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Monday, August 30, 2010

Where mouse waits

I think many on the submissive/slave/pet/whatever side of the power exchange at some point find themselves in codependent situations.  I did with Omega.  I didn't want to rock the boat. Last year right before he went into rehab many things in our relationship were very wrong.  In fact I'd say the only thing right was our love.  


He used his position over me, that was the truth.  But he also blamed me for his lack of sobriety or made me responsible for his failure.  Had I just done this or that everything would have been fine, and no harm done.  That seems to be the heart of codependency where someone else becomes responsible for making another do what they should.  


Of course the whole nature of our power exchange revolves around Omega telling me what to do, so how is this different?  I'm not sure how it is, but it feels very different.  It feels healthy.  He controls me and I'm happy with his control.  He doesn't use it as a tool against me.


When I was in that codependent mode, I couldn't handle it.  At first it wasn't so bad, I could feel that I was helping him but after a while the weight of it all proved too much, too heavy.   Things got broken beyond what seemed repairable.  Finally, Jim, his sponsor, got through to him and he went to rehab for a few weeks (they called it a refresher course).  During that time he realized where he went wrong before.  He came home with rules he had to follow, but the only people responsible for him adhering to those rules is himself, his therapist and Jim.  When he needs them, they're the ones that he turns to. The professionals that have seen and heard it all and not so easily convinced.  


I gotta admit, I'm glad it happened the way it did, because with all the weirdness of this year, problems with his son, my issues, I don't think we would have made it through.  I don't think we were strong enough to make it through.  


Now we're stronger than we were before.  Together we're balanced and strong.  We're happy.  Ya we make mistakes both of us but they're not fatal to us.  We come first.  


I know I could explain a lot more, and if anyone has questions I'd be happy to try to answer them.  It's just not an easy subject to delve into.  

5 comments:

  1. It's so true that everything happens for a reason. I mean it may not always be nice... it may not always bring happiness and joy, but there's always a reason. I truly don't believe any of us are given anything in life that we are incapable of handling. Doesn't stop people from losing the desire to push forward and it doesn't stop them from giving up, unfortunately.

    I think that's what makes the two of you so special. You've been through a lot more than many of us ever have had to face in our lives, but you always manage to pull through, to see the positive side of what happens and to bring happiness and love into your lives despite what you're faced with.

    It takes an unbelievable amount of courage to do what you both have done. It may not seem so from your side of the fence, but at least to me you are both a big inspiration.

    *hugs*

    turiya

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  2. Mouse ... as a Codependent in recovery for a little over a year, it took a lot to learn that others problems are their responsibility not mine. I use to try to fix everything and everyone and forget myself. I learned in that experience that I was trying to fix others because I thought it was fixing me. Addictions are hard to break and codependency is an addiction that I had to learn to break. I have 14 months sobriety now and I'll share that it was not an easy task. Give Omega my congrats for working so hard on His addiction and keeping up with His sobriety ... It's not an easy task. I am so glad you two made it through the rough times because many times I learn something from your posts!!!

    As far as Omega telling you what to do, I look at that as service not codependency. M tells me to do things for Him as well but He is responsible for His own sobriety and He owns that. If He tries to make me responsible for His sobriety I willingly call Him on it and wait for Him to realize what He is doing. It took me a long time to learn that but now that it's in place in my heart I have no hesitation in calling M on His stuff!!!

    *Hugs*
    Humbly M's,
    Heaven

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  3. mouse,
    I'm glad that your love survived all. Addiction is a funny thing. You can want to stop ask for help and stop as long as they are helping you only to fall into the trap once they stop. There has to be more than 50% of effort from the person who is addicted. It takes a tremendous will power. And now seeing you here, I'm so happy that both of you are out of that place.
    take care mouse.

    although I want to ask one question to Omega, what do you do when you suddenly feel the urge and when all else stops and you feel you must drink? Do you tell anyone or do you deal with it yourself?

    You don't need answer it. I'm dealing with a different sort of addiction myself not very successful so far, that's why I asked :)

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  4. Everything does happen for a reason, and like turiya said, it may not be pretty or nice, but there is still a reason. I also agree with her that we aren't given more than we can handle in life. I was there once, where I thought my marriage with Brandon was beyond fixing. I tried to run away even, and things got worse instead of better, but somehow out of that pit we'd both fallen in we were able to dig a new way out and we became stronger for it. It wasn't nice, or pretty, and it sure wasn't pleasent, but I'm grateful for the outcome.

    HUGS

    Alice

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  5. Alujna,

    Omega does want to answer your question and will soon, but also wanted it clarified his addiction has nothing to alcohol or drugs. His issues are about sexual addiction and intimacy.

    Hugs,
    mouse

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