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Monday, April 12, 2021

Communication Breakdown

Sometimes the way we live is difficult, we have all the trappings of vanilla life, but also exist within an almost stifling world of Master/slave or more simply put, Dominance and submission. Our lives collided often in a heady mix of sexual scenes that were thrilling. Life however has a tendency to alter your world view, especially as time passes. Many things we took for granted Master determined were too risky to continue. His sadistic desires were forced to be put to bed. Then physical punishment was dispensed with. Both, at the time, made perfect sense. The hospital stay would have gone far differently had she been marked by Him. Remaining unconscious for too many days, He would have been found guilty, kept from His slave's bedside or even worse -- jailed as an abusive husband. 

We have carved out section of our lives where things usually click into place. Master still demands His slave respect Him and she does. That all said, there's been a lot of stress and slipping lately. Slipping that He's more or less allowed to happen, or seemingly enjoyed. His slave has a sharp tongue that sometimes gets her into trouble. He would warn and she would quiet, but then maybe not right away, she'd say something again. We became rather comfortable as a normal husband and wife might become after years of marriage and family. 

Except that we were never 'normal' or 'average,' were we? There were moments where we were both reminded of our former selves, but fleeting.  One evening Master asked in a moment of shear exasperation, "what the fuck is wrong with you?" and his slave ignored it. Work for him is slowly coming back and He's again becoming busy and honestly, upon reflection, the slave was bored. Every day one day bleeding into the next, morning oral, evening use...blah blah...the masochist needed a stronger hand, but didn't know how to express that so it bubbled out in surly behavior. 

Sure, she was doing all the things required of her without much complaint but there was a lacking to her quality of service. Everything was simply rote, except for on occasion when she truly surprised him and then it was back to the dull. The stretches between enchanting him grew further apart. That tether that bound Him to her was thinning. Master had decided physical punishment was off the table. Sure, He had spanked her a few times, but while stingy and painful for the slave, it just wasn't the same as being harshly forced to comply.  What she needed was to surrender, emotionally, mentally, and physically. To feel again conquered by Him.  Yet, it shouldn't be about her at all and it should only be what Master wants. 

A partial solution presented itself, when he spoke to the one sibling he still speaks with on a regular basis, and everyone decided that our kids should go for a week to visit their cousins, they could play and be kids. Since we've been locked down (them as well) it just made sense and the sibling offered to host them. When Master came to mouse and said to assist in helping them pack, she thought nothing about it. The only thing she looked forward to was maybe having a bit more time to read or perhaps go through their closets and get rid of all the clothing that no longer fit them. 

Master left with the kids in the morning, and returned in the afternoon, during that time the slave had only managed to load the dishwasher and was on the floor reading on her tablet, leaning against the sofa. When He said He was going to the study to work, she murmured a small uh huh.  This is the way it had been for weeks now. The house was tidy (not super clean but passable), laundry was caught up. Were there things she could be doing? Probably but it wasn't a big deal. Down the hall she could hear him either typing or on the phone. Of course she checked on Him to see if He needed anything, but it wasn't because He is her Master, it was just something she did to be polite -- because He's working. 

In the early evening He called for her to join Him in the study. He had her kneel before Him and silly mouse assumed we'd play or have sex, since no one is home...This was the only benefit that she could see. Master had her strip off all the clothes she was wearing and again kneel, which she did. Being nude in the house always makes her slightly uncomfortable and the door to his study was open. He asked for her to fetch her phone, tablet and the laptop she was allowed to use. When there was a hesitation, he raised his voice, "NOW." Nervously, mouse ran to gather those things nearly forgetting her unclothed state.

He turned off the cellphone, changed the passcode on the tablet and the password access on the laptop, effectively locking her out and put them all into the drawer with a lock. He said very simply things were going to be different going forward. Master didn't lay all the blame on His slave, but accepted responsibility for His part in allowing her more recent behavior to continue. He didn't explain much else but sent her to the kitchen to prepare dinner. Now, the meal had been planned for a houseful of people, rather than just for two and He said to do her best. Well, at worst she wouldn't need to cook for a few days, so she prepared the meal as she had planned. 

Master came in and watched her cook. He remarked that later that if she pleased Him orally she might earn a reward. That intrigued her, and felt confident in her ability. During dinner, which He found simply average, He had her pleasure Him.  Cock service is something the slave prides herself at, and immediately went to work, but midway, He just stopped her, saying she wasn't performing as He'd like. He stroked Himself and came on her face instead, then said for her to clean the kitchen and to not wash first. 

