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Monday, November 23, 2009

Back to blogging

It's Monday and weekend wrap-up time.  As I wrote on Friday's blog, I was on restriction all weekend and I'll say it sucked.  Rightfully so, Omega was angry with me and his punishment was clever, I was NOT allowed to speak without first raising my hand.  Ya.  Naturally this didn't apply if the house was on fire, but since the house didn't catch fire, he rarely gave me permission to speak.  


I had to be still, do my duties and not complain.  Saturday night, he took me into the basement. Master strapped me to the gyno table and informed me that I was going to suffer a lot over the next couple hours and I should just accept it.  I wasn't able to slip away mentally to subspace, because he continued to change the degrees of torture. In other words, he wanted me fully present, while he tortured and abused my body.  The violet wand, with the internal probes appeared, various crops, floggers and whips were used on the most tender of areas.  Eventually at least mentally I was allowed to drift, while being fisted by him, and he allowed it.  I don't remember much of details after that.  My muscles ached from being stretched open, and when finally released from the bonds, I couldn't walk for a while.  Master had to help me put on my robe, and then up the stairs, where we waited there I have no idea how long.  


I was far away from him for that time, floating and lost in a subspace world.  My brain didn't panic  because I guess I knew he was close by to me, but I was feeling very anxious.  Once upstairs on the sofa, I was laying with my head in his lap, smelling him.  He covered me with a blanket and my lips instinctively found his member, which I know I sucked like a pacifier.  I could have stayed that way all night, but eventually I felt him start to move me and himself.  Dunno  what time it was, or how long I'd been there, but I was plenty foggy.  He brought me upstairs and helped me on with nightgown he wanted me to wear, and watched me carefully go through each of my bedtime rituals including meditation, which was sooo blissfully easy even with the clamps, after what I'd been through.  I repeated my mantra, all the while he watched me.  When I moved my body into the offering position as I repeated my mantra, he lifted my nightgown and looked at my bottom. I became vaguely aware of him pressing himself against me, while I just continued to repeat my mantra about serving Master well--it was as though I didn't comprehend what he was doing.  With my mind miles from where my body was I felt myself release, then quickly orgasmed again!  I was trembling as he brought me to orgasm after orgasm, before he had finally finished himself.  My whole body now ached, almost in constant spasm, even the orgasms seemed painful to me.


I heard his voice telling me to clean him off, which I know I did, but again don't remember any details.  By that time I was exhausted and felt completely debased.  I woke in the morning with myself wrapped around his body, and the tip of Him resting in my mouth.  I think I'd been sucking all night like a pacifier.  My head remained foggy all day Sunday, and I was very emotional.  VERY emotional!  Any criticism from him felt as though he were setting me free, and I would freak out.  He overlooked that as being part of sub-drop, but I wasn't so certain.   He would look at me as I did my jobs he assigned me, and watched my eyes. He made sure I had plenty of water to drink, as well as healthy proteins.  Sunlight seemed to hurt my eyes, so I think they were still dilated.  


It wasn't until much later on Sunday that he explained, correction and punishment, and what I had done to hurt us.  It wasn't him I was hurting, it was hurting the us  in our relationship. I cried, of course, and begged forgiveness.  And of course he accepted it.  


Monday morning promises to be more normal.  Coffee is nearly ready, and I need to wake up Master soon.   I have to say this morning I feel no tears, or anything bad brimming to the surface. Yes, my physical body feels exhausted, and it hurts to do just about anything including sit or move.  I doubt I'll have any chance to nap either.   If I had to put words to what I am mentally feeling right now, they would be, "loved" and "deeply submissive."  

15 comments:

  1. I am thankful you are allowed back to blogging. And to accept comments again.

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  2. is so happy that you are blogging. This kitten could really feel your deep connection with Omega in this blog. Even through the hard times such as punishment, you are truly blessed to have such a wonderful Dominant and Husband to share your life with. Its truly beautiful for your friends to be allowed to share such an intimate look into your lives together. This girl is very thankful to know you both and to call you both her friend.

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  3. I am going to be gone for the next few weeks. Please behave so you are here when I get back. I've had too much loss of late, I don't want to lose you too.

    It seems it is always easier to do the naughty, mentally lazy thing instead of exercising the discipline life requires of us. Your weekend sounds emotionally harrowing to say the least. I don't have any words of wisdom that will motivate you to avoid the rocky, dangerous places. Just please don't.

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  4. Golly. I'm exhausted just reading about it. Ooof! Oh well, glad you are back on better footing anyhow. And that you're able to come back...

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  5. You are living at a level of intensity that few can imagine. I doubt if I will ever take my lizard there, it scares me just reading about it. Though I did give her a good spanking. I'm glad to know you are well cared for because you are in a very vulnerable position, but Omega is a good master and has helped you enormously. I like reading both your blogs and hope to keep learning from them as well.

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  6. I'm so glad you're back and that you survived your punishment. I also have to admit that I felt a little scared reading about it. I think mostly because I know it's the kind of intensity that Asha is working up to and sometimes I don't feel like I'd be able to handle it.

    Oh and... remember that thing we were talking about with the violet wand that I said I was hoping Asha wouldn't find out about? Well he read it... and he had that wicked look on his face. I hope it's a long time before we can get one of those things now. Now that I've shown the slightest interest he wants one more than ever.

    spirited

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  7. Kitty, thanks so much for the kind comments...
    hugs,
    mouse

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  8. CD,

    I'll be very careful! Now and forever! Seriously, I will behave and I can't wait for you to be back...

    Big hugs,

    mouse

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  9. DT,
    I've never really thought about what O and I do as being scary. I can't imagine being with anyone and loving, trusting them the way I trust O.

    hugs,
    mouse

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  10. Jz,

    Yup, I'm baaaaaack! And ya no desire to repeat that mistake again...

    hugs,
    mouse

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  11. OOoh Spirited...I'm sorry hun!

    The vw is kinda intimidating but it's also very erotic..truly something that can be used for good and evil.

    hugs,
    mouse

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  12. Hehe... no reason to be sorry. He keeps trying to reassure me about it anyway. He keeps saying that I'll love it... I have no doubt of that as long as he leaves it on the lowest setting LOL

    *hugs*

    spirited

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  13. mouse: May I ask, did you feel at all comforted? Did not being able to speak morph into anything more than frustration and punishment?

    Did you have any transformative thoughts? That's quite a long time to spend with just the workings of your mind (save when you asked permission to talk) and I am wondering if, in fact, it had a sort of healing/calming quality to to it.

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  14. Hello mouse and Omega,
    I hope you both do not mind me going back in time, re-reading the entries and leaving comments and or questions. I realise some of what I ask might already be addressed in future entries so I apologise in advance should I make that error.

    In regards to this post, I am curious if it is ever challenging for you mouse to experience a punishment/correction that involves a sexual aspect? Whenever I have, which has not happened in a very long time, experienced a consequence that involved a sexual act I found myself confused later associating the consequence with that act. This in turn caused quite a conundrum inside me which in turn lead to inner turmoil. I no longer receive punishments that have a sexual element because of this. Can you separate the correction from the pleasure?

    ~cockdoll

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