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Wednesday, April 16, 2014

If the Horse Don't Pull

You got to carry the load

Thank goodness Daddy has a strong back at least most of the time. Yesterday tho, helping mouse, he twisted it wrong. Perfect time for mouse to practice her erotic massage skills.

Really must improve on the erotic part, because Daddy fell fast asleep. Maybe it wss the flexural?

 

Monday, April 14, 2014

No Time

We're busy, no surprise there, still it doesn't mean an end to chores, or wrapping mouse's lips around Daddy and sucking him. It's something mouse felt completely compelled to do and needed it. After, he gave mouse a sound beating with the cane. It was delicious feeling it flick and lick her tender spots. No tears, just pleasure...

Daddy turned mouse around and captured a nipple ring between his teeth, pulling it and making her moan like the true slut she is. Large hands cupped her mound and his thumb found her. Pressing, circling until mouse was reduced to a pool of goo. Panting hard mouse begged for release, to no avail. He said she could orgasm, but she'd be punished for it. Trying hard to think of dead kitties as his lips just gazed that area and hands pulled her closer to him.

This wasn't fair mouse protested.

He didn't stop, continued making mouse dance, until she did finally orgasm.

"Greedy slut," Daddy clucked in a tisk-tisk sort of way, "Go fetch the riding crop, you will suffer."

Half dozen on side, six on the other, mouse called him an evil bastard.

But she also smiled and did as told.

Guess there was a little time after all!

Friday, April 11, 2014

It Comes Down to Fate

A teeny bit of introspection from mouse, leaving the Master/slave thing we do aside for a moment and taking a stark moment to remember that's only part of who we are.

Last night we had to go to a dinner at a friend's home -- oh mouse shouldn't say it like that. Neither of us were particularly in the mood. It was something we just had to do.

Daddy has, mouse will joke, an internal GPS and rarely gets lost. Last night tho, we ended up on the wrong street and mouse just lamented without thinking "don't you know where you're going?"

He stopped the car, looked at mouse and just said, "don't"

It reeled mouse in quickly. It gave her pause and made her think, it also made her kinda weepy.

"Don't do that," he said. Referring to her tears. He told her not to do the girl thing she does. Not now, he wanted no part of it.

Quickly and without any sarcasm, mouse apologized. Although it did little to stop more tears. It made her nose sting. We arrived, and settled. The host was making drinks, the hostess passing around appetizers before the meal. Daddy got mouse a drink, and mouse collected some small bites for him.

One woman, mouse had never met, asked who she was with and mouse told her.

The woman said, "Him? Oh honey you have my sympathy!"

It can be hard, mouse's mind briefly wandered to our weekend recently, but in the end she replied with, "Oh he's totally different at home."

Because he is.

He likes things the way he likes them, but mouse was a bit put off by the woman she'd never met before saying that about Daddy. It turned out they work together,so the remark might have been more about that.

Shortly after the brief exchange, Daddy appeared by mouse, his hand comfortably hitting that spot on her back and she felt proud to be by him. The dinner was good. Conversation was a bit dull, but that's normal for things. In the end mouse got all the names right.

We left a bit early, using the sitter as an excuse, on the way home we talked about the party. Daddy thanked mouse for rescuing him more than once and mouse genuinely thanked him for helping mouse. The housework has never been so easy and completed so quickly thanks to him and his lists. It almost hurts a little that its better. But there's something about going down a list. It's comforting and if it's not on the list, mouse just knows its not a concern.

Here we were sitting in the car driving home after a party and mouse thanked him for cleaning lists. It sounded crazy. But mouse felt she hasn't thanked him enough for that at least recently. When we got home, after checking on the kids and sending the sitter home Daddy performed some maintenance on mouse. He began with his hand and mouse squirmed, then he switched to the belt and mouse cried. After he held her so very close.

Much later after some pretty awesome sex, mouse thought about fate and wondered if we really were fated to be together from the start.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Weaving Time in a Tapestry

Not too long ago, Daddy and mouse were on opposite sides of a good mood. This was before the return to maintenance spanking and our weekend alone without kids.  We argued, which is rare enough, but then mouse left the room and sat down, flipped on the TV and began watching something. Every relationship has signals and this was a clear "back off" signal coming from mouse.  

