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Monday, March 30, 2020

Nothing to Do?

Quarantine Day 14

Well it hasn't really been 14 days, it's been less than that. It's been a slow rollout that led to this moment. Master is working from home, but there isn't a lot of work for Him to actually do. There's no sports on TV. It's like a vacation with no where to go and nothing to do and you had no way to foresee this or prepare for this particular moment. 

Sure there are plenty of books He'd love to read, but no way to procure them since the library's are closed, as are all the bookstores. Certainly Master can source the books online, but He seems to prefer the action of holding a book in His hand and turning pages, as opposed to just holding the tablet device and swiping. He drove past "Dom" Depot the other day and found the parking lot far too crowded for His taste, imagined the store jam packed with bodies. 

His hopes dashed, He returned home and said He would cook dinner. While mouse was convalescing from her surgery late last year, Master did all the cooking and oddly rediscovered that He didn't mind it so very much. As our lives returned to "normal" He slowly handed back those duties to His slave. Now, He's taken back the kitchen.


At first there was the normal amount of laundry, now with everyone home and frankly lazy, there's actually less of that to do, aside from the usual dusting, vacuuming and all those normal things. Everything feels odd to us. Watching TV and seeing the characters (some new, some old favorites) huddled together or throngs of people, feels off to us now. Our reality is one of self-isolation. We wave but say little to neighbors, aside from maybe asking how they're doing. What we mean is everyone healthy there?

We're taking things one day at a time. It's all we can do. Master will not send mouse out much, maybe once or twice a week for groceries. The stores are spotty, and things change. One week there will be plenty of crackers and the next time, none, but they'll have plenty of something else that was missed  on the previous trip. Making a list has become useless because you never know what will be there. It's like having a mental list of endless recipes, and you click through the options. If only it were that simple. Usually it's more like, oh chicken thighs...Hmmm we can make something with that. Sure. What else? Veggies...maybe some potatoes? It's a crap shoot and that sucks.

At the same time, there's a feeling that while it feels like forever, it won't be, and yet, we all feel like we should be trying to do more to sorta 'enjoy' these strange times? It feels like when our daughter felt unwell when she was a toddler and spent much of the time sleeping. Each time, mouse would sit and often worry, but little else was accomplished. In day or so, the health of the child restored, mouse would think, "well that was dumb, should have rearranged that drawer or did a hundred other little things to take advantage of the quiet." Mentally you'd make that promise to yourself that you wouldn't waste that time, until the next time. Then you'd make the same promise again.

Take social distancing seriously because it will keep us all safe, from the person who works at grocery, to the brave who work in hospitals, who can't just stay home (and muse about bullshit like this post) and everyone in between.

A Final Thought

Animal shelters are emptying and that's a wonderful thing, many people with all the extra time on their hands are adopting pets. Again wonderful, but please before you run out and agree to this, take the time to consider what you'll do once the world returns to normal. It will return to normal. 

Wednesday, March 25, 2020

Strange Days

Strange days have found us 
Strange days have tracked us down 
They're going to destroy 
Our casual joys 
We shall go on playing 
Or find a new town 

This was Not the Intended Post

For a few weeks, mouse has been noodling with an idea or concept, but since the world exploded with talk of self-isolation, the thread of that post was lost. At the time of this posting we are healthy and hope to be so tomorrow. Hand-washing is part of our daily lives. We are effectively housebound, with bars and restaurants in our area shuttered, but honestly would likely be anyway. 

In early February Master came to mouse and asked her to begin "stocking up" on certain things, at first it was cold medicine, items for fever and since we were still in cold/influenza the purchases made sense. A week later, He suggested we stock up on a few staples, soups, canned goods, things like that. Again, mouse bought a few things, but didn't go wild. Other stuff He suggested were actually left behind, like flour because she had no plans on baking for the next several months anyway. 

Then things became strange, the news media became more dire, and Master said that mouse had better make sure we have enough paper products, again oddly ahead of the curve by a week, mouse bought some paper towels and toilet paper. The following week, there were none of the shelves. Not only that but there wasn't a single fresh vegetable or loaf of bread left in the store. Shelves were completely bare. 

