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Friday, October 22, 2010

What advice would you give to a new submissive who finds it very hard to trust people, including her master?

That is such a strong issue which resonates with many people, especially those that have been hurt before. It seems to mouse that many people with trust issues have had things done to them in their past that caused them to first lose faith in themselves. Or get so racked with uncertainty, by over-thinking each part of that process they get stuck in a mental way.

So, mouse strongly believes that the first step to trusting others, is building that trust in yourself; knowing yourself and being able to trust that inner feeling. One of things previous bad relationships or abuse, can do is shake your ability to believe in your own judgement. Unfortunately that's something that takes time. Maybe the most common mistake that people make is jumping from one relationship to the next without taking the time to heal from the last one. A few bad ones in a row and sure you're going to stop trusting.

For years after Alpha mouse believed that she wasn't worthy of a good guy. However in retrospect the honest truth was that she couldn't trust herself to know when a good guy came around. Or was already staring her in the face.

In D/s or M/s styled relationships, and the decision to trust is made it must be nurtured slowly. Complete trust can't be handed over just because it's demanded or requested. In some ways it must be earned. That can't be done overnight.

As mouse has said many times, it feels wrong it probably is. If you spend too much time questioning, you're probably moving too fast.

Thank you for such a wonderful question!


  1. Very good advice... many times I still don't think I trust my judgement in a lot of things even though I know I've got good instincts. I suppose I tend to question my instincts wondering if maybe my emotions are getting in the way of my good judgement. At least I'm certain of one thing though... I definitely made the right decision in giving myself to Asha. :-D



  2. turiya,

    O would say you need to serve from your heart. Not worry about your head. Be pleasing above all else.

    mouse would say it's not always that easy.



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