Cleaning the kitchen, wiping down the countertops, loading the dishwasher and everything else didn't take too long, but after He inspected it and had her re-clean the cooktop and the microwave, she hadn't used was filthy. He pulled her over His knee and gave her a few sharp swats. Then Master remarked that floors needed attention too. It had rained recently and were dingy. The cabinet on her right, still bent over His knee, had a smudge. He let her up and the exasperated slave began to clean all the things He'd mentioned muttering to herself as she scrubbed again the cooktop. The floor took the longest and when she finished she was quite tired. Again He looked about the kitchen and said she could do better but it would wait until tomorrow, He was tired and that remark made the slave scoff audibly causing Him to shoot her a look that sent a chill down her spine. 

In the bedroom, He examined her body, told her to shave her sex, but didn't really touch her much. After He inspected her again and told her to use the toilet, He stood in the doorway and watched her pee and wipe. Then he said going forward if she needed to use the bathroom, or anything in his home she would beg permission until he decided different. For now, she wouldn't be allowed any clothing, He presented her with a stack of books, on top was a cookbook that he urged her to have a look at (Mastering the Art of French Cooking by Julia Child). He pointed to the floor and told her that's where she'd be sleeping. Then He brushed His teeth and got into bed. 

All the extra pillows were gone, as was the extra blanket so she was sleeping nude on the floor with nothing in the nighttime cold house. The protests felt on deaf ears and the slave settled herself on the floor but didn't sleep very much, despite her fatigue, because she was cold. Around 5am the heat kicked on and the slave finally fell asleep only to woken by Master's foot gently rousing her. He allowed her to use the toilet and gave her the enema then He had her go through her slave positions and peppered in some yoga stretches, before telling her to put her running shoes on. No other clothing, just the running shoes and socks and led her to the treadmill where she ran, albeit slowly for 30 minutes. No brisk walking, no Netflix or tablet to pass the time. He made coffee which he drank in front of her while she ran. He shut off the machine and told her wash herself in the sink. His hardened cum was still stuck in her hair and she wanted nothing more than to shower but made the best with a bird bath in the small sink and felt no better in fact more gross. 

He had her cook His breakfast, an omelette with fruit, which she cut up and took some level of pride in making sure the plate looked nice. He looked at the plate and said she had earned a point but said nothing else, nor was it mentioned again until dinner that evening. 

Now, He invited her to kneel as He ate and began to speak at her plainly that she had lost her connection to her slavery and in her service to Him. He didn't offer much praise of her behavior of late, while not horrible, she had been doing what was required, she wasn't doing anything else. There was no pride that she was serving Him. Now, naturally, fearing she was in deep trouble mouse began to cry saying she didn't understand what was wrong. He stopped speaking, waited for her tears to stop before continuing. This wasn't correction or even punishment (although immediate corrections might be required), He firmly stated, it was simply realigning her. 

Before He had used demerits that were meted out weekly, now He was changing the focus to points. Every single thing she did for Him, things He asked or demanded of her, was now worth a point, regardless of the size or enormity of the task assigned. If her performance pleased Him she would be awarded a point, but He were displeased, a point would be taken away and she would know where she stood because He would tell her. That was it. This was all He told her and left the rest for her to sort out for herself. 

He allowed her the use of one bathroom, save for the morning enema, and at any other time during the day, she could beg His permission. Quickly mouse gathered that her wording needed to be very specific when she asked for a drink of water and he held her mouth under the faucet. "May your slave have use one of Master's drinking glasses, so the slave might drink water as she works?" was better, and all her words now needed to be precise. "Master may your slave use Master's toilet to urinate and use two squares of His toilet paper to wipe after?" Despite Him watching as she did this -- presumably to make sure she didn't steal a third square of toilet paper, when she originally asked "permission to urinate" He pointed to the large empty flower pot in the corner. Words suddenly mattered a good deal. Eventually, she added the phrasing, "if it pleases Master, may Your slave...." That wording He much preferred.

Slowly she was adjusting but it wasn't a fast process, got her face slapped lightly a few times in an instant correction for hesitations and spankings over His knee for more serious infractions. Punishments mostly occurred for making an assumption about anything where He was concerned. Master told her what to do, how it should be done and when to do it. 

