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Monday, June 22, 2020

Housewife Chronicles

This post was originally published over at mouse droppings, but after brief reflection felt it was also perfectly suited here. Lately, there has been a struggle to post here, with most of her thoughts revolving around cleaning, cooking and service to Master, it makes for a rather dull blog. It seems mouse has come to an odd crossroads. For those unaware, mouse droppings (cleverly named by Master) is a companion blog, for other more service related posts that with an occasional mention of sex, but remain fairly vanilla in thoughts. 

Staring at the cursor, you ponder where do you begin this recent tale of exhaustion? You, like most days, have spent the day cleaning, cooking and re-cleaning afterward. It's 11pm, the dishwasher is emptied, the kitchen countertops cleaned, sink scrubbed. Everything is ready for the bustling morning that will follow. You're beyond tired, yesterday was a special day that required more than the usual number of hours cooking, multiple pots and pans that required attention, and even a dessert was lovingly prepared by your own hands. Additionally, you also spent the day doting on your Husband, Father of your children, making extra certain He wanted for nothing. It had been a lovely day and the exhaustion you feel is a good thing because it's the kind that comes from being happy in service. Ironically, someone in your home mentioned that it was also the "longest day of the year," and all you can think is 'no kidding.' For you, really, every day seems long, stretching out each of the minutes, until it seems all is completed.

Carefully, you make your way to bedroom, creeping inside. Your Husband is already sleeping, He has a big day tomorrow and the last thing you want is to disturb His slumber. You carefully shut the door behind you and creep your way into the bathroom and close that door as well before switching on the light. You undress, placing the clothing into the proper spot, your things are kept, before washing your face, brushing your teeth. Last stop before sleep is a quick trip to potty. You sit, reach for the toilet paper and instantly realize you are at the end of the roll. You do that awkward reach around to check for the extra roll that lives on the toilet tank, but there's nothing there. You close your eyes silently hoping what meager amount in your hand is enough. You just make it. 

Now, your next problem emerges as you reach for the soap to wash your hands. You need more toilet paper. You can't just leave it, because it's highly likely that you'll be the one to wake and need to pee, or worse that you'll sleep peacefully through the night and your Master will get up early...You know which would be worse by instinct and history. 

You turn the light off in the bathroom, quietly open that door that squeaks annoyingly, and then realize as you reach the bedroom door you're nude. Now, you ponder, is anyone else awake? Will anyone else see your naked form as you walk down the hall. You listen and decide the coast is clear, because in the dark closet without having to close the squeaky door, and turn on a light, you'd never find your bathrobe and it's just a quick run to the linen closet where the extra rolls are stowed. 

You briskly walk to the closet, in the darkness reach your hand up to where the rolls are located, or supposed to be located and find ONE roll. Now leaves you feeling disgruntled since you just refilled it a few days ago and it's already nearly empty.  What are these people doing with it? You don't need wrap it around your hand like a catcher's mitt? That, obviously, would be news to them. You make a mental note to again refill that shelf, and simultaneously, feel blessed there was that single roll still present. Quietly you return to the bedroom, close the bedroom and enter reenter the bathroom. 

The next problem presents itself in a natural way. How to replace the roll in complete darkness. Yes, your eyes have somewhat adjusted to the dark, switching on the light is unthinkable (squeaky door problems). The toilet paper holder isn't a "modern one" you just slide off the old roll and replace, it's a tricky one that is held between two holders, with the roll holder rod, telescoping between the two sides. Finding the hole, getting the roll on is often tricky during the day as more than once you've launched the metal roll holder across the bathroom, always it seems against the tile. Carefully, you feel for the ends, the holes where the holder seats properly, repeatedly testing by tugging. This is too much effort for so late at night, but you emerge victorious. You did not launch it across the bathroom. 

