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Monday, May 2, 2016

Roundabout

Somehow mouse blinked and it's now May! Seriously, 3016 is nearly half finished. At least we survived Passover.

We have a timeline, in early July the movers will arrive and empty the house. It's been scheduled so it happens regardless if the lake house is ready or not. Lucy and Schroeder will go down with us, driving the extra vehicle and help mouse get organized. Schroeder will also make sure the piano makes the trip safely and is properly moved.

Daddy's been assured the bulk of the work will be completed by then, but there's a pressing issue. Daddy has already leased our house, so it must happen regardless. As if mouse's nerves weren't already shot. Moving is stressful. All the things we have already in the lake house have been moved out and into storage until we get there (this would have happened anyway because of constriction). Daddy would like that emptied by August, but he said he's flexible.

Work took the news well, probably questioning mouse's sanity too, and offered to let mouse stay on until end of May.

Aside from moments where mouse tilted at windmills, things are ok. The area school are small but really highly rated -- there's also a school bus,that will pick up at our house. Also, the area has almost everything we have here (on a smaller scale). The local PTA has even reached out to us, to welcome us to the area and has already put us on the email list for information about summer programs.

There's a lot of excitement, there's also a lot of hesitation in mouse. In fact, mouse was punished recently for not expressing all her fears or maybe concerns is a better word. Daddy wasn't happy to learn they were a bigger issue than mouse has led him to think. Feeling isolated might prove to be too much. Eventually the novelty of the lake life will wear off, then what?

Instead of dealing with those concerns, mouse ignored them until they just bubbled out during a stress argument. The pre-packing set off a chain reaction in mouse, coupled with a delivery of 100 boxes and huge rolls of bubble wrap. Some are already being filled with things seldomed used (like books, photo albums). The movers will pack up the truly delicate items, but the rest is on us.

The reality is unsettling, so when mouse had a little blowout, Daddy was rightfully annoyed. Not that she doesn't have the right, it's just something Daddy wanted to discuss earlier, and mouse assured him it wouldn't be an issue. "Why are submissive women so fickle?" Now a few weeks into this, she's having a panic attack over it. Yes, punishment. Yes it was difficult and painful but a lesson was learned.

Monday, April 18, 2016

Makes me Mellow

We're going through things, not really packing, but going through before the packing begins. Pre-packing. It occurred to mouse that she should have explained things better or differently, but her focus was divided between too much she wanted to say. Today, she'll let work know that she won't be signing the contract offer. That's going to be rough on her, more than she realized.

The timeline that isn't really a timeline yet. The only thing we do know is probably sometime during July. Guess we should also explain, we aren't selling our house but will be leasing it out -- so it must be emptied completely. If after time passes and we hate it, then we can always move back. Daddy's made arrangements to stay with family. While mouse isn't thrilled with much of this...

When we began talking seriously about this, it started as a "why not just do it" thing....it was the very kind of thing that after a days, we'd just abandon it. This time though, we kept talking. We even made a list of pros and cons, tacked it with a magnet, and added to it as we thought of things. Daddy insisted on three columns, one for pros another for cons and the third was for questions (what we needed to find out before we could decide).

Weather landed in the "con" category, because it's a crap shoot and we won't really know for sure until we've done it. Daddy would double check the answers before deciding if it was a pro or con. In the end, while a couple cons were huge, the pros really outweighed them. Then we talked more between us and mouse had to be very honest.

It actually was harder than it sounds, because mouse really wants to please him and to be happy with her. This required her to examine her real feelings about it all and worse, express them. He didn't dismiss any of the concerns, but talked her through them and made them less scary.

Yet, there are times when the fears get inside her and she questions our sanity in this.

Today, is one of those days. Maybe tomorrow will be easier.

 

Friday, April 15, 2016

Dark Clouds Roll Away

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to."

"I don't much care where –"

"Then it doesn't matter which way you go.”

― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

 

Our unplanned trip to the lake, set off a chain of events. Daddy, while keeping mouse distracted inside with cleaning and quiet submission took his time looking around the house. He determined it needs serious updating. This set off a chain of events -- all very unsettling and exciting to mouse. He wasted no time checking out options for renovations and even hired a architect to help figure out our options.