Later that day He had her provide some oral service to Him again. He told her pleasure His ass, balls and cock. Now this was something mouse would do for Master, but He never really asked for it. It was more something she did when lost in that headspace of hers, where she needed to climb inside Him usually after being whipped or something like that or whipped up into a sexual frenzy. Now, he's telling her to do this and it worried her to perform her best, which of course she failed and was told to stop. He had her do some more chores which she didn't do very well although she thought she was trying. Mentally she was stuck trying to sort out what he wanted more than focusing on her tasks and eventually just assumed nothing she did was going to be good enough. 

Yet, when she delivered His lunch, she was awarded a point and she got another point for the condition of the kitchen. Having lost many points earlier, she was now at zero. Somehow that made her feel better. The day continued, gaining and losing points at His will. That evening, as she lay on the floor, restless and trying to get comfortable she began sort out what this new game was. At first she thought it was just a scene He'd cooked up but no that wasn't really it. Was it punishment? Not that either. Thinking back to what He'd said to her earlier about losing the connection to her slavery and service to Him that seemed more significant. 

The next morning, she woke again with his foot nudging her except it was close to her face and He commanded that she pleasure His toes. Again this was nothing He'd ever asked of her, but she tried and felt him deposit His seed on her back as she tried to please Him. Inspection, pee, enema, yoga, exercise, breakfast all followed and she again lost and gained points. Much later that day He had her pleasure Him orally, and adding to her further insult, instructed her on how to pleasure Him exactly (even though He has NEVER ONCE COMPLAINED). He barked commands like more tongue, suck, swirl, deeper, take it all, until she found the rhythm, then he pulled out and came again on her face and hair then instructed her hold His cock inside her mouth and wait until he was really finished. What this told her was that she wasn't worthy to swallow him, only the drips. If she was awarded a point or lost one, He never said for that particular service. 

Now, it should be noted that being without any distractions was working to clear her head, and she was beginning to understand where she had failed before. While fostering her dependence on Him and triggering that deep desire to please Him the slave was helpless. Every task she realized needed to be completed with a level of perfection that she wasn't used to providing to Him in order to earn a precious point of validation that her suffering had purpose. The points became her currency. The dim light was beginning to burn a bit brighter. As the day unfolded, she began to realize that Master wanted her passion, her nervousness, the eagerness to get it right was making her get it wrong time and again. This wasn't simply with sexual service but all service she provided to Him. He wanted her to passionately scrub the toilet because He asked her to do it. 

Normally when this task was performed, it was done to get it over with. Sticking the blue stuff in the toilet with a quick swish. Now she paid more attention to the whole commode, making sure the whole thing was cleaned. It wasn’t about spending hours just cleaning one toilet either. It was about cleaning details, like arranging the spare rolls of paper, taking care to empty the waste basket beside it. Taking a few moments to shine the handle and to tighten the lid. Just a few added details brought her to earning a point, as opposed to having a point taken away. 

He wanted her to cook for Him with enthusiasm to please Him so thoroughly. It wasn't about wowing him with a great meal, but doing it for him with a desire that He would be pleased. Taking an extra moment to make sure the plate looked pleasing to the eye, even if the flavor was lacking, it was about the effort. Taking criticism not as failures but opportunities to learn and grow. Any compliment He offered, felt like the world to her and she began to express herself to Him by kissing His hand, in profuse wordless thanks, just as a failure now sent her to His feet and grovel often vowing to do better next time He asked. 

That evening Master said she had ended the day with points and had earned a reward, He offered access to her phone for a period of time, or she could have something else, like a pillow and blanket or whatever she felt to ask for.  He had no idea but reserved the right to agree or disagree, after taking several minutes the slave asked Him for His touch, she wanted to feel that closeness, to sleep in His bed with His body surrounding her. He didn't say no, but the silence spoke for him and in the end she walked it back. Then she begged to ask some questions about these points she was earning, He looked up at her and titled His head in near amusement, and but his voice cold when He said, "ask."

Could the points be saved for a bigger reward (like being able to sleep with Him). Did the points expire, if she picked something like say the pillow and blanket, were they her's to keep or did she have to re-earn them each night? He appeared to consider her questions thoughtfully before replying, yes she could save points and yes the points exchanged for comfort were hers to keep unless she felt into point deficit. How much of a deficit, she wasn't told, but Master simply said significant.  So begging further clarifications, -1 or -2 would be okay? He slowly nodded in agreement. Wait, was this a negotiation? He told it wasn't appropriate to ask that. 

