both aren't sure about this show. There were parts that mouse found almost comforting and disturbing. Women in domestic roles doesn't bother mouse, but the other women in precarious power positions did bother her. No spoilers, but it is interesting but Master isn't sure He wants to continue watching it, we'll see what He decides.

In other far less interesting news, mouse has begun spring cleaning. It's been sorta fun digging into the corners to see what's there. Finding some long forgotten things. Lots of stuff going to charity. We're also trying to reduce our plastic use, which is difficult. Buying more things in bulk, but even then they provide plastic baggies for herbs and such. Need to find something else to use, which isn't easy. We do now have reusable bags for produce, which are wonderful, but we don't think those would work too well for bulk flour and other similar food stuffs like that. Bulk items are also less expensive another bonus. You still need something to put it in.

Finally, Master has given mouse permission to do a little clothes shopping, of course, she needs to remain mindful of His rules for clothing. One skirt must hobble her, and the shoes must be heels. He would also like her to get some cleaning appropriate clothing (something easily laundered), and a selection of aprons for various tasks.

Being punished for anything is distressful but the correction seemed to have worked as mouse has been far more mindful of her place since that. Master is wary, as to be expected, because He knows mouse too well. However last Thursday He did remark that there was improvement. Master doesn't expect perfection -- He knows that mouse is human (He's also aware that so is He), but He will no longer tolerate a disrespectful slave. Several times that week, mouse forgot her place and became very terse with Him (as well as our offspring). He does expect for mouse to try to reign in her mouth. That week she hadn't done that. The first time she mouthed off He hadn't said anything about it, so the second time and subsequent times mouse was quick to slide into that pattern. Each time feeling somewhat emboldened by His silence, the blowups (If you can call it that) were worse as time passed.Too easily triggered by stuff that she should have taken in the stride but reacted by being defensive or argumentative. His silence that early on was meant as forgiveness, became more of a test for mouse to see if she could realize the pattern she was slipping into. Obviously she failed and since this has been a problem in the past, Master felt the punishment needed to painful but certainly not as painful as He could have made it.

The correction during the previous week has certainly given mouse much to consider. Master also, doesn't want mouse to willfully step over a line and apologize for it, only to repeat that again -- that's a manipulation of His good will. A couple times last week, mouse again knelt on the floor and kissed His feet expressing her remorse for what she had done in the week before. It wasn't to manipulate Him, it was simply as the week wore on, she had kept a civil tongue, and realized how petty and arrogant she had behaved the previous week and promised to do better. Instead of simply worrying,  recycling the punishment or forgetting about it all together once the pain faded, mouse took a mental inventory. 

Monday, January 14, 2019

When There's Nothing to Believe In

Still you're coming back
You're running back for more...

Thursday morning, after enema, shower and even dressing Master said it was time to pay the penalty for a few demerits mouse had accrued. It had been a difficult week, fatigued and mentally feeling stretched thin. Master felt it was best to nip this new set of behaviors in the bud before they became out of control or mouse became too complacent about them. Naturally feeling crushed by this, even though she was well aware of the lines she had crossed, somehow convinced herself that He understood them and wouldn't hold her accountable for them. Leaning against the bathtub, Master used the cane and leather strap on the slave's bottom until she was certain it glowed in the dark. There were tears and pleadings and more than a few muffled screams as she called out the numbers, but more than that there was deep pangs of disappointment that she again failed.

Through sniffles and cries mouse begged His forgiveness -- His absolution for her failings. The distress she felt was so real that in retrospect it had to appear over-dramatic as she kissed His feet. He graciously absolved mouse but also warned that if the behaviors continue, the punishment next time will be more harsh. Fresh tears fell and more kisses of relief were bestowed on His feet. His cock smelled so good as mouse kissed that too before Master tucked it away from her view and into His trousers. "Naughty slave." He muttered as she bent herself over again to allow for the plug. He did say when He travels in a few weeks, this plug only mouse may touch to insert it and remove it for enemas, but Master added the caveat that she must send a text message to Him before she touches it.

So far, since then mouse has tried to be more mindful about getting enough rest, even if it means going to bed earlier and before Master. He doesn't want a terse slave and He doesn't want to punish for things like this. He'd rather save His energies for play and not punishment.  