After lots of discussion with all involved we decided to relocate permanently to the lake community later this year after the renovations are competed -- work has already begun on some parts. Even though it's a heavy tourist area, it's also has year around residents and not too remote from real civilization (like Costco, Target and Whole Foods-like market). We have talked endlessly about how much we love living there and really do get along fine without cable and Internet. Just recently a cell tower was installed so we do (sorta) have cell phone access. But data access is still spotty at best and far better in town.

Like mouse wrote, it's unsettling and exciting -- it's a lot of change. Sure we've talked about this in the past but it was when Daddy retires. He's still more than a decade away from that. We'll be doing on a permanent basis is what happens during the summer months when he returns to work early. He'll arrange his schedule to arrive on Friday evening and leave early Monday morning or Sunday evening. He said that's really the easy part for him. We're working out all the other details. It's going to be hard on us (mouse and kids) being away from him during the week.

Yet, people seem to manage it.

One thought that has occurred to mouse is that she'll have to work very hard to not make him feel like an outsider in his own home. A good friend who's husband travels sometimes for months at a time, pointed out that she developed a routine for the children and when her husband was home, it was hard for him not to feel like he was a visitor. During some extensive discussions we spoke of ways to not let that happen. Daddy is honest enough to realize there might be times he will feel out of place, but also promises to discuss those times with mouse. It will require a change in our demerit and punishment schedule.

Then there's the blogging issue, and what that will mean for mouse. Not blogging or even being able to read blogs.

It's lots to think about.

Thursday, April 14, 2016

The Power to Charm

Alternant title: When mouse finds her focus.

The other night he had mouse splayed out across the bed, a plug inside her bottom and a vibe resting against her slit. The vibrations made her woozy feeling as he worked her breasts. Slowly torturng them, then teasing them alternating in no particular pattern. He punished her for sneaking out an orgasm without his consent, naturally he'd warned several times that would helppen, so it wasn't a surprise when he brought out the cinnamon and applied it to soft areas, then watched with some delight as she writhed.

"Splendid purchase." He chuckled.

At that moment mouse hated him -- just a little bit and told him so, serveral times.

Daddy has an odd thing he requires of mouse, he doesn't allow her to touch him with her hands or fingers. At first, mouse considered the reasons why he did this, since whenever she's asked he'd only tell her it wasn't appropriate to ask. So rather than become caught in an endless loop, instead the question stopped and acceptance of his wish settled in.

Now, in those odd times where she does request permission to touch him and he replies that she may, she seems to enjoy those moments more than ever before. It's like chocolate to her. A special treat that isn't often enough indulged. That's why the next evening when mouse begged permission to touch him and he approved the request she instantly became overjoyed. The problem was since the last time she asked, and rebuffed by him, she hadn't considered what she would do.

Running her fingers across his chest, mouse couldn't really think, just focused on his body. He was laying on his back, with his eyes closed, relaxed as she moved her fingers over his skin. The salt and pepper chest hairs, made her giggle as she kissed and touched and moved her hands slowly down his torso. His cock twitched as she moved lower and fingers began to explore it. His cock is pretty. Of course, there are probably many other words mouse should use to describe it. But to her it's like artwork. A museum quality piece if there ever was one.

Carefully using her hands spread his legs a bit, almost cautiously, as she explored with her fingers, his inner thighs. The strong need to just crawl inside him was overwhelming at that moment, so when her tongue flicked at his balls, his cock sprang to life. Eventually though Master Daddy ended her fun by seizing control and taking her by the hair and guiding her take him all.

Should have known the Sadist Dom couldn't allow mouse too much fun.

 

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

One Man's Meat

One of the most difficult subjects to discuss is abuse within the lifestyle. It's important to begin any such discussion with a bit of reality. BDSM relationships across the board, are not more or less likely to have potential for abuse. Demographics show that abuse does occur but it's important to realize that it's a constant regardless of economics, religious belief, race, or ethnicity and gender. You cannot say one group is more or less likely to be abusive.

Jasmine asked, "Hello mouse and Omega, I recently had just left an abusive M/s relationship with someone for a few years. I am unsure how to untangle the mess...so I am seeing a therapist. Needing advice: How can I separate and identify what was abusive behavior from what the dynamic should be? How do I navigate the PTSD symptoms I have from my past relationship with my current partner? How do I talk about M/s relationships in the realm of psychology/psychiatry? Thanks, any help would be great. I've been reading your blog for years."