If you felt exhausted before, if you felt the strong pull of bed, where it's warm and you can at last lay down and sleep...That extra five or so minutes felt painfully long to you. Bed was right there before you went to the bathroom, and now it's closer than before. Still more is always asked of you. Carefully, in a prayerful manner, you kneel beside the bed. If your Master were awake, you'd wait for His invitation to enter it, either by His word or deed. You know that won't happen tonight, so there is no shortcut but to wait the predetermined time. Now that time feels arbitrary, and wrong. The minutes tick, as you consider options. He would never know if you just climbed into bed, would He? Master is sound asleep, His breaths are slow, long and even. What would the harm be to just abandon the pre-bed ritual? He would never be the wiser, after all, you've worked your butt off today, more so than usual and all to make His day a special one. His evening meal, extra grand. You did your duty, filled and refilled His drink, offered Him snacks, sucked His cock when the mood struck Him...

How would He know if you didn't wait the 20 minutes before climbing into bed at the end of a completely exhausting day? Why wait 20 minutes anyway? Why such an arbitrary number? You recall the day He let you know about His expectations for your behavior, when you asked specifically if He didn't answer how long should she wait before assuming permission was granted and He said, rather unthoughtfully, "twenty minutes slave." The idea being that would certainly give Him enough time to raise any objections, should He have any.  Ruefully, your next thought is that should only apply electronic communications, yet you can recall many instances where, at home, you also painfully waited.

Your burden to wait is at His pleasure. You are owned property, not a free person with autonomy to just decide for yourself what you should or should not be allowed. Only He has that freedom to choose, and you gave up that last bit of your freedom to Him to decide such things for you. At least you managed to resolve this on your own, taking comfort in your pause, your persistent evaluation of your surrender, and the twenty minutes has passed. You climb between the sheets at long last, feeling the muscles stretch comfortably and relax. You whisper, "Thank you Master" as you drift off to an uncomplicated sleep, finding comfort in the one fact that tomorrow you'll gladly do it all again. 

Thursday, June 11, 2020

Music is a Balm for a Weary Soul

We found a radio! Yes, a real radio complete with antenna. It does play CDs and even has a now ancient iPod doc that mouse found, on accident, while giving it a thorough cleaning, before finding it a spot of honor in our kitchen.

We found it in a box of things we'd brought down a summer or two ago, but never opened. Master's neat writing on the top of the box, indicated a few highlighted items inside. "Vases, kitchen knick knacks, radio, and small water pitcher" the top of the box read. We had forgotten about the box completely. The vases were extra ones mouse had packed up, if we hadn't used them at the lake she had resolved to just donate those to charity. The small pitcher was a nice find, because we'd been looking for it. Or rather mouse has, because it's the perfect size for the fridge when she gets too many oranges and decides to make fresh squeezed juice.

The music filled the house, eventually. We gave up trying to find a radio station worth listening to, and dragged out CDs, digging through the vehicles even to find more. It's not a lot but during those times when the news of the day becomes too heavy, it's nice to just unplug and listen to something soothing that doesn't impact or tied to our wonky internet connection.

Two old but both good cookbooks (that mouse had assumed had just gone missing) were found also in the box, so mouse has done a deep dive into those.

Master had the news on a few days ago, it's a local station but the violence erupting across the country, made mouse feel very edgy. Instead of switching off the TV, He pulled mouse close to Him and suggested that a cake might be nice for dessert. That action alone occupied mouse nicely and the end result wasn't terrible.

Feeling Enslaved Takes a lot of Worry Away

The endorphin rush she often gets when treated like an object or asked to behave as such (when Master required mouse to serve the family meal recently), plugged and unable to argue, greatly lessens the stresses she might normally have. Trusting Master to guide, protect and assist when needed helps foster those emotional ease she's been feeling of late. Keeping her mind away from matters she needn't obsess over, and keeping the focus on more important things. Things have certainly come together nicely on the past few weeks.

Master has said that during the summer months, as probably tourists and part-time residents return, there is likely to be an increase in virus cases. While we hope that doesn't happen Master said it's best to be pragmatic about this. We will continue to mostly keep to ourselves, as we've done since arriving here. For the foreseeable future, we are staying put.