Monday, January 7, 2019

When You're Weary

Le Penseur by Rodin
What if the famous sculpture by Rodin commonly known as The Thinker (Le Penseur) was actually just tired and needed a rest? He looks tired, or maybe that's just a projection because that's how we both feel. There's been a shift (that happens from time to time) where we're getting up super early in the morning for a while (might be a very long time) and we're in bed now around between 9-10pm and up around 4ish in the morning. It's messed with all of us.

Meanwhile, since we're both too tired for much else, Master decided it was time to revamp our Netflix queue (online streaming and movies to rent). Looking up a few "family friendly" movies...but one movie mouse will NEVER rent or watch is called "A Dog's Purpose". Now, the reason for this isn't because of the weird controversy involving a fake video -- really didn't know anything about that, but did read the Wikipedia page about it. Yeah, after reading the synopsis mouse was crying. Any movie or TV show that causes that reaction isn't going to be any better watching it. That being said, the story does sound lovely and might be right for someone else who isn't so emotional when it comes to stories about Dogs.  

One TV show that did make the list is The Handmaid's Tale, which Master heard about (as has mouse) and it piqued His curiosity. Since we don't have the service that streams it, we're renting the DVDs from Netflix. In the meantime Master is enjoying the Ken Burns documentary about Jazz. He explained He doesn't feel focused enough to work and just needs an hour or so to unwind before bedtime and with mouse at His feet...

Early mornings have become the time for Master to use His property with His slave beginning to wake Him with some cock-worship. Most mornings lately, He's decided to take His slave from behind. With the new plug in place it really reminds her that she's for Him. After enema and shower, the corset cinched properly and the plug back where it belongs Master leaves the house (taking His coffee and breakfast to go). 

During that time, mouse sets to work on her chores until everyone else is up. That's been interesting because now, most of her daily chores are completed before the kids are up. The dog actually had a hard time adjusting to the change, as he was used to be let out later in the evening. The first couple nights he didn't understand this was it for the whole night, and just sniffed around and checked the parameter -- then came that long wait until morning (he couldn't wait to get outside). Getting up well before dawn has been strange. 

Finally apologies for such a dull post (and it's the first post of 2019 too)

Monday, December 31, 2018

Most Wonderful Time of the Year

They'll be parties for hosting 
Marshmallows for toasting 
And caroling out in the snow...

Each weekend the calendar was filled with things to do. Parties, charity events, and a special trip to see the Nutcracker ballet. Family gatherings, and amazing friends. there's also been that harried feeling that won't leave. Like you're running a race against time. Thankfully school was in session until the 21st and that gave mouse a few extra days to wrap gifts and double check her list. Chanukah was well a memory by the time Santa came. The house erupted with the smell of cookies, mulled wine, and other goodies. There were more than few parties that found us dressed up and grateful when those finished up. Family and friends came by, we played board games (like Monopoly) and card games like Hearts. Grown up fun to with Cards Against Humanity.

In the evenings we sang songs and snuggled by the fire. We were grateful for what we have. Master gave mouse a new laptop computer and a new anal plug -- to be worn daily. It's a bit uncomfortable to wear, which is likely His point. Still, the more control He takes, the more settled His slave feels; also the point. There were plenty of evenings of cock worship and similar moments mouse would love to string out forever. They made her feel useful for Him. Being on His arm at social events or family gatherings reminded her of His station and her place. When a conversation turned to something inappropriate mouse found it simple to turn it off. People really no longer surprise her, even if they do spew venom. Enclosed in a mental bubble mouse just smiled or excused herself. All of the lessons Master has been teaching her seemed to come together very nicely and He said more than once how proud He was.

That's not to suggest it was all sunshine and lollipops, there were a couple times were mouse gleefully took a misstep and required correction, but those instances were small and rather insignificant according to Master (even if they felt much larger to mouse). Any corrections do remind her that she's still an imperfect slave and needs to remain mindful to improve.

Happy New Year! 

Sunday, December 30, 2018

The Days Between (2018 Reflections)

Hearts of Summer held in trust
Still tender, young and green
Left on shelves collecting dust

Does the butterfly miss being a caterpillar? 