Thank you for reading Jasmine and we are so sorry to hear of your past troubles. Abuse is awful because it destroys trust. First, not to complicate things, but there isn't a BDSM primer that says 'this is abusive'. To some, the control Daddy has over mouse might seem to verge on abuse -- but it's important to understand that mouse welcomes his control. Without it, mouse feels completely adrift.

Everything about this lifestyle should lift you up and not bring you down. This is why Daddy feels consistency is important. What's wrong today will be wrong tomorrow. There's no changing course on that. It's important to mouse so that she doesn't need to worry about walking on eggshells. At this point in our relationship mouse is well aware what she does to receive punishment or demerits. It's never surprising. If he makes a mistake -- it's likely harder on him than mouse appreciates.

Separating the abuse from normal is difficult, but really it's all about how it made you feel. Did you feel like you were existing in a perpetual earthquake? Sometimes the 'tremors' can be small and other times huge snd explosive? Did you alter your behavior but quickly found there was nothing you could do? How do you feel about your current relationship? Contrast that to how you felt before?

Speaking with a therapist, mouse would suggest that you make appointments with several to begin with. Look for ones who are kink aware at the very least. See who you feel most comfortable with. Therapy can be good, but you also shouldn't feel you need to hide things from your therapist. If you find that you do that, it's time to reevaluate it. This is not to suggest they should always agree with you either. Some therapists who are kink aware, can whether intential or not kink shame, because that thing you do -- isn't what they'd like to do.

In mouse's experience most are fine with a little kink in the bedroom. It's when it goes beyond that some have issues with. Look for a therapist that you can get on fairly well with and seems respectful and knowledgable about your flavor of M/s.

Navigating triggers, the only thing mouse can say for sure, as you build trust and your Master demonstrates trustworthiness, they (the triggers) will lessen eventually. Whiie you're building those things (trust) however it can feel like you're moving backward instead of forward. Try not to get discouraged.

As strange as it sounds this description was apt for mouse, a good friend once said she'd pick up her children from preschool or daycare and they'd just have a huge meltdown. The reason was during the day, whiie they were having fun, they had to focus also on being good. Home was a place where they could let it go. It was the safe zone. The tiniest thing would set them off. In mouse's dynamic with Daddy as we worked to repair the damage from our past, the triggers for a time would come on more often. Many times mouse would fall apart over something that should seem trivial. It could be anything a sound, a scent, or something else that put her back mentally into that place years before. Having a safe place to talk helped probably more than anything. For us it was (and still is) in bed. Daddy was careful to never interrupt or ask questions about the things mouse shared. He just listened. He never offers his opinion or says anything -- it's mouse's time.

Cannot begin to express how cathartic it was for mouse to realize not only that sky didn't fall by sharing those things done to her, but also that he still loved her. Although, he admits today that some was very disturbing for him to hear and he would lay awake for hours sometimes after -- but he also realized that mouse needed to feel safe. If he began questioning her too much, she'd shut down.

Days later sometimes he'd revisit something with mouse would share his thoughts or open a discussion. It helped because the initial issue or feelijgs had passed, so it was easier for mouse to talk about. Talking with him helped a lot.

 

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Lingering

We have a few more questions to answers, so given that we are now in April, mouse is going to try to wrap them up.

Anonymous asked, "How is your Masters relationship with his other slave differ from yours and his? If you don't mind me asking"

No, mouse doesn't mind -- but to clarify Pet is not his slave and doesn't want to be. That might be the biggest difference. Also, recently mouse wrote a post on this, in case you missed it you can find it here.

Daisy asked, "Things like washing and chopping the lettuace up did your daddy enforce that or did you?"

Interesting question Daisy, the kitchen prep ideas came from a book Daddy bought for mouse called Home Comforts: The Art and Scince of Keeping House by Cheryl Mendelson. It made sense to do this, so mouse did. It's not a formal expectation, but it makes life easier when she does follow it.

In another question from L who asked, "Do you have any pets mouse?"

This question made mouse smile because Daddy would say we have too many and at times mouse might agree. Currently have three pets. Two dogs and a cat (technically the cat is the pet of one of the dogs). We have old man dog that has been with mouse before Daddy came to live with her. A guard dog that Daddy purchased that's highly trained and very protective of our family and the cat he adopted.

