In the lifestyle, submissives are the ones that allegedly hold parts of themselves back and slaves lack that option. Now, mouse doesn't believe that for a moment there are many who describe themselves as submissive who hold nothing back from their Dom.
Sin at Finding My Submission certainly comes to mind in her writings about Big Bad Dom. Although mouse could never be certain, she doesn't believe that Sin ever holds anything back.
This isn't really about the slave v sub debate. Daddy reserves the term slave when he feels mouse needs that extra shot of whatever. And lately over the past couple months he's been using it a lot.
Now our lives, like most peoples, ebbs and flows like the tide. Daddy goes through periods where submission isn't that important -- well that's not exactly true, it's always important. He enjoys feeling comfortable in his dominance and likes things the way he likes them.
Now it never fails that mouse falls into a comfortable routine of service that Daddy enjoys. While she doesn't intend to become sloppy, it seems it happens. Daddy always notices and ponders it. Sometimes he'll say nothing, other times it comes out. More often than not he'll drop subtle or not so subtle hints.
One such day he asked mouse how she would feel about total submission and being treated like a highly treasured slave -- but still bereft of any choice. Now the idea excited mouse and we started slowly moving in that direction. That was probably a couple years ago now.
When mouse would reach a point of comfort in who she is, Daddy would take her deeper. Along the way, mouse realized this is not for the faint of heart. Many would be repulsed by such dehumanizing of another or the total subjugation.
But is it really like that?
Well, yes and no. There are many ways to hold parts of yourself back from your Master, and some don't mind it. To seek submission on your own terms, is really counter to what it means to submit. Yet, mouse did this time and again.
When she realized what she was doing she was mortified.
During this time Daddy dropped a few hints and some were subtle. He left a website page open about dominating your slave with diapers. As mouse scanned the page with her eyes she trembled and closed the browser.
Daddy started talking more and more about ways to inflict a little humiliation into mouse's life. Ways to further his control. Enter diapers.
Daddy talked very plainly to mouse he wanted more from her. He wanted to control more, to possess her in every way. He took full control of her the moment he put the diaper on her.
Control over your bladder is a base thing. Using the toilet, is something we all do without a lot of thought. Yet in diapers there is a lot going on. First many people due to medical conditions or age have to wear them. They're readily available in stores.
Still, when Omega brought them out mouse cried. He was taking something from her. He teased her sexually before putting it on her. Then sealed her up.
Now, there was something oddly arousing also going on in mouse that she still can't explain. Daddy made mouse drink lots of water and waited while mouse cried and whined.
Finally feeling resigned to her fate, mouse wet herself. It was demoralizing and debasing the rush of her status as just a slave became evident. It made her feel excited and sexually charged.
Yeah, betcha didn't see that coming.
Neither did mouse.
Just so you know we don't do number 2 in the diaper. That's a game neither of us are into. It's not part of age play (even tho mouse calls Omega Daddy), it's just about domination. There is a total feeling of subjugation that happens, and it's difficult to put into words. It's like unending scene. Or being in bondage that really doesn't draw extra attention since, as mouse mentioned before there could be a medical reason. It can go on forever if Daddy wants it to. Right now it's only done at night and sometimes during the weekend. That's dependent on what's going on. At night it's somewhat practical, as mouse has a weak bladder anyway and always wakes to pee. Daddy keeps mouse cuffed and chained to the bed. If she needed to pee she would have to wake Daddy (yes, mouse can unfasten herself -- but it's only in the case of an emergency and is something that's practiced nightly while Daddy watches).
It excites mouse in odd ways that are mostly just crazy. Daddy is thrilled with the results as well.
Certainly this is the road less traveled and not for everyone. But for now it is part of who mouse is and who she is ever evolving to become.