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Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Without trust there cannot be love

That was the thrust of a discussion I had many years ago with Omega (while he was still Beta and Alpha was alive). He asked me why I loved Alpha.  I gave him a reason, don't remember what I said really.  He followed it up with, "but do you trust him?"  I didn't answer that, in fact as I recall I evaded that question, and he told me then, "without trust, love is not possible."  

I've been going through a metamorphosis of sorts lately, I've moving deeper into my submission and slavery to Omega.  Half comes from him and gentle pushing, but the other half must come from me and it hinges on trust.  It's like mountain climbing.  You reach a peak, you rest and push forward.  Sometimes you're encouraged to keep climbing but when you see the next level within reach you somehow push yourself to get there.  You never reach the top tho, you just keep moving forward.  I think sometimes you might stay in one place a little longer than you'd like to, but in the end you decide.


Trust is the crux, if you can't get to that level that you do deeply trust your Master, husband (who ever) with that TTWD, all the pushing in the world won't get you to that level.  You have to get there yourself, because they've already shown that they would like you there by pushing it to begin with.  I think a lot of times our own fears get in the way of trusting.  We're afraid that maybe we'll be different or become doormats, but the truth is, it isn't like that. The act of deepening your slavery doesn't make you a doormat (or it shouldn't), but instead empowers you to speak up even more.  Your mind doesn't become blank, but instead just calmer and you can discuss those things, without the fear stopping you, even if they are difficult.  I have become so much more open with Omega recently since I felt that urge to push myself a little.  Embrace the inner pain slut I really am, and embrace my inner slave.  


I think also realizing he's not perfect, none of us are and ya he makes mistakes.  He's sometimes very careless with his words to me.  But that's ok, yes at the moment they sting, but we can always talk about them later.  That's the trust that he won't just shut me down or tell me I'm silly, or just validate them.  We talk and he'll thoroughly discuss them.  


In other news tonight is mouse movie night.  Watching something Omega would approve of for a change.  Casablanca. 

7 comments:

  1. Without trust there can't be love,,,trust is necessary to overcome fear,,,fear keeps us encased and bound,,,separated from the one we wish to love.

    Is it their desire to love us that allows us to lower our walls and trust them, despite their foibles?

    I'm working my way through fear right now, don't know what to do. I am not even sure you can decide to submit if fear is a component.

    What do you think?

    CD

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  2. I don't think you can really submit to anyone, long or short term without trust. You may love them to the moon and back but if you can't trust them, then it's not going to work.

    mouse

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  3. Also, fear will diminish as trust is demonstrated. But if you can't get passed the fear of being hurt or let down, it's damn hard.

    hugs CD...
    mouse

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  4. Thank you for re re reminding me again. lol

    I was actually going to blog about this today cause our convo really helped put some things in perspective for me the other day.

    *hugs*

    spirited

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  5. I love your image of mountain climbing - perfect.

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  6. I really love this post, and the comments. This was very, very well presented, and I admire that you have come so far after being so hurt, mouse. You are one strong lady.

    I am glad that you pointed out that it isn't always the Master's responsibility to push or mold us into becoming what HE wants. We have to learn how to open that door ourselves at times, take responsibility for our own submission, and the pleasing of our Masters that is ultimately the most basic reason for us living as submissives.

    It isn't easy at times, and it is as you said - trust and love are strongly intertwined.

    CD - if I may offer a thought... You may not be able to decide to submit, if fear is a component...but you *could* choose to obey. A wise Master will know the difference, and will understand the "baby steps" involved as you express the desire to learn whether you are ready to overcome your fears or not. I have no idea of your situation or even if this is applicable, but it is something I have recently given a *lot* of thought to in general, and that is what I have realized so far. Just a thought.

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  7. You both are right, without trust..

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