A busy woman is contented? Not sure but mouse is certainly keeping occupied lately. The cooking alone is rather endless and now that the cleaning bug has bit her, well she's delving into all the dark corners. And she's never been more happy. The world keeps turning, and while it seems that everything is unsettled and terrifying, our home is orderly and there's a hot meal on the table. It can't be all bad, right?


Sunday, May 31, 2020

Now Here I Go Again

I see the crystal visions
I keep my visions to myself

Things are truly different now than they were before and our time at lake has felt oddly normal, punctuated by glimpses of the oddness in the world today. The farmers market, a staple in the small lake community is open, but no samples, veggies are wrapped, no free picking the ones you want. You walk passed much a like a cake-walk, and pick up a bag of whatever it is you're looking for. Small things you might only need one or two of (say garlic) you ask for, like the prescription counter. It helps to have a relationship with various merchants, they know what their regular customers always buy and some will have those things ready for you, weighed out with a price for a box. It's amazing how they remember. 

Everyone is required to wear a mask, something Master initially balked at, since the early recommendation by the Centers for Disease Control said you didn't need one, but recently seemed to change their mind. He began researching, reading scientific studies and anecdotal observations from His brother and other doctors led Him to the conclusion that mouse will wear a mask when she leaves the house and as we all go out more now, we all do. He reminded mouse that science doesn't "change its mind, but rather follows evidence as more becomes available." As time passes they might even reverse the reversal but He really doesn't think they will. 

We have ventured out a few times as a family, standing together in group and keeping a distance from other groups of people doing the same. We pause, sometimes talk a little while maintaining that physical distance and move along. The playground is closed, but the park is open and we had a nice picnic there the other day. It felt nearly normal. 

That's what mouse means how normal life at the lake feels, since we normally are there on a vacation, we're used to the bustling house, everyone opening the fridge multiple times a day, everyone leaving cabinets open and lights on. Kids don't notice the little things that drop on the floor, adults do. We sometimes have to fight with the computer to get connected so whoever can join the Zoom or Google meeting they need to attend (thankfully, mouse is excused from any such meetings). 

Guess the point is, we're used to the lake house being a far more relaxed environment. The floors are constantly getting sand dragged in from the beach area at the lake's shore. Clutter is everywhere and we're all guilty of just dropping things wherever we happened to be. Bread is left out on countertop, nothing really put away. Master while being a bit of neat-nick, has changed a bit as He's gotten older and the children predominate everything, He's taken a far more relaxed attitude when compared to the "level of clean" He used to hold. The small kitchen, dining and living areas become the hub of activity in our daily lives. He did add some storage shelves to the garage area, where we can store extras we might have and can clearly see when something is needed.

General cleaning is done, but it's more of a going over, than a deep clean mouse would normally be doing, because no sooner has something been deep cleaned someone else comes along and makes a mess. Master said, "let it go." We're all on top of each other so sometimes cleaning is difficult. We've never all been around each other for such an extended period of time. Usually there's school, working outside the home, and other outings that keep the house mess down to a minimum. Then there's the meals, breakfast, lunch and dinner (plus snacks) daily.

No time away from the home means naturally a messier abode.

So, where is mouse going with this?

Last evening we had a stable internet connection, so mouse began looking at various magazines offered by the Apple News Plus app on her iPad. Master gifted her a monthly subscription since most of the magazines they offered (such as Better Homes and Gardens, Real Simple, House Beautiful) mouse reads anyway and those annual subscriptions to those other magazines she reads, would end up costing far more than the $10 price point the app charges. Still there's something odd that happens to mouse as she looks at pictures of gorgeous immaculate, picture perfect homes, or treasured antiques, she feels the need to tidy up our own living spaces. It's almost a compulsion that she has.