That was one of those often perplexing questions children sometimes ask. Contemplating a variation of this question while folding some wash, mouse thought about how different we are now, compared to when this journal began. Does mouse the wife miss becoming the slave? While Master would argue that He has never stopped being "Daddy" mouse found it best to put the idea of Daddy away once and for all. The rational for this seemed simple at first, but led to some very profound introspection on mouse's part with the stark realization that she had failed at her slavery and He was just tired of trying. Sometimes it's during the act of letting everything go is when you realize how important it was. That was the exact case for mouse, when she stopped being a slave and just packed up and returned to Him -- Thinking that was for the best and He couldn't possibly know what He needed! He gave up on our relationship, He just stopped. At first mouse thought it was the sadness over His mother's death, but that was part of the reason for it and probably smaller than mouse would care to admit. It took a while for mouse realize it and when she finally did, she made the effort to be the slave He always needed her to be. Slavery shouldn't be defined by the slave -- slavery is about giving up everything to become what the Master wants and how He defines it is how it will be.  

The wife part of mouse needed to go. Suddenly mouse understood everything He had been trying to teach her. Lessons she had learned but dismissed years ago became clear. The past came into a renewed focus as mouse tried to repair the damage she had done to our relationship. Omega notes that He would never ended our marriage over any of this, in fact that idea never entered His mind at the time, but was wracked with disappointment over the whole thing. He will not try to Master over anyone that doesn't want it, it's a hopeless venture that is ultimately doomed to fail. He just wondered how He could be so wrong and how badly He had misread mouse all those years. He wasn't interested in someone with only a mild interest in slavery. Sure He had felt progresses were made, but those were always followed by a sliding backward into the more comfortable spot. 

It had to be frustrating for Him, but He also will often admit He enjoys a challenge. The glimmer of hope for Him was before that when mouse had accepted the idea of Him being with other women (the pets). Years earlier, including in this blog, mouse was terrified by this -- He'd meet someone better and throw her aside. Like dealing with someone with a huge phobia, mouse learned slowly (extremely slowly) that Him being with another woman isn't the end of the world but a chance for mouse to grow. To climb up higher to where He was on the mountain. 

The wife had become a troublemaker for mouse that kept her from accepting her natural place and worked to undermine her slavery. The wife would think things that the slave never did -- such as, there's no harm in buying that -- He won't get mad or you deserve this. The logical progression was for mouse to shift away from Him being Daddy to Master. It didn't begin with this blog, but started earlier in private with mouse just saying, "yes Master" or "As You wish Master," in place of Daddy. The shift became more obvious as time passed. Just to be clear, 'mom' was never the problem that wife was. Naturally, she will advocate for the children (sometimes strongly), but will always acquiesce to what Master feels is best. 

Even when we were apart, with mouse and kids at the lake and Him north, using the children as a reason for returning was never thought about. They happily went along with whatever mom decided and had we been further into the school year it certainly would have been more problematic. It's the one thing mouse wishes she could undo. Still He didn't just jump on board, but took a long time to see if mouse was truly serious about her place or just pretending. It hurt, but was understood. 

It wasn't until we returned to the lake this year that mouse realized how dramatic the change has been and how much better everything is now. So, returning to the original question does the butterfly miss being a caterpillar? No, it doesn't because becoming the butterfly was always the goal. 

Monday, November 26, 2018


There is no pain, you are receding
A distant ship smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves

It should have been an incredibly stressful time. We had no real plan, the holiday had literally snuck up on us all. The house was no way ready for dinner guests let alone the kind that stay overnight and mouse found herself in a frenzy. We hadn't even ordered a turkey from the butcher! The whole thing just slipped by us both. 

Yet, still somehow there was a calm. Maybe it was just pure optimism that everything would work out. Lists were made, shopping done, cooking handled in a proper order, and everything just fell together. What should have been a panic-fueled period was tranquility. The slave, with the only goal to please Master, succeeded. It felt remarkable. 

Wednesday morning mouse found herself lost in worship of Master's cock, which brought this unleashing of emotion. Even though it was more than a few days ago now, mouse still struggles to find the words to describe it. The night before had been almost uneventful, with mouse nearly dragging herself up the stairs, nearly falling asleep on the floor in position at the foot of the bed, waiting for Master. Ass up, legs parted wide, arms outstretched in the pleading position Master enjoys. His finger touching her damp sex sent an audible shiver through her body, even as exhausted from the marathon cleaning, it was like a dream. In fact, mouse is fairly certain that it was like not being thoroughly awake, as His fingers expertly manipulated her clit, while a hand moved the plug inside her anus. After what felt like forever, the orgasm slowly built to a crescendo that rippled throughout her body causing her fingers to grab carpet and toes to curl, as her body relentlessly bucked against His hand.  