Now, mouse has been keeping up on the news so the Coronavirus is on her radar, when she grocery shops once a week, she is extra careful. We assume that EVERYTHING she brings home is likely contaminated with the virus and sequesters certain foods. Foods that are cooked, and put away, hands are washed before and after handling them, the same one might do with raw meat, to avoid cross-contamination.

Being extra careful has changed everything about our lives, and regretfully, mouse didn't follow through and get extra flour until recently. Next time she goes to the store, we'll need laundry detergent. But she did buy a large container of bleach, with the idea if the cleaning supplies dwindle, bleach will come in handy. Sure enough the supply has gone from stocked to barren, so that purchase ended up being extra fortuitous.

We have plenty of Lysol spray, which also kills viruses and wipes for the bathrooms and other areas.

Yet there is this underlying fear, going to the grocery store is a taxing thing now, difficult to explain, except there is the constant fear that there days from the last trip, mouse might become sick and infect our whole family. Sure we're not in the dangerous age group, but is there really a non-dangerous age group where the is virus is truly considered? You hear the stories of healthy 20, 30. 40 year olds with no underlying health conditions dying from this, and sure you try to rationalize that there are always outliers in everything. Still it's unsettling.

We hope all our blogging friends are well.

Stay safe, stay smart. 

Monday, March 2, 2020

Plugging the Hole

One evening recently, Master came home from work with a single pretty pink rose, which mouse placed in a pretty bud vase that is rarely used anymore. Later that evening, right before bedtime, Master had her bend over the counter and probed her rear hole, He deftly inserted the medium plug and asked how it felt. He wanted details that went beyond "It feels fine." Then He gave it a few turns, removed it and replaced it with the large glass plug that protrudes and doesn't allow for sitting. He planted a gentle kiss to the back of her neck and asked if she understood what this means. 

Suddenly mouse fell headfirst into the deep end of the pool, realizing that this changes everything. No more being allowed to sit, standing, kneeling are fine but sitting won't be allowed anymore. 

The next morning Master removed the plug, filled the enema bag and for the first time in a while administered an enema to His slave. That process is humiliating, although it probably shouldn't be. He looked at her ass hole when it was finished, and replaced the large glass plug. Naturally mouse thanked Him, and felt incredibly overwhelmed with all sorts of emotions. The corset won't be returning. In the shower He did require that kneel, drink His piss and wash His lower body. Then He turned the water to barely warm and allowed the slave to continue washing herself and her hair. The damp towel was left for her to use when she finished. 

"Such a good slave." He clucked. 

Kneeling mouse took His cock into her mouth and throat, opening herself up to His use, and giving up herself to Him in the process. It was a renewal of our relationship and a reminder that even if He isn't going to correct mouse in a corporal way any longer, He is still Master. Our relationship isn't a game sometimes played, or anything that ends with our bedroom door. It's a living, breathing thing that defines the core of us. 

That first afternoon when He returned to His home after work, He called mouse to Him and removed the large plug, had her clean it and put it away from prying eyes. It would be returned in the evening before bed, but not before her ass was filled with His seed. It was of a relief to be able to sit at least a little, at dinnertime, and after the chores were completed, beside Him on the sofa, with slave sort of leaning against Him as He read for work.

Master asked for mouse's phone and unlocked it (didn't know He could do that), and turned on a tracker. This way, He explained He would know where mouse was during the day. If she leaves the house for any reason, His phone notifies Him, when she returns home, and will give Him a list of every place she stops at in between (if He wants to see that). It didn't feel invasive, it actually felt right when He activated it. Then Master explained that His phone was connected a similar way, so the slave's phone will notify her when Master is within a few blocks from home. He wants His slave to be more service oriented for Him. Lately, He's shocked her or even frightened her a few times with His return home. This will let her know when He's nearly home so she can prepare herself.

If He asks her to take something and leave it in His car, the phone will tell her where the car is parked so she can do that. There have been times where He has asked her to do this although rare.

Now, she doesn't need all His movements throughout the day, at least in the same way the way He needs to know about mouse, but it will come in handy when He's working later than usual or has a late meeting. Why hadn't we ever thought of this before? It's ingenious. There's also something nice about it being reciprocal, which honestly mouse would never have suspected or thought about before. Master wants mouse to know and this helps her better serve Him.