The same thing happens if she watches a film about a maid even if the cleaning isn't the subject, but if they show the person cleaning, then mouse suddenly needs to clean. Often, she would joke that watching Downton Abby would lead her to days of polishing silver, fluffing pillows and baking. Master just smiles but rarely says anything because He enjoys seeing a busy slave. Or rather, His slave being busy.

In the morning, as mouse began to clean up the messy areas (like the kitchen table), clearing everything off, removing the table cloth (which had been on for a month or longer) and vacuuming under everything Master just watched. He said we can now eat a proper meal at that table again. Then He called mouse to Him, after looking around that everyone was occupied, checked the time, and had mouse bend over the table with her fingers splayed apart, as He carefully slipped into her rear. Her ass filled with cock, and she struggled to pretend to not enjoy the action. This was only for His pleasure and she knew it.

It doesn't mean that she doesn't enjoy it or that He doesn't know that she enjoyed it. It's that He doesn't care because that's not the purpose at that moment. When He finished, He produced the large glass plug and slid it into her, as He whispered into her ear that she would be wearing it until after the kitchen was cleaned. He said she could eat standing up or wait until later and offer an excuse but she would be serving the meal to our family tonight.

This put mouse in the most delicious headspace as she cooked the evening meal (a pot roast) with a rich beefy sauce with cherry popovers for dessert that went into the oven after the meal was plated. He likes occasional meals like this, so our children learn how to help themselves to a portion of food, high table manners are expected for meals such as these. He grades the children and corrects them as needed, while engaging in small talk and encouraging them to join in.

High protocol occasional meals such as this require lots of plates and a more rather formal setting than the children are used to. It's good, He has observed that they need to understand how to behave in certain settings that go beyond a simple restaurant or meals at a friends house. We haven't had a fancy meal out (a cloth napkin place) since last year so He felt it was time for a skills lab of sorts.

Truly it felt good to be of such use and have that swimmy feelings of slavery that she hadn't felt for a long time. 

Tuesday, April 21, 2020

Observations of a slave

Good morning dear friends,

We hope this finds you healthy and safe.

So far we have managed to stay healthy and our two weeks of being sequestered has ended, allowing mouse to move about the community. This is certainly a strange time for everyone. Schools have employed what they call "distance learning" and they haven't a clue how distant we are. Master is "distance working" and mouse has settled into a routine of just serving being useful to Master, which is nice since there is no distance between us.

It requires things to change, on top of all our other changes, and change is hard for some but really for mouse it isn't very difficult. Change has always been part of her life and adapting to various changes is part of it. Sometimes the changes aren't a big deal and there is still a huge pushback from the slave. This time, with all the virus uncertainty there isn't any, at all. Master doesn't drive or escort her to the store and she travels alone, which before was unsettling, but this time around, it's not a bother in the least. it's what she needs to do to keep everyone safe.

That includes Master, who is suffering probably more. While He isn't a Man that is the life of party, or needs to be around crowds of people, He enjoys listening to live music, or going out to dinner or drinks out. He doesn't mind crowded spaces like parks or beaches (or the lake). He is good at ignoring others. He enjoys His sports, chatting with colleagues about work and now there's just none of that. We've dragged out every puzzle we own, set up the small card table and set to work, as long as no one foolishly opens a window (mouse) things are good.

Of course, learning a puzzle piece is missing makes Him a little salty.

Meanwhile, mouse has been keeping herself occupied with cooking (which is a challenge), cleaning and the shrinking laundry pile. Strange, it's like no one in the house is really wearing clothing. Ok, that's not right but they're just not changing their clothes as they normally would. Our second week at the lake passed and mouse ventured out to get food. It's almost amazing how stressful that felt, after not leaving for two weeks, going out to the store felt different as though one might be taking a risk. Returning home, putting everything away and then, having it mostly picked through by everyone in the house.

