I had a long talk with Master yesterday, a very intense, long talk, and he did his usual; he listened to me without interjecting or trying to finish my sentences. He didn't tell me how I felt, he just listened. Then he did the most amazing thing, he validated my feelings.
I felt the world come off my shoulders, no longer did I feel last. I dunno if I'll ever completely feel first in all things but I'm much closer than I was before. I didn't need him to "fix" everything I just needed to know that what I was feeling wasn't wrong. He also suggested that I start another blog, one that will be more a of a daily journal of my thoughts and feelings that will only be kept between he and I. Kinda of what he does in his own blog. He wants it updated each night before I go to bed or first in the morning.
He wants all my thoughts documented even the ones that I feel I can't post about in this blog.
He explained he never meant to stifle me in anyway and that made me happy. I am also to keep this blog as my main voice and continue my weekday postings. I don't need to share with him every single thought I have in my head every minute of the day but he'd like to know at the end of day, which thoughts were most important.
Sometimes they'll make in this blog, but other times if they're too heavy they'll be put down into the other for his eyes only (then I also don't have to worry about accidently publishing the wrong draft here--after all, I am blond).
It did get me thinking more about the power exchange, and how I believe trust and responsibility are the two main parts. I believe I do need to trust him that he will do whatever is the responsible course of action. He has to also trust my good judgment, and know that I'll behave accordingly within his guidelines. Not too shabby!