"Slut." He muttered under His breath, after she had properly sucked her juices off His fingers and kissed His feet thanking Him profusely. Orgasms aren't frequent for mouse, if one happens it's of no major consequence or even accidental. Master will often use His slave the way He wants and it's rarely for the slave's pleasure -- she is only the object. On rare occasions when mouse is extra pleasing He might give her permission to finish herself off. Sure, there are times when He will toy with mouse, giving her five minutes to orgasm or making her rub herself on the gearshift of His car. Sometimes He will torment mouse with a vibrator just out of reach of her clit, with the pain of clamps or weights applied to her nipple rings. Still other times He will playfully say that she can cum, but reminding her that if she does, she will be punished for it -- this is after ramping her up to the point where it's nearly impossible to not orgasm. It's a choice and she will every time choose the punishment for that toe-curling ecstasy, even if days on she wonders if she was crazy to do that. 

As a natural consequence, for mouse, orgasms are few. Some just never emerge or just vanish. Months can go by with mouse not even giving them a thought, happily existing for His pleasure. This, as you can imagine was different, it was a gift He was bestowing on mouse. A powerful gift that left her feeling foggy and starry-eyed for days after. The following morning, Wednesday, mouse became very lost in cock-worship, her hands tucked (as they're supposed to be) behind her back, locked together, mouse's mouth licked and sucked her Master's cock, balls and ass, and rather shockingly she orgasmed again while pleasuring Him.  An act He found rather extraordinary but made little to do about it. He was in His own headspace as He led His slave into the shower and had her kneel to accept His piss. Oddly, mouse didn't feel degraded but instead loved it even opening her mouth and swallowing it. The enema went quickly, with another small orgasm from mouse again. At this point she was in tears of huge gratitude and Master was simply amused.

It was intoxicating as the waves of whatever hit her -- even now she can't adequately describe this feeling but it left her feeling weak-kneed and truly submissively unflappable. No demand was too great, no request could be refused -- for example if Master had required that slave strip during the Thanksgiving meal and blow Him, she would have done so without any thought or embarrassment. A more "normal" moment happened later on Wednesday when Master suggested that we take a walk and did have His slave swallow His seed, sure we were alone, but there was probably a squirrel or two that could testify to mouse's debauchery.

Then Master left to pick up family at the airport and return with dinner. So mouse again set to work cleaning the carpets and making sure the dining table was set. A text followed from Master saying He was stopping at the market (a dangerous proposition to be sure, because His family members wanted to bring something. A nice thought, so mouse again rummaged through the cabinets and searched the fridge -- coming up with only a couple extras that weren't that important.

Just as the second pumpkin pie was sliding into the oven Master returned, with the obligatory hugs and kisses hello, having a child help with baggage, and trying to find space for the mountain of groceries the guests purchased (including a lovely bouquet of flowers that mouse needed to find a vase for). Yet, when mouse saw Master her eyes settled on His crotch and mused about our romp on the walking trail a few hours earlier. You'd think she was too busy to have a moment for dirty little thoughts like that and here she was arranging the charcuterie plate as if nothing was amiss. Still her sex was quivering and as she filled wine glasses her thoughts scattered.

Pizza, wine and the store-bought treat was the whole meal and instantly mouse was grateful for the thoughtfulness of our guests because the only thing we'd had planned for dessert was ice cream (which went really well with the cookies). The adults settled into conversations while kids played with their rarely seen cousins, while mouse kneeling on the floor or refilling glasses of wine. Kitchen cleanup was a snap.

Later after watching a movie that wasn't Frozen (thankfully that's finally died out) everyone went to bed to prepare for the next morning. Even then, mouse went through her normal routine of undressing, folding her clothing, brushing her teeth, washing her face...Then presenting herself on the floor in front of the bed for Master. Secretly hoping for a repeat of the previous night. Instead Master climbed into bed and then called His slave to join Him. Not what mouse had planned but close enough.