Will she still have to text Him? Of course He replied but on those few times that she forgets or if the text doesn't go through due to a malfunction or stupidity, He will still be able to track mouse, which would eliminate His own worries. That's what this is really about, since Google already knows everything we do, honestly something we both find slightly creepy, why not use this so we know too?

Serving Master and being more useful to Him is a key for mouse nowadays. After mouse was in the hospital it has been a struggle to find her footing again, probably longer than it should have taken. The medications certainly have helped mouse with that heavy weight of depression that she felt. Master is quick to remind none of that was her fault, just a long list of problems that was out of His or her control. Now we're back, much more settled and the time has come to resume what we can.

It feels so natural and for the most part simple and yet this is far more complex as well than we had before. Before the slavery was different, more private in a strange way, or perhaps it just felt different? Master would control mouse mostly through corrections, painful ones. Since the surgery physical punishment is out, Master won't risk it and He still remarks how fortunate we both were that He hadn't followed through with His plan to punish mouse earlier.

Master feels better now about the recent past and accepted the lessons He and mouse have learned from this experience. Our recent evolution is a demonstration of that and that something incredibly positive can come from such hardship.

Now, we're looking forward to this time of rebirth. Springtime is perfect season for this and it's coming!  

Tuesday, February 25, 2020

The Quiet Times

One thing Master has totally done for mouse in all the years she's known Him, He's turned her on to old classic movies across many genres. He doesn't care much for westerns, but some he likes. He really enjoys the old film noir stuff and has a list of classic films everyone should watch at least once in their lifetime.Master has also always been a voracious reader. There is always a book close at hand, a paperback that is shoved into His suitcase when He travels, a book on His nightstand, or close at hand. If He has any downtime, His nose is in a book.

On the other hand, mouse unless she's in a certain mood, reading has never been her thing, instead she will spend the evening tidying up, fluffing pillows, sorting through the acquired daily stuff that seems endless. Master finds it quite annoying.

"You are home all day and you are cleaning now?" Master harshly rebuked mouse.

Feeling slightly exasperated mouse sits on the floor and makes mental notes about what also needs to be tidied from that point of view. After several days of Him lecturing the slave on proper time management, mouse became defensive. The house is clean to a certain time of day and yes, things become untidy all over. Master, mouse pointed out, would be in His study most of the evening working so He didn't notice this routine. Then once she finished her explanation, offered if it bothered Him that much she would stop. By that time tears were welling in her eyes and she was thinking Him quite mean.

Then it happened, Master apologized but not for His rebuke, for being unaware of His slave not being managed properly. That He felt, was on Him.

At that moment mouse had conjured a mental image of one those memes:

It really isn't a disorganization thing at all, it's more a tidy up before bed, so you can get up to a fairly neat home thing. You fluff the cushions and put away things like the silly remote controls, or other stuff. Weed through the magazines, stack up the coasters, return the bag clips that always end up in the family room to their home in the kitchen. Make sure the dishwasher is full and run it. It might include a little light dusting if a light hits something that you've neglected to notice (like a cobweb).

Trying to not hold it against Master, regardless of  how miffed she felt, mouse snuggled next to Him in the bed and tried to forget it, but mentally running through her "list" of things. Hitting the near top was blogging about this and before publishing having a discussion (as we do now before she hits publish). It's not about being right or wrong, it's really about perspectives and the way we see the same things very differently.

In the end, we saw the points of view from each other's eyes. There were things that mouse was doing at night that she didn't realize she could have done during the day and there are things that need to be done before we turn everything off and go to bed. There were times she wasn't making the best use of her day and changes to that routine were welcomed by her. Master also saw the value in some of the  things she was doing before bedtime, and has allowed those to continue.  

Wednesday, February 19, 2020

The First Time

And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the endless skies...

Of course, another holiday of the non-holiday sort. St Valentine's Day. Back in the catholic school days we learned that Saint Valentine was convicted for marrying people and became a martyr of sorts to true love or something like that. A day of love, right? Well, it's actually more a day of spending obscene amounts of money on flowers. Of course mouse doesn't have access to money to buy Master a gift, so she adjusted the meals a little and treated Him to a nice grilled steak.  