Even with the comfort of the pillow and blanket the slave still had a difficult time sleeping as her mind whirled through everything she was learning. A few weeks before, Master noticed that His slave while pleasuring Him with His morning oral service the slave looked up at Him with her mouth close to the tip of His penis and smiled at Him. The smile wasn’t just a regular smile, He later remarked her eyes were smiling and she was truly enjoying the service. It was all beginning to fit together. What He wanted from her was becoming increasingly clear. He wanted her to reconnect with her slavery, which increased her connection to Him. We had slipped into a rut. He was reasserting His dominance in a way He hadn't before. Begging for everything had become as natural to mouse as being nude all the time had become. All without a cage, a whip or even a vague harsh word from Him (save for the light attention getting far slaps and spankings that reddened her bottom but didn't leave a lasting mark), she was feeling very controlled. 

The next morning after her enema and exercise, He invited her into the shower with Him. He had her hold her hands above her head and positioned her under the shower head, so water trickled onto her. He washed His body with soap and rubbed against her, then he washed her with the residual soap. He noticed tears in her eyes as He asked for her hand and deposited a tiny amount of shampoo and watched as she wetted her hair and washed it at last, same with the conditioner and then told her to shave. That took a bit longer but she finished quickly enough. He rubbed his hand against her sex and nodded, then turned her around and bent her slightly and took her in the ass, filing her with Him at last. It excited her to at last feel worthy of something she nearly orgasmed without so much as touch or even thought for herself. Again she cried the happy tears, rejoicing and washed Him after. For the first time in days He actually looked happy with her, His golden brown eyes crinkled and called her a good girl. The look alone, even without having just using her, made her fall to her knees and kiss His feet in total gratitude. 

With the final understanding and shift in her focus, mouse found herself as His slave and happy, spending the day earning more points than she lost. Suddenly she was grateful for this lesson and thanked Him profusely. On some level she knew the clothing would be back but everything else could stay the way it was indefinitely, this thought didn't scare her but comforted her. In the end she slept really well and was awakened again with his foot, nudging her. 

It was very chilly that early morning, and He allowed her clothing as she ran on the treadmill. Then He bathed her in the tub, and toyed with her body. He said very plainly that she was no longer allowed to pleasure herself and any orgasms would come by Him or not at all. He asked if she agreed as He circled her clit with his fingers, placing pressure and making her buck against His hand. Of course she agreed and was blessed to cum. All these emotions, feelings of vulnerability washed over her constantly now, tears mostly good ones were frequent and He was enjoying it. Master mentioned she was softer now, emotionally, and He said more than once this was how it was going to be. Another day of earning points, and He at last, invited her into His bed and allowed her the privilege of worshiping His body and that she did without any hesitation and she couldn't say that her mind was in any place except in that she loved Him and wanted to show that love for Him. He was thrilled with her and came deep in her throat. 

In the morning she woke beside Him as He stirred in the bed and she felt Him pressing between her thighs which were opened for Him at once. He had been pushing her legs apart throughout the night, wanting her open in case He wanted her. Now Master did, and rubbed His cock against her slit as her wetness increased, until He moved her up on all fours and took her from behind. Feeling her hole filled with Him and she cried as He controlled her movements until she was full of Him. There's something when He uses her for His own pleasure and enjoyment that touches something deep within her that is hard to define. It's deep feeling of being useful to Him. When He takes her with His weight holding her down facing her, feeling overpowered by Him, and He begins that slow slide into her, and that first slowly tentatively need to touch Him. That hand of her's moving across to the small of His back and wonders if He will allow it or growl at her and the anticipation of either response. The feelings of electricity coursing through every inch of her being as she realizes she's allowed to hold onto Him. Writing and undulating, her legs encircling  around Him and arms pulling Him even closer. Master's arms around her so tight that she can scarcely breathe, and the moment when her tears begin to fall. Not from pain or pleasure that He knows how to bring, but from the shear volumes of emotions that she can't control or explain. Those are the moments she feels that she truly belongs to Him alone. If she's painfully honest with herself, it was like that when before she was actually His. This time, after spending days sleeping on the cold floor away from His warmth, she felt nothing but genuine happiness that she was again understanding and worthy of Him. 

Still doing the now more routine of peeing, enema, and inspection, followed by exercise, He allowed her clothing (she overdressed for the occasion) and we went out grocery shopping because our time alone was coming to an end but this new thing He was doing was far from over. 