Funny, but mouse can't recall what began the fuss and now it's not important, perhaps a bit part of her drift from him?  

Whatever the reason, he turned very cold.  It's like the settling of winter, one can't be sure how long it will last or how awful it will be until you're sitting in the middle of it.  When it was time for bed, mouse was still watching TV.  He let the dogs out (who were completely confused because it went against the routine) and when they returned he turned off the lights, set the alarm and began making is way upstairs as though mouse wasn't around. 

Well, two can play at that game, mouse finished the episode of the show she was watching and then went upstairs to bed.  He was already in bed and mouse made the executive decision to skip meditation, and just wash her face, brush teeth and all that stuff.  Then mouse put on her pretty nightgown and climbed into bed.  

Daddy didn't move.  

There's been a handful of times when Daddy was so angered with mouse that he wouldn't allow her to touch him.  He effectively removes himself.  Like an invisible wall goes up.  At the time mouse just thought he was being silly and that made her more angry, so when he rebuffed her offer of morning oral...words were said like "Fine, see if i give a shit." came flying out of her mouth. 

He showered alone, and mouse just waited and then showered.  He didn't offer  or mention the corset so mouse put on bra and picked out her own clothing for the day.  We continued to stew in a respective anger and didn't talk.  

Sure, neither of us could recall what set all this off, but now we both had new reasons to be angry or disillusioned.  All day mouse didn't receive a single text message from him and spent most of the day playing Angry Birds, Candy Crush and a host of other 'time wasters.'  When it was time to cook dinner, she made food mostly with the kids in mind.  He came in and looked at the meal and sat down.  He did chat with the kids, made faces at the baby and made a comment to kiddo about the meal for mouse's benefit.  After that, he just went into his study and closed the door.  

The baby (who's two and can open a door) went in, and mouse didn't stop her. When mouse peered around the corner, Daddy was reading the baby a story. Damn him anyway -- the baby wasn't getting his frosty treatment and of course he wouldn't.  The only time we interacted was when it was time for the baby to go to bed.  He handed her off to mouse, and gave her a kiss goodnight.  

As mouse carried the baby upstairs she heard the door to his study close.  

By this time, mouse's frost was beginning to melt and knew she'd have to make the first move to get over that wall he'd built.  So after getting the baby settled mouse knocked on the study door.  At least he invited her in, he could have ignored her.  He told mouse to close the door behind her.  

Willfulness is a funny thing -- once you've begun being obstinate about something, it's hard to stop.  Yet at the same time, being punished is easier than waiting for the détente that needed to happen.  So, mouse asked if she could bring him anything and he said no.  Dismissive.  Then mouse told him she was sorry.  He ignored it.  

What did he want?  

At that point mouse was about to leave the study -- if he wants act like a spoiled child, let him.  He'll get over it or not...But mouse too was behaving rather like a petulant child also.  

Finally mouse blurted, "what do you want from me?"

Daddy replied, "Your respect."

Feeling defensive mouse countered, "does that mean i must agree with everything you say, because alert the media we don't agree on everything and never will."

Daddy softly replied, "You disrespected me." 

In going back over the incident, much clearer in mouse's mind at the time, he didn't care that we didn't agree, he cared about mouse being rude about it.  Her "fuck you" attitude had come out.  The bitter child who says simply, "you're stupid." and not, 'here's why i disagree.'  Without realizing it, mouse has shut a door to discussion.  Probably at the time only because she "felt" he was wrong had no real authority to back it up.  

There wasn't any counter argument she could make, just her emotions.  

The next time mouse apologized she really meant it.  He was still frosty and probably angry and annoyed with mouse.  He can't change gears that quickly without a proper resolution and at that point, mouse only wanted to get back that nice place.  To fix things and make it better.  

