Newbie Tuesday: Different D/s types

Good morning,

Welcome to the 500th post of A slave's tale: mouse's journey!  Oddly, this was in no way planned it just worked out that today would start a new theme, called Newbie Tuesday.   Each Tuesday until mouse runs out of things to say to all the Newbies out there, she will post a topic that should be useful to the newbie or would-be submissive (and sometimes Doms too).

This old slave, and she uses the term "old" loosely has something to say to all the newbie and would-be Dominants and submissives out there.  First of all, mouse is going to assume you've done some reading about the lifestyle, looked at blogs, websites, etc., you probably have an account on Fetlife or CollarMe or both...

You've read the stories and have wondered about it all.  Maybe you've met a Dominant/submissive and are wondering if he's (she's) the one?  You believe everything he tells you, right?  Ok, aside from the obvious don't-believe-everything-you-read stuff we'll just assume that what (s)he tells you corresponds well with what you've read the lifestyle to be about.  They've admitted their strengths and weaknesses to you and you know or understand their character as a human.   This is important for all new Doms and subs. 

Just like people, there are different types of Dominants out there and there's nothing wrong with any of them -- but it's important that you understand them:  

1. The Totalitarian: These like to micromanage and control every single aspect of a slave's life.  They thrive using their control and they will take command of every part of a submissive's life. 
2. The Bedroom Dominant:  He's kinda like the Totalitarian except it's mostly in the bedroom where they shine brightest.  They demand complete control over their sub in bedroom (or playroom or wherever).  They don't like to be argued with when it comes to sex or play.  Everything else with these types isn't nearly as important to them.   
3. The Everyday Dominant:  He falls somewhere in between the totalitarian type and the bedroom type.  They like their control, they thrive on different aspects of the lifestyle but they also appreciate their downtime from it all.  

Most Doms do fall into the "everyday" category, at least somewhat.  There are a few totalitarian types that that will bleed over into the everyday category and there are some bedroom types that will do the same.  Also, unless they are independently wealthy and are orphaned or raised by wolves, all people submit to something.  Be it a creator or a boss, board of directors, stockholders, laws or congress.   There is always something or someone even the MOST Dominant man  or woman must answer to.  

Likewise, there are similar categories for subs as well, the ones who crave total control and love the idea of a heavy handed Dominant.  The bedroom types who balk at anything outside the bedroom (or playroom).  And the everyday subbie, who thrives under most aspects of the lifestyle but still enjoys and craves her "downtime."

Problems arise, much like a mis-matched libido, when a sub looks for the wrong type of Dom.  She wants deep control and finds herself with the everyday type or the bedroom types.  Or she thinks she wants a micro-manager Totalitarian type only to discover that she's suffocated by the rituals and commands.

Same is true for Dominants, some Doms fancy themselves the take total control (because that's how they feel a Dom should be) and find themselves overwhelmed or not as happy making all decisions all the time. Meanwhile, they're involved with a sub who craves that level of control and becomes unhappy because their Dom isn't living up to his end of the bargain.

So the first thing is to shake the ideas of what a slave or Dom is out of your head, and start over with what you're really looking for in a partner, be it play or a long-term commitment and what can you offer them in return. Don't settle for less and don't hope they'll change or just become the person you want them to be.  Finally, don't mistake domineering behavior for Dominance.

Next week we'll discuss Honesty

Be seeing ya!  

Please feel free to leave a comment with future topic ideas or drop mouse an email.