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Monday, September 28, 2015

Golf Widow

We're two ships passing in the night, lately it seems. Life happens in rapid fire at times. When the house down street went on the market, Daddy decided to tell his brother about it. This was at the beginning of summer, snapped it up, bargained for a new roof, and moved in before we returned from the lake. Each morning they drop in for coffee, stay for breakfast and now the weekends, while the weather is good, spent golfing.

It's led to a slightly disgruntled mouse, jealous of his social life that obviously excludes her. Please don't suggest that she take up golf, because she's completely uninterested, aside from him showing her how to swing by standing behind her, holding her close as she clutched the golf club. It made her wet, she blushed and could think of nothing else.

Back to the ships sailing in opposite directions, but the port seems to be our bedroom, where each night, we briefly touch on high points of our day -- well, the high points that don't involve projectile vomit. We cuddle for a few minutes and fall asleep. Then rinse and repeat. Each day blending into another. We didn't even have the time for mouse to rack up demerits, so maybe this wasn't a bad thing after all?

Suddenly, as mouse poured some coffee it hit her, he's going through a selfish phase.

Several days passed last week without a blog post from mouse, and Daddy seemed too busy to notice. Still with the lack of time together also means less chances for mouse to make bitchy mistakes that would result in demerits and...then again...

There's been no time for much else. Oh sure he gets his morning service, but there's been no time for anything else.

So there, in the morning as mouse poured coffee and plated yet another breakfast for extra people, she began to feel...oddly...strangely submissive.

Damn that sub brain, twisting things that would have any other woman livid and feeling diminished, yet making mouse all hot and bothered. When she looked up Daddy was looking at her. Yes, mouse was blushing before she realized she had caught his stare.

We met up with Lucy and Schroeder that evening at their home and it was there mouse had the feeling again, except this time it felt sterile, and oddly vanilla. Later as cocktails were served mouse realized how far we'd drifted. When had this happened? He was discussing something work related and mouse had no clue about it. A few white Russian drinks for mouse later and she was again feeling cozy with Daddy's hand hitting that comfortable space on the small heir her back.

As we approached the car at the end of the evening, Daddy gave mouse a hard slap on her bottom. Thank you Sir.


Wednesday, September 16, 2015

One of Those Days

Monday has got to be the most difficult day of the week. Usually. This week for mouse it was Tuesday. On Monday, mouse did all the normal things, running errands, shopping -- the usual drill. Pizza was on the menu for dinner because Daddy had an after work dinner meeting that he had to attend. It's a quarterly meeting and always runs late.

So, after getting everyone settled for the night, mouse switched on Netflix to catch up on a tv show that Daddy hates (Once Upon a Time). The plan was to watch two or maybe three episodes and go straight to bed. Instead mouse watched maybe 5 (well half of the 5th), because she happened to look at the was 11:56.

Realizing the mistake, mouse turned off the tv and ran upstairs, the light was on in our bedroom, so she turned it off. This was because she knew he'd be home any minute -- and if he saw she was still up, she'd be in trouble. So she quickly got undressed in the dark, brushed her teeth, and washed her face in the dark.

Have you ever tried to brush your teeth in the dark? It took mouse three tries to get the toothpaste on the brush. Then she's sure she got too much. It was a race against time, the dark bathroom was suddenly illuminated briefly by headlights of a car coming up the road, causing mouse to freeze and then really rush. Odds were excellent the car was Daddy's, a few moments later as mouse just jumped into bed, she heard his key hit the lock. Dogs greeting him, bouncing around...briefcase landing with a thud.

Inside the bed mouse tried to fall asleep, quickly before he came upstairs, the smell of toothpaste was probably still very evident when he entered the room...but honestly, mouse drifted off before he came to bed.

Tuesday's alarm seemed to wake mouse extra early, Daddy was on his side of the bed, sleeping without a blanket so mouse went him and began to lick and suck him as she's done practically every morning that we've been together. Eventually his hand finds her head and he grabs a fistful of hair. He guides the action.

We do all the usual things, mouse even found the extra minutes for warm a towel in the dryer...yes, probably still feeling guilty for the previous night or really rather this morning. After we showered, the strings of the corset tightened, a plug inserted Daddy said nothing...

Breakfast was just organized chaos, music from her iPod playing the morning playlist (yes, she has one), but really she was exhausted. Daddy looked tired too but he had an excuse. Yes, mouse felt guilty, and felt every pause of his was intentiional, an opportunity for mouse to admit...