There's been a shift in the way He manages. It used to be Master would hand mouse a sum of money, and say simply, "make it work." Making it work was often a challenge, augmented by meals out at times or times when He'd offer to just pick up a meal because the protein wasn't yet defrosted (which the slave might be subjected to punishment for, but that's another story).Since all this has started, the stores prices have gone up a little, but also many shelves are empty, which adds a different complication to the process and the added stress of Grocery Store Bingo, where you wonder, what will they have this week? Since this last shopping trip, mouse had zero expectations of what the store might have, she went with a mental recipe book in her head. Which led to a lot of running back and forth -- searching for the extras needed to make whatever recipe work. It's not just planning for dinner, but breakfast, and lunches too, since everyone is eating every meal at home. There are a few places that offer take-out meals, but we haven't felt the need to venture in that way.

The new way is that Master has given mouse a debit card, because He doesn't want her handling cash, and sends her to the market with a detailed list of things we need or just want to have. Everyone has been chipping in, writing things they'd like on ever growing list. It's a huge help and limits surprises. Of course, if a favorite brand isn't available, mouse can substitute for a different brand, or leave it for the next shopping trip. He was amazed at how much mouse spent on the last trip (nearly $300), and how quickly some of the new stuff went. Really no one in this house ever eats that many apples, unless they're all baked into a pie. The fear is that next week, she'll buy more and they'll sit until they are baked into a pie.

Maybe that's plan? 

Friday, April 3, 2020

Q U A R A N T I N E

Quarantine Day 18

In the opening scene of the film Aviator we see a young Howard Hughes (played by Leonardo DiCaprio) being bathed by His mother and spelling out the word quarantine. It sets a tone for the film and the odd OCD type way Hughes was known for. Will the children that grow up in the post quarantine world have an irrational fear of never having enough toilet paper? It's a real possibility.

The choices we make today are going to guide the children that come after. Personally, we wonder if we are doing anything right! It's scary to be so uncertain.

It's been difficult for everyone, we're no exception. Staying home is hard. Going out into the world, no matter how brief is hard too.  You constantly worry, "don't touch your face" "don't get too close to anyone else"

There's so much anxiety and worry.

With that in mind, Master decided we should all just depart for the lake. He contacted the local sheriff to let them know of our plans, we have purchased enough food (fingers crossed on that one) to ensure that we won't have to leave the house for at least two or three weeks after we arrive. Then we can ease into the community. The sheriff agreed with our plans (especially the part of arriving with everything we need to last a couple weeks) so we won't have to stop along the way.

Today was shopping day, made a bunch of sandwiches for the road and we leave in a few hours, we aren't anticipating much traffic and hopefully that'll bear true.

Connecting here will be spotty, but we hope to be able to.

Stay safe everyone!



Monday, March 30, 2020

Nothing to Do?

Quarantine Day 14

Well it hasn't really been 14 days, it's been less than that. It's been a slow rollout that led to this moment. Master is working from home, but there isn't a lot of work for Him to actually do. There's no sports on TV. It's like a vacation with no where to go and nothing to do and you had no way to foresee this or prepare for this particular moment. 

Sure there are plenty of books He'd love to read, but no way to procure them since the library's are closed, as are all the bookstores. Certainly Master can source the books online, but He seems to prefer the action of holding a book in His hand and turning pages, as opposed to just holding the tablet device and swiping. He drove past "Dom" Depot the other day and found the parking lot far too crowded for His taste, imagined the store jam packed with bodies. 

His hopes dashed, He returned home and said He would cook dinner. While mouse was convalescing from her surgery late last year, Master did all the cooking and oddly rediscovered that He didn't mind it so very much. As our lives returned to "normal" He slowly handed back those duties to His slave. Now, He's taken back the kitchen.

Meanwhile...

At first there was the normal amount of laundry, now with everyone home and frankly lazy, there's actually less of that to do, aside from the usual dusting, vacuuming and all those normal things. Everything feels odd to us. Watching TV and seeing the characters (some new, some old favorites) huddled together or throngs of people, feels off to us now. Our reality is one of self-isolation. We wave but say little to neighbors, aside from maybe asking how they're doing. What we mean is everyone healthy there?