We woke extra early Thanksgiving Morning, after a short cock worship that led to a very quick fuck from behind, Master ran the shower while mouse did the enema. It used to be embarrassing to do this in front of Him. He had mouse dress in her little black dress for the occasion and no panties. Just in case an opportunity presented itself. Of course none did.

The day was a flourish of activity. Kids watched the parade, breakfast for our guests included some grab and go flair (hard boiled eggs, cheeses nice crusty rye bread). Just something to hold everyone over until the appetizers. The house was already smelling like turkey when the guests began arriving. Phil and Marcie were fashionably late.

In the kitchen the women clucked about their men and children while mouse kept quiet and arranged a cheese platter to bring out. The meal was good, everyone raved about the turkey and sides. There were feelings of pride that did swell up in mouse, but not for herself or her meal, but for Master because it was because of Him that it turned out so well. After dinner and before dessert, when the conversation turned to politics mouse excused herself from the talk and went to the kitchen, there she slipped out of her shoes (her feet were killing her) and began tidying up -- loading the dishwasher and putting together left over packages for our guests to bring home with them.

Phil saw mouse and couldn't help but to make a comment about women barefoot in the kitchen which mouse just smiled and shrugged off. Not even his weirdness would drown her mood. The pie recipe mouse found online turned out really well too, a nice rich pumpkin flavor with the right amount of spice, a small tough of spice to whipped cream helped too and without too much effort mouse piped it onto the pies.

As people filed out again mouse felt pride for Master. Soon, with the exception of our overnight guests, the house was abnormally quiet, everyone was exhausted -- including mouse. The kitchen was cleaned the dishwasher humming, and everything under control until morning. No black Friday shopping for mouse this year and she finds she doesn't really miss that. Lucy and Schroeder were out of town for the holiday but we kept up via text.

In the evening Master made use of His slave the way He wanted.  Despite feeling foggy and happy because of the orgasm it was far more nice being of such use to Him. Feeling the warmth of service and knowing everything was for Him centered His slave more than anything else. 

Wednesday, November 14, 2018

With Your Nerves in Tatters

Usually we're better organized than this. Monday morning was a school/work holiday so even Master was home. Quietly mouse rummaged around the kitchen and made note of things we needed at the market as she usually does before she goes shopping. Master has said there was nothing extra He needed or wanted. Our daughter had a request of glitter (pink glitter). Well, glitter is one of those things we don't buy because it's harmful to the environment.

"We can go next weekend," mouse offered.

"No," the small child explained, "I need it before then."

"There is no such thing as a glitter emergency." mouse explained standing firm that the glitter can wait.

The child paused for a moment and then said, "It's for your birthday card."

Oh is that all, mouse felt relieved, "that's nice, we'll go next weekend there's plenty of time before that."

That's when our child grabbed mouse by the arm and growing very impatient with her mother, dragged her to the calendar on the fridge (it was covered partially by gold starred school papers) and rather hotly pointed.

"Your birthday is Saturday!"

Now at this point Master came in, wondering what the commotion was about.

"Didn't you say that you invited your family to Thanksgiving?" mouse said very slowly almost in disbelief.

"Yes, I did, as far as I know everyone is coming....Why?" He asked.

"Thanksgiving is next week!"

"No, that's not right, your birthday is the 17th so thanksgiving is more than a couple weeks away." He said with some assurance.

"It's on Saturday." Our daughter said, clearly annoyed with the adults in the house that are supposed to be on top this kind of stuff.

"Thanksgiving is on the 22nd this year!" Now the panic was rising in mouse's voice, "next weekend the stores will be packed!"

Master kept looking at the calendar as if the date would suddenly change, while checking His phone (like maybe it was wrong).

Meanwhile mouse went to the computer and started printing off recipes of things she usually makes and for good measure printed off last year's shopping list.

Better to notice it this week than next week. Master was quiet and we're probably both thinking the same thing, His mother would be the one driving us crazy about it -- because she always did for every holiday.

Master made a few quick phone calls and text messages and then repeated we'll be 25 including kids. Meanwhile mouse was calculating amounts, we'll need and since we need to eat for the next several days those meals too. Two of Master's relatives will be arriving on Wednesday and leaving on Sunday so there's those meals to plan for as well. This whole thing took us completely by surprise.