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Friday, September 25, 2009

A Leap of Faith

I recently discovered a new blog called Spirited Meanderings and I have to say I have a deep respect for the slave who writes it.  I might say that offering myself (considering my past) took a leap of faith, but what this woman did is a REAL leap.  She left her country to be with her Master.  Okay, she didn't intend on staying but she did.  I find it amazing!  Really I do.  I don't know if I could do that and yet, I kinda did for Omega.  Yeah given his past I took a chance and had no idea what the future would bring me.  What it did bring, I can't begin to explain, the deeper understanding of myself, my past and I can even see my future a little clearer.  I can see into tomorrow at least now, and that's good enough. 


Maybe though when it does come to Omega, because regardless of how terrifying it was, I took a leap of faith.  I don't have a lot of faith in well, anything.  I don't look for bad things to happen, and I'm not pessimistic, in fact I'm really a glass-is-half-full kind.  I don't need faith to know that glass indeed half full, because I can see it.  Omega is different, as he has great faith in all sorts of things and some I can understand and others I have a hard time relating to.  He'll tell me that everything happens for a reason.  Like it's destiny or something.  I disagree and I've said this before I think shitty things just happen.  It's not to teach a lesson (though you can learn something), but maybe just to remind you that you're alive.  That's all. Here's my problem with the idea of destiny, if everything is somehow destined or fated to be the way it is, then there isn't anything you can do to change it.  I couldn't have stopped Alpha from doing those things to me because I was simply destined to go through it.  It was mapped out at the moment of my conception.  Choices and responsibility no longer matter when you're just destined.  I was destined to be abused and he was destined to abuse me.  He had no choice but to do it because it was his fate.  I think that's just a cop out or way of justifying bad or good things. 


Maybe I see things too black and white? Right and wrong, good and bad?  I either LOVE something or HATE it.  If it falls somewhere in the middle I don't care.  Maybe I don't see enough of the grays like Omega does.  He sees the gray.  I ignore it as being unimportant.  Maybe that whole gray area is nothing more than faith?



Well, I did a day under Omega's schedule it worked and I felt more at ease.  Some things required a little adjustment but all and all a successful day.  At night I did exactly as he asked, and everything was great.  


Then came the morning.  We both kinda overslept (late night), and he hates feeling rushed.  I wanted to post something this morning but I had an important task to complete first.   It's not like I knew what to blog about anyway until Omega said I could add Spirited Meanderings to my blog-roll.  Then I just started pondering about her personal journey, which led me to today's topic. 

I wish I had Omega's faith.  I want to believe but can't reconcile in my mind. 



Have a great weekend everyone! 

8 comments:

  1. Taking that leap of faith is damn scary but it helps so much when the person on the other side is the rock you want to reach.

    Lately I feel like I live in the gray area, obviously. *giggles* Everything I thought I understood and stood by gets tested on a constant basis.

    And I agree completely with Omega, everything does happen for a reason. Just sometimes we can't see or understand that reason until after the fact. People come into and out of our lives, situations work out a certain way and all in all it makes us who we are at this very moment.

    I hope you have a wonderful weekend as well!

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  2. glad your O-Scheduled day turned out well. I can imagine when you look at an item in your planner and know in x# of minutes you are being directed to do BLANK, that you feel him close. My wife does this sometimes too, and it is a comfort through my day.

    ;-}

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  3. Congratulations that your leap of faith worked out so well for you. Sometimes the best idea is just to do what feels right for you.

    And it's good that you're dealing with your new schedule although you might need to make it a tad more flexible in the future. Listing something for 23 minutes seems to be a bit difficult to follow as compared with say, about half an hour. But the key is that it works fo the both of you.

    FD

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  4. Thanks gray...and yeah you're right...In fact that is a very interesting way to look at things.

    s-h...my O schedule...LOL. actually it worked out very well, today would have been good too but Omega had me doing other things...bleh (I would have rather sticked to the schedule).

    FD Sir...Omega said to me today after he read my blog (kinda reminding me) I take little leaps of faith all the time. I just view it as trusting him. More to ponder...

    And yea, the schedule does need some adjusting. 23 minutes to blog really isn't long enough to really gather my thoughts.

    mouse

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  5. Ooo! I like Omega's comment about your little leaps of faith. (Here's a pom-pom rustle for you, Omega!) He's absolutely right. And bunny hops will get you to the goal as surely as a flat-out run. Just at a pace you're comfortable with.

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  6. OMG... this had me in tears... after last night (long story) and everything else that's been going on. Just the reminder of what brought me out here... wow... I can't stop shaking, okay...

    I think I'm the opposite of you in regards to what I believe as far as faith and destiny. I have a hard time with the faith thing, since I can't believe in something I can't see or touch or feel. So for me coming out here wasn't so much a leap of faith because it just felt so right. I never questioned what I was doing or wondered if it would work out. I just knew it would... I dunno, I suppose that is faith in a way.

    I also believe in destiny, but not the predetermined kind. I suppose you can say I believe in manifest destiny... the kind that is manifested by our choices and actions. Once you choose a certain path and take the action of beginning to walk down that path, it creates a destiny that is often hard to walk away from. Much like our choice to be slaves. It's what we are destined for now because of the choices and actions we took.

    This has really got me thinking about a lot of things. I'll have to blog about it, though, otherwise I'll turn your comments section into a book. LOL

    Thank you so much, and than you Omega, Sir, for allowing mouse to share my blog on hers. I really appreciate that.

    ~spirited

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  7. Jz...I really needed to hear that. Seriously....thank you...

    spirited...I've been musing on this topic...I think it requires more thought. I do like the idea of a manifest destiny though as apposed to the ones that are predetermined....I do believe we create our own destiny by the choices we make along the way. We can alter our future...Change it and make it better.

    mouse

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  8. We are ever evolving beings. Who knows what your perception will be in a year, three or even five. I am not the same person I once was, my view has expanded. I struggle to suppress fear in an effort to maintain hope and faith for the future. Without them do we really want to be exist?

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