Now, she told herself that this was her imagination that she was projecting her guilt. These are all perfectly reasonable. rationalizations. Was the way he looked at mouse because he knew? There were questions that mouse normally might have asked about the meeting or how dull was...but she didn't ask, in fact went out of her way not to ask.

A few hours later, tossing a load of clothing into the washer mouse got a text from Daddy. It was one word, "tired". Like a slap..a jolt, mouse stared at her phone. Did he mean he's tired or was he asking she replied with "yeah".

Noncommittal, no punctuation, two can play this game (if it's a game).

No reply. So, now mouse confessed.

Of course he knew...of course he was waiting for the confession. He assumed...

Daddy had assumed mouse waited up until he was home safe.


Yeah that too.


Monday, September 14, 2015


While this is how mouse felt, there was no time this weekend to express it, we were busy, busy from Friday until Sunday night, or so it felt. Saturday Daddy played golf in the morning and then we took the family out for a walk downtown, which is something we always say we're going to do...

It's one or those things, we'll plan for it, but the weather isn't cooperating with the plans. Traffic isn't quite as bad now that tourists have returned home, but parking is always a bother. Luckily mouse remembered her reusable bags, because the walk takes us along some great farmers market type places. Everywhere it seems now, charges extra for bags or offers a small discount to people who bring their own. Daddy also had the forethought to buy some ice for the cooler, so when he found some fish, he didn't hesitate.

Sunday is a laundry day it seems for mouse, no matter how hard she tries to avoid it, there are always a load or two that needs to be done for Monday.

One thing Daddy did do, was keep mouse plugged the majority of the time, and honestly mouse cannot explain how it makes her feel. Daddy said a while ago that mouse isn't allowed to touch the toys...but now, he's made an exception for one plug. He wants to be informed if mouse does use it, but he's noticed that plug use seems to help settle her a little, much like the way a good spanking session helps. So now it's something that when mouse begins to feel grumpy or unsettled she can use.

The plug really helps!! Even as on Sunday mouse went through the backpacks and found yet more school supplies that are "required" and muttered to Daddy that it just never ends. So Daddy handed mouse some money and sent her to pick up those few extra things, while he watched some game on tv.

Friday, September 11, 2015

Every Word

On Thursday morning, mouse woke actually after Daddy, who was just finishing his run on the treadmill, and went to the bathroom to find the enema stuff out. Without thinking mouse asked him if she was supposed to enema (it was pretty evident this was what he wanted), Daddy held mouse's chin and quietly told her to do, and added after we'll shower. For some reason mouse again questioned him.

He let it go, and didn't respond or react. But remained in the bathroom while mouse went about preparing the enema. It's humiliating to have him watch it, but it also shouldn't come as any surprise he would. He knows and that's probably the point. After she emptied Daddy got the shower ready and washed her body, them himself, then left her to finish her hair while he dried off.

He wrapped mouse up in towel after, and actually dried her off. Then he said to bend over, and pushed a plug into her bottom. When he cinched the corset he did a little tighter than usual. He had her dress, then sent her downstairs to get breakfast started. Soon the kitchen was bustling with activity and the noise level had risen, but mouse remained a bit quiet.

Daddy came down looking sharp in his grey suit and sat down. Food all on the table. Coffee poured, and mouse was busy getting the lunches ready. Everything felt off to mouse. He whispered into her ear as he kissed her cheek that she should keep the plug in place for at least four hours and then reinsert it again later while she cooks dinner.

Then he was gone.

After four hours she did remove it, and then sent him a message. The day was busy full of errands and other things, and hurried home to get dinner started. Yes, she neglected to reinsert the plug, and remembered it after dinner was in the oven. Immediately she sent him a cryptic text explaining what happened. He replied that he understood.

Again when he came home in the evening, the house was chaotic but normal, mouse took off his shoes, and he asked how long until dinner. A few minutes later dinner was on the table and mouse felt this wave of calm. After dinner the calm was still there as she cleaned up.

Later he called for mouse to his study and told her to remove her dress. He inspected that the plug was still in place. Then began asking questions about the day. How did she feel after he left for work, did she complete all the errands and chores? Were there any negative feelings once the plug was removed? How did it feel, since mouse had not been plugged like that for a while?

After answering the questions truthfully, the plug had seemed to help but was distracting at first.

Then he discussed demerits. Even though they'd been light, he punished her for them using the cane. He removed the plug and had her kiss the cane. Then he gave her 14 whacks, and had her count each off. When that part was over Daddy had mouse stand in the corner while he did some work.

