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Sunday, June 8, 2014

See You in September

In a few days this blog will go a bit quiet. We will try to update as time allows. The week or so that our blog was closed was really hard on mouse and made Sir all the more determined to fix the issue. In other words it wasn't exactly a welcome break. The coming break leaves mouse a bit mixed. It can't be helped.

September seems a long way off, a long time, forever! No, not that long.

There's a distinct combination of nerves and excitement now coming from mouse. How can Sir possibly erase the building fears? Well the answer is something mouse already knows, positive reinforcement. Being "away" will certainly help with that. Sir said there's nothing to fear and assured mouse it will all be fine. Of course, the rational side of mouse already knows this and can't help but to feel excitement to just be getting away.

On a final note we are completely overwhelmed by the amount of support you have shown mouse during these last few months and especially since our return. Thank you all!  

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Confession and Absolutions

St. Peter and Paul Catholic Church;
 San Francisco
As we geared up into overdrive for summer, Sir was/is incredibly busy, trying to wrap up work details and had the added issue of dealing with the blog. Not wanting to bother him mouse became completely uncertain about something. He'd completely forgotten to punish mouse for the weekly demerits. Part of her wanted, that Thursday evening, to simply assume all was well. That there hadn't been enough demerits to warrant action on his part. Still, he would tell usually inform mouse of that -- adding of course, a good deal of praise also.

There is something else, mouse has grown enjoy the feelings of clean slate on Friday and it's a lovely way to begin the weekend. As mouse went through the verbal corrections she'd received that week also, it became a bit obvious he had just forgotten. Waiting another week would just add to it all. So, just before midnight mouse went to his study and knocked softly on the closed door.

Sir was indeed very busy and impatient when mouse entered and with lots of hand-wringing tried to explain. At first he thought she wanted to go to bed and told her to go...then as she began to talk, he again grew impatient and said, "out with it."

Without much hesitation mouse blurted that she needed to be punished for the weeks infractions and demerits. Sir asked her to tell him all things she did wrong and listened as mouse prattled through the list and then when he said nothing mouse began to list things Sir couldn't have known.

It was like confessing sins -- if you're Catholic you'll understand. For some reason mouse began to list times that she didn't behave charitably or lacked grace. Like when the driver cut in front of her and then continued to drive painfully slow. Oh the words that flew out of mouse's mouth! Profanity -- and when it happened again somewhat at the market, again mouse let go with a string of profane words that would have made a sailor blush.

Sir said nothing as mouse rattled off a lengthy list of episodes of times where the mindfulness and peace she should be feeling was replaced with snark and downright aggression. Then when she finally finished she lowered her head, feeling nothing but shame. This was exactly like confession, save for the fact mouse wasn't on her knees confessing to some anonymous priest -- she was confessing to Sir.

Sir didn't say much, he mentioned that obviously mouse was keenly aware when she failed to meet an expectation. Then he considered for a moment the punishment and carried it out. The tears flowed even before the first blow. After he got a cool towel and wiped away the tears.

The next evening in bed, he asked questions about how often does mouse become angry (enraged) while driving. Lately, it has been happening more and more frequently and quickly it turned into a rant. He quelled and shushed her. He mentioned that it's really about feeling out of control.

"No, it's really about dealing with stupid people who seem to think they're the only ones on the road."

Sir chuckled and said that's fine, but it shouldn't overtake the moment. He mentioned as mouse is busy ranting about one thing, she's not really paying attention to the road. That could be a problem. The next morning he changed the music to something more soft -- melodic jazz. All that day as mouse moved through the chores and in the days that followed, the soothing music provided a balm of sorts. Maybe the music was more important than even mouse realized? No, that's impossible right?  

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Feeling Fresh

We are terribly sorry for vanishing, going very quiet and taking our blog suddenly private. We won't discuss the reasons, except to say we needed to do a bit of cleaning, refreshing and sanitizing. We aren't done, but most people probably won't notice the difference.

There will be some changes to what we will discuss within the posts here. The focus will remain on Sir and mouse's relationship -- our interactions with each other, things we learn about ourselves as we go. Changes to our dynamic are appropriate. With that in mind, mostly mouse blog will have a different focus.

Sir also for once was quite forthcoming about what the summer months will bring. We have discussed at some length what our joint expectations are and totally happy to report we're on the same page. We defy definitions, consensual slavery, taken in hand, domestic discipline are all part of who we are. All Sir hopes is that mouse will become less fearful about what the neighbors will think and feel empowered to embrace her submission.

