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Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Changing Da Rules

Okay musing again on the whole pain slut thing.  Wondering if I am, and if so what does it mean.  Well, I guess it doesn't mean a whole lot if I am so we can really take that off the list.  

Omega tells me that I shouldn't worry about if I am or not, just accept it which ever side I fall on but I'll admit my butt is firmly stuck on the fence.  I've always maintained that pain is easier to deal with than my other *coughs* sexual issues but as those have lessoned I'm learning my tolerance to pain is going down.  Maybe it's the day-to-day stresses everyone has at one time or another in their lives.  Maybe I'm on the verge of something?  I feel myself lately wanting to leave "da rules" behind and rely more on common sense.  I know that if I started shirking all my responsibilities O would reel me in and micromanage me for while until I got back on track but honestly, I'm staying on track.  

I feel the need to deepen my slavery to Omega, and honestly thought that more rules or restrictions was the answer, but it wasn't.  Honestly, it had to come from me this time.  I guess I need to let go the parts of me that keep me from completely trusting him out of some weird fear of losing my voice.  It happened before, but I really don't think it would happen again.  For one, O and I are different now and closer than we've been since we first married.  It's nice and I know I can depend on him in ways I never imagined.  For another we're much more committed to doing what we're supposed to do to keep us together.  We see ourselves more as unit than just two people or even Master and slave.  We've evolved.  We're moving beyond the confines of what others think we are or should be and into something beyond M/s, TPE, or anything else you can think of.  

I feel comfortable in this new realm, at peace and my mind is quiet most of the time.  The outside world tries to rattle the cage but I'm secure inside and hold my head up.  

LIfe is pretty damn good.  



5 comments:

  1. It's SO nice to hear you sounding this happy! Yay for you guys! (rustle, rustle)

    About the pain slut part, I'm still with O. Forget the stupid word and just be what you are. Really feel the need to have a label? Go with "highly individual, greatly loved" (by all of us)

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  2. It sounds like you are working in synch as a team to do what you have to do and that it's working well. Good for you.

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  3. Yeah, it's funny how the rules almost seem to get in the way when you really think about it. I've been a lot less stressed since we got rid of ours. Yeah, I still have things that I have to do and certain ways I have to behave, but I'm so used to doing them I really don't have to think about it.

    Well... except I really need to remember the chocolate. LOL

    I'm glad that everything that has happened has brought you both closer together. It's great when something so good can come out of something like that.

    *big hugs*

    spirited

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  4. I think Omega is right but just accepting something is really hard to do. Though you sound happy and that pleases me. *big hugs*

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