So, she knelt before him and unbuttoned the blouse she wore.  Too little, and way too late.  For a moment when he stood, she thought she'd get to suck him but instead he walked passed her and opened the study door.  Quickly mouse rebuttoned her blouse and left.  Now remorse was settling.  

It was a school night so kiddo was already going to bed, we passed each in the hallway.   

Inside the master bedroom, mouse undressed and meditated for a long time, longer than usual.  It really wasn't meditation in the strict sense since her thoughts were jumbled but she sitting quietly and contemplating -- everything. Daddy eventually came upstairs and sort of walked around mouse as he did his thing.  Then he offered his hand to help mouse up and finally pulled her into his arms and held her tightly.  

The thaw had begun.

Now, mouse would like to say that it was over quickly but no.  The next morning as mouse recalls he refused again oral but allowed her into the shower where he masturbated.  That was punishment, a clear message that she wasn't worthy.  But during the day she sent him a text message and he replied.  Then he sent one, so mouse was a bit optimistic.  

This wasn't about him being busy or distracted -- it was about him being disappointed -- and feeling he wasn't receiving the respect he deserved.  If mouse can say, it wasn't that incident that caused it all -- it was probably something he's noticed for a while and reached a tipping point with him.  Maybe?  

Dinner was for him, a spicy chicken dish he likes and he complimented mouse. After dinner mouse asked if she be in his study to read.  He handed her a book and said the light was better in any other room.  

"i'm trying." 

"I know." he replied and closed the door and effectively shutting her out.  

After the kids were all in bed, mouse returned to the hallway and sat on the floor outside his study door.  Waiting for him.  

When he finally exited it, mouse remained on the floor and wrapping herself him, kneeling submissively at his feet.  Begging silently for this to end, surrendering, capitulating -- what ever word you want to use...

He helped her up, held her for a moment and we walked upstairs.  There was no hope really in mouse that this was over.  Upstairs mouse was feeling drained emotionally and crippled with angst but again knelt at his feet, pleading with him again silently.  Anything.  Force his cock into her mouth, beat her, whatever...just make it stop.  He held mouse in bed and with his body snaked around her own and at last we talked.  He didn't hurt or use her sexually, he just held her and we spoke nicely.  Eventually we both fell asleep.  

In the morning mouse felt better but was still wary, if he had rejected her it would have been soul crushing.  Hoping he would grab hold of her head and force her down on him, but he didn't do that.  He did accept the oral pleasure -- much like he does every morning.  We showered together and after he had mouse raise her arms for the corset.  

It was shortly after all this occurred we did return to maintenance and the hazy shade of winter passed eventually giving way to a new springtime renewal.   Maybe it's the way it had to happen?   

Monday, April 7, 2014

Her Mind is Tiffany-twisted

Yes, mouse has been trying to think of ways to feel more submissive. Isn't that a silly thought? Really! No wonder mouse came up blank. Daddy has control over pretty much everything mouse does. He's even changed the lock code on the iPad so now mouse must recieve permission before using it. It's downright silly to think there's room for anymore control.

Still there was an emotional drift from our connection, both of us were kind of just moving along, maintaining what was viewed as not broken. The return to daily maintenance had taken mouse kind of aback. But it proved that we had drifted. The weekend without the kids proved it and settled it in mouse's head.

Really the issue wasn't "what" she was doing or "how," it was the "why" in it all that really was forgotten. That answer is really simple, because Daddy wants it that way. Rediscovering the pleasure in doing little things for him -- that are really for him and not really for mouse. Like picking up a bouquet of flowers at the market, justifying it in mouse's head it's for him...really that's for herself because she likes them. There's nothing wrong with that, but adding that to her 5 things she's supposed to be doing for him isn't honest.

In an ongoing effort to keep mouse honest about this, she's made her own rules for them. They can't be things she does with any regularity. Like oral service, warming his towel, placing his shaving things or most cooking. But if she prepares something solely with him in mind it might fly once.

The whole thing has been eye opening for mouse, most days she manages really one or two that are really about him. That's ok if they're truly only for him. It's not done so that he'd notice, this is really always been for mouse.

