That was the thrust of a discussion I had many years ago with Omega (while he was still Beta and Alpha was alive). He asked me why I loved Alpha. I gave him a reason, don't remember what I said really. He followed it up with, "but do you trust him?" I didn't answer that, in fact as I recall I evaded that question, and he told me then, "without trust, love is not possible."
I've been going through a metamorphosis of sorts lately, I've moving deeper into my submission and slavery to Omega. Half comes from him and gentle pushing, but the other half must come from me and it hinges on trust. It's like mountain climbing. You reach a peak, you rest and push forward. Sometimes you're encouraged to keep climbing but when you see the next level within reach you somehow push yourself to get there. You never reach the top tho, you just keep moving forward. I think sometimes you might stay in one place a little longer than you'd like to, but in the end you decide.
Trust is the crux, if you can't get to that level that you do deeply trust your Master, husband (who ever) with that TTWD, all the pushing in the world won't get you to that level. You have to get there yourself, because they've already shown that they would like you there by pushing it to begin with. I think a lot of times our own fears get in the way of trusting. We're afraid that maybe we'll be different or become doormats, but the truth is, it isn't like that. The act of deepening your slavery doesn't make you a doormat (or it shouldn't), but instead empowers you to speak up even more. Your mind doesn't become blank, but instead just calmer and you can discuss those things, without the fear stopping you, even if they are difficult. I have become so much more open with Omega recently since I felt that urge to push myself a little. Embrace the inner pain slut I really am, and embrace my inner slave.
I think also realizing he's not perfect, none of us are and ya he makes mistakes. He's sometimes very careless with his words to me. But that's ok, yes at the moment they sting, but we can always talk about them later. That's the trust that he won't just shut me down or tell me I'm silly, or just validate them. We talk and he'll thoroughly discuss them.
In other news tonight is mouse movie night. Watching something Omega would approve of for a change. Casablanca.