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Monday, January 4, 2010

Long day

I wish I understood why the first day back from a break seems so looooong!  I'm tired and mentally drained, can't really explain why except that for once it has NOTHING to do with O, who I gather had a great first day in the new digs.  Needless to say I was a bit emotional and actually meditated several times today trying to "keep myself together."  When O walked through the door smiling and carrying flowers I just fell apart.  He let dinner wait and took me into his study, and had me explain myself.  I recounted the minute details of the day and just cried, I dunno what was wrong with me but I had enough.   He told me to get on my knees and just be still, and he waited several minutes while I just calmed down.  

I just wanted so much to crawl inside him and not deal with anything.  He helped me off the floor, and held me close, then patted my rear and told me to finish cooking dinner and put the flowers he brought into a nice vase with water.  It wasn't like I would forget to put water in it, but the detail of his instructions started to calm me.  I felt peaceful not thinking about what was bothering and instead focusing on each task before me.  I hung on each tiny detail, and completed each step, while he just directed me.  

I felt clear maybe for the first time in weeks.  Or maybe, just maybe for the first time in weeks I really felt like a slave again.


  1. *hugs* I'm just smiling here (not because you had a bad day, mind you... it's just good to see you two coming together like this).

    Hope tomorrow is less stressful for you.


  2. I think there is a protective mechanism that allows only part of the stress to penetrate through the really hard times. When we can finally stop and breath it seems like all the emotion that was kept at bay comes crashing down. It sounds like you have a good landing spot though.

  3. mouse, I have those kinds of days too, you hold it together all day b/c you have to, and then when it's safe you can let it out. Glad you feel better, I hope today is not so difficult.

  4. mouse,
    I hope you listen to gg, I believe she is correct in what she wrote.

    I am here and together all is right, even when it seems the world disagrees.


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