Spending the day cooking and cleaning for Master until His home just shined. It felt wonderful to cook and pleasure Him. The only gift mouse could give and it came from her heart.

Ill-formed Thoughts are often a Burden

Sometime last week, mouse popped into one of those chain coffee shops and sat down with a much needed cup of coffee (you also see people drinking from real cups and that always leaves mouse to wonder how they ask for those). Avoiding eye contact with those around her, mouse sent Master a text message updating Him on her morning.

Back at home, mouse began the ritual of putting things away, tidying up and suddenly just burst into tears for no reason at all. It's hard to explain the reason, if there was any reason for it, just had a moment of feeling completely overwhelmed. Once the tears slowed, the sniffling remained, mouse sent a text to Master. He wants to know if mouse feels that way. What was exactly, she can't explain, but we both seem to understand when it happens, even if we don't understand the why.

When Master came home and looked at mouse carefully up and down and pulled her close to Him. He knew she was feeling rattled. He asked several times to tell Him every move mouse had made during the day. Had anything odd happened? As she moved through the day verbally to Him, suddenly again she burst into tears. Just after the coffee shop, she walked back to her car and a man she didn't know was leaning against it. He muttered something to her but she never made out what it was. For all she knew it could have been an apology but she really didn't think so.

After getting into the car it was a short drive home and mouse just pushed all the unpleasantness out of her mind. Now Master asked all sorts of questions, had she ever seen the man before? Did she see if the man got into a car? Honestly at the time mouse paid little attention to it. Why was it bothering her now, a delayed reaction to something unsettling (honestly mouse wouldn't call it dangerous)?

Master pulled mouse close to His chest and coo'd softly comforting her and then asked if she wouldn't mind rearranging her schedule so He could escort her on these errands? Of course mouse was keen to that idea but wouldn't be a bother for Master? When she grew very quiet, He asked her what was wrong, and it felt like a burden for Him, something unfair. He didn't mind it and rather enjoyed the idea. it would give us more time together.

Every possible thing He could have said to make it feel ok was said. Every box was checked off.

Yet, it left mouse feeling broken again. 

Tuesday, February 11, 2020

Being Grateful

Master allowed the return of the dishwasher and mouse has found a much greater appreciation for that wonderful appliance. Our water bill seemed to have gone up, so we can be sure now and forever that the dishwasher truly saves water. Master reminded mouse that it could have been worse, she could have been washing clothes in the sink. Hearing that, her eyes went wide and she felt like dropping to knees and thanking Him for not doing that. 

It is a thing, not feeling grateful to the things we take for granted. The radio has been silent now for weeks and the iPod keeps cutting off the ending of songs (actually she wishes they would make it to the end, but sometimes it cuts off mid-song). The vast expanse of playlists have become unplayable. We still have coffee, so even without music all is ok with mouse's world.

He's been working hard lately, not really staying late at the office or spending hours in His study but working on the sofa, where He can see mouse, even if He's not paying a lick of attention to her, His presence reminds her that she's not His sole focus. It also reminds her that He is her sole focus. Now, before people get all pedantic, "what about the children?" let's clarify that a little, during certain times of the day the kids aren't around this is the time that mouse is talking about.

The times when she waits patiently to be of use to Him, to be helpful without being obvious about it, without asking Him a million times if He needs anything, and understanding that He will make His wishes known in His own time. Now this wasn't something that came easily to understand. At one point a few years ago, she did have a complete understanding of this, but since all our troubles, mouse forgot it. Master seemed so different to her, so very present that mouse reverted back to pestering Him, as though she was expecting Him to retreat to the study.

So, yes, it took a rather stern correction from Him to remind mouse of that very basic thing. There's been a lot of groveling since. This new "normal" feels at times, harder than it was before. He expresses Himself differently to mouse, reminding her that He loves her daily now and that actually makes her mistakes feel far more heavy than they did before. Of course, mouse talked with Him about these intense feelings, so He's not hearing about this for the first time.