Gosh doesn't that sound odd? The things are little things to remind her of how special he is. How important he is to all of us. It's a small way of saying thank you that doesn't just include getting the brand of turkey he likes or making sure he's got beer on warm weekends or washing his socks. Those are things mouse wouid do anyway for him.

When mouse thinks of something extra special to do for him, it strengthens her connection to him and makes her feel tethered.

Yesterday mouse did manage a couple things for him, she cleaned his golf clubs and took his car to be washed so he wouldn't have to. He noticed the car but the clubs he might or might not notice. It ddin't matter since the whole time she tihought of him. In the evening he took us all out to dinner and mouse was able to dote a little on Daddy. That was nice.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Around the World and Back Again

At a complete loss of what to say today.  So, figured mouse would guide her readers through what inspired mouse this week here in blogland. So, in no particular order...

  • China-Doll is back to blogging and posted a fascinating piece on how mutually beneficial even a power exchange can be.  
  • Jz has gone rogue and against the blogging grain...Really she's swimming upstream with her April A-Z.  Can't wait for "C"
  • Sue over at Voicing the Crone, got mouse really thinking about how daily chores are divided up with her post, "Power Balance."
  • Vesta's Submission is one of mouse's favorite "Go to" blogs.  Always fascinating to read and impossible to choose just one of her recent posts that has made mouse think, so we'll just link to her whole blog and call it a day.
  • Finally DelFonte wrote a funny piece you too can read here.  
In other not-too-important news Daddy recently directed mouse to this website. Oddly mouse is finding the whole website interesting when she's not giggling and feels a bit flushed at exactly how unladylike she can be at times.  Also in her distant and limited spare time, she's become enchanted with Downton Abbey.  Yes a little late to this party, as millions already watch it, but just finished season 1 and totally excited to see what happens next.  

Needless to say, Daddy, who totally doesn't understand the appeal, sat down and watched a little of an episode before proclaiming it a "time waster."  To him it's no different than playing a game on the ipad, except longer.  He'd much rather mouse invest in her mind and read a book.  Well, his words were,  'a proper book.'  The kind preferably with pages and a binding, but he won't begrudge mouse this small indulgence.  

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

My Life has a Better Meaning

Taking a day off, and thinking about the mental drift mouse has experienced. As she wrote on Monday, the shift wasn't in anyway intentional and mouse did a lame search to see if she'd written about this before. The emotions are quite strong and linger still. All that was completely expected, but what was so breathtaking to mouse was the depth of submission she felt toward him when she felt "safe" in displaying it.

It's hard to describe how the drift from slavery occurred, but mouse also suspects now it's why her blogging went quiet, so it's been going on a while now. It's not Daddy's fault or mouse's fault. While his expectations do keep mouse in line, in many ways they're also easy. Most have to do with things so far out of his control..still mouse thought about them. Considered ways that she really could try to fulfill. Writing this even now, mouse feels a pang of guilt. Disingenuous to us.

It's not as though mouse doesn't keep her eyes lowered inside Daddy's study or calls him Master respectively. It's almost as though they were just things she did or said without thinking about them. Somehow, mouse forgot to let Daddy take care of her, the way he takes care of everyone.

Sometimes when we eat out, as example, with the family (usually breakfast) mouse fusses over the kids, the baby and almost forgets that Daddy's there too. Usually we don't even sit near each other so he doesn't expect much from mouse. There's a distinct difference between pestering and doting. If there's jelly on the table mouse thinks he might like, telling him or pointing it out is pestering him. Obviously he can see it, he's well aware of what he likes or dislikes. Now, if mouse takes a small dollop of jam and places it on his bread then it's accepted. Doting on him. Stirring his coffee, etc are all things mouse has forgotten to do at least when we're out. If she's honest it's more of a rush or a blur to mouse inside our home.

The baby probably has changed us more than we realized. Or maybe it's just mouse, who has changed.

Sometimes and this is one of them, where mouse feels like a first class bitch. How does mouse hold onto these wonderful feelings and use them to make some serious changes?