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Monday, September 24, 2012

Seamus

Since encouraging mouse to journal her thoughts, I, too began reading various journals and have read hundreds of accounts on how submissives entered the lifestyle. Few Dominants write about it. I really cannot explain why we do not, perhaps it is our own mystique or something else entirely. I would habitually leave holes in my own story.

My learning of kink came initially from a woman. I was around 19 years old, working during the summer tending bar and waiting tables. There I met a woman, much older than myself and was smitten by her. She was divorced, connected and despite being in her 40s, in wonderful shape. Today we would refer to her as a cougar. To me, she remains special. We continued to exchange holiday cards for many years. Eventually we lost contact, a card I had mailed was returned. I fear she passed away.

I was merely a plaything and understood that from the start. However, she was very kinky. One such day she told me she was going to tie me up and use me. My mind reeled. My first thought was she was insane. My second thought, the one that stuck was that I would much rather see her tied up.

She noted I was excited, just not for the reason she thought. When she grabbed a length of rope I stopped her. I instead took the rope from her, told her in as forceful a tone, as my 19 year old body could muster, to get on her knees. To my surprise she did. I probably should have directed her to remove her clothing first. No bother I was excited. I went behind her with the rope and tied her wrists together, not my best work, but it did the trick. Then I told her to lean forward, with her head onto a pillow I provided her. When she did not comply, I smacked her rear. I was hooked. The rest of the summer she as a kitten with me and my personal self confidence soared.

Fast forward, back in college I had some success with women, topping in a most haphazard way. It was not until I saw and advert about a dungeon party on the street, that I realized there could be a lifestyle to this thing I was doing. Something in my mind said that I should go. I am still not sure how I made that connection, but it was made and I went.

It turned out it was not a place for me. It was a leather event -- had I a better understanding of the symbolism, I might have gathered that on my own. All homosexual males. There was a fellow there by the door, his name was Seamus (his real name), and was one of many DMs, he had his boy with him on a leash and from what I could gather, he was well respected.

I am thoroughly heterosexual. Seamus saw I was in the wrong place right away. However I was curious and wanted to learn about dominance and submission. I am quite certain his boy was rather annoyed with me. But he spent quite a lot of time talking to me about consent, the rules, the terminology. I absorbed it all like a sponge. He spoke about the various scenes going on while I did my best to imagine females in the place of male bottoms. He did not offer to walk me though, instead we stayed close to the entrance.

While I never went back to that place, he and I would meet up regularly for a beer at the local tied house. I would pick his brain, and he would answer any and all questions. He explained the differences between the gay and hetro scenes as well as the similarities. He spoke freely about edge play, what he did; what he felt was too dangerous. How to keep the bottom safe during hard play -- what hard play was. The importance of safewords and aftercare. He spoke about sadism and the Old Guard Leather, which his knowledge was vast. We talked of psychology. He was invaluable to me during that time. We also discussed and spent time talking of sport.

I considered him a wonderful mentor. He died a few years later just before I graduated college. He watched many of his friends go before him. I was with him when he went, because there was no one else left in his family (by family I mean his leather family, his natural family had long abandoned him). I still had much to learn about the lifestyle in general, but I had more to learn about life. He taught me both. There is very little dignity in dying of aids, yet somehow he managed it well. He also left me several of his personal effects, his leather hat and jacket, his slave's leather collar, his favorite riding crop and a tattered copy of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

When people would ask me, mostly women, how I found my dominance, I would tell a portion of that story. The largest part I would leave out, the part about Seamus. I suppose I was a bit homophobic, but more accurately I remained rather fearful that some might get the wrong impression. As I age, I no longer care much for impressions. You may takeaway whatever you wish. We all began somewhere.

17 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing this little bit of insight, it's very interesting to see how others got to where they are.

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  2. First I have to jump around and yell, "yay!!! A post from Omega!!"
    Ok, now that that's out of my system, thank you for the peek into your past. I sincerely hope this will become a series of posts about how you became Omega. *crosses fingers and hope*
    We all began somewhere, this is true. Imagining you with a cougar feels weird...maybe mouse understands what I mean.
    Thank you for sharing, I always like to learn.
    Sincerely,
    mg

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  3. I have wandered why dominants dont tend to blog as much as submissives and the ones that do the topics tend to be generic in nature rather than personal. I came to the conclusion that perhaps its because dominants are more confident with themselves and what they want...or perhaps more accuratly submissives blog more because we over analyse and like reasons for everything, why we are like we are? etc etc (well i do).

