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Sunday, May 31, 2009

Pride and Prejudice

Since we've embarked on this cohabitation thing we've had some difficulties but nothing too horrible, in fact we've both commented how easy it was for us. We combined our houses, our things, and some of our money (we now have a checking account for household expenses), which mingles nicely. He's quite picky about how the house is kept, so my response rather than waste time arguing about it (or killing myself trying to achieve it), was to simply hire a cleaning person to come once a week. This way, if it's not done to his satisfaction he can call them. So far it's worked out wonderfully.

We have some minor problems, for example the way he reads the morning paper. He takes it section by section, and carefully folds it up replacing each section as he goes. The paper looks almost unread when he's finished. While I tend to tear into the paper, taking out the sections I don't care about, like sports. Glancing over the local and national news I might have missed. Then I move onto my horoscope and the funnies. Yes, I read the funnies. I look at the daily jumble, to see if I can figure out easily any of the words. When I'm finished, the paper strongly resembles something that's been wadded up (at least those sections I do read). The store sale stuff is put aside, just in case and that stack tends to grow...

Watching me do this, I can see Omega's eyes get wide, in shock of my indifference to the paper, and that one finger starts tapping, and when I toss the sales section on the coffee table, his right eye twitches. Clearly the left-side of his brain has a problem. He really should get that checked.

I remain silent, and just watch him. However the paper has caused us only some minor grief. Other things provide more grief; in the evenings normally he has work to do, which he brings home. However he also takes control, most nights, of the remote. Two nights a week I can watch whatever I want--he's generous that way. So Friday night I said I wanted to watch a movie and played the twice a week card when he said there something else he wanted to watch. He sighed remembering his words to me, and handed over the remote. I turned on the chick network and started watching Pride and Prejudice, I figured since I read the book I should see the movie. He groaned, and actually whined a little. Like a hunter caught in the trap of his making, he openly protested at first. I'll admit I was kinda put off by this. I didn't say exactly what I was thinking but I thought to myself how many baseball games have I watched because that's what he wanted to see, and let's not forget half the time he's not even actually watching the game because he's always working!

Then he played the Master card. He decided he wanted sex. He's smart, but so am I, sometimes he forgets that. So we had mind blowing sex. At least his mind was thoroughly blown, my mind wasn't nearly so quiet. By the time his appetite was thoroughly sated and again all was right in his world, the movie was over. He asked if I was going to turn the channel and I said no, I preferred to keep watching this channel. The look on his face when the movie started over again was priceless and this time I was the one that showed NO emotion. He's in love with a Scorpio woman, can he never expect to be even slightly stung?

After remaining silent throughout the movie, when it was done at Midnight, Omega took my hand and kissed it gently as I stood up. His eyes said what his brain (his pride?) wouldn't allow. We ventured upstairs, and once in bed he pulled me close to him. He said the movie wasn't that bad and he rather liked the Mr. Darcy character. I just nodded my head. I wasn't thinking about the movie. I was still hurting. It wasn't about his promise it was about his attitude. It wasn't until around a hour later I realized it was about pride and prejudice. Just not that exact story by Jane Austen, but the story within ourselves which played out in while watching that movie.

Yesterday (Saturday) morning he revised his ideas about the remote. He admitted that his attitude bothered him on the previous night. What started as a game ended up quite differently. He doesn't want to do that again, and I don't want to either. Using sex as a weapon is dangerous territory for him, a large slippery slope (SA issues), and he views this as a slip in his recovery (not a huge slip but a slip nonetheless). His issues were strongly formed by using prostitutes to sate his abnormally high sexual appetite, and for that time I was nothing more than that to him. It was a transaction and no one likes paying for anything. I tried to explain that I didn't exactly view it as him using his position above me to get what he wanted. However, that fell flat, because that was exactly what happened. Some would argue that there was nothing wrong with what he did, and in normal situations they would be right, however his addiction issues cloud this. After pondering, I confessed to him that it was a moment of childishness on both our parts. I was fairly confident that channel would show the movie again, I could have offered a compromise to him. I could have let him watch the thing he wanted and then flipped back to what I wanted to watch later. He said that he should have just sucked it up and dealt with it.

Later that morning he went out for a while (early call to his sponsor and SA meeting) but was gone a little longer than normal. He returned home with a box. I asked him if he bought me a present he shook his head and said he got "us" a present. He turned the box around and showed me it was one of those DVR's. Now, when either of us want to watch something that's important and the other does too, we don't have to miss it. I'm not used to someone being so willing to compromise.


  1. As one in recovery as well, I call it "recycling" not a slip. In recycling, I use my return to an old behavior as a learnng tool, making something new and better out of something old, like recycling. This is what Melody Beatty calls it, and I quite like the definition.

    As for the situation, I'm sooooo thrilled to see Omega's actions match his words. And I'm thrilled to see you admit when you have taken action which is not in the best interest of the relationship.

    You two have made such progress!! You should be so proud of yourselves!! Your therapists should be thrilled for your both.

    I'm proud of you both!

    hugs and much love,

  2. cutsey-pah,

    Thank you from both of us.



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