Sugarsack (love that name) asked about mouse's return to work: Based on your blog (which I realize isnt the whole of your life) you and Omega seemed very happy and content and even financially secure.... the recent return to work brings up this question in my mind... what was the reason ? was it strictly financial ? were you getting "bored" at home ? did Omega want you to return for other reasons ? and are you working with him ? or in a completely different company / industry ?

This one is a big question, so mouse will start this answer with this, money isn't the issue, it wasn't an easy decision, but it was made easier because baby girl was starting preschool. Yes, the former employer extended the offer, as business improved and again could benefit from mouse's help. Daddy agreed as long as certain conditions could be made and they were so mouse rejoined the land of the working. He worried that mouse was going back to the 100 hour work week and feeling hopeless. Once he was confident that wouldn't happen, he was happy to indulge mouse.

Daisy wanted to know about mouse's limits: Do you have any limits mouse or is it just the limits your Master sets for you?

This is a difficult question to answer. When we first got together in a real way, and began exploring our Master/slave relationship we did talk a lot about trust, likes and dislikes. We didn't really use the word "limits" just strong dislike. The only limit mouse can truly think of was his playing with others. It took a long time for mouse to realize that "limit" was about her own insecurity -- that internal hum that would say, "now you've let him find someone better, he's going to leave you." It took a long time and patience on Daddy's part to let mouse feel safe to not freak out over it and gradually accept it. Was it ever a true limit though, mouse doesn't really recall ever framing it that way. It was something she was, at the time, against.

There are things that were done to mouse that were abusive in the past, but Omega hasn't any interest in doing those things anyway. It should be noted that in the beginning of that time in mouse's life (alpha years) she didn't know limits were a thing! The idea that mouse could have said no never entered her mind. It sounds either very stupid or extremely trusting...but it was in fact ignorant.

Now, if mouse were starting out with someone she didn't know very well (this could mean also someone she sort of knows but doesn't know their Dom style), limits would certainly be open ended. You cannot predict everything and you start with a few that are super important (maybe body modifications), scat, or whatever completely grosses you out -- but leave the door open to add more as time passes. Because you just don't know. Be open to try things a few times, a good Dom who's paying attention will know if you're just not into something. Discuss honestly your feelings after too. Revisit the discussion days or even weeks after too -- because sometimes your feelings change.

There is another question about abuse that mouse will attempt soon to reply to.

 

Sunday, April 10, 2016

My Questions

Someone and I apologize, as the name escapes me at the moment, about my vision of slavery and about my favorite rule. I shall endeavor to address the latter before tackling the former. My favorite rule is "obey" it is my only true rule.

The former question, I considered many variables and possible ways to reply. Had mouse asked, it is very possible that my answer would seem off-putting. "Not an appropriate query slave." I do not say, I would not answer such a question only that it is extremely difficult to put into words. My overall vision of slavery has altered considerably during my time with mouse.

To appreciate my current vision, one would need to understand my past motives. That is too tedious to explain. For the sake of brevity, I suppose that I expect compliance. I expect to be reasonably in control. A slave of mine, engaged in my service, will expect to lose some of her autonomy. It need not be frightening, as I consider myself to be level-headed and place the slave's well-being high on my personal priority list. I require a certain sexual fulfillment and level of play from a slave that might appear one-sided but mutually acceptable and well within preestablished parameters.

I remain uncertain how helpful my reply was, I suppose one might file this under the tag, Dom Logic.

Another reader inspired query is about my relationship with pet. Pet is a submissive female who wishes to explore her burgeoning submission in a safe environment. To contrast, Mouse is always my slave regardless if we are together or have a physical distance. Pet has rules which pertain only to the negotiated scene and I respect her limits. Beyond that my pet is free to do as she will.

I want to be clear, there is no chance for a true polyamory situation since none are interested in such an arrangement.

I hold in extreme high regard and remain astutely respectful also of mouse, who while accepting this for what it is, remains somewhat fragile about the details. She has stated that she does not wish to have intimate knowledge of my dealings with pet. Pet, while taking a general interest in my dynamic with mouse does not feel dissimilar, and will on rare occasion pose a rather vague question or more often just offer an observation based solely on the journal.