    I enjoyed this account, i imagine it must have been quite different back then in meeting people within the lifestyle whereas now there is the internet, the bossman said when he started out (he was at uni) it was more word of mouth, knowing the 'right' people and the community was tight and in some ways better than it is today.

    tori



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  4. Thank you for sharing so openly. It is wonderful to have a knowledgable mentor in our lives. It also demonstrates how well the public aspect can educate. Life should be more open.

    Thanks you again sir

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  5. You know - I think you could say that few dominants write in blogland - not just that they don't write about how they got started. Wow - it is a gift that the universe brought you Seamus. It was a gift for you to learn and grow and be mentored. It sure seems like it was also a gift of family, support, and friendship for Seamus to have you. Mouse does a WONDERFUL job with her blog. It is also a gift to see things from a DOM point of view. Thank you for sharing.

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  6. Daddy,

    When you told mouse about that te homophobia thing never crossed mouse's mind. That story was always something very personal to you. You're always more comfortable talking about humorous stuff. The deeply personal and touching stuff not so much.

    Not that it matters tho. Love you anyways!

    Forever!
    mouse

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    1. Commenting using your phone again mouse? Typos aside I suspect your observation is apt.

      Unconditionally,
      O

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  7. Thank you for sharing such a personal moment with us.


    PS-So happy to see a blog from you :)

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  8. I am seriously behind on blog reading -- but seeing an Omega blog (a rarity indeed) made me stop.

    I think it was a tremendous honor to be given some of his leather as a keepsake -- you were obviously great friends. I'm pleased you had such a mentor and could be with him at the end.

    Thank you for sharing this with us.

    sfp

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  9. "I suppose I was a bit homophobic, but more accurately I remained rather fearful that some might get the wrong impression."

    Thank you for sharing your story. May I say that I took quite a different impression. My thought was how wonderful that you could accept that everyone has something to teach, and we all can learn from each other, how wonderful that you could see Seamus' wisdom, and how wonderful that he had you when he could have been most alone in his life.

    Mouse is a very special person,and I have thought that you must be as well. I was right. I think Seamus would be quite proud to have been your mentor and your friend.

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  10. I also say..OMG post from omega..yay! Wonderful post, hope you get the chance to pay it forward.

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  11. That was a beautiful post to read so much so i am forwarding it on to my Master. ava x

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  12. My Dominance started earlier this year and it was by a woman's surrender, as well.

    Thank you for posting, Omega.

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  13. An Omega post is always a treat. This one is particularly meaningful to me because of my interest in the leather community. My friend, Ms. Constance, talks sometimes about the difficulty of women finding a place in that previously all-male arena.

    Seamus must have had tremendous respect for you to leave you his collar. What a wonderful story of friendship.

    Thank you for sharing it. i will have to share it with Ms. Constance, who recently started blogging herself.

    aisha

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  14. What a personal and insightful post.

    It's been surprising to me how few dominants do blog regularly, though I've found it to be more insightful than I would have expected. I start out planning to write one blog and at the end, I've written something completely different, and it's ok.

    I think at least part of the reason that we don't talk much about our starts is twofold. On on hand, as dominants, I think we are more used to focusing outward than inward.

    We're used to focusing on others, conducting our little human science experiments, gauging what happens if we poke HERE or prod THERE.

    I think we find it less comfortable to turn the focus inward, whereas submissives are just the opposite in that, I think they are more given to introspection.

    The focus moves from the outside in. How they feel, how they think, what they feel and what they think, I think that's a much more comfortable viewpoint for them than it is for us.

    I think the other half of it is more about the practical facts of being a dominant. The new submissive is pursued, a prize.

    A new dominant, on the other hand, is viewed with a much more jaded eye.

    Is he really who he says he is? Does she really know what she's doing? How trustworthy are they, how skilled, HOW inexperienced...?

    I think all of that combines to make us less willing to talk about our beginnings.

    One of the things that I found especially touching about this was the things which belonged to him that were passed along to you, all things that he would have treasured and valued.

    I'm sure he'd be pleased to know that you still treasured them, as well.

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  15. Very nice. I could have used a Seamus when I started. I suppose you and Mouse and many other bloggers fill that role for me still.
    Maryann

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  16. Thank you for sharing that :), it was wonderful to read :)

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