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Tuesday, August 4, 2009

About last night

In time we hate that which we often fear.
William Shakespeare
Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)
Omega was working, well reading something, and I was watching a little TV when he suddenly told me to kneel at his feet. He's never really made a request like that, and with the way he said it, it was like he was asking for a glass of water. In an odd way it excited me. He switched off the tv and just left me kneeling in front of him while he read. I remained still just looking forward occasionally raising my eyes but for most part staring straight ahead, waiting for him to say something else.

After a while Omega got up off the sofa, called to the dog that it was time for bed. He turned off the light and left the room. Yes! I was still kneeling there. I didn't know what to do. Do I say something like, "hello, you forgot me!" Should I ask permission to get up? He got to the first landing on the stairs and paused, calling to me, "you too mouse, bedtime."

I scrambled off the floor, and went up the stairs where he was now waiting at the top. He went to my drawer and picked out a long cotton nightgown and told me to wear that to bed. I was kinda surprised, even though it's very comfortable to wear in the summertime. He instructed me to unbutton the top, and raise the bottom part up before getting into bed. Again I was curiously aroused by this. Not in a someone "normal" would be aroused but in my own strange way. Normally I lay down on my side and snuggle against him. He told me to lay on my back and he touched me in several places. When he touched me down there, he smiled. I wanted to die. He started touching me and I couldn't help myself. It wasn't bad, it felt nice -- good. (I thought we had already done our work for the night) I squirmed in spite of myself. The room wasn't spinning but I was feeling odd, tingling, warm all over. Not in the bad-I'm-gunna-be-sick way but a nice way. I've never felt like that before (at least that I can remember). I didn't say anything, I just trembled and wriggled a little but I also didn't count down the minutes until he was finished either.

Later he pulled me close to him and held me. I started crying (often I don't know how to react so I cry). The tears didn't last long though. Secretly, I don't think I wanted him to stop.

***Next time I will try to say something***


  1. mouse,
    you wrote: "Secretly, I don't think I wanted him to stop."

    You must first decide, 1) if you wanted me to continue or stop. And, 2) speak up accordingly. It is not my wish to cause you distress, only [for you] to learn how to feel pleasure and for you to understand that you are worthy of such pleasure. That is what it means to be balanced and why we are working hard to restore it in you.


  2. ***Next time I will try to say something***

    I think you just did

  3. awe, every time i read your progress restoring balance i am so full of joy for you and Omega!

    I agree with J, I think you did indeed say something.

    Your journey isnt easy but it is full of promise and love.

    very exciting!

  4. It is an almost constant struggle for me to try to figure out where I am suppose to act from my own best judgment and when I am suppose to wait for direction. I did some research when my wife and I initially entered a FLR/WLM and there are distinctions between a house slave and a 24/7 submissive. Anyway, for example, last night my wife called as I was preparing dinner. She said, "Is my Dad there?" I replied, "No". and that was really the end of the conversation. Now, do I assume she is not coming home for dinner and not make her anything or do I proceed and assume she will? I decided to go ahead because she did not say she was not going to be home. Well, she did not come home for dinner. I put shrink wrap on her dinner and salad and put it in the fridge. Really no problem and when she came home at 8:30 she was glad the entree was there to be reheated.

    I guess the point I am trying to make is I can relate to the struggle of when it is appropriate to use your best judgment and when it is best to wait for direction.

    P.S.- I am relatively new to D/s and if it is inappropriate for a sub-guy to post on your blog, just let me know.

  5. mouse, this entry made me want to cry in a bad way and a good way; oh sweetie, that you're just figuring out there IS a good way to feel "tingling"? It's a good thing - and oh my goodness, what wonderful things you have ahead of you! Thank god someone like your Master has come into your life!


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