Crying and sniffling mouse felt terrible -- her mouth again just won't stop and she doesn't get why she's been so smart with him. After letting her stand forever, he called her to him and held her. He said it was all ok now. Then he pushed her gently toward the desk. He pressed a finger against her ass,

Soon it was replaced with him, and his groan was loud and satisfying. It felt good -- something we haven't done in a while. As he moved, secretly mouse wished this feeling would never end, but as everything in life it was soon over. After cleaning him off, Daddy had mouse dress and we went upstairs. He finally helped her off with the corset, which was a huge relief.

mouse snuggled with him, his body arranged around her own, confining almost in a claustrophobic way, yet at the same time comforting. Was he demanding in some way that mouse just submit to her body being used as a pillow? The thought swirled around in her mind for the longest time, then the feelings the plug had given her...While there was a sense of calm, it was more just comforting to her after a while. Were these thoughts connected? Probably.


Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Summer's End

It's happening already, the days are becoming shorter and the leaves are slowly trading green for the fall hues they'll wear until they fall from the trees. Monday, we bid a very bittersweet farewell to all things summertime. Daddy grilled some steaks, while inside the house, mouse made an end of summer cake for dessert. What's the difference between the beginning of summer cake and the end of summer one? We don't put sprinkles on the end of summer cake.

It sounds incredibly silly doesn't it?

The upside is that because the days are growing shorter, and hopefully a bit cooler, mouse will again be basking in the warm glow of candlelight. Maintenance spankings continue; Daddy remarked recently that mouse benefits from them greatly. Much like the weekly enema helps as well. It seems to settle her mind in some odd way that mouse will only assume applies to none but herself.

Once the process is completed, there's a strong feeling that comes over mouse. Not like a lonely feeling, or something negative but this quiet feeling that is comforting. It seems to help as she does her daily chores. The best time now is the evening, which means a less noisy home. Even mouse has a bedtime that Daddy strictly enforces, deciding that part of her issues were caused from lack of sleep. It seems so simple! Staying up late and waking early, then going al day without stopping was bound to make mouse grumpy.

Daddy was right, as much as mouse sometimes hates to admit it. Of course when she mentioned it to him one morning after his morning oral service he replied with his standard, "I understand."

Which in this case is one those times that he only means that. He understands that he was right.

But the whole "I understand" can have so many meanings, but many things do.


Monday, September 7, 2015

Aching for a Breaking

Just days after retuning to blogging about mouse's thoughts, and feeling caught up from summer, mouse began to feel this sense of the walls closing around her. The demerits under Daddy's new system were actually light and Daddy chose to give mouse a stern talk about the infractions and had her stand in the corner. Maintenance had been put off for a few days because of general scheduling conflicts. It's not too unusual for that to happen.

But as the week progressed mouse felt increasingly unsettled, so it probably should be mentioned that most of the demerits were acquired during that those few days. By Friday, mouse was feeling increasingly edgy and dare she admit, bitchy? Everything and everyone was bothering her. Innocent comments were taken as indictments and mouse became increasingly vocal.

Now, we all go through grumpy moments when Daddy gets that way he becomes quite quiet, voicing his grumpiness, with words, although never many. But he will express himself. When mouse gets grumpy she will get loud and has issues finding the words so she resorts to profanity. Lots of "fuck this shit."

Daddy after giving mouse a warning "look" that mouse blew off, stood and took mouse by the elbow into the other room. Then he told mouse to stop. If she couldn't say something nice to keep her mouth shut. It was an odd moment as she could clearly hear the words coming out of her mouth and unable to stop them. Instead she just kept going on with it. Mad for the sake of being angry, which in retrospect was completely wrong.

At this point, Daddy stood and again pulled mouse from the room and strongly suggested that mouse go upstairs. Stomping up the stairs like a teenager and muttering to herself, she could hear him making excuses for mouse's exit. "she needs a rest."

That pissed her off more, and she sat down, paced and just got more angry.

Much later Daddy made his way up the stairs. He lectured about how this behavior was completely unacceptable. What was wrong with her? He legitimately wished to know what the problem was. To mouse the problem was everyone else. Daddy looked at mouse as she ranted and smiled, which mouse took as condenscending, and her anger bubbled out toward him.