We're taking things one day at a time. It's all we can do. Master will not send mouse out much, maybe once or twice a week for groceries. The stores are spotty, and things change. One week there will be plenty of crackers and the next time, none, but they'll have plenty of something else that was missed  on the previous trip. Making a list has become useless because you never know what will be there. It's like having a mental list of endless recipes, and you click through the options. If only it were that simple. Usually it's more like, oh chicken thighs...Hmmm we can make something with that. Sure. What else? Veggies...maybe some potatoes? It's a crap shoot and that sucks.

At the same time, there's a feeling that while it feels like forever, it won't be, and yet, we all feel like we should be trying to do more to sorta 'enjoy' these strange times? It feels like when our daughter felt unwell when she was a toddler and spent much of the time sleeping. Each time, mouse would sit and often worry, but little else was accomplished. In day or so, the health of the child restored, mouse would think, "well that was dumb, should have rearranged that drawer or did a hundred other little things to take advantage of the quiet." Mentally you'd make that promise to yourself that you wouldn't waste that time, until the next time. Then you'd make the same promise again.

Take social distancing seriously because it will keep us all safe, from the person who works at grocery, to the brave who work in hospitals, who can't just stay home (and muse about bullshit like this post) and everyone in between.

A Final Thought

Animal shelters are emptying and that's a wonderful thing, many people with all the extra time on their hands are adopting pets. Again wonderful, but please before you run out and agree to this, take the time to consider what you'll do once the world returns to normal. It will return to normal. 

Wednesday, March 25, 2020

Strange Days

Strange days have found us 
Strange days have tracked us down 
They're going to destroy 
Our casual joys 
We shall go on playing 
Or find a new town 

This was Not the Intended Post

For a few weeks, mouse has been noodling with an idea or concept, but since the world exploded with talk of self-isolation, the thread of that post was lost. At the time of this posting we are healthy and hope to be so tomorrow. Hand-washing is part of our daily lives. We are effectively housebound, with bars and restaurants in our area shuttered, but honestly would likely be anyway. 

In early February Master came to mouse and asked her to begin "stocking up" on certain things, at first it was cold medicine, items for fever and since we were still in cold/influenza the purchases made sense. A week later, He suggested we stock up on a few staples, soups, canned goods, things like that. Again, mouse bought a few things, but didn't go wild. Other stuff He suggested were actually left behind, like flour because she had no plans on baking for the next several months anyway. 

Then things became strange, the news media became more dire, and Master said that mouse had better make sure we have enough paper products, again oddly ahead of the curve by a week, mouse bought some paper towels and toilet paper. The following week, there were none of the shelves. Not only that but there wasn't a single fresh vegetable or loaf of bread left in the store. Shelves were completely bare. 

Now, mouse has been keeping up on the news so the Coronavirus is on her radar, when she grocery shops once a week, she is extra careful. We assume that EVERYTHING she brings home is likely contaminated with the virus and sequesters certain foods. Foods that are cooked, and put away, hands are washed before and after handling them, the same one might do with raw meat, to avoid cross-contamination.

Being extra careful has changed everything about our lives, and regretfully, mouse didn't follow through and get extra flour until recently. Next time she goes to the store, we'll need laundry detergent. But she did buy a large container of bleach, with the idea if the cleaning supplies dwindle, bleach will come in handy. Sure enough the supply has gone from stocked to barren, so that purchase ended up being extra fortuitous.

We have plenty of Lysol spray, which also kills viruses and wipes for the bathrooms and other areas.

Yet there is this underlying fear, going to the grocery store is a taxing thing now, difficult to explain, except there is the constant fear that there days from the last trip, mouse might become sick and infect our whole family. Sure we're not in the dangerous age group, but is there really a non-dangerous age group where the is virus is truly considered? You hear the stories of healthy 20, 30. 40 year olds with no underlying health conditions dying from this, and sure you try to rationalize that there are always outliers in everything. Still it's unsettling.

We hope all our blogging friends are well.

Stay safe, stay smart.