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Tuesday, June 2, 2009


I've been trolling different blogs lately (nothing on my sidebar--though I do read those blogs too but I consider them involved in healthy relationships or have healthy attitudes). Taking on Sir J's post on punishment and purging a lot of crap dealing with Alpha has been rather freeing for me.

That said I've noticed a strange pattern in some of the blogs I've read recently, much like punishment can be used I feel as a replacement for play, I also found that so can this notion "retraining." I haven't read this in just one place and I'm not speaking about just one blog but several. So, I went to my own owner and Master, Omega and asked him about this. Has any slave or bottom he's been involved with required any kind of "re-training." His reply was a simple no. In his younger days he had many rules for slaves, but as he's grown older he's decided that most of them weren't important and sometimes annoying. Though he liked having complete control over his former slaves, he also hated being asked to use the bathroom or have them freak out in front of him because the grocery store didn't have the exact brand of soda he requested--he has NEVER punished any sub or slave for something that can't be their fault. However none of that required retraining, it just required modifying a rule. Not all of them just one. Retraining to me means throwing out all the rules and starting over from scratch.

So, what's the deal with this retraining phenomenon I've been reading lately? The number one reason given by these subs and slaves in their blogs (gay and straight ones) is the notion of not being sub enough!

Now I need to go back to my post about The Care and Feeding of Slaves. Training, I believe is never ending, we're always learning as we go, and this applies to Masters as well as slaves. However, this isn't retraining, this is modifying and adding to the training, something that both sides of M/s forget about. We are human and always evolving but does this mean that we at some point throwaway all our knowledge and start over again? I don't think so.

I am flawed, Omega understands this and he is trying to gently change them because, like I wrote then, I don't like them either. However changing flaws or quirks, isn't about training or retraining, it's about accepting. If I never change my flaws, Omega would be sad (because some could shorten my life) but he's not going to leave me because of them. Flaws are not huge issues, if they are then they are not flaws. A pedophile is not flawed, a pedophile is sick. A rapist isn't flawed, again, they're sick. A flaw is a weakness, something that detracts but isn't so huge that it can make you overlook the person. Vanity is a flaw, narcissism is something else entirely and is not healthy or easily overlooked.

Another important part of that post was "care for my mental health as well as my physical." We all understand the principles of RACK or SSC, but telling your sub after a year or two together they must be retained because they're just not sub enough...I would think that can be quite mentally damaging. Maybe I'm wrong about this.

Perhaps if a Dom/Master can explain instances or examples where a Master would completely retrain his own property after a few years, I would have a better understanding of this concept.