Now, this has happened before and long time readers probably know what happened next. Daddy pulled mouse over his knee, against her protests, and spanked her soundly. Yet, mouse obstinately refused to cry, but he continued, until the first tears fell, then paused. Those tears were the frustration tears. When he resumed he could tell she wasn't there yet.

Then just as quickly the real tears began to fall. The tears she needed. Sometimes you just need a good cry to clear out the cobwebs. After mouse was drained emotionally, so remorseful, she fixed her makeup, smoothed her skirt and apologized. It feels terrible, thankfully it doesn't happen very often now, and although she would have to check the blog to be sure, it was the first huge meltdown for mouse for the year. Still that's no real excuse. After a good night's rest for mouse she woke feeling so much better.

In the morning, mouse woke set out some food for breakfast and Daddy commented that her mood was much better. Later in the morning he did perform maintenance and again later in the evening. It left mouse feeling so much better. (small mouse rant ahead) We spent the rest of the weekend getting together the last of the school supplies. That process is really endless.

Friday, September 4, 2015

The Promise

Daddy had arranged his work schedule so he'd be off half the day on Monday and all day Friday for the first weeks of August. Then mid August he scheduled a few extra days, because he'd usually fly down and drive us all home. This year, because we all returned he worked the full week, but decided to keep the extra days off. He made arrangements to have the kids shipped off for a few days and spent time with mouse.

While it seems quite incredible, he had no firm plans, no written out agenda of what he would do. Dinner was ready, but he said to hold it until later -- then had mouse change into a slip of a dress and led her out the door. He drove around silently, sort of deep in thought. Then, he began to drive back toward home -- this confused mouse even more.

Back at home, he ate dinner, but was still quite stoic. Then after what seemed to be forever he explained that we simply cannot play so hard that mouse goes to subspace anymore. He wants her to be lucid and aware. This was a huge change and we all know what a subspace junky mouse is.

A few things led him to reconsider his position, first being an innocent discussion over the summer with a friend of ours with diabetes and something rather tragic that occurred to another friend. A old college chum of Daddy's slipped in the shower and struck his head and died because he wasn't found for several hours. Daddy isn't one to dwell on his limitations as a type 1 diabetic, but he also knows that he doesn't always know when his insulin levels are too low or high like he used to. Sometimes he'll take his blood sugar and it'll be low or high and he had no clue anything was amiss.

Then he admitted to mouse a few months ago, during a legthy play session while mouse was floating, he had an episode. His blood sugar dropped. Now, this rather shook him up a little because mouse was tied up and in no way lucid enough to provide help if he needed it. Within a short while he was fine and pushed the episode out of his mind. But he also admitted it had happened before, just not as bad.

Of course mouse understands and was more than a bit annoyed however he's kept that from her. He even admitted that he considered not telling her at all, but felt that was unfair. He also knows that if mouse is aware she cannot drift mentally far, the chances are better that she won't. Other things must change also. No more can mouse be tied, even when supervised by him, in a way she couldn't free herself. It's not about embarrassment, this is strictly a time issue. He said he thought -- what if something happened and mouse was tied up, unable to move. He worried how horrifying it could be for me.

Then, with all the serious talk finished, he spent a lot of time educating mouse on what to do if his insulin levels are off, including how to inject it. These are things he's never discussed with mouse, except in a cursory or abstract way. This time he was actually showing her how to check his blood sugar, how to inject and all the how's and why's in between.

By the time the discussion concluded mouse was quite visibly shaken, Daddy held her and soothed away most of the fears. He really doesn't want or desire for mouse to take this burden -- it's never been something he's wanted. It's part of his promise he made to mouse ages ago, and as he feels his age more than a decade ago, he feels he needs to come to terms with the fact that he has his own limits.

With a devilish smile he brought out the Wartenberg wheel,,and proceeded to torture mouse with it, forbidding her to move or make much sound, all while not allowing her to drift to subspace. Not sure what was worse, the slaps when she did try to move, remaining quiet but still present or the pain and pleasure (yes, she said pleasure) brought from the wheel of shame.

After we rested we spoke more, about other aspects that will not be changing, like his control and need to control mouse -- just as her desire to be controlled. Demerits will be enforced and no room for pouty mouse. He said he'll not accept excuses for disorder. All the expectations regardless of hiw difficult they might seem to enforce will be enforced. Even the mental ones, Daddy gave detailed examples of how mouse fell way short of where she should be. He reminded her, every single thing she did, every word spoken, each word written was a direct reflection of his character.

That's mouse's burden and it's a huge expectation to fulfill.