A final note, to all those of you who emailed, tweeted and got into contact with mouse -- the outpouring of concern and understanding was amazing!

It was difficult not to blog the past several days. But it's really, really good to be back.

Friday, May 23, 2014

Part of Me

And after all that we've been through
I will make it up to you
I promise you
And after all that's been said and done
You're just a part of me I can't let go...

Earlier this week, Sir was searching for his cufflinks and mouse feeling harried, curtly told him, instead of admitting she had no clue where they were, simply suggested that he check his pockets. A reference to the lube incident. It was a moment that mouse wished she could pull the words back into her mouth. It wasn't said to be funny -- it was intentionally provocative. Added to that, she didn't make a list when she dashed off to the market and forgot several things.

Last evening, Sir called her into his study after the kids were all in bed and began going through the demerits -- a lengthy list to be sure. Almost too lengthy but it was all true. Sir has warned mouse numerous times that repeat offenses...well, they're just worth more. He told mouse to remove her clothing as stood and closed the study door. Sir untied the laces of the corset even.

It felt vulnerable, and shameful to be so uncovered -- again something that shouldn't bother mouse in the least but does. Sir instructed mouse on the punishment she would receive and allowed her to pick her poison, as it were. He had her crawl to the wardrobe cabinet, he opened and choose.

There was no way she was picking that evil cane! That could stay there, but she could also hear his foot tapping impatiently waiting for her to decide. When she began to reach for something with her hand, he swatted it away. Take it with your mouth he said. Lovingly, he added.

The flogger mouse would have chosen was hanging and she couldn't begin to reach it with her mouth without standing. The "choices" the leather strap, riding crop or cane on bottom of the cabinet. The riding crop was at an odd angle, so mouse chose the leather strap. But let's be clear, the cane would have been the easiest to grab in that position.

Sir had her lift her breasts and he removed the rings from the nipples. As she held them in offering he struck them with the heavy strap and told her not to make a sound other than counting off the numbers. To suggest it hurt was an understatement. When he finished with them, he had mouse bend to the floor and he used the strap several times against her bottom. The angle made her feel almost like an animal being beaten -- except mouse understood fully the reason why. After he finished Sir spoke again about the expectations mouse knows fully well she is supposed to follow. Sarcasm is fine -- he actually enjoys mouse's sharp tongue at times but she needs to understand her place. He didn't invite her to be held, instead he left her on the floor as she more or less groveled at his feet and quietly wept. He is just as frustrated at times with mouse as she is with herself. Eventually he did gather her into his arms, holding her but he didn't say all was forgiven or that debt was paid or even try harder. 

He just said he understood it hurt. Sir allowed her cry, big tears of remorse and maybe a dash of humiliation thrown in. He let her slip back to her knees and had her kiss the strap and thank him, she also kissed his feet and again thanked him. He didn't put the corset back on her but did allow her dress then he sent to her the kitchen for hot water and lemon. There was this peacefulness that came over mouse as she heated the water.

It's that deep down she gets it and on some level needs it. Accountability? Back inside the study mouse served him and he thanked mouse as he always does. He was returning to work, as mouse knelt down at his feet. The study door was wide open. He told her to put the rings back in her nipples. The breasts were tender from the strap, so it kinda hurt to touch them. Throbbing pains...He said to leave her blouse open. He rather likes it when they become swollen and bruised. He remarked at some point they would redden up nicely. The welts from cane punishment the previous week are still there and added several strapping marks...

While she hates the idea of being punished...she does like the marks...

That's confusing...

Thursday, May 22, 2014

To Sir with Love

If you wanted the sky
I would write across the sky in letters
That would soar a thousand feet high
To sir with love

It seems that mouse has tumbled into a chasm of thoughts lately surrounding her submission or feelings of submission.  Let's be clear,  Sir is very much still Daddy -- but for now, it doesn't feel right to refer to him as "Daddy" here.  Yes, he still gives mouse all the protection and love she could want and in that he's still very much "Daddy" but it's a shift that coming from mouse.

Maybe it's more about compartmentalizing different areas of her life or the uncertainty of what the summer months will bring for us, or more specifically for mouse. Sometimes it feels daunting and overwhelming, while other times it feels simple.  Maybe mouse has been over-thinking, needlessly mired in "what will the neighbors think?" The rational answer is who cares what the damn neighbors think!  Who cares if someone mouse doesn't really care about lifts an eyebrow because she fetches Sir a plate of food at a party, or serves others.  

