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Friday, May 29, 2009

Crime and Punishment

Yesterday morning Omega and I were involved in a heated almost debate about crime and punishment and later M/s relationships. As though reading our minds, Sir J (aka) A Dominate Character, posted on his blog about that very subject, it sparked a lot of discussion (at least in this house). I read the post and commented and told Omega about it (though he's leery of visiting other blogs), and he read it too, and added his own thoughts on the topic. We talked about this for hours before I decided to blog about it.

Alpha did many things wrong in our relationship but I cannot argue that he didn't understand the value of punishment or how to use it for his advantage. Early in my service to him, I was informed the "rules," and if I broke a rule I was punished. Some of the rules like always calling him Sir in public and Master in private were rather easy for me. Some rules seemed odd, like my dress code--I was only allowed to wear full skirts and had to hike them up when I sat, either driving in my car, or alone in my office (after I had one). No one could see anything because the skirt was long and full and not fitted, it would naturally drape itself and none were the wiser. When I'd exit the car, or a chair it would just fall, covering all those areas. However the notion of sitting on my bare bottom while at work or on the car seat was also rather erotic (except on those hideously hot days--ouch!). It was a constant reminder of my submission. Other rules still were just downright strange, like he insisted on always having a full or not less than half roll of toilet paper at all times.

It was important to Alpha and Omega feels similar about this, that punishment is not an escape clause, meaning if I didn't simply want to do something I could just be punished instead. I was punished, and then made to do the task to his specifications. If not, the punishment was repeated until the task was completed. Early on the punishment indeed fit the "crime" and fit me. For example failure to dress appropriately resulted in loss of clothing to wear--I'm not comfortable with my own nudity. Failure to maintain a full roll of toilet paper, I was used as that toilet paper--another thing that completely grossed me out.

However like Omega pointed out Alpha would become often bored with my compliance and wish to avoid trouble, and would add to the rules or even change them without my knowledge. Alpha also wanted his control over me when I was sexually with Omega, I was forbidden to orgasm, and forced to admit that I had. Alpha commanded me to to use a riding crop between my legs. And he added his characteristic it better be good. I had no choice, it was either do it myself or he would. I did it. He didn't say how many times, but stopped me when he felt I had enough. It also made sex with Omega very painful for the next several weeks, and reminded me of my ultimate submission to Alpha. I'm not going to debate if this was right or wrong because at that time I believe it was fair. I think he knew even then I was attracted to Omega.

However later on the punishment became a replacement for play or scenes, because he LOVED the idea of me being upset, and even scared--I mean really scared not in a play way; it heightened his control and really got him off. I was afraid of him because I never knew what would set it off. That was the permanent earthquake. That became unhealthy for me because I crave order. I can't live like that. I was depressed. And I'd even admit feeling so helpless that I became somewhat suicidal or at least indifferent toward my own life. Alpha's answer was to add gun-play to our games. Always with a real gun, I'll never know if he stopped because of an incident or if he just got bored with the games. The point is that Alpha got himself off knowing that I was in fear of my life. Punishment was the fastest way, he learned, to get me there. I've known several Master's (male friends in the lifestyle) in my life that saw NOTHING wrong with what Alpha did to me. Some would still argue that he was a great guy--a true dominate and sadist. (This is something I have discussed ad nauseam with both my therapist and more recently with Omega).

I guess the notion of punishment has a light and dark side, and yes it can become unneeded over time (with the exception of an occasional correction). But I suppose both partners have to crave that type of stability. It simply cannot be one-sided. The opposite could be true in my new relationship with Omega, if I craved that heavy punishment from him all the time and actively sought out ways to be punished by him, I strongly believe that he would simply release me and move on. It wouldn't be a healthy relationship for him.

6 comments:

  1. renea,

    i'm not qualified to comment on punishment. tho, i did read Sir J's post and found it interesting. Master is weary with my noncompliance to His rules. He says He will reteach me, and re-establish His Dominance over me. i thought i was fine. i hope Master will continue favor me with the pleasure of reading your blog.

    slave k

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  2. k,

    Should you need to talk, please feel free to contact me through my profile. ((((hugs))))

    r

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  3. My Dom wants me to obey rules. I am punished for disobedience or for pissing him off. I am not punished just because he wants to hurt me or fuck with me. If that's what he wants, he just does it. There are no fake punishments, no trumped up reasons.

    Interesting post,

    sin

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  4. Having my own difficult Dom experiences, and needing therapy to recover from them, all I can tell you is that I'm glad you have Omega.

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  5. I would not argue from all I have read that Alpha did in fact know a lot about using punishment to HIS advantage. I just wonder how it was to your advantage? I believe the lifestyle should work for both.

    Either way the ultimate compliment of ones writing is to know you sparked thought is another and apparently I did that with you and Omega. Thank you for letting me know.

    J.

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  6. Sir J,

    I think at the core Alpha really believed that the spirit of slavery was that I am only property and I gave up any rights. He took "me" away and filled all those spaces with himself.

    Yes it was wrong and yes mine is a cautionary tale of M/s abuse. The very essence of the power exchange is delicate. What is it they say about power, it corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely? That, instead of being said of Kings, could have been said about Alpha.

    renea

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