Back to blogging

It's Monday and weekend wrap-up time.  As I wrote on Friday's blog, I was on restriction all weekend and I'll say it sucked.  Rightfully so, Omega was angry with me and his punishment was clever, I was NOT allowed to speak without first raising my hand.  Ya.  Naturally this didn't apply if the house was on fire, but since the house didn't catch fire, he rarely gave me permission to speak.  


I had to be still, do my duties and not complain.  Saturday night, he took me into the basement. Master strapped me to the gyno table and informed me that I was going to suffer a lot over the next couple hours and I should just accept it.  I wasn't able to slip away mentally to subspace, because he continued to change the degrees of torture. In other words, he wanted me fully present, while he tortured and abused my body.  The violet wand, with the internal probes appeared, various crops, floggers and whips were used on the most tender of areas.  Eventually at least mentally I was allowed to drift, while being fisted by him, and he allowed it.  I don't remember much of details after that.  My muscles ached from being stretched open, and when finally released from the bonds, I couldn't walk for a while.  Master had to help me put on my robe, and then up the stairs, where we waited there I have no idea how long.  


I was far away from him for that time, floating and lost in a subspace world.  My brain didn't panic  because I guess I knew he was close by to me, but I was feeling very anxious.  Once upstairs on the sofa, I was laying with my head in his lap, smelling him.  He covered me with a blanket and my lips instinctively found his member, which I know I sucked like a pacifier.  I could have stayed that way all night, but eventually I felt him start to move me and himself.  Dunno  what time it was, or how long I'd been there, but I was plenty foggy.  He brought me upstairs and helped me on with nightgown he wanted me to wear, and watched me carefully go through each of my bedtime rituals including meditation, which was sooo blissfully easy even with the clamps, after what I'd been through.  I repeated my mantra, all the while he watched me.  When I moved my body into the offering position as I repeated my mantra, he lifted my nightgown and looked at my bottom. I became vaguely aware of him pressing himself against me, while I just continued to repeat my mantra about serving Master well--it was as though I didn't comprehend what he was doing.  With my mind miles from where my body was I felt myself release, then quickly orgasmed again!  I was trembling as he brought me to orgasm after orgasm, before he had finally finished himself.  My whole body now ached, almost in constant spasm, even the orgasms seemed painful to me.


I heard his voice telling me to clean him off, which I know I did, but again don't remember any details.  By that time I was exhausted and felt completely debased.  I woke in the morning with myself wrapped around his body, and the tip of Him resting in my mouth.  I think I'd been sucking all night like a pacifier.  My head remained foggy all day Sunday, and I was very emotional.  VERY emotional!  Any criticism from him felt as though he were setting me free, and I would freak out.  He overlooked that as being part of sub-drop, but I wasn't so certain.   He would look at me as I did my jobs he assigned me, and watched my eyes. He made sure I had plenty of water to drink, as well as healthy proteins.  Sunlight seemed to hurt my eyes, so I think they were still dilated.  


It wasn't until much later on Sunday that he explained, correction and punishment, and what I had done to hurt us.  It wasn't him I was hurting, it was hurting the us  in our relationship. I cried, of course, and begged forgiveness.  And of course he accepted it.  


Monday morning promises to be more normal.  Coffee is nearly ready, and I need to wake up Master soon.   I have to say this morning I feel no tears, or anything bad brimming to the surface. Yes, my physical body feels exhausted, and it hurts to do just about anything including sit or move.  I doubt I'll have any chance to nap either.   If I had to put words to what I am mentally feeling right now, they would be, "loved" and "deeply submissive."