There was a time when mouse didn't care that Sir ordered for her and in fact she's always liked it, but now there's this feeling of deep humiliation that she can't explain that comes with it.  It used to feel very natural and now it feels tainted in someway -- that mouse can't explain and probably should be able to just let go of.  

It's like a record that's just skipping endlessly.  Does anyone remember records? Sometimes due to a scratch on the vinyl, the needle would become stuck, you'd have to pick up the needle and advance it by hand to continue listening to the album or song.  That's exactly how mouse feels.  

Sir is helping mouse with these feelings and promises that come summer mouse will begin to again feel confident. Right now, there isn't much he can do -- he's so busy and now must travel a little next week -- which means for mouse he won't even be home.  But there's this desire to just move ahead, fast forward to summer (that will be here soon enough) and put all this to bed.  

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Echoed in the Wells of Silence

Hello darkness, my old friend,
I've come to talk with you again...
It's quiet, and not that bad uncomfortable quiet like we had last week but a nice easy quiet. Sir's been busy with work and settling arrangements for his holiday a mere weeks away. He said he's going to work to make his mouse comfortable with her submission in sort of public settings. He's not into outlandish things but serving him is something he would like mouse to not feel the need to make excuses for.

On the surface it sounds so simple. Just do what Sir wants! In practice, however mouse feels the need to explain the omnipresent "why" in everything. Like well, "just old fashioned this way." or some other flavored excuse. We've grown adapt at him handling the ordering of meals, with mouse sometimes looking at the menu and saying that she just can't decide and turning to him...
Sometimes he'll cut that off by saying he'll be ordering for the lady. Can mouse just say that she wants to die a little inside when he does that? Yes, she shouldn't give a toss what anyone thinks..and for most part she doesn't. Except when she does feel the flush of embarrassment. The quiet sometimes helps her sort out why it bothers her? Why does society and other people's expectations bother mouse at times?

It's all ego and appearances and the crux of the matter. Sir gets it and understands it and wants mouse to feel more at ease with ignoring it. If people jump to the conclusion that she's a "ninny" well, he said so be it. He also reminded mouse many, many times that he knows that she's absolutely that. Sir believes firmly that women can do and be anything they wish. They're not above or below men; equal but different. If mouse wanted to return to work, he would support it and encourage her to follow whatever dream she has. Time and again she has confirmed here and to him personally that she doesn't want to be ashamed of her submission. It bothers her to no end that she feels she must defend it or worse make excuses for it, as though it's wrong.

So, Sir will help mouse and assist her in changing the way she feels and thinks about things. The summer place is perfect for this, since we're seasonal -- nobody really knows us. It's his hope that as mouse sees that no one cares about the little things she does or will think less of her for them.

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Moon Dancing

And every time I touch you, you just tremble inside
And I know how much you want me that you can't hide

Friday was odd, having finished the chores relatively early mouse decided an afternoon nap was in order. Just felt so sleepy and the whole week felt stressful. So as mouse napped, she began to dream. Normally, she doesn't remember her dreams much, and even more rarely does she have a dirty dream.

But in this dream mouse sent Daddy a text begging him to orgasm, which he said ok to (yeah only in a dream), so dreamland mouse got the hitachi and made herself orgasm...really it was intense! After, mouse sent Daddy a text message thanking him. That's something mouse would totally do too. Outside our bedroom door, however mouse heard his phone, "ding."

He came into the room, dressed in the suit he wore to work, but looked a bit different. Oh, it might have been the raging hard-on he had, or the way he stroked himself. He entered her in the rear and it was like mouse could feel it. Pummeling her ass...

Long after dinner and work, Daddy and mouse were whispering in bed. The dirty dream subject came up, and mouse recounted it for him.

Being the logical soul he is, he questioned the how could he get from work to outside the bedroom so quickly, his phone is kept on silent so it wouldn't make noise...

How could he climb onto the bed from the foot, when we have a footboard?

The shutters were open slightly and moonlight streamed inside, Daddy pulled mouse close to him, holding her body and pulling her up sliding her down onto him. His hands toying under the nightgown, capturing and twisting a nipple as she writhed on him. O Master!

The dream was very hot, but the real thing is always a little better.