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Sunday, June 13, 2021

June


It's been a while since mouse last posted but really there isn't a lot to blog about. There hasn't be much going on, Master has been traveling more and His slave struggles without Him. When He returns the world again spins and mouse rather happily remains caught in His orbit. The rattle of chains returns, especially in our bedroom space. He doesn't allow mouse to touch toys, so anal plugs aren't part of her routine. The enema He doesn't view as "toy" but a procedure she must endure daily. 

Master has remarked a few times that mouse hasn't posted so she showed Him the 20 or so posts sitting in the draft folder, most are far too personal or identifying. He read through them, asked a few questions but nothing much. There were tidbits that could be used. A few weeks ago, Master had reminded mouse while we don't really use a safe word, in the true sense, we do have words or signals that we do use in public areas (this includes our home when the others are present). It's no secret that mouse has been in talk therapy. The issues go back to that period following the health emergency she had in 2019, there were cognitive issues and her mental health plummeted as a result. The pandemic required a different shift, as we were isolated from the world in an almost nice way. Since returning slowly to our pre-pandemic world, mouse has learned that she needs to let Master know when she feels uncomfortable. Crowded spaces bothered her before but now they trigger a claustrophobic response from her. In learning new coping skills mouse also learned to let Master know before she hits the freakout point. 

One way she deals is use a "safeword" specifically possum. When the kids are around and mouse begins feeling overwhelmed she can say to Master that she saw a possum outside in the yard and He'll take control. Another way we found works just as well, is for mouse to take hold of His hand silently. In our relationship Master can touch mouse with His hands, but mouse isn't allowed to touch Him unless He tells her to. By grasping His hand He is made aware because of the breech in protocol that His slave is feeling overwhelmed at that moment, if at a party or gathering, He might pull her aside to speak with her to learn the trouble or take her for a stroll, or even leave if that's appropriate. Like any safe word, mouse is careful to not just do it for the sake of she doesn't want to be there. Triggers are like minefields, and sometimes you just don't know when or how they'll hit you. Taking hold of His hand is a way for Him to understand that something has happened, real or imagined that has His slave on edge.  

There are moments when we're together -- in that way -- He will be on top, moving in that slow delicious way inside her and once in a while she needs to touch Him. That feeling is just overwhelming and she will move her arm around Him, tentatively, touching while holding her breath for His reaction to that. Sometimes her touch is met with a growl from Him to move her arms back above her head (where they're supposed to be) but occasionally He will allow it. More rare but not unheard of, Master will command her to touch Him. The place it comes from is His control over her. It's the mystery of the dance we often do between Master and slave. The little things that keep her in that delicate place. 

Master no longer awards points or collects demerits, instead if problems crop up, mouse is punished when it happens (if possible) or He will say, "Now is not the time, but you will be punished." Now, if mouse is punished she is made to sleep on what He now refers as the bad girl spot in the corner of the bedroom. Not in His bed. He can see her. He tells her if she's allowed in the bed or not (although when He's traveling for work He has stated she is to sleep in bed). 

Soon we will be leaving for the lake, Master will join us on weekends and continue His workaday life. It'll be difficult but we'll make it work. 

2 comments:

Roz said...

I enjoyed reading this Mouse. It's wonderful that you are able to let Omega know when you are feeling overwhelmed and I love your signals to him.

Hugs
Roz

Anonymous said...

So glad to hear from you! Hopefully your family will have a wonderful time at the lake.

From an anxiety standpoint…. You’re doing great and making progress. I will say that circumstances are different - I was never anxious before COVID, but now that my state is opening up, crowds seem to be a LOT all of a sudden.

Isabel