Omega tells me that I shouldn't worry about if I am or not, just accept it which ever side I fall on but I'll admit my butt is firmly stuck on the fence. I've always maintained that pain is easier to deal with than my other *coughs* sexual issues but as those have lessoned I'm learning my tolerance to pain is going down. Maybe it's the day-to-day stresses everyone has at one time or another in their lives. Maybe I'm on the verge of something? I feel myself lately wanting to leave "da rules" behind and rely more on common sense. I know that if I started shirking all my responsibilities O would reel me in and micromanage me for while until I got back on track but honestly, I'm staying on track.
I feel the need to deepen my slavery to Omega, and honestly thought that more rules or restrictions was the answer, but it wasn't. Honestly, it had to come from me this time. I guess I need to let go the parts of me that keep me from completely trusting him out of some weird fear of losing my voice. It happened before, but I really don't think it would happen again. For one, O and I are different now and closer than we've been since we first married. It's nice and I know I can depend on him in ways I never imagined. For another we're much more committed to doing what we're supposed to do to keep us together. We see ourselves more as unit than just two people or even Master and slave. We've evolved. We're moving beyond the confines of what others think we are or should be and into something beyond M/s, TPE, or anything else you can think of.
I feel comfortable in this new realm, at peace and my mind is quiet most of the time. The outside world tries to rattle the cage but I'm secure inside and hold my head up.
LIfe is pretty damn good.