We needed food and other snacks for the returning children, and slave mentioned their closets. Master surprised her by saying that they're old enough to perform that task but the slave should check the garments so that no items unworthy for charity would be donated and keep a detailed list for our tax records. 

He also said that going forward, we would be spending more time in our bedroom in the evenings, where slave could be nude at His feet without any worry. The slave listened carefully to each word He spoke, digesting them, and then asked if she should continue to beg permission for everything. He said while He was in the house, yes, she should continue, except for permission to use the toilet, which He believed was too taxing for Him on an ongoing basis. Making an argument, briefly to the contrary Master held His ground on that issue. Privately she should only approach Him respectfully and beg permission to use whatever item she needed to use and leave Him to decide if she could use it. 

When assigning cleaning tasks He often included the words, "You may use whatever is needed to complete the task." Only then it occurred to the slave the purpose of His words and she exclaimed out loud, "Oh!" He smiled when she explained the outburst. At the supermarket, we walked through the whole store, and He approved of every item in the basket. A few items, He reached for a cheaper option, and the slave gently explained respectfully that the name brand was a better value in that case. Many times she'd tried the generic brand and either no one liked it or it didn't work in the recipe. This was a rare thing, but often the case. Master appreciating knowledge asked further questions, in this case a package of generic string cheese and mouse explained that no one, including Master, ate it because it was a bit too salty and had a rubbery texture. 

Master acquiesced and put the name brand into the cart. This odd and profoundly respectful exchanges continued throughout the shopping experience and even as we loaded the car. Master remarked that the children were spoiled and the slave countered that the most expensive food in the fridge or house, is one that goes uneaten and added that we threw away far less now. 

That last bit pleased Him a good deal, as even He's noticed our garbage can less full than it used to be. Back at home the slave asked permission to reorganize the refrigerator and He agreed and even offered to help. Master loves organizing anything. As we emptied shelves mouse cleaned thoroughly each one and when it was done the refrigerator looked new. The slave thanked Master for the help. He began unbuttoning her blouse, and pulling down her skirt. No one was home yet, He reasoned. The love she felt was bursting out of her and again her eyes sprinkled with tears expressed her love to Him in offering her mouth. We kissed long and hard for the first time in honestly longer than she realized (maybe longer than we both realized). That intimacy that ebbs and flows was returning. 

Reflecting on this period of our lives, mouse again feels tightly contained, not in a suffocating way but like when she wore the corset, at first it chaffed a bit but then she grew to feel like it was a perpetual hug that was reassuring. The "tag" for this post was also carefully chosen, instead of "correction/punishment mouse chose "Restoring Balance" because that more closely explained what went on.  Another thought does persist, is this the beginning of our third act? 


Anonymous said...

If this is the start of your third act, I am quite sure that there are many more acts to follow! Life is much more than a play in five acts, it’s random and morphing and electric - just as you have described.

So pleased to read your words.


mouse said...

Thank you so very much Isabel, it means the world to us and you're right.


claire said...

I am not sure if it's considered appropriate but I found this rather beautiful, so I hope I do not cause offence as it sounds that this was difficult for you albeit what you both needed to reconnect.

My Master and I have been together 22 years and at times slip into a state of complacency (mostly I confess on my part), I don't wish to blame lockdown for everything but I know I have found it harder now that we (I'm in the UK) have resumed as a country some level of normalcy, and after having him home for so long and life was very different, as it has been for many I'm sure, settling back to 'normal' has and is an adjustment.


mouse said...

Hi Claire! Your comment was completely appropriate! And very spot on.

The lockdown period has been difficult and there’s this huge rush to just return to “normal” while the pandemic is still going on no less. We needed very much a period of rest and to heal from the events of late 2019.

We are thrilled to be at least somewhat back.

We are also thrilled that you and others care enough to read about our lives...good, bad and even terrible stuff.

As always thank you for your comment.


Roz said...

Hi Mouse,

Wow, it sounds like big changes are afoot. Glad it sounds like this was reassuring. There definitely seems to be an ebb and flow to ttw. Lots of stops and starts and it seems to be ever evolving.


Bleue D'âme said...

i admire how you spin words, to bring us right into your moments--thank-you for sharing. It can take so much effort and thought, to get back...or to be re-assembled for a new act. *hugs*

Anonymous said...

Dear Mouse,

I've been following you for some years, and it does indeed seem as though you folks are constantly evolving. I can't imagine being on a treadmill in only sneakers.....

Glad to hear all is well, and I like the point system!