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Friday, January 13, 2017

Sitting on a Cornflake

Yes, it's Friday the 13th and mouse is determined that it will be a good day anyway.

On Wednesday's post mouse wrote about her brattiness toward Sir.  Doing her chores that morning was difficult, her focus wasn't what it should be.  Instead her mind kept circling back to her punishment the night before.  It bothered her that she was behaving like a passive aggressive child. Use your fucking words mouse!  

Things were still frosty with Sir when he got home that evening, late, and didn't remark at all about dinner being dry.  When mouse sat beside him and attempted to make some small talk, he glared at the chair, as if to say, "did I offer you permission to sit?"  Quietly mouse just got up, finished loading the dishwasher, did tell him some information he did need to know but let everything else go.  Once the house was quiet, mouse did pass by his study and heard the tapping on the keyboard, but didn't disturb him.  

Finally at bedtime mouse did apologize to him, a heartfelt apology.  Sir said he accepted it, but said nothing else. 

Thursday morning he again refused his morning oral, but did have mouse kneel in the shower and he relieved himself on her.  Then he had her wait, feeling dirty while he showered, and had her shower after him.  After scrubbing herself clean and wrapping herself up in a damp towel, mouse saw he left clothing out for her. it was the dress she'd worn last year when we escaped to the lake house.  Not exactly a winter get up though. Still mouse zipped up the snug fitting dress and hurried downstairs to begin breakfast.  

Moving through her chores, mouse worried about that evening.  How bad was it going to be?  The previous week, he'd let mouse off with a warning and probably realized that was a huge mistake.  

Sir needs her and she let him down.  

Finally the time arrived and mouse was told to undress and soon she was bent over the desk, and the punishment was being carried out, not really on her bottom but the surrounded thigh area.  The dam broke and mouse was sobbing, full of remorse.  After he had her stand in the corner and after that he had her write lines.

mouse will learn something from her errors and mistakes or face a more harsh consequence.

100 times, which took a while for her to complete.  Then once all that was done, he gathered her into his arms and held her very close to him.  He said to mouse that he didn't want to go with a more harsh punishment but he would if mouse required it of him.

Even though mouse did a huge thing in moving back home, and it did lessen his stress, it was only because he didn't have to worry about us being so far from him.  If something else went wrong...What if mouse had an accident?  It didn't take away all his stress or misery.  Nor did absolve mouse forever from further wrong doing.

What was the Christmas movie about the kid who wanted a BB gun?  There was a scene where he had to write a theme about what he wanted for Christmas.  He was sure his teacher would find it so incredible he'd be excused from theme writing for rest of the school year.  There was part of mouse that kinda expected to be given a pass.  Forever?

No, ok, maybe...but logically, no...

Jz was right balancing logic and emotions is for the birds.

Sir is right,  there's no flip that can just be flipped to reengage our dynamic.  He did say that he will try harder, with a wink, to keep mouse in line.  No...he doesn't have to do that.  He doesn't' have to do anymore than he's been doing.  He's got enough, this is for mouse to step up, get her head out of her ass and just deal with it.  Stop the sarcasm. Stop the passive aggression...

If only it were that simple.  However this morning, before she blogged mouse did something she's not done in forever...she meditated.  It didn't work right, or the way it should, but did seem to calm her down, so we'll count that as a win.  

1 comment:

  1. Hi Mouse, if there was an on/off switch. We had lots of stops and starts with ttwd over the years and haven't had an active dynamic for some time now. It is hard starting again and finding that submissive hesdspace. It sounds as though you are moving in the right direction.

    Can I also just add the lines suck lol



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