Our communication is so much better, and it seems a teeny bit unfair to suggest it, because it never felt bad before, but we both realize how little we talked over the last few years about our relationship. We did speak plenty about other things, including punishment time, but no discussion about what we like or don't like. It's hard to explain, obviously. For a long while, it felt like Master did most of the talking, telling mouse what to do, or what He expected of her. Now, it's more reciprocal, He'll ask mouse what she wants more often than He used to. Sometimes He decides differently but she doesn't pout about it at all. It's more about feeling more blessed for the times He says "Sure" than worrying or keeping score over the "no's".

It's nice being more settled.

Happy Valentine's Day 

Monday, February 3, 2020

Did You Blink?

Who blinked, because it's already the first Monday in February. Was your January a blur too? Master was talking the other night and saying how He knows a few people that have completely given up the internet. No Netflix, Hulu or whatever. They do have regular cable, but nothing exciting, just the bare-bones stuff. One person, He admitted, does get movies in the mail by Netflix. For some reason, this discussion sent mouse into a mental panic. We don't have internet access at the lake and honestly cannot say we've missed it much, but that's only for a couple months, year around? 

How do you do stuff? Pay bills? Find a carpenter? Are there still phonebooks to let your fingers do the walking? Sure, if your area doesn't have internet, like for us a couple months a year, still mouse will go to the coffee shop, connect to their free wifi and surf the web, check the blog..Ok, there's not a lot that she must do. Master handles all the business end stuff...All this gave mouse another thought. 

How does He manage during the summer? He paused for a moment and looked at mouse before saying it was nothing she needed to be concerned with. Then He asked when did we ever need a carpenter? He was more than capable of repairs, and watched mouse carefully as she lowered her eyes in embarrassment. Master's admonishment made her forget for a moment or three about the discussion as He sent to her kitchen to fetch His snack and get dinner started.

Master was settled in His chair when mouse returned with an iced tea and snack, and knelt down to remove His shoes when the thought returned, and she asked Him if we were getting rid of the internet, and she can't even say why she would ask that, except the whole discussion felt strange to her. In a rare moment Master flashed with anger at mouse and raised His voice.

It was just a topic and mouse needed to stop that brain of hers into reading more than there was...

The next moment mouse's cheeks turned red, and she apologized for bothering Him, tears formed and she returned to the kitchen. It couldn't have been more than a few minutes that passed as mouse was sniffling and cutting up onions for the meal, and Master came into the kitchen. Naturally, she tried to cover up the fact she was embarrassed by her behavior by blaming the onions. Not believing a word of it, He gathered mouse into His arms and held her tightly as larger tears just poured. He said He was sorry for snapping at her. It was just a topic He found curious was all, and with all His work He has and will be doing from home, no internet was a ridiculous option for us.

It did leave Him to wonder a little, why was she so upset by this? He asked to see her laptop and told her to kneel at His feet as He looked through. Satisfied this slave wasn't wasting the day online, He closed it and asked why it distressed her. It really didn't except that she felt very isolated and without the internet it would be even more so. Master nodded and said nothing more on the subject, just enough words to send mouse back to the kitchen.

Throughout dinner, Master seemed unusually quiet as He ate, sure He smiled a few times and nodded once or twice, and this made mouse even more quiet than usual too. He went to mouse after she had cleaned up the kitchen, and said He was worried about her feelings of isolation. He wanted her unplugged from all social media, especially Twitter for a while, and worried that would only further add to those feelings of isolation.

Echo chambers, He carefully explained to mouse are dangerous things, because they create a false sense of reality. Just like propaganda of any kind can be used for ill, it fosters a sense of hopelessness in people, which Master said feeds depression in sensitive people like mouse. As He explained all this, He held her to His chest. It's His duty to protect mouse from harmful things and people. He asked her to be a good girl and obey Him.

The first day was simple and the days that followed, easy, then there was this feeling of being disconnected. Then suddenly everything changed, at the grocery store she overheard people talking about a helicopter crash that killed several people. Even though she wasn't connected to anything the tragic story found her. If only something good traveled so far.

That evening Master told mouse a good story from His own life, a childhood story she never heard before. then He wrapped Himself around making her feel very safe and we made love. It was the kind of sex that used up the whole bed and we landed on the floor. This being disconnected from the world isn't such a terrible thing after all.